If You Could Read My Mind
by bella c'ella luna
Summary: Bella has moved back home to Forks. It's only a matter of time until she crosses paths with Edward Cullen, her former best friend and first love. They both thought that they had moved on... full of angst. All-human, LEMONS.
1. Prologue

_if you could read my mind, __**love**_

_what a tale __my thoughts could tell_

_just like an __old time __movie__,_

_bout a __ghost __from a __wishin well_

in a **castle** **dark** or a **fortress strong**

with chains upon my feet

_you know that ghost is __**me**_

and i will never be set free

as long as i'm a ghost that you can't see

-x-

if i could read your mind, **love**

what a tale your thoughts could tell

just like _a __paperback novel_

the kind that drugstores sell

when you reach the part where the heartaches come

the hero would be **me**…**but ****heroes**** often **_**fail**_

and you won't read that book again

**because the ending's **_**just too hard to take**_

-x-

i'd walk away like a **movie star**

who gets burned in a _three way script_

enter number two…

a movie queen to play the scene

of bringing all the good things out in **me**

-x-

but for now, _**love**_, let's be real

i _never_ thought i could **act this way**

and i've got to say that _i just don't get it_

i don't know where we went wrong

but the **feeling's gone**

and i just can't get it back

-x-

if you could read my mind, **love**

what a tale my thoughts could tell

_just like an old time movie _

bout a **ghost** from a **wishin well**

in a castle dark or a fortress strong

with chains upon my feet

-x-

but **stories** _always end_

and if you **read** between the lines

you'll know that i'm just tryin to understand

the feelings that you lack

i never thought i could feel this way

and i've got to say that _i just don't get it_

**i don't know where we went wrong**

but the feeling's gone

_and i just can't get it back_

_-x-_

"if you could read my mind"

by gordon lightfoot


	2. Carlisle's News

"Hey, Cullen!"

Edward Cullen turned at the sound of his name. If it had been a female voice shouting for him, he probably would have ignored it, but the voice hadn't been feminine - in fact, it was as far from femininity as it could get.

"Thanks for picking me up, asshole," Emmett scowled as he jogged up to him. Emmett McCarty was a monster; tall, broad, and completely intimidating.

Edward pulled off his shades, since the sun had disappeared behind the gray clouds that lived perpetually over Forks.

"What are you talking about?" Edward frowned. He patted his pockets for his cell.

Emmett snorted in disgust. "Nice job checking your phone."

"Sorry," Edward muttered, pulling it out. He promptly deleted Emmett's four ridiculously profane text messages and scrolled through the others.

"Where's Jessica?"

Edward sighed and shrugged, flipping his phone shut. "I don't know."

Emmett pulled open the front door to Forks High School and held it for Edward. "What do you mean, you don't know?"

"Exactly that. I. Don't. Know," Edward snapped.

Edward weaved through the students that cluttered the hall. He ignored the sultry smiles he received, the shy glances, and the suggestive whispers he heard – basically, the complete female population. He was in an entirely foul mood.

"She's your girlfriend," Emmett laughed from behind him. "Shouldn't you know where she is? I mean, don't you pick her up for school?"

Edward shook his head and unlocked his locker. He carelessly tossed his three hundred dollar sunglasses inside and pulled out a notebook. He didn't need books. He could sleep through classes and no one would care.

"Is she - "

Edward cut Emmett off swiftly, turning to glare at him. "I don't want to talk about it."

Emmett frowned and let Edward storm off to class. It was unusual for Cullen to be in such a bad mood. He had it good - young, rich, handsome; he was the King of Forks. He snagged good grades without any effort, was a shoe-in for any college he wanted and had gorgeous girls falling all over him. He dated the homecoming queen and drove a hot car. What else could he want?

"Emmett," Jasper yelled. He ran up and barreled into him, obviously hyper. Emmett laughed and shoved him away.

"Why are you so happy?"

Jasper grinned and shrugged. He banged on one of the blue lockers and it popped open. He dumped his book bag inside and slammed it shut. "What's not to be happy about?"

"You should ask Cullen," Emmett advised.

Jasper rolled his eyes and the two fell into step next to each other. The three boys - The Three Musketeers, or so they had unfortunately dubbed themselves at the age of nine - had grown up together. Emmett's mother babysat them all until they were five, when they started kindergarten together. They were inseparable.

"Seriously," Jasper began. "School just started. Don't you love the start of a new school year? Football, homecoming, freshmen girls."

"Ain't nothing better," Emmett agreed.

The bell rang and they picked up their stride. It was too soon in the year to be late; they hadn't broken in their teachers just yet.

* * *

Edward slid into his chair at his designated table. He had had been sitting at the same table with Em and Jasper since they were freshmen and nobody dared to mess with them. Of course, nobody liked cocky freshmen, and so they had gotten into their share of fights that year. They were lucky that Emmett had been a beast even back then.

"Hey Edward," Jasper greeted him.

Edward grunted and Jasper sat down. His tray clattered as it hit the table.

"Look at this," Jasper said, nodding toward the tray. "Disgusting."

There was a loud ruckus in the front of the cafeteria but neither of them bothered to check it out. Emmett always liked to make an entrance.

After a loud female shriek, Jasper twisted around to look.

"Don't even tell me that he's trying to bring her up here," he muttered.

Edward glanced over to Emmett, who was obviously trying to sweet talk a very pissed off Rosalie Hale into something. She glared at him with her arms crossed over her ample bosom, while Emmett looked at her pleadingly.

After another moment Rosalie stalked off, her heels clacking on the floor, and Emmett made his way over to their table.

"What's good?" he asked, leaning over and absently picking a fry off of Jasper's tray.

"Go get your own goddamn tray," Jasper growled. "And stop fucking with my sister."

"I'm not paying for that garbage," Emmett laughed, nodding towards Jasper's lunch. He purposely ignored Jasper's pointed comment about Rosalie.

"I thought growing boys needed lots of food," Edward snickered. Jasper laughed; they had never seen Emmett go without lunch in their lives.

"They do," Emmett replied, grinning widely. "I ordered pizza. It should be here in… oh, about five minutes."

Edward laughed out loud. "Nice."

"Look at Cullen go, cracking a smile," Emmett chortled. He smacked him on the back. "Proud of ya, kid."

"Yeah, so what's wrong?" Jasper asked through a mouthful of food.

"Nothing," Edward dismissed.

"Come on," Emmett cajoled. "You know you want to tell us."

Edward shook his head. "Fuck off."

"Does this have anything to do with Miss Stanley's very noticeable absence on the fourth day of school?" Jasper asked with mock curiosity.

Edward's expression had darkened significantly, taking on a rather murderous look. Emmett opened his mouth to speak, but Edward snapped.

"Shut up!" he finally exploded. The people around them fell silent for a moment, their attention drawn to the table.

"Jeez," Emmett mumbled, rubbing the back of his head. "You don't have to get all bitchy on us. If you're PMSing, then just say so."

Edward exhaled loudly and ran a hand over his face. He leaned back in his seat and looked tired. "I'm sorry guys. I'm just… Well, let's just say Jess _hasn't_ been PMSing lately."

Jasper choked on the iced tea he was drinking and it spewed out of his mouth. "What?"

"Are you shitting me?" Emmett hissed, leaning forward. "She's knocked up?"

"No!" Edward said loudly. He leaned forward and shook his head. "Fuck, keep your voice down. No, she's not. I mean, I don't know. She's late."

"You ever hear of a pregnancy test?"

Edward rolled his eyes and threw his water bottle at Jasper. "Yeah, thanks. That's what she's home doing today."

"I think it only takes like six minutes or something," Emmett said doubtfully. "Maybe she's knockin' boots with someone else and it's not your kid."

"Shit, Emmett," Edward cursed. "Can we just go with the assumption that she isn't pregnant?"

"Yeah, let's do that until she text messages you saying it's twins," Emmett agreed.

Jasper shook his head and shoved a handful of fries into his mouth. "So you guys hear about the new kid?"

"What'd you hear?" Emmett asked with interest. "We need another running back on the team. Maybe we'll get some talent."

Edward remained quiet, grateful for the change of topics.

"It's a chick," Jasper informed Emmett.

"Really," Emmett said slowly, his eyes alight with new interest.

"Emmett McCarty to the principal's office, now!" a gruff male voice snapped over the announcement system.

"Guess my pizza's here," Emmett said sheepishly.

"Four days and DeLeo's got you in his office," Jasper laughed. "Gotta be a new record."

* * *

After school Edward stopped by Carlisle's office. His father had his own private medical practice. He often worked on call for the local hospital, too.

Edward rummaged through the cabinets above the sink. He was on the hunt for another pregnancy test. He knew Carlisle had the sticks that you pissed on, and they told you for sure if you were pregnant. He was going to make Jessica piss on it right in front of him.

She had been acting sketchy lately and he didn't trust her, not even to pee on a stick… especially not when that stick was a pregnancy test that basically determined the rest of his life.

"Edward?" Carlisle frowned, stepping into the exam room. He glanced at his chart. "Where's Mrs. Farley?"

Edward shrugged. "Don't know. Listen, dad, I need a pregnancy test."

Carlisle blinked, dazed. "Uh… "

"Yeah, that was a little blunt, sorry," Edward said quickly. "You have the good ones, though, right?"

"The good ones?" Carlisle echoed blankly, still bewildered.

"Yeah, the good ones," Edward repeated impatiently. "I need to know for sure."

"Edward, we had the safe sex talk early, I know," Carlisle began. "I think you were only twelve or thirteen. But honestly, I thought you were going to need it then. And then we talked about it again when… but maybe tonight we can brush up on the finer point of condoms and safe - "

"Yeah, Dad. I know about safe sex. And I think the fact that I'm here looking for a pregnancy test says we're a little past that point anyway," Edward muttered.

There was a knock at the door and Arlene, his receptionist, stuck her head in.

"Dr. Cullen? The doctor from Pheonix needs to talk to you about transferring those medical records. He needs your confirmation about something. Line one."

The door shut and Carlisle held up his hand to Edward. He tossed his clipboard on the exam table and picked up the phone.

"Carlisle Cullen," he said briskly. He listened for a moment and frowned. "No, no, it was a girl. Swan was the last name."

Edward felt a funny tingling at the base of his neck. It was the kind of tingling he usually got before a really bad migraine. Carlisle talked for another moment, saying nothing of interest, and then hung up. He turned to face Edward.

"What was that about?" Edward asked, forcing his voice to remain casual.

No. No. _No_.

"New patient," Carlisle responded in a distracted tone.

"Is she young?" Edward asked lightly, this time going for a joking tone.

"Actually, yes," Carlisle laughed. "She's your age, too. You'll probably meet her at school."

Edward felt a dim roaring in his ears. Carlisle didn't notice his sudden discomfort. He reached for his clipboard and moved towards the door, where he paused, hand on the doorknob.

"Actually, Edward, you might already know her. Apparently she used to live around here. Isabella Swan? Charlie's daughter?"

Carlisle smiled like an idiot, as if he just gave Edward the best news ever. Edward stared at him.

"Well? Do you know her?" he asked again.

"Yeah. Bella," Edward said faintly. He watched Carlisle walk away.

"Fuck," he muttered to the empty room. Edward rubbed his face. _"Fuck."_

_

* * *

_

hey ladies! so - this is my first all-human fan fic. are we off to a good start? let me know...

this will be a very angsty story...but don't worry - i'm all about HEAs.

LUNA


	3. The New Girl

Bella shifted her weight from one side to the other and scanned the people in the hallway.

He would be here. She knew he would. The kid at her side droned on and on about the school newspaper and the yearbook club and honestly, she just couldn't care less.

At another time she might have welcomed Eric's overwhelming cheerfulness and wealth of knowledge, but right now her stomach was a bundle of nerves.

She was about to see Edward Cullen again, face to face, for the first time in nearly four years. He was her first love. The boy who shattered her heart. The boy who turned her off love forever; her best friend turned complete asshole.

It was pathetic how obsessed she was, really. One of the first things she asked Charlie about was the Cullen family, in a roundabout way of trying to learn something – anything – about _him_. Charlie, of course, had seen right through her and ignored the question.

It was easier in Phoenix. She never thought about him. In fact, Bella made it a point to avoid all things that reminded her of Edward Cullen.

"Isabella?"

She sighed and turned to face the kid who was still talking to her. He looked concerned.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked again.

"Yeah. And it's Bella. Call me Bella," she mumbled, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She had dressed down for her first day of school. Purposely. She wasn't going out of her way to impress him. Bella had thrown on a dingy pair of hiking boots and a simple black t-shirt. Her jeans, though flattering to her ass and legs, were definitely old and worn.

She wouldn't have been able to pull off anything remotely fashionable, anyway.

"So, come on," Eric wheedled. He took her by the shoulders and gently steered her down the hallway. "We have first period together and trust me, we don't want to be late for Banner's class."

Bella ignored the stares of her new classmates. They varied from looks of interest to those of disdain. She let Eric take the lead and shuffled along behind him, slowing as they approached the science wing.

* * *

Edward felt someone jab him between the shoulder blades. He didn't really need to wonder who it was, considering Emmett sat right behind him.

"Hey," Emmett hissed. "I see Miss Stanley is sitting pretty up there with her girls today."

Edward nodded once, his fingers drumming on the desk. He was unusually anxious today.

"Does that mean there's no bun in the oven?" Emmett persisted.

Edward stifled a sigh. He nodded curtly.

"That's good news, man, so what's up with you?" Emmett asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

Edward twisted around in his seat to look at Emmett. He ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah. That's good news. But listen, man, do you remember back when - "

"Holy shit," Emmett breathed.

Edward looked at Emmett in confusion, then realized his friend's gaze was directed to the front of the classroom. Edward felt his stomach drop and squashed the urge to look up front.

"The new girl is here and she is smoking hot!" Emmett exclaimed.

Edward's neck snapped forward and sure enough, there was Bella, flanked on either side by the biggest dorks of Forks. Eric Yorkie kept interrupting whatever Banner was saying to her and Mike Newton laughed like a crazed moron every other second.

Bella, though…she looked good. Edward felt his chest tighten painfully. She looked better than he remembered. Her hair fell past her shoulders, much longer than it had been but the ends still curled. She was taller and more slender, more feminine. She filled out the nondescript shirt nicely and the jeans hugged her curves.

She looked nervous. Edward watched her teeth sink into her plump lower lip, and with a tug of lust he remembered nibbling on that lip himself. She still chewed on her lip when she was anxious; he tucked away that information for future use.

Edward shifted in his seat, sinking down. He watched Bella as she glanced around the classroom, her blank stare passing right over him. He had Tyler's big head to thank for his invisibility.

* * *

Bella tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and tried to focus on what Mr. Banner was saying. He handed her a text book and gestured to the back of the classroom, where there were a few empty seats.

Bella walked quickly to the back, eager to be out of everyone's view. She sank into her seat with relief. The back of the classroom was always the safest place to be. She pressed her hands to her hot cheeks and willed the redness that she knew was there to disappear.

Mr. Banner began lecturing about mitochondrial DNA and she immediately tuned him out. She took the opportunity to look at each student in turn, carefully, to see if she recognized anyone.

"Psst!"

Bella froze, hoping whoever was talking was not talking to her.

"Hey! Isabella!" he hissed.

Bella felt her cheeks begin burning all over again. She quickly glanced to her left and saw a monster of a boy grinning at her. He was undoubtedly on the football team. Probably the captain. His shoulders were broad and his thick arms bulged with muscles. Despite his threatening physical appearance, his face was surprisingly cherubic and sweet.

She recognized Emmett immediately.

"I'm Emmett," he smiled.

Bella felt a surge of anger. Emmett didn't even remember her. How typical.

Well, she reasoned, she had only been here for a few months. Bella used to spend every summer in Forks but she never really got close to anyone. It was pointless when she was shipped back home at the end of August, anyway.

That last summer had been magical, though. She met Edward by accident, and it was the most wonderful and terrible thing that had ever happened to her. Emmett and Jasper were Edward's best friends, at least they had been back then, and Bella met them both once or twice.

"Bella," she replied after a pause. She watched him reach out and jab the guy seated in front of him.

Bella's eyes caught a flesh of bronze and she froze. She stared at the back of the guy Emmett was nagging. He was tall, probably almost as tall as Emmett. His shoulders weren't nearly as broad as Emmett's but he was strong nonetheless. Lean. Sleek. She remembered the feel of those muscles under her fingers.

It hurt Bella to breathe. That reddish, coppery colored hair was so unique that she had never spotted it on anyone else. Bella stared at him, drinking him in thirstily, embracing the fresh pain that ripped through her.

She had often wondered what this moment would be like, and the nostalgia and bitter regret that burned her were not unexpected.

He knew she was there…it was impossible that he hadn't already seen her. Bella could tell that he knew even by his posture. He held himself rigidly and stared straight ahead, his body language cruelly cold. He was ignoring her, as if she wasn't even there.

And just like that, Bella felt the years fall away. She was fourteen again; invisible and not nearly good enough for Edward Cullen.

"This is Edward," Emmett said, noticing her fixation on his friend. He slapped Edward's shoulder, frowning. "Hey. Edward. This is Bella."

Edward turned slowly. Bella wanted to drop her eyes, to look anywhere but at him - but the same panic that begged her to look away kept her eyes locked on his face. The strong jaw line, the pale skin that smoothed over his sharp cheekbones; if possible, Edward was even more beautiful now.

She remembered his eyes as an electric green, sparking with excitement and vitality. The eyes that looked at her now burned dark with an intense anger. Bella felt the force of his emotions hit her like a punch to the stomach.

"We've met," Edward said softly, his voice cool and abrupt. He straightened in his seat and faced forward.

Emmett frowned, obviously perplexed. "What do you mean, you met her? We just got here. You drove me and we didn't…wait, wait a minute."

Emmett's eyes swung back to Bella. She looked pale and shaken, maybe close to tears. Edward was irrationally furious. When had they met?

He took a closer look at Bella. She did look a little familiar. She was skinnier than he usually went for, but her face made up for it. That heart-shaped, bottom-heavy mouth was something he was sure he had never experienced firsthand. Emmett's perusal continued up her face, past her straight nose and settled on her clear eyes.

"Bella," he murmured.

Bella watched Emmet's eyes widen in recognition. His jaw dropped open and he quickly looked back and forth between Edward and her.

"Bella?" he repeated incredulously.

"Hi, Emmett," Bella said reluctantly. She fidgeted in her chair, unable to stop her knee from bouncing up and down.

"Wow, hi!" he exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head. He stood and hopped over his desk, and suddenly Bella was enveloped in a huge hug.

"Hey, come on, Emmett!" Mr. Banner said loudly.

Bella flushed, her skin glowing crimson as Emmett continued to hug her tightly. She knew without looking that the entire class was staring at them. Including their teacher. Including Edward.

"Emmett!" Mr. Banner roared. "Release Miss Swan and sit down before I give you a weeks' worth of detention. You think Coach Wilkins will appreciate that?"

Emmett rolled his eyes and let go of Bella. He smiled, a bit unsure of her lackluster response, and whispered, "We'll catch up later, okay?"

* * *

Bella learned quickly that Edward was still the golden boy of Forks. He disappeared from class as soon as the bell rang without even tossing her a look. She wasn't the only one watching him leave, though. The way the girls fawned over him and stared at him made Bella realize that not much had changed.

She didn't know anyone at Forks High except for Edward, Jasper and Emmett. Bella had never attended school in Forks and mainly kept to herself over the summer vacations. Her closest friend had always been Jacob Black… but she lost him that last summer, too.

It was by chance that she met Edward. Back then, Charlie had trusted her to do pretty much whatever she wanted. She spent long days exploring in the woods and got home just in time to wash up and start dinner for him.

One day she was deep in the woods when a sudden summer storm struck. It got bad fast, and lightning hit a tree. The tree cracked in half and hit the ground with a roar, shaking the earth. Frightened, cold and drenched, Bella ran and ran until she found the tiny shack.

She originally discovered it a few years back. It was old and the only furniture inside was a roughly hewn wooden bench. At that moment, though, it seemed like the safest place to be. It at least offered shelter from the rain.

When she flung the door to the cabin open and stumbled inside, she found a surprise. There was more than just a bench now. It was furnished with a small table, some chairs, and a few boxes.

Most surprising, however, was the boy fast asleep on the floor. He was spread out on a navy sleeping bag with one arm tucked underneath his head like a pillow.

A loud crack of thunder shook the small cabin and the boy woke up abruptly. He frowned at her and rubbed his eyes, not the least bit unnerved by the strange girl watching him.

"Who are you?" he asked rudely. "This is my cabin."

"Sorry," Bella said quickly. "It's just - the rain. I was scared and I didn't know that this was…you know, yours."

"It's okay," he shrugged, yawning and sitting up. "You can stay until the storm is over, if you want."

And so Bella sat down on the sleeping bag and a friendship was forged. She had never felt as safe as she did in that derelict cabin, as the storm raged outside. Edward, even back then, seemed older than his years and was dangerously flirtatious. He made her feel special. Warm. Loved.

"Hi! I'm Angela."

Bella jerked out of her reverie and looked up at the girl standing before her. She wondered how long she had been there.

"Hi…sorry, I was just thinking about something," Bella blushed. "I'm Bella."

"I know. Small school," Angela said sheepishly, shrugging. "I was wondering if you'd like to sit at our table for lunch? I moved here two years ago and I know how terrible it is to be the new kid. Sometimes I kinda still feel like the new kid."

"That would be great," Bella replied gratefully. A small flicker of hope warmed her heart. She had known Angela for about two minutes and already she was the best thing in Forks.

Maybe she would be all right. She could stick with Angela, and maybe Eric and Mike, and just focus on her studies. Finish out senior year with a decent GPA, find a college and get the hell out of Forks. The only snag in her plan was the presence of a certain obnoxious, stubborn, and devastatingly beautiful guy – the same one who had ripped out her heart and danced on it four years earlier.

She would stay away from Edward Cullen at all costs. Bella couldn't handle - her _heart_ couldn't handle - any sort of association with him.

* * *

so, any guesses as to what went down between edward and bella? i doubt anyone could dream up what i have in mind! lol =)

LUNA


	4. A Fair Warning

Bella pushed open the front door and listened for Charlie. Part of her hoped he wasn't home, because their relationship definitely wasn't what it used to be.

"Bella! In the living room. Tell me how your first day went," he called.

Bella sighed and trudged into the living room. Charlie was sitting in his recliner. Cops blared on the television and the end table was littered with empty beer cans.

"It was okay," Bella shrugged. "Classes seem all right."

"Did you make any friends?" he asked, taking a gulp from a can. He picked up the remote and fumbled with it for a few seconds before the television muted.

Charlie looked up at her expectantly and Bella felt a pang in her stomach, remembering the man he used to be.

"One girl seemed nice," she said, tearing her eyes away from him. She thought of Angela and how sweet and unassuming she had been.

Bella watched Charlie put down the beer can he just emptied. He noticed the way she looked at it and shook his head.

"Don't worry about that. It's my day off and I like to relax with a nice cold one," Charlie grinned.

"Or four," Bella said doubtfully. She immediately regretted the bitchy response.

Charlie laughed good-naturedly. He sighed, seemingly satisfied, then looked back at Bella. "But no boys, though, right?"

"No boys," Bella replied stiffly.

"You remember what we talked about?" he asked, frowning now.

"Of course," Bella mumbled, blushing.

"Especially not that Cullen kid," Charlie snapped, his voice raising now. "Bella, I want you to stay away from him. I remember what happened last - "

"Hey Charlie, I have a lot of homework that I need to get started on. I'll be in my room, okay?" Bella interrupted him. She didn't think she could bear another lecture.

Charlie frowned again, his forehead wrinkling in displeasure. Despite his obvious irritation, Charlie nodded and sank back into his recliner. He mumbled something and then Cops returned to its full volume. Bella turned around and went upstairs.

She dropped her book bag on the floor and curled up in bed. Bella kicked her shoes off and buried her face into her pillow.

The tears that she promised herself she wouldn't cry came with a vengeance.

Her first day in Forks didn't actually go as badly as she predicted. She saw Edward, he saw her, and she survived. Maybe his angry eyes and impersonal tone had destroyed her heart again, but it still beat and that was all that mattered.

She really hadn't lied to Charlie - classes weren't that bad. She had a feeling that Phoenix was a bit ahead of Forks, because the topics that they studied in class today were things that she learned last year. If anything, Bella was grateful that her studies, at the very least, wouldn't be a problem. She had only missed the first few days of classes, so she had very little make up work.

Angela seemed genuinely nice, though Bella wasn't so sure about the rest of her lunch table. Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie were both overbearing and cocky. She had gotten dirty looks from a bunch of girls and a few random guys hit on her, but Bella avoided them at all costs. She didn't dare give them any hope, lest Charlie find out. Then she would be grounded for life. It had been made very clear to her that her new life in Forks would not include boys.

She had just arrived in Forks yesterday. Charlie made her go to school the very next day, despite the fact that she wasn't even unpacked yet. Bella bit her tongue on that one; she didn't want to get into a fight with him so early in their "new" relationship.

She hadn't seen him in over four years, and time had certainly taken its toll on him.

Bella was appalled at the state of his house. It was as if he hadn't bothered with it since that last summer she visited. It looked rundown and everything felt grimy. It struck her as a sad place to live.

Charlie, too, was a disappointment. They hadn't parted on the best of terms and Bella wasn't sure what to expect from him, but certainly not this. Gone was Charlie, the friendly Chief of Police, fit and full of life.

This Charlie was a shadow of the man he once was. He looked dramatically older - his hair was streaked with grey, his eyes were bloodshot and tired looking, and his belly hung over his belt.

Bella had never seen him drink before and wondered if this was a regular occurrence now. He was still the Chief of Police but he seemed to move slower, as if he was stuck in a fog. She couldn't imagine him running down a suspect.

He was different with her, too. Sure, she had grown a lot in the past four years and they hadn't spent any time together, but he was still her father. He could pretend he felt some kind of emotion for her, and not treat her like some stranger.

Bella wiped her eyes and wondered how her life had fallen apart so quickly. Just a week ago she was at school in Phoenix with her best friends and her boyfriend of four months. Life had been pretty good.

Then Renee had to go and blow it all. Phil proposed last year and they had gotten married, which was no big deal. But now Phil was traveling with the minor leagues and Renee couldn't stand to be away with him. Bella tried everything she could think of to stay in Phoenix but nothing she said or did worked.

Now she was stuck in gloomy Forks, with a father who couldn't care less about her. Every birthday and Christmas Charlie sent her a card with fifty bucks but Bella never even got a call from him.

It was beyond awkward whenever she ran into him in the house. The walls seemed to shrink and the room closed in around them. Bella didn't know what to say to him, and he didn't seem to have much to say to her, either.

This house wasn't her home anymore. Maybe years ago, when she still had both of her parents, maybe then it was a home. Renee and Charlie were divorced when Bella was five and that was the last time Renee had been in Forks.

Bella took comfort in the fact that her bedroom was the same. Charlie never redecorated so when she had first walked in, it was like stepping into a time capsule. Everything that represented Bella when she was fourteen years old was still plastered to the walls.

She remembered clearly her last day in the bedroom, when she had hurriedly shoved her clothes into her suitcase. She didn't bother with anything that didn't squish in because she was so desperate to leave, to just escape Forks. A forgotten shirt that waited almost four years for her was still on the floor by her bed.

Bella sat up and wiped her eyes. There was no use in crying; tears would change nothing. Renee, though scatter-brained and a bit of a flake, had been there for Bella whenever she needed her. She drove almost sixteen hours to pick Bella up that day. She didn't have money for a plane ticket and Bella begged her hysterically to come and get her, so Renee did. She just hopped in her car and took off.

Now it was Renee's turn to live a little without any responsibilities. Bella heard the conversation between her and Charlie. She deserved it. Bella supposed that was true; she just wished she could have stayed back in Phoenix. Plenty of her friends had volunteered their homes but Charlie refused to hear of it.

Her head hurt from crying so hard, so Bella slid back down into her bed slowly. She wrapped herself in her blanket. She packed her favorite blanket from home, and now she was more grateful for it than ever because it didn't smell musty like everything else in her room.

Bella closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

* * *

The next few days passed by slowly.

Bella spent half of her time at school staring at Edward and the other half guiltily chastising herself for staring at him. She couldn't help it.

Logically, she knew she hated him but being in the same room as Edward after so much time apart was just too much temptation. She hoped it was just the lure of the forbidden, and the fact that he had gotten _so_ hot.

She spent so much time and energy thinking about him over the years that it was impossible not to look at him. It was hard to believe they were really together, so close that she could reach out and touch him.

Sometimes Edward caught her looking at him and his green eyes would darken at just about the same time that his jaw tightened. Bella inevitably felt her cheeks blush and would look away swiftly. The anger on his face was so intense and unadulterated that it took her breath away.

Bella caught him looking at her, too. It had only happened a few times but Edward never looked away when she caught him. In fact, the scowl on his face would deepen and he continued to stare until Bella felt like _she _was doing something wrong. Then, inevitably, she would blush and look away.

"You look like you're concentrating pretty hard," Angela mused at her side.

Bella picked up a carrot stick and took a small bite. Today she sat across from Angela, forcing Eric to slide down the lunch table. This way she couldn't look at Edward or his friends; they were blocked from her view. This way Edward couldn't catch her looking at him or his friends.

"Yeah," Bella said nonchalantly. "Just…you know, all this new stuff to take in."

Angela's face brightened. "Oh, I forgot! Emmett McCarty is having a party this weekend. You remember him…he's the big guy on the football team?"

Bella stiffened. Instead of twisting around to look at Emmet and in turn, Edward, she nodded and nibbled on her carrot stick.

Angela continued. "Well, his mom is going on a cruise so the house will be empty. It'll be a lot of fun. You'll get to know a few people, too."

The idea sickened her. Going to a party and forcing herself to be social was as appealing an evening spent with Charlie. She pushed her carrots away. "I'm not really a big partier, Ang. Sorry."

"It's okay! I'm not, either," Angela said quickly. She brushed some hair out of her face and adjusted her glasses. "In fact, I'm always the DD. But Emmett's parties are a lot of fun and he's a really nice guy."

"I'd rather gouge my eyes out than willingly spend any time with Edward Cullen," Bella replied flatly.

Angela flushed and her eyes dropped to the table. She looked so upset that Bella almost began to apologize, but then Angela looked up at her.

No - not at her. Behind her.

"I just wanted to say thanks for letting me borrow your notes, Angela."

Bella froze at the sound of his voice, at his nearness. She wanted to cry and throw up and smack him, all at the same time. She kept her gaze forward, on Angela, who was giving Edward an apologetic look. Edward had to have noticed the way her entire body jerked when she realized he was there.

"No problem, Edward," Angela replied timidly. Her eyes darted rapidly back and forth between them.

Bella felt him move closer to her and his right hand came into her line of vision as he reached past her. He placed Angela's notebook on the lunch table and slid it forward. Bella swallowed hard.

She could still feel him and judging by Angela's expression, Edward was definitely close to her. Bella flinched when his warm breath exhaled onto her ear. She pulled away slightly but Edward followed.

"Bella," he whispered, his mouth brushing against her ear.

His voice was deeper, more masculine, than she remembered. Bella suppressed a shiver but couldn't fight off the frightening effect he had on her body. It remembered Edward; it remembered what he could do. Bella squeezed her thighs together.

"Forgive me for not welcoming you home properly," he continued. Angela continued to watch with avid interest, although her expression seemed totally uncomfortable.

Bella felt her breathing hitch and she despised her body for giving her away. She only hoped he didn't notice. She wanted to close her eyes and lean back and just melt into him. Oh, Edward…

Sometimes, at moments like this, the pain of being apart from him was physically painful.

"Let me know whenever you want your welcome home fuck," he sneered, his voice still low enough that Angela couldn't hear.

Bella jerked away from him and turned around to see his face. His eyes glowed and a triumphant grin stretched across his face. The ugliness of his sneer was so displaced on his beautiful face.

"You should have stayed gone," Edward said softly, his expression sobering.

"Trust me, I didn't want to come back here," Bella spat. "And don't flatter yourself, I wouldn't touch you if my life depended on it."

"Good," he hissed. "Stay away from me and stay away from my friends."

Anger boiled up inside of her. She felt like she was fourteen again. Frustration and rage and disappointment overwhelmed her.

"I hate you," Bella mumbled. She felt the sting of tears prick her eyes. Edward laughed again, this time harshly. She wanted to make him feel the same terrible emotions she felt. She saw Emmett watching them behind Edward, a concerned expression on his face. Inspiration struck Bella. "I guess I'll see you at Emmett's party, then."

Edward's expression changed dramatically. His laughter died and he practically bared his teeth. "Bella, you are not going to Emmett's party, do you understand me?"

"I will do whatever I want," Bella smiled, using the most innocent and sweetest voice she could muster.

Edward brought his face down to hers. Bella was uncomfortable with his closeness but refused to fidget or pull away. His emerald eyes burned into hers for ten seconds and then he moved to whisper in her ear again.

"Bella. Do not come to Emmett's party," he whispered, and his voice was calm. "Because if you do, so help me God, I will finish what you started the last time you were here. Do you understand?"

He growled into her ear and this time his lips brushed against her skin. Bella bit her lip. She was shockingly, and disturbingly, aroused. She had to hold in a moan, and found herself almost unwillingly tilt her head so he could reach her better. She felt his warm lips again and knew it wasn't an accident.

"Because if you do, Bella," Edward said in a tight voice, full of warning and loathing. "I am going to fuck you so hard that you won't be able to walk for days."

He pulled away from her and walked back to his table. His gait was easy and confident, and didn't betray any of the anger she had just seen. No one seemed to pay any attention to their little encounter, except for Emmett and Angela.

Bella turned back to talk to Angela, but she wasn't even at the table anymore. At some point she must have left to give them privacy. Bella picked up her bottle of iced tea and rolled the cold glass over her forehead.

God, she _hated_ him.

* * *

thank you for all of the kind words, pms and reviews. you guys rock and make me love writing.

LUNA


	5. Emmett's House

Honestly, she didn't mean to end up at the party.

The week dragged by and she had been surprised when Angela reminded her today was Friday. Bella hesitated on the porch of Emmett's house, and behind her Angela sighed and grabbed her arm.

"Come on," Angela urged. "Just a few more steps. I know you can do it."

Bella laughed and gently extricated herself from Angela. "I don't really feel so great."

It wasn't a lie, technically. She had a bit of a headache, which was probably from not sleeping. The house was full of unfamiliar groans and creaks and every time she was about to fall asleep, Bella was startled awake by something else. On top of that, it had just been a really long week.

Angela had been persistent in her efforts to get Bella to attend the party. She talked about it every day at lunch. Then she delegated the job to other people, and soon everyone Bella talked to was persuading her to go. Eventually, Emmett himself had invited her. Bella wondered what Edward thought of that, but quickly decided that he probably had no idea.

Bella was sure she would have heard from Edward, had that been the case.

They hadn't changed her mind about attending, though. Bella didn't like to party in general. She _really _didn't like to party when Edward Cullen was in her presence. Amazon had finally delivered her order of books and she had been looking forward to a hot bath with a good read.

Her plans changed when Charlie came home and said he had the night off. One of his deputies had a wedding shower to go to on Sunday, so he traded shifts with Charlie.

Charlie stopped at the grocery store on the way home. He picked up chips, two frozen pizzas and two twelve packs of beer. Bella had quickly looked away from his buffet, but not before he caught her staring.

"Geez, Bella, it's not all for me," he scowled. "Billy and some of the guys are coming over to watch the game."

Bella shrugged, motioning that it wasn't really her business and she didn't care. Later, when Angela tried one more time to drag Bella with her, Bella surprised both of them by agreeing.

Now, though, the idea was much less appealing. Angela sighed again and this time gave Bella a gentle shove towards the door and rang the bell.

"Bella!" Emmett's voice boomed. He grabbed her up in a one-armed hug and pulled Angela close with the other. "Welcome to my humble abode, ladies."

There was nothing humble about Emmett's house. It was huge and beautifully furnished, and that was obvious just from the foyer. It looked welcoming and comfortable and lived-in. Emmett excused himself for a moment and the two of them were greeted by other classmates who were just milling about.

"Bella!" Mike shouted. He pushed off the pool table he was sitting on and sauntered over to them. "I'm glad you made it."

"Yeah," Bella mumbled. "I didn't really have anything else to do."

"Yeah," he agreed good-naturedly. "Forks is like that."

She laughed in spite of herself and relaxed just a bit. Emmett came back and handed her a beer. Bella took a sip and winced.

"You don't like beer?" Emmett asked, seemingly shocked.

"Beer tastes like piss, Emmett," Jessica Stanley trilled as she sashayed into the room. She hopped up on his back and Emmett twirled her around.

"No, no, no," she said quickly. "I'm gonna puke, let me down."

Emmett laughed and did it again, faster.

"I'll get my boyfriend to beat you up!" Jessica joked. "Edward! Edward, help me!"

Bella felt the air rush out of her lungs. She quickly took a guzzle of her beer, just in time to see Edward in the doorway. She promptly choked on the beer and turned away, coughing and spitting up beer. Edward and Jessica. Jessica and Edward. Together.

"You okay, Bella?" Angela asked, grinning. "You must really not like beer."

"It went down the wrong pipe," Bella croaked. Her heart hurt. It felt like there was a heavy weight on her chest, and she wanted to leave. The party was a horrible idea – she should have trusted her instincts.

"I didn't think I'd see you here, Isabella," Edward said coolly. Her face was perfectly void of emotion. "Hello, Angela."

"Hi, Edward," Angela smiled.

Emmett released Jessica. She walked over to Edward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Then went to check on the beer pong game, bringing the majority of the crowd with her. Edward kept his eyes locked on Bella the entire time.

She wondered if anyone else noticed that she was about to start hyperventilating.

"Emmett! More beer!" Tyler yelled.

Emmett nodded and jogged to the sliding glass door. There were coolers outside on the grass. Angela offered her help and that left Bella and Edward alone in the foyer.

"I told you not to come," Edward said coldly. "I don't want you hanging out with my friends."

His hair looked darker than she remembered, Bella observed. He still had those amazing reddish highlights, though. Tonight Edward wore a regular pair of jeans and a black button up shirt. His hair was tousled just right. He was fucking beautiful, and it killed her.

Well, he was beautiful when he wasn't looking at her. When Edward looked at her, he looked like he was sucking on a lemon. His expression twisted into something ugly. He looked angry and cold…but still perfect.

"I guess I forgot," Bella drawled. She took another chug of her beer. Edward's eyes followed the cup's path to her lips and when she pulled the red plastic cup away, his eyes lingered on her lips. She set it down on the table.

"I told you what would happen," he said in an ominous voice.

Bella laughed, trying to appear nonplussed by his attitude. "Yeah. You did. So, are we going to do it right here or can we go upstairs?"

Edward growled and stepped closer to her. Bella's breath caught in her throat, caught off guard by his sudden nearness. His hand fisted in the soft cotton of her t-shirt, near her belly button, and he tugged her closer still.

"I'm not joking, Bella," he whispered. "Stay away from me unless you want a ride down memory lane."

"A ride?" she repeated, matching his quiet tone. She could feel his hot breath on her cheek and it set off an alarming chain reaction in her body. She thought belatedly that she shouldn't have pushed his temper. "I thought the expression was trip down memory lane."

"Maybe for other people. Not for us, Bella. I'd ride you just how you like," Edward sneered.

"You don't know what I like," Bella snapped. She tried to pull out of his grip but Edward's hand released her shirt and he grabbed her hips, stilling her movements.

"You forget who you're talking to," Edward laughed. "I know exactly how to touch you. I know where to touch you and how hard…and where you like to be licked...and - "

"Stop," Bella mumbled, breathing heavy. It felt too good to have him so close to her. He was taller than her and towered above her and he smelled _so_ good. Bella leaned forward and the tips of her breasts brushed against his chest. She had to remember who he was; who he could never be.

Edward heard the way she sucked in air and felt the peaks of her breasts rub against him. He nearly groaned, but refused to let her see how badly she affected him. He wouldn't let her wreck him again.

Edward squeezed her hips and jerked her forward so she could feel his erection. Bella gasped and her arms reached up to twine around his neck. He ground his hips against her again and this time grabbed her ass to hold her in place. Bella moaned deep in her throat and rocked against him. She turned her face up and her wet lips parted.

Satisfied that he made his point, Edward firmly pushed her backwards. He was careful that she didn't lose her balance. She stared at him, her arms still half reaching for him.

"What…" she trailed off.

"Stay the fuck away from me," Edward whispered harshly. He turned and stalked away, adjusting his pants so his erection wasn't so visible.

Bella stood there for nearly fifteen seconds, trembling. Her legs felt like they could barely support her and her insides were all jumbled up. She couldn't believe how aroused she was, how just the slightest touch from him could turn her on so quickly.

Alone in the foyer, she suddenly felt cold and sick. He humiliated her, he manipulated her. Edward was right, though, he did know her body. And her traitorous body knew what he could do to it, the kind of pleasure he could give her. It wanted him; it yearned for his touch, despite the misgivings in her heart.

"Bella, come on," Mike called, stepping into the foyer. "What are you doing?"

Bella swallowed the lump in her throat. She wouldn't let Edward make her cry again. She smoothed her hair and fixed her shirt, then turned around with a shaky smile. "Just thinking. Um, can you get me another beer?"

His face brightened and he held out his hand. Bella took it and let him lead her into the living room, where the wild kids of Forks were living it up.

* * *

"Fuck, Edward, I've been looking for you for like, two hours or some shit," Emmett complained. He stumbled into his father's study and dropped onto the leather loveseat across from Edward. "What the fuck are you going in here? Fucking playing with yourself?"

The corner of Edward's mouth lifted into a crooked smile. "How many times did you curse in that one minute period, Emmett?"

"Fuck if I know," Emmett grinned, raising his beer in a toast. He sighed and laid his head on the hard armrest.

Edward was sitting at his father's grand piano. As far as he knew, his father had never touched it. Emmet's parents divorced when he was twelve and his father left everything just as it was in the study. His mother never ventured inside and her new husband wasn't allowed in, Emmett's orders.

Somehow, Edward ended up at the piano, alone and melancholy, at each party.

"Play that one I like," Emmett mumbled.

"I don't feel like playing," Edward said, hitting a couple of keys listlessly .

Emmett sat up and frowned. "Jesus, you sound like someone just ran over your puppy. What has been going on with you, man?"

"Nothing," Edward replied tiredly.

"Bella," Emmett declared. "It's Bella."

"Shut up, Emmett."

"Well, if it _is_ Bella, you better hop on that shit quick," Emmett advised. He got up and finished off his beer, tossing it into the garbage can by his father's desk.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked, looking up.

"Newton is making a move," Emmett said with a broad smile, just knowing it would irritate Edward. "He asked me if he could use a spare bedroom or something."

Edward stood up quickly and the piano bench scratched against the floor. He brushed past Emmett and stalked out of the study.

Emmett laughed and wandered back to the party. He figured it would be a lot of fun, watching those two get it together.

* * *

Bella reclined on the bed and allowed Mike to climb on top of her. He pressed against her and her body hummed with pleasure, still excited by Edward's teases, even though that had been hours ago.

"Bella," Mike murmured. He pressed his mouth to her neck and Bella angled her head to give him more room to kiss. She felt his hot tongue skim along her skin and Bella moaned.

She closed her eyes and saw Edward's dark, penetrating gaze.

His hand slid underneath her t-shirt and rubbed over her stomach, skirting up to brush the under wire of her bra. Bella put her hands on either side of his face and pulled Mike's face to hers. She swallowed up his groan and raised her hips, trying to rub against him.

Mike, not Edward. Mike.

The bedroom door kicked open with such force that the frame on the nightstand beside them fell over. Mike startled so badly that he nearly fell off the bed when he rolled off of her.

"Edward," he gasped. "Shit, I thought you were…well, I don't know who I thought you were, but you scared me."

"Get out," Edward said flatly.

Mike's face darkened. He looked back at Bella who was watching them both with interest. Her shirt was still pulled up and her midriff was bared. She didn't seem upset by the sudden intrusion, so he wouldn't let it bother him, either. "We're busy," Mike informed him. "Why don't you go see your girlfriend?"

Edward held up his cell phone. "Bella's father is on the phone. Charlie, the Sheriff? He wants to know why you were in a locked bedroom with his daughter."

Mike's face went white and he looked at Bella, who shrugged. He looked back at Edward and hissed, "Tell him I'm not here!"

Edward seemed to consider that and relayed the message. He covered the mouth of the phone. "Charlie is on his way over. You think you're going to be here still? I think he's going to want to talk to you."

Mike cursed and grabbed his sweatshirt from the floor. "Sorry, Bella. Your dad really hates me, though, so it wouldn't be great if he found me here. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Okay," Bella nodded. She watched Mike gather the rest of his things and leave the room. Edward shut the door and locked it.

"My father would never call you," Bella said.

"No, he wouldn't," Edward agreed easily. He tossed his phone onto the dresser. "But Mike Newton is an idiot."

He walked over to stand at the edge of the bed. Bella looked up at him, her lips still swollen from Newton's kisses. Her shirt was yanked up and he wanted to touch her pale, smooth skin.

"Don't touch me," she warned quietly.

"I'll do whatever I want," he replied cockily.

"I hate you," Bella stated, stretching out on the bed. Her shirt rode up even further and Bella let her hand move over her bared flesh. "More than anyone."

Edward sat down next to her. His eyes dipped to where her hand played over her skin. "Are you drunk?"

"Not nearly drunk enough to do anything with you," she laughed.

His hand nudged hers away and suddenly it was Edward's big, warm hand that trailed over her skin. Bella felt her stomach muscles tighten and that slow throbbing pulse began between her legs again.

"You have a girlfriend," she whispered, confused and anxious and too turned on to push him away. The atmosphere of the room was suddenly thick with tension and she was so nervous.

"Yes," Edward muttered, his eyes fixed on her abdomen. His fingers dipped below the waistband of her jeans and he watched a shudder run through her body.

"We hate each other," she breathed. "You… you think I - "

Edward leaned over and bit her collarbone and Bella arched off of the bed. She grabbed his head and tried to kiss him but Edward shook her off.

"No. No kissing," he whispered. "Especially not after Newton."

Bella felt her heart twist uncomfortably. This was wrong. It felt wrong, but it felt so good, too. Edward bit her collarbone again, then licked it, and she had to bite her lip to keep from moaning out loud .

"Edward," Bella said thickly. "Edward, please. This isn't how - I need…"

"Ssshh," Edward commanded. "I know what you need. And you're not going to get it from Newton."

He slid her over on the bed so there was room for him to lie down at her side. Then he pulled Bella up so she was sitting astride him.

Bella quickly put two hands on his hard stomach to balance herself. She licked her lips and tried not to look at him but he reached up and grabbed her chin, forcing her gaze to his face.

"Look at me Bella," he murmured, his voice deeper than usual. "I want you to see who is doing this to you."

The sound of her zipper going down was too loud. Bella glanced at the door, suddenly wildly afraid that someone would find them. This was _so_ wrong. They hated each other. Edward was dating Jessica. What if -

His hand was suddenly inside of her panties. She moaned embarrassingly loud and tried to pull away from him but Edward held her in place. With his free hand he tugged on her jeans, pulling them down to give himself more room to work.

"That's good, baby," he whispered.

Edward cupped her hot, swollen flesh and pressed upwards, eliciting another whimper from Bella. His slipped one finger into her slippery folds and she rocked against him.

"Keep going," he urged. He found her clit and flicked it gently. Bella put her weight on her hands and lifted her pelvis to give him more room to play. Her hair fell across her face and he could hear her breath coming out in quick little puffs.

"Keep watching me."

Bella had been keeping her eyes safely trained on his smooth throat. Whenever he swallowed his throat bobbed. She reluctantly raised her eyes and had to fight off her orgasm, because the look on his face was almost too much. His eyes were dark and his lips were puffy and she just wanted to suck one into her mouth. She wanted him on top of her and inside her and crying out hoarsely like he used to.

"Harder, Bella," Edward said roughly. He needed her to finish quickly, because he wouldn't be able to hold off much longer. He throbbed against his jeans and with every breathy little moan Bella exhaled, he was that much closer to losing it. "I want you to get off on my fingers. Come on."

Bella leaned back and put her hands on his thighs, behind her. She rolled her hips and the new angle of his fingers sent her over the edge. She rode out her orgasm on his fingers, on his knuckles, on whatever she could touch, and struggled to breathe in and stay conscious.

Edward stroked her a few more times, until she stopped quaking, and withdrew his hand. Bella watched as he brought his fingers to his lips and slowly sucked each digit. His green eyes were half-lidded and he was clearly satisfied with himself.

Bella sank down and let her weight rest on Edward again, feeling his swollen hardness underneath her. She rocked back and forth, enjoying the delicious pressure, but Edward quickly rolled her off.

"What are you doing?" she asked breathlessly, sitting up. She looked down at the front of his pants. He clearly wanted her, and she remembered what he liked. She remembered every second with him, every moan that she was responsible for.

"I did it," he said shortly.

"What?" Bella asked again, trying to squash the panic welling up in her chest.

Edward stood up and brushed off his pants. "That's it."

Bella watched him run a hand through his hair and check out his reflection in the mirror. The beer buzz and the orgasm buzz were suddenly gone and she was stone cold sober. She looked around and realized that she didn't even know whose bedroom they were in. Worst of all, she realized she didn't even know the guy standing in front of her.

"Edward," she said, quietly, cautiously.

He turned around and studied her. His green eyes looked cold and almost grey. "Bella. Don't try and make anything of this, okay?"

"What do you mean, don't make anything of this?" she repeated, trying to zipper her jeans and maintain some shred of her dignity.

"I mean…it means nothing. It changes nothing. You could have been anyone," Edward said in an emotionless voice, shrugging. He looked at her for a second longer, then turned and left the room. He shut the door behind him.

Bella stared at the door. This time she couldn't fight back the tears. She stood up and zipped her jeans. She shoved her shoes on, not bothering to tie the laces, and snuck downstairs. Bella made it past the living room, where the majority of her classmates were. No one noticed her.

She tip-toed to the sliding glass door and when she reached it, glanced behind her. She could see Edward in the living room from her angle and he chose that exact moment to look up. Their eyes connected and Bella felt a sob choking her, so she turned and fled.

Ten feet from Emmett's house Bella tripped on her shoes. She sat on Emmett's wet lawn, the dampness from the ground soaking through her jeans, and tied her shoelaces. Then she walked home; cold, wet, and empty.

There was no way she could ever face Edward again.

* * *

fuck, i really love bastard edward. he is so hot. *sigh*

LUNA


	6. The Cottage

Bella had a terrible headache the next morning. It wasn't from the drinking she indulged in at the party, but from the three hours she spent sobbing into her pillow.

Everything was just so wrong. She knew from the beginning that moving to Forks would be difficult. A tiny part of her had hoped that things with Edward could be fixed, that they could go back to the way it was in the beginning. The other part of her, the part that knew better, told her to get real.

She now knew that what they once shared together was gone forever.

Bella felt sick over the previous night's events. Her first significant run in with Edward had truly shaken her. He brought to life feelings inside of her body that she thought were lost forever.

When he whispered into her ear, using that husky voice, the actual words didn't matter. Her heart remembered his long ago "I love you," and her body responded.

Poor Mike. Bella had no idea how to apologize for leading him on, and now he had the worst impression of her. Bella's cheeks flushed with embarrassment when she thought of what he must have told his friends. She rolled onto her stomach and hid her face in the damp pillowcase.

It was Edward's fault. He wanted to mess with her head and he did. But she let him. It should have ended there, in the foyer… it wasn't fair that he came back to finish her off in the bedroom.

He had no right to barge in like that, even if he actually did save her from making a horrible decision with Mike. It was like making a deal with the devil, though. She jumped from one fire to the next, because what she didn't do with Mike, she did with Edward.

The way he played her was humiliating. Edward called to her and she rolled over like a dog obeying its master. It was all very clear to her now, but it was different when she was with him in person.

It was harder when she was with him in person. Edward struck her dumb; he dazzled her. Bella had never been able to think straight when she was around him and apparently that hadn't changed in the past four years. She could look into those emerald eyes and just get lost.

She finally dragged herself out of bed and began to prepare for the day. She had no plans. Angela sent her three text messages last night worrying about her. Bella finally replied when Angela said she was going to call Charlie; everyone knew he was the Chief of Police.

Angela then sent two more messages, simultaneously gushing over Eric Yorkie and inviting Bella to a nearby beach. Bella remembered the La Push beach. It reminded her of Jacob and their destroyed friendship. That was another ghost for another day, though. Today was the day to lay to rest her feelings for Edward.

Charlie was still asleep when she left. Bella made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and packed a bottle of water into her backpack. She was deep in the woods within minutes.

Sunlight broke through the canopy of green leaves overhead, sending shafts of light here and there. The forest was quiet, except for the odd chirp of a bird or rustle of leaves. Bella remembered every step to the cottage. Their cottage. His cottage.

She moved more quickly as she approached, her eagerness taking precedence over caution. The clearing appeared out of nowhere, just like always.

It wasn't until she exhaled that Bella realized her lungs were burning, and she wondered how long she'd held her breath. She filled her lungs with fresh air just as the cottage came into view.

She hadn't been sure what to expect. Maybe the cottage fell into disrepair, even more so than it had been back then, and it was leveled. Maybe the owner, whoever he was, had put a lock on it.

But the tiny cabin stood proudly, albeit a bit crookedly, just as she remembered. Bella sighed in relief and jogged over to it. She dropped her backpack on the ground and peeked in the windows.

Bella couldn't see much through the dirty glass but it looked like there was still furniture in it. Excited, she tried the doorknob but it was locked. Bella frowned and looked at it closely. It looked old; it was weathered by the elements. It hadn't been there four years ago, though. Someone must have installed the lock right after she left.

* * *

Edward had been waiting all morning for Bella. He woke up early, plagued with visions of Bella writhing above him and moaning his name. He knew she would come to the cottage today. He just knew.

He felt an ache in his stomach when Bella appeared in the clearing. His memories hadn't done her justice. He didn't remember her being so beautiful. Her hair was long and curled at the ends, and even during a hike, she left it down. He wanted to tangle his fingers into it. He wanted to kiss along that perfect throat and bite her collarbone again.

It was dangerous, having her around. It had taken Edward months to build his life back up after Bella shattered it and skipped town. He found it unbelievable that after everything she put him through, he was still attracted to her.

It infuriated him.

She made him love her more than anything, more than his own life even. Then she ripped out his heart and fed it to him. She nearly ruined the relationship he had with his parents, and because of her, the cops of Forks - especially the Chief - harassed him everywhere he went.

Edward stepped out of the shadows and approached her quietly. Bella, of course, didn't notice him.

He felt a flicker of anger flare inside him; after all of this time she _still_ didn't know how to look after herself. He could be anyone and she was just a sitting duck. He stood off to the side a few feet and shoved his hands in his pockets, watching her check out the cabin.

"It's locked," he finally said.

Bella shrieked and whirled around, her back flattened against the wall. If possible, she looked even more frightened when she realized it was him. "Edward!"

The shaky, breathy voice she used to say his name reminded Edward of last night. He felt his groin tighten and he silently damned her. He wanted to grab her by her narrow shoulders and shake some sense into her.

She relaxed slightly, but Edward could still see the obvious tension she held. Guilt hit him like a punch to the gut and Edward dropped his eyes. She was afraid of him.

He knew he overreacted when Emmett told him about Newton and Bella. Edward had no claim on her, so it was irrational for him to feel so betrayed. Still, he couldn't stand the thought of Newton feeling up his Bella, kissing her lips.

Edward almost killed the poor kid when he opened up that door. He hated how he felt. Jealousy - it was such a foreign emotion to him. In fact, he hadn't felt jealous since… well, since the last time Bella was in town.

"You scared me," Bella mumbled, nervously taking a step away from him. Edward noticed her movement and felt another pang of guilt.

"You shouldn't come out here by yourself," Edward said quietly. He hung back and kept his hands in his pocket. "It's dangerous."

"I'm not afraid of you," Bella scowled.

Edward felt the corners of his mouth quirk up. "Ah, Bella. I meant the woods are dangerous."

Bella flushed scarlet and Edward's eyes followed the blush down her neck and to the portion of her chest that her t-shirt revealed. "Oh. I thought you meant our cottage. I mean - your cottage. Sorry."

"I've been here for hours," Edward said slowly. "I don't know why. I knew you would come. But I don't know why I'm here."

"You don't trust me," Bella guessed, her voice flat.

Edward shrugged. "I locked it. It's not like you could get in anyway."

Bella turned around quickly, trying to hide the sudden tears in her eyes. The person talking to her wasn't Edward. At least, not her Edward.

"Why did you come back?" Edward asked. For the first time since they reunited, Bella heard a quiver of uncertainty in his voice.

"I told you," Bella whispered. "It wasn't my choice."

"I bet," he replied, his voice hard again. "You're probably relishing the chance to come back senior year and bring all of that shit up again."

"I don't even know your friends!" Bella exclaimed, facing him now. She took shallow, quick breaths and her cheeks were wet. "What does it even matter now?"

"It matters to me," he said emphatically, stepping forward. "Don't you understand what you did to me? What you put me through?"

"What about what you did to me?" Bella asked sadly.

"Maybe I handled things wrong, Bella, Christ," Edward swore. "But I get the shock of my life and I tell you so you can help me through it, and what do you do? You fucking tell Jacob!"

"I didn't tell Jacob!" Bella shouted. He was too close now and she put both hands on his chest to shove him away. She couldn't escape though, because Edward was as solid as a rock and didn't budge. "I never told anyone!"

"You were the only person who knew, Bella," Edward hissed. He dropped his voice and brought his face closer to hers. "So nothing you say to me will ever convince me otherwise. I trusted you and you threw that trust in my face. Worse, you gave it to Jake, and of course he had fun, didn't he?"

"Well if we're going to rehash all of this, then let's do it right," Bella snapped. "You told me you loved me. You led me on! You made me believe… and then we…"

"I know what came after that," Edward retorted. "Three minutes in the sleeping bag before you started crying."

Bella gasped. "It was only three minutes because that was all you lasted!"

"Well, judging by recent events, you're an expert in that area now, aren't you?" Edward sneered. "How many other sleeping bags have you jumped in? Let's see…mine, Black's and now Newton's, so three at least, right? There must have been someone back in Phoenix, too. Maybe a couple of someones?"

"I hate you!" Bella burst out. She ducked around him, but Edward caught her and pulled her back between him and the cottage wall.

"No," he said roughly. "No running this time, Bella. You can stand here and take it like a big girl."

Edward watched her bring one hand to her face, shielding her eyes from his view. Her shoulders shook silently and he could see tears slipping down her cheeks. He tried to hold onto his anger, but watching Bella cry hurt him too much.

He felt a strange emptiness. It should have felt good to finally see her hurting like he did for so long. He wanted revenge. He wanted blood. He wanted the satisfaction of seeing her feel the consequences of her actions.

"Stop crying," he commanded softly. Edward swallowed hard and reached up to let his finger run along the line of her jaw. Bella tried to jerk away from him, but Edward cupped her chin with his hand and forced her face to look up at his.

"Leave me alone, Edward," Bella pleaded in a ragged voice. "I don't have anything left for you to take. Please just…just leave me alone."

"Oh, Bella," he whispered, his voice full of regret. Edward changed the angle of his wrist and let his thumb graze along her lower lip. Bella jumped slightly. She didn't say anything, but she looked at him with wide, frightened eyes.

"Why do you do this to me?" Edward shook his head. His thumb rubbed back and forth over her lip and Bella's breathing became audibly louder.

"I don't mean to do anything to you," she said in a tiny voice, closing her eyes.

Edward licked his lips. His whole body was tense, ready to attack. Bella was so close to him that he could smell her strawberry shampoo. Still the same shampoo, he realized. He leaned in and his lips grazed her throat. He inhaled deeply, nuzzling the sensitive area behind her ear. He raised a hand and let his fingers comb into her hair.

He felt Bella grab his elbow. She tilted her head to the side so he could kiss down her neck. He bit her collarbone, just like he had fantasized about, and Bella let out a tiny cry.

"You make me crazy," he whispered into her ear. "You make me forget to be mad at you. I forget how much I don't like you. All I know is that I need to touch you."

Edward grabbed her hips and tugged Bella forward until their hips bumped together. Bella's uneven breathing teased across his face and Edward buried his face in her throat again.

"Touch me," Bella sighed.

Edward's hands slid down the curve of her back until they rested on her bottom. He squeezed, hard, and Bella groaned. Edward lifted her up in one easy move; his hands still cupping her ass so her pelvis cradled against his erection.

"Bella," he moaned. He pumped his hips and then slammed her back against the side of the cottage, increasing the pressure.

"Edward," Bella whimpered. She grabbed his head and pulled his face to hers. His lips grazed her chin and he bit down on her swollen lower lip, tugging it slightly. So close – her lips brushed his and she parted them, wanting more – so much more.

"I wish things were different between us," Edward whispered against her lips. He gently slid her down the wall and set her on her feet. Bella looked up at him, stunned, breathing heavy.

"Please, Bella," he said softly. "Please leave me alone."

Edward turned and walked away from Bella before he could change his mind. The urge to look back at her was too strong, so he quickened his pace. Bella wasn't good for him; she screwed up his head badly and he promised himself he would never give any girl that kind of control over him ever again.

Regardless of what his dick thought, Bella was nothing special. She didn't mean anything to him anymore. It pained him to realize that he was so weak. Those pouty lips and crocodile tears tore down his defenses faster than he thought possible.

If Edward had to avoid Bella for the next year in order to keep himself in control, that was what he would do.

* * *

any more ideas on what pulled those two apart?

LUNA


	7. Hello, Alice

Bella was slowly driving him insane and Edward couldn't take it much longer.

Every time he looked at her, it was like she was putting on some kind of a show for him. Once, she had the eraser end of her pencil in her mouth, biting on it gently. Another time, she was bending over and he was treated to a peek-a-boo view of the skin between the hem of her shirt and the waistband of her jeans.

She bit her lip about every ten minutes, too, and she _had_ to know what that did to him.

Edward was going to lose it. Either he was going to get arrested for sexually assaulting her, or some of this pent up sexual aggression was going to come out in the form of a fist fight. It had been a while since he had gotten into a good fight.

Worst of all, it looked like Bella and Newton might have started a thing. Or at the very least, a thing was in the works. Mike walked her to each class and sat next to her at lunch. Edward couldn't deny his jealousy. It was juvenile. He didn't really even like her. Still, he wanted to punch Mike in the face.

Edward would catch Bella looking at him every so often. She would look away quickly and her cheeks burned a bright red. He would, of course, wonder what made her blush so profusely. His mind always took a trip to the gutter and soon he had Bella stretched out in front of him, begging him to take her.

"Jesus," Edward cursed, shoving his pizza away from him.

"Are you gonna eat that?" Emmett asked around a mouthful of spaghetti. "I love Italian day."

Edward shook his head and Emmett pulled the pizza towards him. He leaned back in his chair and, once again, his eyes found Bella. She was listening closely to something Mike was saying. He gestured widely, but Bella's face was blank, so he tried again. Figuring it out this time, she laughed politely.

"God, you're pathetic," Emmett laughed.

Edward frowned at him, but didn't say anything. He was right. It was kind of pathetic, the way he had been moping around lately.

"Why don't you just go talk to her?" Jasper complained. "You're acting like a chick or something."

"I don't want to talk to her," Edward replied sullenly, staring at Bella. She got up from the table and Mike tried to follow her, but she waved him off. Edward watched her walk back onto the lunch line, where she began to eye the fruit selection.

Edward growled in frustration and pushed away from the table. Jasper and Emmett laughed as he stalked away from them.

"Ten bucks he chickens out," Jasper called, tossing a ten on the table.

"Ha!" Emmett crowed. "I'll take that. He's had a hard on for Bella since we were fourteen."

Emmett reached into his jeans and pulled out a wad of messy bills. He started to count it then shrugged and tossed it on the table. Jasper could see fine from his seat, but Emmett had to twist around to have a good view of that part of the cafeteria.

"Here we go," Jasper muttered. "Don't do it, man."

"Come on, Eddie!" Emmett shouted.

Edward turned around to glare at him and Bella looked up at the noise. She blushed at her close proximity to Edward and knocked over her water bottle in her haste to get back to her table. Edward bent down and plucked it up, tossing it back and forth between his hands.

"Bella," he greeted her, his tone careful.

"Edward," Bella replied wearily. She held out her hand for the bottle, but Edward pulled it out of her reach. "Come on, give it to me."

He looked down at the water bottle, finding himself confused and suddenly embarrassed. He hoped his cheeks weren't burning as brightly as Bella's. What did he hope to accomplish by coming over here? What could he possibly say to her?

"What? Are we talking now or something?" Bella asked, a hint of sarcasm coloring her voice.

Edward tossed her the bottle of water, catching her by surprise. Bella uttered a cry and made a grab for it, but her lack of balance caused her tray to tip. Her apple bounced on the floor and rolled away.

"Thanks a lot, Edward," Bella said curtly. "Why don't you just go back to ignoring me, okay? I think that'll be a lot safer for me."

"Emmett is having a barbeque on Sunday," Edward blurted out. Bella looked at him as if he had five heads. "He's got this, uh, big lake behind his house. It'll be fun."

"Is that an invitation?" Bella asked, her eyebrows narrowed suspiciously.

"No," Edward said quickly, almost defensively. "I'm just spreading the word. You don't have any friends yet. So you know, you can tell people and maybe they'll like you."

"You're such an asshole," Bella snapped. "And for your information, my new friends already invited me elsewhere. We're going to La Push for our own barbeque on Sunday."

Edward rocked back on his heels and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Ohhh, La Push. You're going to hook up with your good friend Jake, right?"

Bella bent down and picked up her banana and water bottle. She didn't know where the apple was. When she stood up, she brushed past Edward and stormed over to her table. She sat down next to Angela, stewing silently. A split second later, Angela said hello to Edward. Bella's head snapped up.

"Are you serious?" Bella exclaimed, staring at him.

Edward grinned, but ignored her completely. "Yorkie, Newton, what's up?"

"Hey, Cullen," Mike replied with a nod. He inclined his head towards Bella and raised an eyebrow. "Thanks for the other night."

Edward felt a white hot flash of hatred course through him. He wanted to pummel Mike. "No problem. Listen, guys, we're having a big barbeque at Emmett's house on Sunday. The property behind his place has a big lake. You guys in?"

"Oh," Eric frowned, looking around. "We were going to head out to La Push and catch some waves."

"We'll have jet skis," Edward informed them; lowering his voice like it was a secret.

"No shit," Mike responded, impressed.

"Yeah," Edward shrugged nonchalantly. "Dogs, burgers, kegs. You know. Should be a good time."

"We can always go to La Push next weekend," Eric suggested. "We should have a couple of weekends left before it gets too cold."

"Awesome," Edward said. He threw a triumphant look at Bella. She shook her head and looked away. Edward nodded and turned to walk back to his table, suddenly much happier than he was five minutes ago.

Now, he just had to talk to Emmett about this party he was supposedly having.

"Fuck, Edward," Emmett exploded. "I just had a party! And my mom's gonna be home. She's going to fucking kill me."

"Relax," Edward scoffed. "It's not even at your house. It's at the lake. We just need your grill."

"You know all of the girls are gonna have to use the house to piss. They never go in the woods. They'll be tracking sand and shit all over and fucking - "

"Emmett," Edward interrupted. "Come on. I need your help. Please?"

Emmett shook his head, then cast a doubtful look at Edward. "What do you even want with her? You're kind of a douche bag to her."

Edward shrugged. "I just… I don't want her with Newton."

"So if she goes for, you know, Tyler, then you'd be okay with it?" Emmett laughed. "Yeah, right."

"Just shut up," Edward complained. "I didn't bitch and moan when you said you were in love with the Queen Bitch, did I?"

"Hey," Jasper said indignantly. He didn't defend his sister any further, though, because she really as a bit of a bitch.

"Rosie isn't that bad," Emmett said mildly. "And at least I can carry on a civil conversation with her."

"Whatever. Listen, you need to invite Bella again."

"She won't come," Emmett said in a sing song voice.

"Just do it," Edward demanded.

"Maybe you should ask Mike to invite her," Emmett snickered.

* * *

The days flew by, and Bella was more confused than ever. Edward alternated between giving her dirty looks and completely ignoring her. Bella began to wonder if she had imagined his awkward party invitation.

Mike had been so sweet all week long. He was attentive to her every need, almost to the point of annoyance. That was her fault, though. She was strung so tightly that she felt like she was about to break.

She was beginning to feel suffocated. Not just by Mike, but by Forks. By Charlie. By the musty, depressing house.

"Bella, you need some fun," Angela said sympathetically. "You need some color, too. It's actually supposed to be sunny on Sunday. Plus, it'll be so nice to hang out with some new people, won't it?"

Bella made a noncommittal noise and stared at her notebook.

"Oh, right," Angela laughed. "I forgot. Everyone is new for you, right?"

Bella smiled and picked up her pencil. She began doodling in her notebook. Angela sighed but left her alone after that, sensing that Bella's mind was somewhere else.

* * *

The closer they got to Sunday, the more appealing the party was. Her bathing suit was packed away with all of her other Arizona clothing, but she doubted she actually would go in the lake, anyway. Her Forks wardrobe consisted mostly of jeans and sweatshirts. Surprisingly, though, they did still have random, end of summer type days that made everyone want to go outside and frolic.

Friday and Saturday crawled by. As Sunday approached, Edward seemed to avoid her even more. She hadn't realized that was possible.

Bella decided she was going to have a good time. She was going to eat, drink, and be merry with her new friends. She was going to be nice to Mike and try and make up for her foul mood.

She woke up early and cheerful on the day of the party. It didn't start until twelve, so Bella had some time to kill. She decided to do a bit of cleaning in the kitchen and maybe cook some pancakes for Charlie. He needed to start eating right.

Bella pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. She jogged down the stairs, pausing when she heard a funny sound. Bella frowned and walked in the direction of the sound. It sounded like snoring.

"Charlie!" she gasped. He was on the floor behind the couch, still dressed in his uniform. Bella knelt down next to him and shook his shoulder.

Charlie moaned and rolled over. "Oh, jeez, Bells. I guess I fell asleep."

Bella stood up and stared at him as he struggled to get to his feet. He reeked of alcohol, and the end table had a nearly empty handle of vodka on it. An half-full glass sat next to it. Charlie staggered over to his recliner and sank into it. He yawned and closed his eyes, murmuring something unintelligible.

Bella felt sick.

Feeling nauseous, Bella went into the kitchen and poured a glass of water. She chugged it down, then refilled it and tried to find some sort of painkiller for Charlie. She placed the water and aspirin next to the recliner.

She poured the remainder of the vodka down the sink.

Pancakes were out of the picture now. She wasn't hungry and Charlie was asleep again, snoring even more loudly. Bella put her elbows on the countertop and put her face in her hands. Obviously Charlie's drinking problem was more severe than she thought. A normal person couldn't drink an entire jug of vodka and be okay. That kind of tolerance was built up.

Bella needed air; she needed distance from the reality she just experienced. She grabbed her bag and left the house.

It was a beautiful day. Bella walked into town, breathing deeply to clear her mind. The walk wasn't as long as she would have liked, but Bella enjoyed it nonetheless. The knot of unease in her stomach seemed to lessen a little.

The grocery store was open and Bella remembered that she needed to pick something up for the party. Renee had schooled her to never to arrive at a party empty-handed, and she would have been upset to know that Bella broke that rule last week.

The grocery store was nearly deserted, except for a few old-timers. She skipped over the fruit and vegetable platters. Cookies or brownies would be best; something portable and that didn't have to be refrigerated.

Bella leaned over the bakery counter and peered inside the clear display. It was pretty empty so she backed up to look at the prepackaged goods. As she backed up, she bumped into someone and nearly fell over.

"I'm so sorry!" Bella exclaimed, turning around.

"It's okay," the girl laughed. She was a vibrant little thing, with sparkling brown eyes and spiky black hair. She wore hot pink capris and a white and pink striped tank top. Even with her spiky air, she didn't clear five feet tall.

"Sorry," Bella apologized again. "I was just looking for something for a party…didn't mean to run you down."

"I'm Alice," she smiled. "I'm looking for something, too. Nothing that will melt or need forks or spoons or anything. Just like, good finger food, ya know?"

"Yes," Bella laughed. "I'm looking for the same thing."

Alice leaned over and picked up a plastic container of cookies. "Cookies, maybe?"

Bella shrugged. "That could work."

"Here," Alice said, handing Bella a package of chocolate chip cookies. "I'll get the peanut butter cookies so we don't bring the same thing."

"The same thing?" Bella repeated quizzically.

"You are going to Emmett's, right?" Alice questioned.

"Yeah," Bella laughed. "How did you know?"

"Not many parties going on today," Alice grinned.

They walked to the checkout counter together, talking the entire time. Bella found out that Alice was the same age as her but she was in a grade younger. Her parents voluntarily held her back and had her repeat kindergarten. Alice said it was because her teacher told them that all she did was talk and play with dolls.

"But honestly, what else is for kindergarten for?" Alice asked, rolling her eyes as she handed money to the cashier.

Bella laughed. "Your parents must be pretty strict to have you held back."

"Yeah, they meant well, though," Alice told her. "I was a preemie baby, that's why I'm so small. My dad is a doctor so my parents were extra paranoid about my 'development' and all that stuff."

"Your dad is a doctor?" Bella asked, sneaking a glance at Alice.

"Yeah. He's pretty much the only doctor in Forks," Alice nodded. "Otherwise, you have to drive into Port Angeles. He works at the hospital clinic sometimes and then he has a private practice. I'm sure you'll meet him…he'll probably be your primary care doctor. Carlisle Cullen."

"Dr. Cullen?" Bella repeated, her voice a little too high.

Alice looked at her quizzically and held the door open for Bella. She looked at the parking lot, which was empty besides her cherry red Corvette. "Hey, did you walk here? Want a ride to the party?"

"Oh…" Bella mumbled, her mind still reeling from shock. This was Edward's sister. Alice Cullen. She lived with Edward. "It's okay. It's really early, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but I always go early to help set up," Alice said. "I just need to stop at home to grab some stuff. Come on, come with me."

"I don't want to be a problem," Bella said quickly. "I can just meet you - "

"No, no!" Alice protested. "Get in."

Bella felt butterflies in her stomach. She had never been inside Edward's house. They always met at the cottage or her house, because he wouldn't let her walk home alone.

Bella wondered what his bedroom looked like and felt her cheeks get hot.

Alice drove like a complete lunatic. They were at the Cullen house within three minutes and Bella was certain that all animals within a five mile radius had been scared off by the screech of her tires.

"Where's all your stuff?" Alice asked, gesturing to Bella's bag.

"Oh, well, all my summer stuff is packed away," Bella explained. "I'm not going to go in the water, anyway, so it's fine."

"I have a million bathing suits!" Alice said excitedly. "We always have parties here and someone always leaves a suit. Come on, I'm sure I can find one for you."

Alice literally dragged Bella upstairs, which was an amazing feat considering her tiny stature. They were in what Bella presumed was a guest bedroom. On the way up she glanced inside each open doorway but she didn't spot Edward, or anything that resembled a boy's bedroom.

"Here," Alice said, tossing a two piece at her. "Try this one on. It's clean."

"Oh, no," Bella said quickly. "I can't wear a bikini."

Alice laughed. "Don't worry, I'm really white, too. No one gets tan in Forks."

"No, I mean - "

"Try it on, okay? I'm going to change really quickly," Alice called over her shoulder. She shut the door and left Bella alone in the room.

Bella had a feeling that if she didn't try it on, Alice would start ripping off her clothes for her. She shimmied out of her jeans and kicked off her panties. Bella pulled on the black bottoms, grateful that they weren't too skimpy. The bottoms were almost like boy shorts.

The matching black top looked too big. There was no way her boobs were going to fill out those cups. Bella threw her bra and tank top onto the bed and pulled the top on.

"Wow," she muttered, looking in the mirror. Alice was right. The suit did fit and it actually looked better than any of her own suits. The top had some kind of miracle bra built in, and Bella admired her new chest.

She was looking over her shoulder to check out her ass in the mirror when the door flew open. A very sleepy looking Edward walked in and shut the door. Bella froze, but Edward didn't even look at her. He didn't even register her presence.

Bella took a moment to stare at him. He was wearing just a pair of boxer shorts and his hair was a hot mess. The muscles of his back moved fluidly and visibly as he stretched his arms over his head. Bella was afraid to breathe.

Edward almost tripped on a pair of jeans. He cursed and tried to kick them out of the way but his foot got caught on a pair of pink panties. He heard a gasp behind him. "Shit, Alice, your crap is always all over!"

Bella watched him turn around and it was like he was in slow motion. His boxers hung low on his hips. Bella could see his happy trail leading down until it disappeared under the blue fabric. His stomach muscles were much more developed than she had guessed.

"Bella," he said in a husky voice. Edward's eyes traveled up and down her body. He rubbed his stomach and wondered if he was still sleeping.

"Sorry," Bella blushed. She awkwardly tried to cover herself, but her clothing was out of reach and there was nothing handy. Edward took a step towards her and Bella let her eyes drop below his abs again.

She felt her heart stop pumping blood. The front of his boxers was tented outwards. Bella couldn't tear her eyes away from that huge bulge. He took another step towards her and she finally looked up at him.

His lips looked swollen and redder than they had any right to be. His eyes were an electric green and the way he was looking at her was enough to make Bella's knees weak.

"Bella," he said again. Edward reached out and took her hand, pulling her to him.

"This is a bad idea," Bella whispered.

Edward nodded and licked his lips. "I know."

Bella looked over his shoulder at the bedroom door. Part of her prayed that Alice would throw the door open. Part of her prayed desperately that she wouldn't.

Edward dipped his head and Bella's breath tickled his face. He angled his head and captured her lips gently, testing her willingness. Bella stretched up onto her tip-toes so he didn't have to bend so low and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Edward groaned and the kiss quickly became rougher. Her skin was so soft and so warm against his. He pushed against her and loved the tiny gasp of excitement she gave. He wanted her so badly that he ached.

He fisted his hands into her hair so he could control and deepen the kiss.

"Wait," Bella whispered. "Alice is - "

At that exact moment there was a knock at the door and Alice poked her head in. Bella froze and tried to move, but Edward's hands dropped to her waist and held her still.

"Don't move," he hissed.

"Edward?" Alice asked. "Do you know Bella?"

"Yes," Edward ground out. "I know Bella."

Bella was still plastered up against him, his erection throbbing against her stomach. She knew her cheeks were neon red and she was too embarrassed to look at either of them.

"Well…Bella, how does it fit?" Alice asked.

"Fuck, Alice, give us a minute, please," Edward said irritably, half turning to look at her.

"Oh, ew!" Alice squealed. "Go take a cold shower or something."

"Oh, my God," Bella whispered, hiding her face in her hands. Alice slammed the door behind her and they could hear her giggling in the hallway.

Edward shook his head and turned to face forward, but not before risking a glance at his crotch. Nothing was poking out. Just…very defined. Christ, could this get any more awkward?

"Um," Bella said. She extricated herself from Edward's arms and stepped around him. Edward didn't turn around to look at her while she yanked on her clothes.

"Bella," Edward called over his shoulder.

Bella hesitated, her hand on the door knob.

"I'll see you at the party," Edward said in an ominous voice.


	8. But for now, Love, let's be real

A few hours later, the party was in full swing.

The boys carried three heavy coolers from Emmett's backyard to the lake. It wasn't that far; maybe about a ten minute walk. The beaten path led to a small clearing the size of their high school gym. Several picnic tables rested on the grass and Bella wondered if they belonged to Emmett's family.

There was no real access road to get to the lake. It was covered by the woods on nearly all sides, except on the side that led to Emmett's. The beach sand was coarse and rocky, and the beach itself was not large. Still, it was a pleasant change in scenery and it truly was a gorgeous day.

Bella sat on a beach towel that she borrowed from Alice. She also borrowed the shorts that she wore over the bikini, but the green tank top was Bella's. She was much too nervous to take her shorts and top off. Rosalie and Lauren were strutting around in barely-there bikinis and Bella would rather die than be seen in a bikini next to them.

Bella stretched her legs out in front of her and examined them critically. She was ghostly white. Alice had been right, though, no one there was exceptionally tan. Bella squinted in the bright sunlight and looked out at the water to observe her new friend.

Alice was on Jasper's shoulders. They were playing chicken against Rosalie and Emmett. It looked like fun and Bella felt a twinge of homesickness. If she were back home in Arizona, she wouldn't be stuck on the sidelines feeling lonely. She would be out having fun with her friends.

Bella pushed aside the unhappy thoughts, unwilling to spoil the day. She looked around for Edward, but didn't spot him.

A few minutes later, she was helping Alice unpack some bags of food when she heard Emmett roar Edward's name. He and Jessica walked into the clearing together. She carried a backpack and their towels and Edward was holding a case of beer in either hand.

Bella couldn't look away from Edward, despite the burning pit of jealousy and anger she felt in her gut. He didn't look at her.

Jessica immediately went over to her friends and plopped down on their blanket. Bella was constantly surprised at how little time Edward and Jessica seemed to spend together. She couldn't help thinking that if Edward belonged to her, she would never leave him alone.

She spent the next hour right there on her towel, watching everyone have fun.

Groups of people were spread out; some were eating at the picnic tables, other lounging in the sun. She watched couples flirt in the water and splash each other. True to his word, Edward had provided jet skis. Bella was certain that Eric and Mike were going to kill themselves. Mike had already flung himself off his ski three times and they had only been out there for ten minutes.

Something landed on her towel with a heavy thud and Bella jumped, startled out of her sun-kissed drowsiness. She stared at the tube of sunscreen and then looked up to see who threw it.

"Sorry," Edward said sheepishly. "Didn't mean to scare you."

Bella swallowed hard. Her stomach did flip flips and her heart was suddenly in her throat. It was so unnerving to be around him. She wanted it, craved his presence, but she never knew what kind of mood he was going to be in. Her heart was too fragile today to be torn up by Edward, so Bella decided to play it safe.

"It's okay," she said carefully. "I don't need any, but thanks."

To her surprise, Edward sat down on the grass next to her. He picked up the tube and squirted some lotion onto his hands.

"Of course you need some," he said casually. "You burn more easily than I do. And I burn easily."

"I already have some on," Bella lied.

Edward looked at her skeptically, his eyes lingering on her pink cheeks. He reached for her hand and laced his fingers through hers, then raised it to his face. His lips grazed her inner wrist and he could practically feel her pulse jump.

Her eyes widened in surprise. A range of emotions flashed across her face.

"I don't smell any," he murmured.

"Stop," Bella whispered, finding her voice.

He lowered their hands but didn't release her, instead rubbing his thumb gently over hers. Bella looked away and tried to compose herself. She hoped he didn't realize her hands were shaking.

She always fell to pieces whenever Edward came around, and it was becoming harder and harder to pick them up afterwards. She needed to keep a safe distance from him.

"Bella," Edward said in a pained voice.

She looked up and was taken aback by the depth of emotion in his eyes.

"I can't do this anymore," he continued, his voice still stricken. "I can't be so close to you and so far away."

"I - I don't know what to do," Bella stuttered. What was he saying? What was he asking of her?

Edward let go of her hand and leaned back onto his elbows. He stared at the water for a long time. The silence scared Bella and her heart thudded unevenly in her chest. As much as he hurt her, she wasn't ready for him to disappear again, either.

"I don't know what to do, either," Edward finally said. He looked at her, and the sun made his eyes look more electric than usual. "No matter what I do, something reminds me of you. You're all I think about. And I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella. I don't have the _strength_ to stay away from you."

"Then don't," Bella whispered. Her heart pounded too quickly. "Don't stay away from me anymore."

He looked at her, at her anxious expression and flushed cheeks. Edward stood up and held out his hand. "Come on."

Bella took it and he helped her to her feet. She suddenly felt nervous, and guilty. She looked around but no one even noticed them. Jessica was talking animatedly with her friends. "Where are we going?"

"A walk," Edward replied mysteriously. He started for the woods but Bella hung back, uncertain. He turned and cocked his head to the side. "Don't you trust me?"

"I think so," she said shyly.

Edward smiled and warmth spread through her like a honeyed river. Bella caught up with him and he stayed close to her side, grabbing her elbow anytime she tripped. They didn't actually go in the woods, but stayed near the edge. Bella realized they were circling the lake.

"There's another beach over here," Edward explained, glancing at her. "Only a few more minutes."

This beach was smaller and there were no picnic tables. There was nothing except a small sandy strip and the water.

"It's more shallow here," Edward told her. "So you have less of a chance of drowning."

"Hey!" Bella protested, laughing. "I'm a decent swimmer."

Edward's laughter died first. Bella watched his smile fade as he took a step closer, his eyes locked on hers. Her lungs stop working when he reached up and let his fingertips dance over her cheekbones. Her eyes flickered shut.

"Bella," he whispered.

She opened her eyes and Edward brought his other hand up so he could cup her face with both hands. Bella touched his forearms, balancing herself. She relished the contact, the feeling of being cherished.

"You make me crazy," he said huskily.

"You make me crazy, too," Bella said breathlessly. She licked her lips and Edward groaned. Bella felt him begin to pull away and panic overtook her. She couldn't take another rejection from him. She _needed_ him. "No! Kiss me."

He hesitated, his eyes dropping to her lips. "Bella…this doesn't change anything. It doesn't change how we feel about each other. This is just physical."

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. Of course it wasn't just physical.

"You feel good to me," Edward said quietly. His hands skimmed down her sides and rested on her hips. Bella's arms hung limply at her sides. "Do I feel good to you?"

Bella nodded, unable to speak. She had thought about this moment for so long.

"No, you're not…_touch _me," he said, suddenly frustrated.

Bella looked down between them. He wore a wife beater that molded to his body. Every curve, every muscle was well-defined. She reached out and gently touched his stomach. His muscles flinched under her delicate touch and he sucked in a mouthful of air.

"This isn't love, Bella," he said in a warning voice, because he needed to make her understand. Edward took a step back. "This isn't anything."

Something flashed in her eyes, but Bella remained quiet. Edward cursed and pulled off his wife beater. He tossed it to the ground and turned around, walking into the water until it was deep enough for him to dive under. The cold water cleared his head.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't touch Bella if there were emotions involved. He had to hate her. He needed to know that she hated him. This was just their bodies, just hormones. A few times inside of her, making her scream, and he would get it out of his system. But the way Bella looked at him - it was too much. There was more there than just lust.

Edward stayed under until his lungs began to burn. When he broke through the surface and rubbed the water out of his eyes, he couldn't see Bella. His heart skipped a beat and he surveyed the area, trying to determine if she was walking back to the party. He heard a splash and whirled around.

Bella stood five feet from him, drenched and shivering. She must have been underwater when he came up. Her hair was slicked back, darker than usual because of the water, and droplets of the glittering water ran down her face.

"Christ, Bella," he scowled, fiercely relieved.

"Touch me," Bella demanded, reaching for him.

Edward didn't know who moved, but suddenly Bella was in his arms. Her bare legs bumped against his and her arms wound around his neck. He lowered his head and she met him in a hard kiss.

The feel of her lips was similar to crawling into bed after a long day. It was comforting, familiar and it just felt _right_. A barrage of memories overwhelmed him and Edward deepened the kiss, trying to get Bella out of his mind. He preferred to focus on her body - it was much safer for both of them that way.

He swallowed up her moans and his hands grabbed her ass, lifting her so she could wrap her legs around his waist. She was weightless in the water and used her buoyancy to rub herself on him. Edward groaned into her mouth and squeezed her ass, using his hands to grind her against him.

"Edward," Bella panted.

He tangled his hands into her hair and kissed her harder, nipping at her lower lip. She cried out just like he remembered she used to, in that way he had fantasized about for months after she left Forks. Bella dug her fingers into his shoulder muscles in a silent plea for more. Her lips parted and he tasted her, sweet and warm and willing, and the kiss became too much for him.

Edward pulled his mouth from hers, ignoring her sounds of protest. He looked down at the black bikini top that she wore, that displayed her breasts so perfectly for him. He bent his head down to kiss her cleavage and he felt Bella squirm against him.

Edward nuzzled the front of her bikini and felt her already hard nipples tighten more. He tried to nudge the material out of the way so he could suck one into his mouth but the stiff fabric wouldn't budge and his hands were busy holding Bella up.

"Out," he said desperately. He didn't let go of her but quickly made his way to the shore. Edward had to shift his grip on her when Bella was no longer in the water, so he could hold her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pushed herself up higher.

He carried her out of the water and gently set her down on the grass. Luckily it was soft grass, not too prickly or hard.

Edward kneeled above her, staring down at her wet, glistening body. Her chest rose and fell with each quick breath that she drew. Bella's lips were far too red and swollen to ignore, so he leaned forward and devoured her mouth again.

Her knees drew up on either side of him and Edward slowly put more of his weight on her. She mewled and her hands ran down his back. Edward was barely able to suppress a shiver.

Bella arched her back off the ground and reached behind her body. Edward watched the top of her bikini fall away. He ducked his head down and took one of her stiff peaks into the hot wetness of his mouth. She moaned and tangled her fingers into his wet hair.

She had never felt so alive. It was as if every nerve in her body was suddenly waking up and Edward knew just where to touch her, and how hard. She felt like she was burning up and all she could think of was how good it would feel when he was finally inside of her.

"More," she whimpered.

He nodded, breathing hard, and pulled away to yank her bottoms down. The brief flash of self-consciousness disappeared when his fingers slipped into the juncture between her legs. Bella moaned, and the part of her mind that was still working registered that the explicit moans and sighs she had been hearing were coming from her.

She opened her eyes just in time to see Edward's fingers fumble with the tie on his bathing suit bottom. His eyes were on her chest and he kept messing up because he was distracted. Bella reached up and swatted his hand away. He looked up at her quickly, his eyes dark with need. Bella faltered, suddenly shy, but Edward remained still, watching her. Daring her.

With shaking fingers Bella undid the knot and her hand brushed against his prominent bulge. Edward stiffened and she heard his breathing falter. She glanced up at his face and this time placed her palm flat against it.

"Fuck, Bella," he hissed, moving his hips to increase the pressure.

She grabbed his waistband with both hands and tugged it down. His happy trail descended down until it disappeared in a thicker patch of hair. His shorts got stuck on his erection and Bella felt her breathing quicken in anticipation of seeing him.

Edward let out a growl of frustration and shoved his shorts all the way down. He heard Bella's gasp and the way she looked at him made him swell even more with pride. She reached up and touched him, running her fingertip down his length.

She did it again, then closed her fist around him and slid up and down his shaft. Edward grunted each time she reached the base of his dick, when she squeezed softly. After another moment of torture, he pushed her hand away and lowered himself on top of her.

"I can't wait any longer," he groaned, his dick rubbing against the soft, warm skin of her stomach.

"Do it now," she whispered.

He grabbed the base of his cock, adjusting his body so he could push into her. Edward watched her face, her eyes, the way she licked her lips. The head of his dick rubbed against her slick entrance and he fought the urge to ram into her and just fuck her hard. He thrust into her slowly, feeling her tighten up around him.

"Relax, Bella," he said in a hoarse voice. She was so tight, too tight. It felt like their first time all over again. She was too tense to enjoy it and he was too excited to last long.

Their first time…

* * *

_"It hurts," she whispered._

_"Oh, Bella, it feels so good," Edward moaned, panicked. "You feel so good."_

_"Edward, you're too big," Bella said in distress. "It doesn't fit. Take it out!"_

_"Please, just a little bit longer," he begged, feeling his balls begin to tighten. While Bella held herself rigidly underneath him, his orgasm overtook him and he began shooting endlessly inside of her. He moaned and buried his face into her neck. It wasn't until then that he felt the wetness of her tears._

_

* * *

_"All the way," Bella begged, her voice jerking him back to the present.

Edward grabbed her hips and angled her up, then thrust inside of her long and deep. She stiffened and cried out, but he felt her trying to relax her muscles.

"You're so tight, Bella," he whispered into her ear. He felt her resulting shiver from the inside out and he bit his lip to keep from moaning.

"Just, just wait a minute," Bella requested. She could feel the awful tension in his muscles underneath her fingers. He held himself completely still, buried all the way inside of her, until Bella began to wriggle around underneath him.

"Okay?" he asked, unable to breathe when she was clamped down on him so tightly.

"Yes," Bella sighed happily.

Edward pulled out slightly and Bella instantly mourned his absence. Then he thrust back in and she lost her breath. It didn't feel like this last time. Then, it was rushed and awkward and it hurt. Edward thrust again and Bella stifled a whimper. This was different. It felt like he belonged inside of her.

"So good," Edward murmured. He kissed her again and this time Bella responded desperately. She wrapped her legs around his waist. His next thrust went deeper and Bella cried out, ripping her lips from his mouth. "I'm sorry, I - "

"No!" she blurted out. "More. More. Edward, I think, oh, God - "

He mumbled something into the crook of her neck and suddenly his hips were moving faster, fucking her harder. He was so big and hot and everywhere - on her and inside of her and touching and kissing.

Bella's fingers dug into his shoulders and Edward let out a strangled noise when he felt her walls begin to tighten and spasm around him.

"Fuck, Bella!"

He groaned and planted his hands on the ground on either side of her. One hand dug into the grass, ripping it up as the intensity of his orgasm began to seize him. Bella whimpered underneath him, her hips still jerking erratically, and Edward couldn't breathe when he began coming inside of her.

It seemed to last forever and he was suspended in state of pure release and the most ultimate satisfaction he had ever experienced. The last shudders of her orgasm milked him dry and Edward collapsed on top of her, exhausted.

He could hear Bella humming with pleasure and her hands teased his sides. Edward kissed her neck and trailed his mouth across her jaw until they met in a kiss.

"Bella," Edward sighed. "That was fucking unbelievable."

She murmured her agreement and Edward carefully pulled out of her. He helped her into the water so they could clean off.

It wasn't until Bella turned to get out of the lake, water streaming down the indent of her spine, that Edward realized something that stunned him. One time with Bella would never be enough; in fact, he was already hard and wanted her again.

Having sex with Bella didn't soothe his intense need for her. Suddenly, it was worse than ever. Edward felt his chest burn with a mixture of bitter emotions. He wanted Bella. Despite everything, he wanted Bella to be his, to be _only_ his.

They got dressed quickly, without speaking. Each step on the way back to the party seemed to add another layer to the tension that was simmering between them. He noticed Bella took a step to the right, putting more distance between them. Despite his own unease, he didn't like watching her pull away. Edward was tempted to close the space again and force her to kiss him, to admit that she liked it.

But he didn't. Instead, Edward remained quiet and kept a safe distance from Bella. If Emmett saw her, he was screwed. Bella's hair was damp and tangled and her lips were swollen and colored a deep shade of red. She looked like she had just been fucked. Emmett would definitely call him out on it, and that was a conversation that Edward just wasn't ready to have.

Everyone was out of the water and the grill had been fired up. It didn't seem like anyone missed them. Bella darted over to her towel. Edward hesitated, unsure of where to go. He wanted to follow her and sit down at her side. Part of him longed to lie next to her and play with her hair. See if he could get her to blush by whispering dirty things to her. He wondered what it would be like to have Bella lie with him, completely relaxed, happy to be with him. Edward imagined it would feel good. Pretty fucking good.

Unhappy with his emotional thoughts, he was grateful when someone called his name and distracted him. Edward turned and spotted Jessica waving to him. She yelled something but he gestured that he couldn't hear. She slid off the picnic table that she had been using as a bench and walked towards him.

Edward felt his heart drop to his stomach. He didn't want to even look at Jessica right now. Jessica ran the last few steps and jumped into his arms. He had no choice but to catch her. She leaned forward and kissed him hard, pulling away slightly when he didn't respond. There was no way Bella missed Jessica's very public display of affection.

"You never kiss me anymore," she whispered, pouting.

He steeled his nerves. Maybe this was good. The way Bella looked at him, so intensely and deeply... it scared him. He wasn't going to do another round with Bella - they were not going to get involved this time. If she wanted to have a sexual relationship with him, Edward was all for it. He could do the fuck buddy things, especially if each time would be as explosive as their beach experience. But this time, Bella wouldn't get his heart.

Edward leaned forward and kissed Jessica, ignoring the sharp pang of guilt in his stomach. When Jessica laughed and let go of him, Edward took her hand and let her lead him to the picnic tables. He didn't look back at Bella.

* * *

ouch, poor bella =(

but did you enjoy the lemon?

LUNA


	9. Starting Something

She was stupid. She was so, _so_ stupid.

Bella spent the rest of the day completely avoiding Edward. She even became desperate enough to go on a walk with Mike - but this time, nothing except walking happened. He talked her ear off, but she was grateful for the distraction.

Edward had made a point to tell her that what was between them was physical. He stressed that it was nothing more than two bodies and raging hormones. But his eyes betrayed him, and she saw an emotion in them that wasn't there when he looked at everyone else. That flicker of emotion gave Bella the tiniest bit of hope, and though she tried, she simply couldn't give up on him.

When Jessica had launched herself at Edward, Bella looked away. Her stomach rolled over and she was afraid she would be sick. Her heart actually hurt.

She shouldn't have gone on that walk with him. She shouldn't have taken his hand. She knew better than to get involved with Edward. Regret and jealousy raged in her veins.

Still, it had been so nice to have that glimpse of Edward - of the Edward she _used_ to know. Once he made an appearance, worrying about her getting sunburn, it was like all of her common sense just flew right out of the window.

Bella felt her face flush when she remembered their tryst on the other side of the lake. Anyone could have seen them!

The only good thing to come out of that day at the lake was her new job.

During their walk, Bella mentioned to Mike that she was going to start looking for a job. Bella needed a car, she needed to pad her savings account, and she had to start planning some type of escape from Forks after senior year.

Mike's mother called her the following day to set up an interview. They needed someone to close up their shop, Newton's Outfitters, on odd nights and stay a bit later to clean up. Mrs. Newton only spent one night training her because there wasn't really much to learn.

Tonight was a slow night. Bella found that the small shop was a cheerful place to be compared to her house, and she took her time closing up.

She hadn't been sleeping much. Back home in Arizona, she would roam the house at night when she couldn't sleep. Here, though, she was confined to her bedroom. Charlie fell asleep in his recliner every night and snored incredibly loud.

Bella tried to clean up his mess of crumpled beer cans before he woke up. If she didn't, the next morning as Charlie cleaned them up there was this awkward silence between them. She would rather just skip that whole morning routine.

Bella didn't mention her new job to him until she was actually hired. Charlie grunted his approval and after a moment, asked how she was going to get to and from work.

Bella had to fudge the truth a little bit. She told him that on the days she worked, she would get a ride to the shop after school with the Newton's. She left out the fact that it technically wasn't the Newton's - just Mike. And as far as Charlie knew, Mrs. Newton was at the store until closing and Bella got a ride home with her.

In actuality, Bella worked alone from six until nine. She left the store by ten and walked home. The walk took about thirty minutes, but Charlie was always sleeping by the time she got home, so he had no idea that Bella walked.

By Friday, Bella was completely settled in her new routine. Mrs. Newton quickly warmed up to her and was very liberal in dropping hints about Mike's single status. Other than that, she was a very sweet lady.

Bella scribbled a note to Mrs. Newton about how far she gotten in organizing the hiking boots back stock, then locked up for the night.

The walk home was Bella's favorite part of the night. Charlie would undoubtedly have a conniption if he knew she was walking alone in the dark, but they lived in Forks. It wasn't like a legion of vampires stalked the town at night or anything.

In the five days since everyone went to Emmett's lake, the weather had really changed. Bella was wearing a hoodie and she was still a bit chilly. She picked up her pace as she veered away from Main Street and its store fronts. It would be just her luck that a storm would break during her trek home.

A funny sound off to her left caught her attention. Bella froze, held her breath, and listened intently. She didn't hear anything else, so she reluctantly resumed walking, but not before looking uneasily over her shoulder. Bella walked quickly and the feeling that someone was watching her, or following her, intensified.

Another rustle in the woods brought Bella to a stop. She turned and stared into the darkness but her eyes couldn't pick up anything.

"Hello?" she called. Bella took a step off of the paved road and almost slipped on a patch of wet leaves. She caught herself before she completely lost her balance.

Bella had the strangest feeling that someone was there, waiting and watching for her. She took another tentative step, sure that a grizzly bear or something equally dangerous was about to rush her.

An engine roared somewhere across town and Bella jumped. It sounded completely out of place - the town of Forks was already quiet and sleepy. The noisy car broke the spell of the woods and freed Bella. She decided to hurry home.

The loud car did not hide its approach, lighting up the road in front of her. She fought the urge to turn around and look at the car. Bella hugged the edge of the road, hoping the driver wasn't drunk and wouldn't hit her.

It roared past her and Bella sighed in relief. The car was maybe half a mile from her when it slammed on the brakes so hard the tires squealed, and Bella could smell the burning rubber. Red reverse lights lit up the road and the car, an old, silver Mustang, began backing up. Bella stopped and her heart plunged down into her stomach. She looked behind her but of course there was no one around to help her.

The Mustang rolled to a stop next to her and Bella frowned, looking at the hood. It was smoking. Not as in smoking hot, but as in _literally_ smoking. She took a step back. There were no lights on inside the cab so she couldn't see inside.

"What the fuck are you doing, Bella?"

The clipped words hung in the air. The door swung open and Edward hopped out. Bella sighed, her fear suddenly replaced by an entirely different sort of apprehension.

"Well?" Edward demanded, slamming the car door shut. He walked around the car and came up to her. "Do you even know what time it is?"

Bella crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, hi, Dad. I think it's just about ten o'clock now."

"That's cute," Edward nodded. "Get in the fucking car."

"No," Bella refused. "I'm fine. I'm going home now. You should go get your car looked at or something. It looks like it's about to blow up."

"It's not my car," Edward shrugged, glancing back at it. He turned back to Bella and his eyes traveled the length of her body. "You shouldn't be walking alone."

"Mike offered to drive me," Bella lied, enjoying the way Edward's eyes narrowed.

"You said no," Edward observed, cocking an eye brow. "Hoping I would come along?"

"Yeah, right," Bella laughed.

Edward didn't laugh. He reached one hand behind him and opened the passenger door. "After you, Bella."

She wasn't sure how wise it would be to push him. He looked tired and kind of crabby. Bella didn't want him to think he could run the show, though, especially not after his disgusting little display with Jessica.

"Thanks, but I'd rather walk," Bella said breezily. "See you Monday."

She ducked around him, but didn't get very far because his arm caught her around her middle and jerked her backwards. Bella uttered a surprised cry, dropping her bag in an effort to keep her balance. She surely would have fallen if Edward hadn't pulled her safe against his warm, hard chest.

"I'll drive you home," Edward whispered, his mouth close to her ear. He released her slowly so she didn't fall, then bent down to pick up her bag.

Bella swallowed hard and allowed him to help her into the car. He knew just how to throw her off balance and get her all flustered. Edward jogged around the front of the car, temporarily illuminated by the headlights.

"What are you doing out now, anyway?" Edward asked, throwing the car into gear.

Bella glanced over at him. He wore a navy sweatshirt and a pair of ragged jeans. His hair was a wreck, as usual, and looked like it was just a bit too long. Some of his messy spikes were starting to fall over, framing his eyes.

Edward felt her eyes and looked over at her, catching her critical stare. He frowned and ran a hand through his hair. "What?"

"Nothing," Bella shrugged. She watched the way his hands moved on the steering wheel. His right hand gripped the clutch, his knuckles rippling under his taut skin. She sucked in some oxygen and turned away. "I was working."

"Oh, that's right," Edward drawled. "Working at the family business already, eh? Well, you have been spending a lot of time with Newton lately."

"He's nice to me," Bella said icily.

"I'm nice to you," he replied defensively, correctly understanding her tone.

Bella laughed out loud at that one. "When you ignore me or when you suck face with Jessica in front of me?"

"Jessica is my girlfriend," Edward snapped. "You know that. You knew that before we started anything."

"We didn't start anything," Bella growled. "Let me out, I'll walk the rest of the way."

"Yeah, right," he scoffed. "Didn't you father teach you anything? There are wolves out there. Bears, lions. Do you want them to catch you and eat you up?"

She ignored him and they fell into a tense silence.

"You don't think we started anything?" Edward asked after a pause.

Bella looked at him and realized his face was carefully devoid of emotion. She wondered how important her response was to him. Bella looked out of the window and wished he would drive faster. She didn't want to hash out their relationship. Or, in Edward's words, their lack thereof.

"You can't start something with someone who has a girlfriend already," Bella said lightly.

"Bella," Edward said tightly, shaking his head. Bella looked at him. Edward kept his eyes straight ahead on the road. "Damn it, Bella, you can't tell me that you don't feel it. Every time I look at you I want - you're all I can…"

"What?" Bella asked, her voice hushed, desperate to know what he almost said. "I'm what?"

He shook his head and tightened his mouth into a line. They pulled into her driveway and he sat silently, waiting for her to get out. Bella looked at her front door. She could go inside and crawl into her safe bed right now.

Or…she could ask Edward what he meant again. Bella looked at him and felt her resolve weaken. He stared ahead defiantly, as if she wasn't even there. His chin was raised and Bella gazed at his strong jaw line.

Edward looked sulky, like he didn't care about her or what she thought, but his lips pouted just a little bit. Bella bit her own lip, wishing it was his.

"Edward," she whispered. "Tell me. Please."

"You must know how badly I want you," Edward said in a raw voice. "You must laugh at me when you see me staring at you in the hallway."

The look that he gave her was both ashamed and anxious. Bella's hands fumbled to unclick her seatbelt. She needed him. She suddenly desperately needed to touch him. Bella shoved the seatbelt away and pulled her feet up underneath her so she could get on her knees and lean into Edward.

He was already facing her and roughly pulled her toward him. Bella winced, feeling the clutch dig into her hip. Edward shifted her slightly and tangled one hand into her hair, guiding her face to his. Bella met his kiss and allowed his hands to roam her body. The only sounds in the car were of their lips smacking and ragged breathing.

"Let me come in," he pleaded, his voice desperate.

"Are you kidding?" Bella hissed, drawing back to look at his face. Edward leaned back in to suck on her lower lip but Bella shoved him away. "Charlie is inside."

"I can be quiet," he whispered, his mouth trailing wet kisses to her ear. Bella closed her eyes and he bit down on her earlobe. She moaned. "I don't know about you, though."

"Please, Bella," Edward murmured, licking the hollow behind her ear. "I need you."

"You have Jessica," Bella said mildly, trying to work up some kind of anger. Maybe if she was mad at him she'd be able to keep him away.

"I don't want her. I want you," he groaned.

Bella pulled away sharply, before he could grab her. She licked her lips and opened up her door. "If you want to come in you have to come in through my window."

She stared at him for another second, and then dashed to her front door.

* * *

Edward cursed again, and then brought his knuckle to his mouth to suck the blood off his hand. The goddamn tree was killing him. Thank God he had on a sweatshirt and jeans, otherwise he'd be a fucking bloody mess.

He wondered where he got the idea that Bella was some sort of temptress. All week he had been walking around with a hard on because she was giving him these secret looks and silently telling him how badly she wanted it. He thought she was teasing him.

The shock on her face when he confessed his week of torture was very revealing. In fact, the idea that Bella was so naïve made it even hotter.

Edward smirked; he bet Bella didn't believe he would be at her window soon. Poor thing. Sure, it took him almost ten minutes to scale the tree. He figured he'd shave a few minutes off each time he climbed it.

Edward tested his weight on the tree limb that led to Bella's window. It seemed sturdy enough, so he shimmied his way to her window and slid it up. He shook his head; it wasn't even locked. If he was willing to risk his neck by climbing up the tree, other guys undoubtedly would, too.

He cringed at the idea of Newton sitting on the same branch he was on right now, jerking off as he spied on Bella.

Edward pulled himself into the room and carefully shut the window.

She wasn't in her room yet. Edward opened up her bedroom door a crack and peered into the hallway. There was a light on in the bathroom. He could see the light shining underneath the door. Bella was probably getting ready for bed.

Edward stretched out on her bed and waited for her. He took the opportunity to look around, noticing that her bedroom looked exactly the same as it had four years ago. He heard her padding down the hallway.

The door opened and Bella crept inside, carefully shutting her door to make the least amount of noise possible. She didn't want to wake Charlie.

Then she turned around and jumped, throwing a hand over her mouth to muffle her shriek of surprise.

"You told me to come in this way," Edward reminded her.

"You scared me," Bella whispered. She glanced nervously at her door and then to Edward. "You shouldn't be here…if my dad finds you…"

Edward rolled his eyes. "I know. My license will get suspended again."

"Again?" Bella questioned curiously.

Edward frowned, displeased at the direction of the conversation. He said lightly, "Bella, let's leave the past in the past."

"You mean Charlie had something to do with it?" she guessed.

Edward sighed and swung his legs off the bed. He pulled himself to his feet and Bella moved to block his path. Moonlight streamed in through her bedroom window and illuminated part of the dark room.

"Don't go," Bella said softly.

"What we're doing is stupid," Edward shrugged. "We can't undo the past. We can't change what happened."

"We can forget about it, though," she whispered, hardly daring to breathe. "Just move past it."

"And then what?" Edward asked. He reached up to touch her face. "You want to be fuck buddies? Because I don't think we can go back to what we were."

Bella dropped her eyes, both blushing and cringing at his language. "I… just don't want you to leave."

Edward stared at her. She looked so fragile, so vulnerable. He wanted to just pick her up and tuck her away from the world, keep her safe. Instead, he turned around and walked to the window. He would end up hurting her.

Edward wanted to think he was being noble by walking away, but he knew better.

_He_ didn't want to get hurt. He was a coward.

"Don't walk away from me again!" Bella pleaded. Her voice cracked and Edward looked back.

Tears made glistening paths down her cheeks. Edward's heart twisted painfully. He moved without thinking and then Bella was in his arms, her face pressed into his neck.

She cried softly and he rubbed her back, murmuring soothing words. There was just so much bitterness between them. Sometimes he couldn't even follow what was happening. Just now - how did he make her cry? How did she make him so angry?

"Bella," he said urgently, pulling back slightly. It suddenly felt like she was slipping through his fingers again. All of his old hurts throbbed, the wounds opened fresh again.

For all of his efforts, Edward had slipped up. The bitter knowledge twisted his gut; if he lost Bella again, it would hurt. It would hurt more than ever.

Edward cupped her face and forced it upwards. He captured her lips in a brutal kiss, trying to convey all of his emotions. Bella kissed him back just as ruthlessly, as if she, too, felt the same sense of urgency.

"Don't leave," she whispered against his lips.

Edward shook his head. He grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it up to expose her midriff. She gasped at the touch of his cool hand, then raised her arms. Edward tugged the shirt over her head. The cool night air hardened her nipples. Her bra had come off in the bathroom when she changed for bed.

She stepped forward and pressed her body against his. Edward lowered his head to kiss her again and this time their noses bumped. He felt her giggle and it invoked a funny tightness in his chest. Edward brushed his lips across her cheekbone and Bella sighed happily, then wound her arms around his neck.

Edward walked her backwards until her legs hit the bed. Edward quickly removed his shirt and hissed at the way her tight nipples grazed his bare torso. He slid his hands up her body, palming her breasts in each hand. She shuddered and arched her back so her nipples pressed into the center of his hands.

"Bella," he said thickly.

She reached for the button on his jeans. Edward let her unzip him and he kicked off his jeans. His erection was clearly outlined in his boxer briefs and Bella eagerly pressed her hand against him. Edward moaned throatily and Bella tried to discern his exact shape under the material, rubbing and grabbing and trying to jerk him through the fabric.

"Are you on anything?" he asked. Bella stared at him blankly, her eyes glazed over with lust. "Birth control."

"Yes," Bella lied. He nodded and leaned into her again, hips lips feasting on her skin, and Bella closed her eyes. It didn't matter. None of it mattered, and he wouldn't care to know the details.

Edward shoved her backwards but caught her as she began to fall. He fell on top of her and found one of her breasts with his mouth. He teased and licked and sucked and bit until Bella was writhing beneath him, but still Edward took his time. He wanted to go slow and make this night last forever.

Edward wanted to love her. He wanted Bella to love him, to want only his touch. He wanted to know that despite everything, despite anything, Bella would be at his side. He wanted to curl up next to her and listen to her breath as she slept.

Regardless of what happened to them, he would make sure that Bella remembered this night for the rest of her life. She would remember that he had, at one point, loved her with _all _of him.

Tonight, he would love her. He would pour every bit of love that he possessed into each kiss, into every caress. At school the next day they would be Bella and Edward again - the ones that hated each other. But, for tonight at least, he would show her how she made him feel. How she made him love.

He moved slowly and built the fire steadily, until Bella was begging him to enter her. He removed her panties and when he thrust inside of her they sighed simultaneously with relief. His hips pumped relentlessly, until the intensity of their lovemaking was too much to bear.

The way she looked at him, like he was the only person in her world, made Edward feel drunk with need. He needed _more_. More Bella, more _everything_. All that mattered was him and Bella, in this small bed, in this tiny room. Hearing his name on her lips, Edward groaned and doubled his efforts. Bella shattered around him, her cry of exquisite torture sending Edward over the edge.

Bella wrapped her arms around him, anchoring him down, clutching him to her chest. Edward rested his head on her shoulder and listened to her heart beat calm. Sleepiness tried to claim him, but he knew he had to leave soon.

An hour later, Edward crept out of Bella's bedroom. He was too tired for the tree so he slipped out of the front door. He couldn't erase the memory of Bella's touch, or her scent, or the way she felt around him. The memory of their lovemaking played over and over again in his mind.

It was spoiled only by the terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that he had ruined everything, as if their intimacy had somehow been too intimate.

* * *

sooo many secrets, so little time. did you catch bella's little lie?

LUNA


	10. The Sweetest Thing

When Edward woke up, his first thoughts were of Bella. He thought of her while he showered, while he changed, when he was eating breakfast and during the drive to school. Edward ignored Emmett's text messages begging for a ride because it would only delay his arrival to school, and he was eager to see Bella.

Besides, it was Jasper's turn to drive him.

Edward pulled into the parking lot of Forks High and took a deep breath. He was getting a little nervous; it was definitely _not_ normal for his heart to pound like this for no reason. Except, there was a reason.

And that reason was right in front of him, strolling past his car without even noticing him. Edward cursed and scrambled to get out of the car.

"Bella!" he called. She kept walking. A sweat broke out on his forehead. Had he really messed up that badly? "Bella!"

She kept walking and Edward slowed to a stop. He watched her get farther away, her slender hips swaying with each step. His heart sank down into his stomach and Edward was surprised at how inexplicably upset he was.

Edward rubbed his jaw and groaned in frustration. He knew this was going to happen. He knew, as soon as the name Isabella had rolled off Carlisle's lips, that this would happen.

Bella came back home and stirred up all of those ridiculous feelings again; feelings that, until now, Edward had successfully managed to lock away.

He couldn't let her have the last word, even though there hadn't really been any words spoken. It was bad enough that she was cutting him up on the inside. Edward broke into a jog and easily caught up with her.

"Bella," he said tightly, grabbing her arm to stop her.

She turned around, surprised, but when she saw it was him her entire face lit up.

Edward lost his breath; it was like he had forgotten in the past eight hours how beautiful she was. To his horror, he was unable to stop the corners of his mouth from twisting up into a smile, too.

"Hi," Bella said, blushing brightly. She reached up and tugged on a white wire, and the headphones to her ipod fell out of her ears. Edward practically sagged with relief; she hadn't been ignoring him.

"Hi," he replied.

"Sorry I fell asleep," Bella whispered, blushing even more brightly. "When I woke up, I was so nervous. You weren't there and I thought for a second that Charlie found you, but then I realized that he would have been yelling and I would have woken up, too. That would have been extra terrible because I was still naked and - oh, _God,_ just shut me up."

She covered her face with one hand and Edward laughed.

"I slipped out after you fell asleep," he explained. "I was hoping to avoid the whole Charlie thing, too."

Charlie wasn't the only person Edward was hoping to avoid today. Edward scanned the parking lot, hoping that Jessica didn't suddenly appear. That was the last thing he needed, especially right now, especially in front of Bella. Bella noticed his unease and looked around, her smile slowly fading from her face.

"What's wrong?" she questioned, her voice oddly flat.

Edward looked down at her and realized he was still holding her arm. He let go and Bella took a step back, looking at the ground. Her smile was gone now and she looked sad.

"Looking for Jess?" Bella asked, forcing a smile. "I think I saw her go inside a few minutes ago."

"No, I'm not looking for her," Edward said quickly. "Well - I mean, I am, but not because…"

"It's okay," Bella shrugged. "I get it."

She hoisted her backpack onto her shoulder and gave him a small smile. "I'll see you around, I guess. Bye, Edward."

"Bella? Tyler's having some people over his place tomorrow. Are you going?" he asked, stopping her again.

"I don't think so," Bella shook her head. "I have a lot of stuff I need to get done."

"Like what?" Edward asked, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Maybe I can help you."

Bella looked at him strangely, her eyes narrowed. "No, it's just some random stuff. Um, I need to go to my locker before the bell rings."

He nodded and Bella frowned, then turned and walked away from him.

* * *

Bella had to work hard to stay away from Edward. He seemed to pop up everywhere; Bella ended up walking behind him in the hallway twice, he came into her math class to give the teacher a note, and at lunch he was only two people over from her on the line.

Emmett caught her staring at Edward in first period. In typical Emmett fashion, he crumpled up a sheet of loose leaf and pelted her on the forehead with it. Bella startled so badly that she slammed her knee on the desk and shrieked in pain. Red-faced, she put her face in her hands and hid from Edward's curious gaze.

She tried not to look at him too often after that because each time she did, Edward looked up at her, almost like he felt her eyes on him. Invariably, Bella blushed and dropped her eyes, because she remembered the previous night all too well. He had worshipped her like something delicate and valuable, like some kind of a rare gift.

Bella suppressed a shiver when she recalled the dark emotions she had seen in his eyes. She didn't know anything could feel like that. It was more than just sex.

She wouldn't let herself believe that last night changed anything. Edward had held her tenderly and made love to her – but so what? Her heart didn't want to be logical, though, and every time she caught a flash of his bronze-color hair it swelled so big that she thought it would burst through her chest.

It was obvious that Edward wanted to talk about something, just by the way he kept approaching her. Bella decided that whatever it was, it would need to wait a few days. Last night's events were much too fresh in her mind, and if Edward rejected her now, it would simply hurt too much. She let her guard down and she needed a day or two to harden herself back up.

When the final bell rang Bella was able to leave directly for Mike's car. She purposely overloaded her backpack before eighth period so she wouldn't need to go to her locker afterwards. She felt stupid, practically hiding from Edward, but it worked. Mike came out before him and Bella breathed a sigh of relief.

When they drove out of the parking lot, Edward's silver Volvo was still sat empty.

* * *

Business at Newton's Outfitters was slow. Bella only had two customers since Mrs. Newton left. She was able to finish her to-do list early, and even fit in some cleaning. By closing time Bella had nothing left to do but close the register down.

She was out of the store and into the cool, clear night in less than five minutes. Her backpack was proving to be a bit of a problem. She would have to choose the books she brought home more carefully because the heavy bag was hurting her back.

In the distance, a vintage Mustang rumbled across town. She recognized the timbre of the engine immediately. Bella sucked in a breath, caught between excitement and apprehension. Both feelings grew as the sound of the engine grew closer, until Bella stopped walking and just waited, her legs frozen and her heart in her throat.

The car turned onto the road and its headlights blinded her. Bella shifted her weight and angled her face away from the light so she could see. The car rolled to a stop next to her. Tonight Edward put the car into park and hopped out of it. The Mustang purred loudly. He cocked his head and looked at her, waiting.

"Your car sounds better," Bella said shyly, breaking the awkward silence between them.

"It's Jasper's," Edward shrugged. "I'm working on it for him."

"I guess no smoke coming out of the hood is a good thing," Bella smiled tentatively.

Edward took a step forward. "Bella, I - "

She waited, her heart pounding. _Love me. Don't leave. Don't hurt me._

"I came to give you a ride," he said after a pause.

Bella worked to keep the smile on her face. He obviously meant to say something else, and she was upset that he didn't said what he originally wanted to.

"It's okay," Bella shrugged. She swallowed hard and forced another big smile. "I like the walk."

She tried to brush by him, but Edward reached out and his hand grabbed her wrist. His hand felt ice cold on her skin.

"Please, Bella," he said softly, moving so he could see her face. She stood, transfixed by his intense stare. "Let me take you home."

He placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her around the car. Bella's mouth was as dry as a desert and she knew she wasn't able to speak. Edward shut the door behind her and was back in the driver seat in a flash.

"Are you all right?" he asked quietly.

Bella nodded stiffly.

"You avoided me today," Edward noted, rubbing the back of his neck. He fiddled with the air conditioner, finally turning it off with a sigh of irritation. He put the car in drive and they took off. When he realized that Bella had yet to reply, he looked over at her. "Why, Bella?"

"Stop acting like everything is okay," Bella snapped, exasperated. Her feelings were all over the place, and she just couldn't deal with all of them all at once. "I don't know why you keep acting like everything is normal, and why all of a sudden you're being so nice!"

Edward's foot hit the brake so hard that Bella lurched forward, saved only by her seatbelt. Enraged, she turned her head and opened her mouth to yell at him, but Edward beat her to it.

"So, what? You want me to be mean to you instead?" Edward sneered. "Make up your mind, Bella, because I don't like this hot and cold game."

"I'm the one going hot and cold?" Bella repeated, incredulous. "_You_ have a _girlfriend_!"

"I anticipated that response," Edward said smugly, relaxing into his seat. "If you had just stayed and listened to me this morning instead of rushing off, you would have found out that I broke up with Jessica last night."

Bella sat back, stunned. She crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. This put a new spin on things, one that she honestly hadn't expected it. Now they really were on dangerous territory. No wonder he was acting so weird.

"Not because of you," Edward said quickly, glancing at her. He decided not to mention Jessica's hysterical fit and her threats of slashed tires and public screaming matches. "It was just time. I got bored. It had nothing to do with you."

Bella slid lower in her seat and rolled her eyes. Yeah. Okay.

"Well?" Edward prodded. Bella sighed and looked over at his grinning face. "Come on, Bella. What do you have to say to that?"

"Nothing. That doesn't change anything between us," Bella said nonchalantly.

"Like hell it doesn't," Edward laughed, putting the car into drive.

Bella's heart thudded against her ribs and her anxiety only worsened as they approached her house. Now what? What did this mean? She felt vaguely ill. She couldn't tell if Edward was feeling anything remotely similar to her, because he had lapsed back into silence.

The ride was over much too quickly, and soon his car crunched on her gravel driveway.

"Well, thanks for the ride," Bella said quickly.

She grabbed the door handle, and Edward reached across her body to still her hand. His lips were just inches from hers and she could feel his breath on her face. "I'll get the door."

She didn't realize that she was holding her breath until her lungs began to burn for oxygen. Bella let out her breath in a whoosh and watched him walk around the car. Edward opened her door and chuckled when she looked up at him blankly. He reached across her body again, this time to unbuckle her seatbelt.

She took his offered hand and Edward pulled her to her feet, then stepped forward to trap her against the car. Bella's tongue darted out of her mouth to moisten her lips and Edward groaned softly just before he pressed his lips to hers. His hand tangled into her hair to gently cradle her head.

"Bella," he whispered, pulling away to glance up at her house. "Let me move my car and I'll meet you in your room."

"No, no," Bella shook her head. She slipped out of his arms and took a step to the side. "I uh, well…you can't come in tonight."

"You think Charlie is awake?" Edward frowned, moving to follow her. He grabbed her hand and laced his fingers through hers. "We got away with it last time. And I'll be good…I promise."

Bella's eyes widened and she tried to step backwards. She needed time to process this new spin of events. This new Edward - she didn't trust him. Where did he come from?

He was acting exactly the way she wanted, but…it seemed too good to be true. She didn't know him, and she was already too invested in this relationship, in their _nonexistent_ relationship.

"It's not that," Bella blushed, trying to come up with a believable lie. She hated lying, especially to Edward, especially after what happened between them so long ago. "It's just… uh… I have my period!"

Edward sighed heavily and dropped her hand, his cheeks tinged pink. "Oh. Okay. Well…I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Feel better."

"Thanks," Bella muttered, leaning down to grab her backpack. When she straightened, her body was flush with Edward's again. He cupped her face and kissed her fiercely, and Bella felt her resolve begin to weaken. Edward groaned again and she could feel the rumble in his chest. He pulled back only to press another kiss, this one more chaste, against her swollen lips.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he promised in a husky voice. "Flick your bedroom light so I know you're okay."

Bella nodded, speechless from his kisses, and stumbled to her front door. She glanced over her shoulder to sneak another peek at him, leaning against the car, looking hotter and more badass than ever. She shook her head and escaped into the dark house, eager to be away from the temptation that was Edward Cullen.

Once upstairs, she flicked her light a few times and still heard the Mustang idling. Bella bit her lip, unwilling to go look out of her window because then she would try and make him stay. She waited another minute and the engine purred louder as it shifted into drive, then rumbled away.

She was surprised that Charlie slept through the noise. But then again, she really wasn't. When she crept by his bedroom Bella had heard his snores loudly and clearly. She didn't have to wonder if he drank himself to sleep, because it appeared that was the norm.

Bella undressed quickly and got ready for bed. She was too jittery to sleep but she forced herself to lie down and tried to think of anything except Edward.

It didn't work, and she tossed and turned until pink streaks appeared in the lightening sky.

* * *

Despite the fact that she was up all night, Bella was running late for school. She just couldn't get herself moving. She debated skipping and just staying home to rest, but eventually pushed the idea out of her head.

Then she slipped in the shower and banged up her knee, and the idea became much more appealing. When she stubbed her toe rushing from the bathroom to her bedroom, skipping began to sound like a really good idea.

And when Bella was scrounging under her bed for a lost sneaker, and bumped her head, well…she decided the day was just shot. She changed back into her pajamas and climbed into bed. She dozed off and woke up, alternating between reading and napping.

Around noon, the phone began ringing. She stayed in bed and ignored it. After the third call in five minutes Bella groaned and rolled out of bed, stomping around until she found the portable phone. She answered breathlessly.

"Bella?"

"Hi, Dad," Bella said, smacking her forehead and screaming silently. She forgot to call him.

"Yeah, I need you to explain a phone call that I got from the Vice Principal of the high school, Bella," Charlie said in a tight voice. "What's this she told me about you not being in school today?"

"Sorry, Dad," Bella said slowly. She wracked her brain for a suitable excuse and decided it would just be easier to stick with the same lie she gave to Edward. Why not? Maybe it would freak Charlie out, too. "I got my period today, Dad," she sighed. "Really bad cramps. And usually, when they're this bad, I get these terrible clots that - "

"Okay!" Charlie squeaked over the phone line. "You just call me if you need anything and uh, feel better. I'll see you later, Bells."

"Bye, Dad," Bella replied, holding in a giggle. She called Mrs. Newton, too, because if Mike told her Bella stayed home sick…well, she probably wouldn't want her coming into work.

She put the phone on the cradle to charge and eyed the clock. She had about six hours until Charlie was due home. Bella kind of regretted calling out of work, because that meant she would be forced to spend real time with Charlie. She wasn't up for it today.

Their relationship definitely needed some TLC. At some point, she would have to address what was between them, what she could _feel _Charlie thinking about each time he looked at her. She wasn't the girl he thought she was. Hopefully, Edward wasn't the boy Charlie thought he was, either.

Bella sighed and shoved the thoughts out of her mind. Later. Tomorrow, maybe.

She wandered down the hallway, completely bored. Bella yawned and decided another nap was definitely on the plan for the day. She fell back into bed and rolled over, falling into a deep sleep. She dreamt of Edward, and slept soundly until something startled her awake.

Confused, Bella raised her head and blinked away her sleepiness.

"Good morning, beautiful."

Bella felt her jaw drop and her cheeks heat up. She gathered her blanket around her tightly and pulled herself into a sitting position. Edward tossed a shopping bag onto her bedroom floor, then climbed through her window.

"What are you doing here?" Bella asked in a high-pitched voice. She self-consciously ran a hand over her head to smooth down her hair. She was suddenly hyper aware of how small her room was and how big Edward was. He was really tall.

Edward shrugged and smiled crookedly at her. He scratched his head and ran a hand through his hair. "You weren't in school. I got worried."

Bella considered this and glanced at the bag on the floor. Edward followed her eyes and picked it up. He walked to the bed and nudged her over so he could sit down.

"I told you…" Bella trailed off, looking at his closeness in dismay. "I can't do anything. I have - "

"I know, I know," Edward cut in quickly. He set the bag on his lap. "That's why I brought this stuff."

His elbow brushed against her side as he moved. Bella could feel the heat from his body. She wanted to just melt into him and stay there all day. Bella forced herself to focus her attention on the bag he was holding instead of his hard body and delicious cologne.

"Chocolate," Edward said, holding up a king sized Hershey bar. He rummaged through the bag to hold something else up. "A heating pad. Some Advil. And some chick flicks, stolen from Alice's personal collection."

Bella looked, in awe, at the things Edward spread out on her bed.

"You skipped school…so you could bring this stuff to me?" Bella asked in a tiny voice. She wouldn't cry. She would not let herself cry.

"Well, yeah," Edward said, his crooked smile appearing again. "I know when Alice gets her…when she gets it, she turns into this monster who needs chocolate and painkillers every five minutes. I usually have to get it for her, so it's no big deal…"

She might cry. It was a pretty big deal.

"Thanks, Edward," Bella whispered, blinking rapidly to try and hold back her tears.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a slightly panicked voice.

"Nothing," Bella mumbled. She wiped her eyes and gave him a watery smile.

Edward looked at her warily but didn't comment. He held up two DVDs and motioned for her to pick one. Bella chose the one she had never seen before and Edward got up to put it on. She was able to admire his back and rear when he kneeled down to turn on the DVD player.

Edward pressed play and music began spilling from the television. He stood up and turned around, suddenly feeling bashful. Bella was studying him curiously, all bundled up in her blanket. He bet she had no idea how adorable she looked.

The girl was turning him upside down. Nothing made sense anymore. All he knew for certain was that he needed to see her, and to touch her. Every day. Multiple times.

Edward walked over and tentatively sat back down on the bed. Bella still watched his every move.

He stretched out on her bed, plumping her pillows so his head was elevated enough to see the television. Bella sat beside him, probably sitting Indian-style, but he couldn't tell for sure because of the blanket. He reached for her and tugged her down and Bella curled into him. She laid her head on his chest and Edward's hand somehow wound itself into her silky curls.

"Is this okay?" he asked, his voice rough.

Bella nodded against his chest and then rubbed her face against his t-shirt. Edward closed his eyes. He could hear her inhaling and exhaling, and it was much faster than normal.

"What movie is this?" Bella asked, a bit breathlessly.

He looked over at her night table, where he left the DVD case. "Music from Another Room."

"Where was Alice the summer I was here?" she questioned, rapidly changing directions.

"She was away at drama camp," Edward murmured.

Bella closed her eyes as his thumb gently caressed her cheek. She found that when Edward touched her, no matter how lightly and no matter where, her heart fluttered uncontrollably and it was simply impossible to breathe evenly.

Bella tried to keep her eyes open and watch the movie, but her eyes were just too heavy, and besides, she was drowsy with contentment. Edward's scent and body warmth surrounded her and she hummed her approval.

In the fog of her mind, a nagging thought kept trying to climb to the surface. She should remind Edward… Bella tried to focus on what she had to remind Edward about, but she felt so good…so sleepy. Finally, the thought drifted to the front of her mind. She should remind Edward that Charlie would be home for dinner. But sleepy Bella snuggled closer to Edward, purring when his arm slipped around her.

Just before she fell asleep, Bella was sure she felt him press his lips to her forehead. Surely Edward wouldn't act so sweetly if he didn't love her…


	11. Dr Cullen Strikes Again

Bella woke up slowly, taking her time to stretch and luxuriate in her soft blanket. Her arm reached across her bed, unconsciously feeling for something. When she encountered nothing but air, Bella paused and cleared the cobwebs from her mind.

Edward. Where was Edward?

She lifted her head and glanced around her bedroom. The television and the overhead lamp were off. The only light came from the ancient touch lamp on her desk. It was on its lowest setting, barely glowing, but Bella could make out a piece of loose leaf paper resting at its base.

She practically tripped out of bed in her haste to reach the note.

_Didn't want to wake you…Edward_

Bella read the note again, trying to find some hidden clue in its meaning. He didn't want to wake her. Really? That was it? Bella frowned and turned the sheet of paper over. Nothing.

Slightly perturbed, she sat down on her bed. Bella wished she had gotten the opportunity to wake up when Edward was still there. She hated that she slept so heavily, and that he was able to slip away without even a whisper.

Her stomach rumbled loudly and interrupted her musings. A quick glance at the green numbers of her alarm clock informed her that it was shortly after eleven. Bella wondered where Charlie was.

She poked through the clothes on her bedroom floor until she located a pair of flip-flops. Bella pulled on a hoodie and went downstairs. She yawned and peeked into the kitchen. No Charlie.

Bella wondered if he had to work a night shift. There was no note from him; not that she expected one, but it would have been nice.

Bella put two slices of bread in the toaster. She found a new jar of peanut butter and some strawberry jelly in the refrigerator. Maybe not a gourmet dinner, but it would do the trick. She grabbed the milk and bumped the fridge door shut with her hip. At the same time, something in the living room caught her attention.

She didn't hear anything…or maybe she did, but it was so faint that she couldn't detect what exactly it was. Bella felt a prickle of unease tingle at the back of her neck. She quietly placed the gallon of milk on the counter.

Bella held her breath so that the sound of her own breathing wouldn't block out any other unusual noises. She wondered if the front door was locked. Bella crept to the doorway of the kitchen and peeked around the corner.

Nothing looked unusual.

Still uneasy, Bella sucked in a mouthful of air. She quickly cut across the living room, her hands grabbing the front door and clicking the lock over. She felt slightly mollified at the resounding sound of the click. She also felt slightly ridiculous for trying to be so stealthy.

Then Bella turned around, and realized the source of her anxiety was inside of her house, not outside. It lay crumpled on the floor.

"Dad!" she shrieked. She ran across the room to his recliner and fell to her knees. Bella's fingers dug into his arms and she shook his still form and called his name again, this time louder.

He wasn't cold. In fact, his skin was hot and flushed, but slick with sweat. Bella looked up and counted in the empty beer bottles. There were more than usual and she lost count, more concerned about Charlie.

"Dad!" Bella said loudly. She tipped his face upwards to expose his neck and pressed her fingers into his flesh, trying to find a pulse. "Charlie! Wake up!"

Panic formed a heavy knot in her stomach. She took hold of his shoulders and tried to pull him into a sitting position but his dead weight was too heavy. Bella slipped her arm underneath his back and tried to move him that way, but still had no success.

She didn't know much about alcohol poisoning. Her mind raced and Bella tried to think back to that alcohol awareness assembly they had back at her high school in Phoenix. The speaker said that each alcoholic drink raised the blood alcohol content by .02%. What was fatal? It looked like Charlie went through a twenty-four pack of Bud.

The day of the assembly was the day that James asked her out. She was too excited to pay attention to the assembly, because she was sitting next to her new boyfriend and holding his hand. Now her insides burned with regret.

Bella's heart began to pound. She needed help. She needed someone to help her get Charlie up and make sure he was okay. If she called 911, the police would come. His deputies would show up. _Everyone_ would show up and know that he was a drunk. Bella had already been able to determine that Charlie was a functional alcoholic, and no one else knew his secret.

A bad feeling churned in her stomach when she thought about calling Edward for help. She was ashamed. She didn't want him to know about this part of her life, not when they were finally making some kind of progress. This would just mix them up again.

But there was someone she could call.

* * *

Emmett had to admit, he was intrigued. Bella showed up in Forks after almost four years, looking and acting like she'd rather be anywhere else. Hell, she had barely looked at him, and Emmett _knew_ her. It wasn't like he was a total stranger or something.

But Edward… Whatever happened between him and Bella, it was still there, still right there between them. He had never seen Edward act so out of character and over the course of the last week, it had been getting worse.

Edward just shut him out, him and Jasper both. It kind of hurt, though he would never admit that to Edward or Jasper. Jasper picked up on that shit, though.

So when Bella called him, crying, begging him to come over, Emmett naturally assumed that Edward had somehow fucked up. It was obvious that something was new was going on between Bella and Edward, especially after that cryptic text message he sent about breaking up with Jessica.

Emmett knew where Chief Swan lived. They egged his house every Halloween, except last year, because he spent the evening sitting on his front porch with his rifle on his lap. They hit the police station instead.

Their history never came out, but the Chief and Edward absolutely hated each other, and neither made any secret of it. Sometimes Emmett wasn't entirely convinced that Edward even knew why the Chief disliked him so much, but he definitely loved to pull one over on him.

Before Emmett was even out of his car, the front door opened and Bella came running outside. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. She was still half crying and looked like shit.

"Jeez, Bella," Emmett said lightly. "You okay?"

"Come on, hurry up," Bella pleaded, grabbing his arm and shoving him towards the porch.

"What's wrong?" he asked, not liking her tone. Something was wrong.

"I can't," Bella said abruptly. "I - Emmett, you have to promise me you won't tell anyone."

His eyes dropped to her stomach. "Shit, you're knocked up?"

"No!" Bella wailed. "My Dad. I need your help. I can't get him up."

Frowning, Emmett followed her inside. He rocked back on his heels at the sight of the Chief of Police, out cold on the floor. "Whoa, Bella. Maybe you should call someone."

After a quick look around the room, Emmett focused on the small table in front of the recliner. He eyed the empties suspiciously. That was a lot of alcohol. Emmett slowly approached the Swans, getting onto his knees opposite Bella. Charlie was between them, stretched out on his back. He still wore his police uniform.

Emmett worked as a lifeguard during the summer and was required to take basic first aid training. He knew how to find a pulse, but it took him a minute to find Charlie's. Bella stared at him anxiously, darting her eyes back and forth between him and her father. Charlie's pulse was faint and irregular.

"I think we should call for an ambulance," Emmett said finally.

"We can't," Bella shook her head. "His deputies would be the ones that came if I called. They can't see him like this. If everyone finds out… They just wouldn't…"

Emmett shrugged. "Bella, he might need to get his stomach pumped or something. I don't know. But we can't just leave him like this."

Tears spilled down her cheeks and Bella nodded, whispered, "I know."

"Maybe," Emmett said hesitantly. "Maybe you could call Carlisle. Dr. Cullen."

"Dr. Cullen," Bella repeated. Memories flipped through her mind like photos from an old album. He helped her once before, a long time ago.

"You know, Edward's dad?" Emmett prodded.

"I know who he is," Bella said slowly. "Do you know their number?"

Emmett reached into his pocket for his phone. "I'll just call Edward's cell."

Faster than he could react, Bella had snatched his phone out of his hand. "Hey!"

"Edward does not find out about this," Bella whispered. "Promise me, Emmett."

"That's why you called me for help," Emmett said, finally understanding. "And not Edward. Why don't you want him to know?"

"I just don't. _Promise_ me," Bella insisted. Emmett finally relented and promised, knowing that it was going to bite him in the ass. He recited the phone number and Bella punched in the numbers with shaking fingers. She turned away from Emmett's knowing eyes.

Edward was sprawled across his bed when the house phone rang. A quick glance at the time on his cable box told him it was too late for a social call. Esme's friends were probably asleep by eight, and Carlisle had no friends. He wondered if his cell phone had died again. He rolled over and snatched up the portable.

The number that flashed across the caller ID wasn't familiar, but the line of text that followed was. Charles Swan. A million different thoughts ran through Edward's mind. Charlie must have found out about him and Bella. Maybe he was calling to give Edward a head start before he came over with his shotgun.

"Hello?" Edward asked cautiously.

"Doctor - Dr. Cullen, please," a female voice said, nervously. Edward frowned. He would have known that it was Bella even without the caller ID, just by her voice.

"Bella?"

"No, I need to speak with Dr. Cullen, please," she stammered.

"Drop it, Bella," Edward laughed. "I know it's you."

"Dammit, Edward, put your father on, now!" Bella said shrilly, her patience breaking. "It's an emergency!"

This time Edward didn't joke around. He ran to Carlisle's study, where he had been reading a paper by the fire. Carlisle must have been dozing, because he jerked awake when Edward tore into the room.

"Edward - what - what's wrong?" he sputtered.

Breathless, Edward shoved the phone to him. Carlisle took it and held it to his ear. He listened and frowned in concern. Edward couldn't hear what she was saying but he could tell Bella began speaking immediately.

"Isabella?" he asked in surprise.

Edward held his breath in an effort to hear Bella's side of the conversation. He was certain he had never introduced Bella to Carlisle, and yet, the way Carlisle said her name reeked of familiarity.

"No, no, I understand," Carlisle said. He listened for a moment longer, then stood up. He walked across the room and opened up a supply cabinet. Edward watched him begin tossing different medical supplies into a duffel bag, the phone still at his ear. "Open up one of his eyelids and describe his pupil to me.'

Carlisle grabbed his jacket and the bag and strode out of the room. Edward followed, his heart pounding. He felt a white hot flash of jealousy stab through him at the knowledge that Bella was with someone else.

"Tell him to turn him on his side," Carlisle instructed. "I'll be there in less than two minutes."

"I'll drive," Edward said as soon as Carlisle hung up. He snatched his keys off the table. She was with _two_ someone elses. Two guys.

Carlisle hesitated briefly, his expression sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Edward. Bella specifically told me not to bring you. I'll call you when I sort this out."

"That's bullshit," Edward protested, his eyes narrowed. "What's going on? Tell me!"

Carlisle moved to the door. Edward intercepted him and put his hand on his arm. "Please tell me."

Carlisle sighed deeply, then shrugged him off. "I'll call you when I'm leaving."

Edward stood still, staring at the door. He still clutched his car keys in one hand. The sound of Carlisle's car speeding off reached his ears. Should he go? Should he stay?

He went.

* * *

Bella swore at least thirty minutes passed between the time Dr. Cullen left his house and when he arrived at her home. Emmett repeatedly assured her, though, that less than three minutes had gone by.

Dr. Cullen burst in through the front door, not even bothering to knock. Bella was frantic with worry but alert enough to catch the quick scan of the room that his eyes did. He took in the faded curtains, shabby furniture and air of neglect immediately. Before Bella's cheeks could flush with embarrassment, Dr. Cullen was on his knees beside her.

He carefully rolled Charlie onto his back. Bella leaned backwards to stay out of his way. She could feel Emmett's eyes on her face, studying her, but she pretended not to notice and watched Dr. Cullen take Charlie's vitals instead.

"How much did he have to drink?" he asked in a cool voice.

Bella looked up at the table and tried to count them again. Her mind was covered in a thick fog and it was difficult to concentrate. Some cans were scattered on the floor. "Um, uh, maybe…"

"There's an empty 24 pack in here. In the kitchen there's a handle of vodka that's only one third of the way full," Emmett said quietly.

An uncomfortable, heavy feeling pressed down on Bella's chest. She looked up at Emmett and felt her insides burning with shame. When had he gone into the kitchen? How did she miss the vodka bottle before? She sucked in a deep breath, trying to ignore the odd pain in her chest, and blinked away tears.

"Charlie?" Carlisle called, his voice loud. He leaned forward until his face was close to Charlie's and he cocked his head to the side to listen to him breathe. Carlisle placed his index finger underneath Charlie's left eye and pulled down on the red-veined skin. He shined a small light into Charlie's eyes but his pupils didn't respond.

"Bella, I need to take Charlie to the hospital," Carlisle stated in a detached, professional voice.

She looked up at him and saw the kindly doctor that had been so gentle with her during her last stay in Forks. When they had met back then, she was a crying, scared girl who had gotten in over her head. He talked her through an invasive procedure, promising her that she would still be able to have a normal, happy life.

Bella found out a year later that he was wrong.

Carlisle's gentle eyes asked her to trust him again, and Bella nodded weakly. What else could she do? She didn't blame him for what happened before. It was hardly his fault; in fact, he had probably saved her life.

He flipped open his cell phone and murmured into it for a few seconds. Then he shut it abruptly and looked back at Bella.

"Can you…" Bella trailed off, her gaze flickering to Charlie.

"Yes?" Carlisle prodded. He followed her gaze to Charlie.

Bella shook her head and looked away. What did she care if the entire town found out that Charlie was a drunk? He obviously didn't care enough about himself to stop drinking. Or enough about her. She wondered if it was her fault that she drank so heavily, that maybe she was the reason he needed to numb his emotions so thoroughly. Maybe he wanted to drink himself to death.

Charlie had responsibilities, though. He was the Chief of Police and he had to make sure that everyone in Forks was safe. Most importantly, though, he had _her_. A tiny piece of her twisted in pain and Bella felt her chin quiver. Charlie should love her enough to make sure that he'd be around for as long as possible. He had a daughter to take care of.

Maybe Bella wasn't as important to him as she thought, as she had hoped.

Maybe their last summer together really had ruined their relationship, and Charlie couldn't bear to have her around. Maybe he drank to lessen the bleakness of it all.

Emmett watched the emotions flash over Bella's face. Taking pity on her again, he looked at Carlisle. "Can you keep it quiet so everyone doesn't find out why he was admitted?"

"I will," Carlisle nodded. "How long has he been drinking, Bella?"

Her gaze dropped from Carlisle's face, ashamed once again. Carlisle was a good looking man. Nothing like Edward, although that was to be expected. She felt so inferior next to him.

She remembered thinking back when she first met him that Carlisle looked so young for such an experienced doctor. The same thought struck her now.

"Since before I moved back here," Bella admitted in a whisper. "Pretty regularly, I think."

Carlisle nodded and opened his mouth to say something else, but headlights hit the front window and lit up the room. Bella froze, terrified that it was Edward, but then Carlisle stood up and announced that the ambulance had arrived. She looked out of the window and said a silent prayer of thanks, knowing that he must have requested them to keep the sirens and lights off.

Two middle-aged men rolled in a gurney and Bella watched, cold and anxious, as they loaded Charlie onto the stretcher. She moved forward to follow them out into the night but Carlisle put his arm around her and guided her to the couch instead.

"Bella, I want you to stay here. I will accompany Charlie to the hospital and take care of everything myself, personally. I'll make sure everything is kept quiet and that he has plenty of privacy. But you need to promise me that you will eat something and go straight to bed."

She frowned up at him but Carlisle shook his head.

"No arguing, Bella. You look as if you're about to pass out. Would you like me to call Esme? She can stay here with you," he offered.

Bella frowned again. Esme? That name was familiar to her, but why?

She remembered almost immediately, a strange collage of memories flooding her mind. Esme was the name of the woman who had visited Bella during her stay in the hospital. She sat by her bed and stroked her hair, sometimes even holding her hand. Whenever Bella woke up, Esme was sitting there, so calm and lovely, and she would begin to chat as if there was nothing at all unusual about a fourteen year old girl losing a pregnancy.

"Is she like, one of your nurses?" Bella asked, confused as to why Esme would come to her house in the middle of the night.

Carlisle smiled indulgently. "No, Esme is my wife."

Bella felt the blood drain from her face. She actually _felt_ it. Carlisle suddenly looked alarmed, and he grabbed her arm and started calling her name, but she just saw his lips move. She couldn't hear above the sudden roaring in her ears.

What had she told Esme? Those days in the hospital were pretty much lost to Bella. She had blocked them out so completely - those miserable days of tears and heartache. Esme had been a cool comfort amidst the burning pain, and now Bella couldn't remember what she said in her haze. Had she mentioned Edward?

"Bella? Are you all right?" Carlisle asked, his voice firm and suddenly very clear. She snapped out of it.

"I'm fine," Bella nodded, her voice weak. "I just…I didn't realize, that's all. She was so nice to me in the hospital."

Carlisle seemed to relax slightly. "Yes, well, she asked of you often. She formed quite a soft spot for you. Then, you left you quickly…"

Bella looked down at the floor. She felt her cheeks grow warm. How embarrassing that this man knew so much about her. She was very aware of Emmett's curious gaze.

"Dr. Cullen? We're ready."

"Emmett? Will you stay with her, then?" Carlisle asked, standing up and looking back at the EMT. He returned his attention to Emmett.

"Sure," Emmett said, jamming his hands into his pockets.

Bella stood at her front door and watched as the ambulance pulled away. Carlisle left his car in front of her house. It looked odd. Emmett's huge Jeep, Carlisle's sleek little Mercedes and then Charlie's dated police cruiser, all in a row. She watched until the red taillights got lost in the dark woods.

"You don't have to stay," Bella said, shutting the door and looking at Emmett.

"I don't mind," he shrugged.

"No, really," Bella insisted. She suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to be alone. She could clean up Charlie's mess and then go lock herself in her room. It was quiet in there. No one could get to her. She could be alone with her thoughts.

"Bella, I don't know if - " Emmett began, puffing up his chest.

"Just go, Emmett, please," Bella snapped. She immediately felt bad. "Sorry. I just want to go to sleep."

"Okay," he relented. "But don't tell Carlisle. And make sure you eat something."

She walked him to the door and stepped out onto the porch with him. He gave her that look again, the one that made her stomach twist up into really tight knots, and Bella leaned into him as he put his arms around her in a hug.

"Call me if you need anything else, okay?" Emmett whispered.

Bella nodded and wiped her nose. She was so tired that her bones hurt. She just wanted to go to bed. Emmett pulled back and turned to the drive way.

"Shit," he muttered.

Bella looked at him, wondering what was wrong, but no further discussion was needed.

Because there was Edward, sitting on the hood of Carlisle's Mercedes. He wore jeans, a t-shirt and the biggest scowl she had ever seen.

"Why wasn't I invited to the party?" he drawled, sliding off the car.

"Don't start, Eddie," Emmett warned. Edward's eyes narrowed at the use of the nickname but Emmett took a step forward, not intimidated in the least. "I'm serious. Now isn't the time to be a dick."

Edward looked away, his eyes scanning the dark forest. When he looked back his face had dropped its hard edges. He sighed, "You okay, Bella?"

Emmett nodded once. "I'll catch you guys later."

Bella watched Emmett brush by Edward. He purposely knocked into him a little and a small smile played around Edward's lips. Then Emmett muttered something and Edward frowned again.

Emmett waved goodbye and jumped up into his Jeep.

Bella kept her eyes on Emmett until he was gone. Then, she wearily looked at Edward.

"So," he exhaled. Edward nodded at her front door. "Can I come in? I think we need to talk."

* * *

so...you learned a lot in this chapter! another piece of bella and edward's history clicks into place...

LUNA


	12. Stay

Bella held the door open to allow Edward entry into her house. She felt raw, and far too vulnerable to have him close by. They would inevitably end up sparring verbally and she couldn't deal with it right now. Bella just wanted to curl up into a ball and have a good cry.

She tried not to notice the scent of his subtle cologne on the air when he walked by her. He must have showered after he left her because he smelled even better than she remembered. Her fingers itched to touch him; to run through his hair and over his face. She wondered if the shadow of stubble on his jaw would feel as rough as it looked.

Edward studied her back just as openly and Bella awkwardly raised her arm across her torso. She felt too exposed under his intense scrutiny.

His eyes narrowed but he didn't say anything, and the moment between them grew longer and the silence became louder.

He finally let out a huff and took off his jacket, throwing it on the couch. Bella's eyes widened in worry when he turned to the stairs and began stomping up them. She stared at the stairs after him and twisted her hands together anxiously.

"What are you doing?" she called, craning her neck to see him. "There's a bathroom down here."

"I'm not going to the bathroom," Edward yelled from upstairs. His voice was muffled, like he was already out of the hallway and into one of the rooms.

Bella frowned and hurried up the stairs. The lights were off except for the bathroom and her bedroom, and she could already tell that he wasn't in the bathroom. She tentatively touched her doorknob, hesitant to actually push the door open, and then felt a rush of irritation. It was her room, dammit. She flung the door open and Edward turned to face her, shirtless.

She was struck dumb for a few seconds. At least, she hoped it was only a few seconds. Bella could feel her cheeks heat up and she forced herself to tear her eyes away from Edward's chest. "Um…what are you doing?"

"Getting ready for bed," he replied nonchalantly. Edward unzipped his jeans and had to smother a laugh at the astonished look on Bella's red face. She slapped a hand over her eyes and whirled away from him.

"God, Edward," she hissed. Her cheeks burned with heat and she could only imagine how red she was.

This time Edward really did laugh. "It's not like you haven't seen me naked before."

"Shut up!" Bella moaned. "What is wrong with you? We're not going to have sex right now!"

Something smacked the back of her head and Bella jumped, startled. She bent down and picked up Edward's jeans by a belt loop. The fabric was still warm. She swallowed hard.

"I think I'll be able to resist you for one more night," Edward said dryly. "As long as you don't jump me or anything."

Bella nervously tucked her hair behind her ear, completely bewildered. What was he here for, then, if not sex? She turned around and now Edward was sitting on the edge of her bed in his boxers. He was fiddling with the batteries in the remote control to her television. He aimed it at the television and nothing happened. He opened the back of it to examine the batteries again.

For a brief moment, it felt like someone ripped out her still-beating heart and ran over it with a bulldozer. She wanted this _so_ badly. To walk into her bedroom and see Edward amongst her things so comfortably, it was surreal… but it wasn't reality.

He looked up from the television and frowned. "Well, what are you doing? Get ready."

"For what?" she asked faintly. She didn't know how she was going to stop herself from touching all of that pale skin.

Edward narrowed his eyes and threw his arms up, gesturing to the bed and his nakedness. "Uh, I don't know, bed?"

She stared at him blankly. Then her eyes filled with tears and she turned to rush out of the room, horrified at the unexpected emotional meltdown. Edward cursed and followed her, catching the bathroom door with his hand before she could close it all of the way.

"I'm sorry," he said, instantly contrite. "I am. I was just teasing you. I don't want you to be sad, that's all."

He could hear her sniffling on the other side of the door but it didn't feel like she had all of her weight against it anymore.

"Bella?"

Edward gingerly pushed open the door. Bella was sitting on the floor with her back against the wall. She sat hunched over with her head in her arms, on top of her knees. She was silent but her shoulders shook gently.

He shut the door behind him despite the fact that they were alone in the house. Edward sat down next to her, so close that his legs brushed against hers. She didn't shy away from him but she didn't reach for him, either.

"Are you okay?" Edward finally asked. When he first arrived at Bella's he was totally set on having it out with her. Not all of it - not their past - but he wanted to know why she didn't call him, why he was the one person banned from her house. It didn't settle well with him that she called Emmett to come save her.

Bella shook her head and quickly covered her eyes, trying to stifle the sob rising in her throat. She sucked in a deep, hoarse breath but managed to hold her tears back.

That is, until Edward put his arm around her and pulled her against him…then the tears really flowed.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Edward mumbled, feeling completely inadequate. Bella finally leaned into him and Edward cursed his near-nakedness. He felt like a total jerk for getting aroused when she was so upset.

"I thought he was dead," Bella whispered into his neck. "He was so still and I couldn't even hear him breathing. I was so scared, Edward."

Edward grimaced and shifted when Bella leaned into his chest. She curled against him, sniffling, and he let his fingers run through her hair and gently massage her scalp. She let out a little sigh and then sniffled again.

"I didn't know what to do," Bella said in the same devastated voice.

"You could have called me," Edward said softly.

Bella pressed her lips together. The words bubbling up inside of her were absolutely forbidden. She didn't love him. She _couldn't_. Those words would mark the end of this relationship, or whatever it was, with Edward. That was something she wasn't quite ready to give up.

"Why didn't you?" he asked, voicing the question that had been plaguing him since she called for Carlisle.

"I didn't want to bother you," Bella shrugged, wiping her eyes.

"Come on, Bella," Edward said lightly. "The truth."

She shook her head and looked upwards, opening her eyes wide so she wouldn't begin crying again. Bella sucked in a breath through her teeth. "Look, I just didn't want you to see that, that's all."

"But you were okay with Emmett seeing it?" Edward asked, incredulous. "He hardly knows you."

"Emmett isn't dangerous. He doesn't care. But you…" Bella trailed off. She looked away.

"Tell me."

"You could hurt me," Bella whispered. "I'm…ashamed of this. Of what Charlie has become. It makes me feel awful and sick to my stomach and I just didn't want you to know about it. You could use it against me."

Edward looked away briefly, trying to get his emotions under control. His stomach clenched tightly and he knew Bella felt it, because her own body stiffened. Bella was just being honest, after all, and he was the one who asked for explanations.

It pained him to know what she really thought of him, what she thought he was capable of doing.

He wanted to say that he would never do that, that he wasn't possible of hurting her that way. But they both knew that he was, because he already had once before.

"I'm different now," he said finally. "That was a long time ago."

Bella didn't say anything and Edward felt a surge of anger. She didn't believe him. He had grown up a lot in the past few years and he refused to let Bella think he was the same immature jerk he was when she left.

"Let's not have this conversation," Bella whispered into his shirt. "Not tonight. Please, Edward."

"Maybe," he hesitated, and his arm tightened around her just a little. "Maybe it's time we just forgot the past. You know, clean slate, and we'll just start over?"

He felt Bella go rigid in his arms. She was quiet for several seconds and then she began untangling herself from him. He noticed her breathing was louder and faster and for a moment, he worried that she was going to hyperventilate.

"I don't want to lose you again, Bella," Edward said quickly. He hated the hint of desperation he heard in his voice and quickly banished it. "I won't hurt you like that again."

Bella pulled away from him slowly and put a few inches of space between them. Her hair hung in damp, messy locks that framed her face. Her skin was too pale and she looked tired, like she hadn't slept in a week. The pained expression in her eyes felt like a punch to his gut.

"Edward," Bella said, her voice quiet and resolute. She pushed her hair behind her ears. "I appreciate what you're saying and what you want to do…"

"But?" Edward said, forcing the words past his stiff lips. Bella looked up at him, haunted and beautiful.

"But I can't agree to that because I never did what you thought I did," she said in a small voice. "I never told anyone."

Edward felt his spine straighten and then he was on his feet, across the room, before he could process the movement. "Bella - stop it. Just, _stop_."

Bella stood up and put her back against the tiled wall. She watched him warily.

"After all of this time," Edward said, fighting to keep the anger out of his voice. "You could at least admit it. Just stop lying to me."

"I'm not lying to you!" Bella sighed. She rubbed her forehead.

"Christ, Bella," Edward snapped. "Do you think that I'm stupid? I was at home, and I found the goddamn papers. I brought them to Carlisle and Esme and we had it out. They told me the truth. I went to your house and told you. The next day, _everyone _knew. How is it possible that you had nothing to do with that?"

"I don't know!" Bella cried. "I don't know! But I swear to you, I never told anyone."

* * *

_Edward burst into her room and slammed the door shut so hard that one of her framed pictures fell off the dresser. He was breathing hard, like he had just run a mile, and his cheeks were flushed pink._

_"What's wrong?" Bella asked in alarm. She tossed aside the paperback novel she had been reading and sat up in her bed. "Does my Dad know you're here?"_

_Edward stalked to the window and put his hands on the frame as if to brace himself. Bella slipped off of her bed and approached him. _

_"Edward?" she said softly. "Are you okay?"_

_He turned around so quickly that Bella jumped, and then she covered her mouth with a hand. Tears streaked down Edward's face and he stared just behind her, refusing to meet her eyes._

_"Edward!" Bella exclaimed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He stood stiffly at first, unyielding, but Bella held him in a death grip until he began to relax._

_"Tell me what happened," she begged._

_"Bella," he said brokenly. Her own eyes filled up with tears and she leaned back and grabbed his face, forcing him to look at her. He looked at her for just a second before his eyes flickered off to the side, ashamed._

_"Tell me," Bella commanded._

_"My Mom and Dad," he began. He bowed his head again. "They…they're not."_

_"What do you mean? Are they okay?"_

_"They aren't my parents," Edward spat, his voice suddenly harsh. "I hate them. They weren't even going to tell me."_

_"How do you know?" Bella asked, a little stupefied at the news._

_"I had to find my birth certificate for that stupid project. I knew Alice found hers once in the lockbox under their bed. I looked but mine wasn't in there. There was another box, though, but it was locked."_

_"So you broke it?" Bella asked with wide eyes._

_"No…I knew where the key was," Edward said miserably, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. Bella watched him expectantly._

_"My Dad – I mean, Carlisle," Edward sneered. "Has a small key on his keychain. He always acted weird when I asked about it. I always knew it didn't belong to a door. It fit the lockbox."_

_"So you found…?" she prompted._

_"Adoption papers," Edward whispered, his voice cracking. His chin dropped to his chest and he sucked in a deep breath._

_"Oh, Edward," Bella whispered. She grabbed his hand and guided him to the bed. He sat down. Bella pulled back the covers and Edward kicked off his shoes and stretched out on his back. Bella crawled in next to him and put her hand on his chest. "Are you okay?"_

_"Everything is wrong. It's just - I'm not who I thought I was. My parents aren't, and Alice isn't. My relatives…everything is fake. I feel like there's this big joke and…" he trailed off._

_"You're still you," Bella insisted. She sat halfway up to look him in the eye. "I mean it. You're still Edward Cullen."_

_"I'm not," he shook his head. "I don't know who I am."_

_He looked so devastated and so unlike the happy, carefree boy she had fallen in love with. Bella leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. His cheeks were damp and cool and she knew it was because of his tears. Her heart hurt for him._

_"I love you, Edward," she whispered. "I love you."_

_His arms snaked around her waist and he pulled her on top of him. "Tell me again."_

_"You're still you, and I love you," Bella whispered. "You're amazing. You're like - you don't see how unbelievable you are. You make me laugh and you make me happy - "_

_Edward cut her off with his lips. He felt her fingernails dig into his arms. She was so soft and gentle, and the way she rocked against him had him hard in five seconds. Her kisses were wet and needy and consuming._

_"Edward," Bella breathed. "I'm ready. Are you?"_

_"What?" he asked blankly. "You're…ready?"_

_"Yes," she said breathlessly. Bella sat up and pulled her shirt over her head. She sat on top of him, wearing her pajama pants and a light pink bra. "Are you ready?"_

* * *

Edward shook his head as the memory filled him up with the same burning anger he remembered so well from before. It pushed everything else that he felt away because it was so intense.

In the beginning, when it felt like Bella tore his heart out of his chest and carried it away with her, Edward welcomed the anger. It gave him something else to focus on and burned away the pain.

"Tell me how, Bella," he pleaded. "Please tell me how that's possible. Just give me one way so I can believe you."

"I don't know!" she repeated hysterically. A sob caught in her throat and she started coughing, her thin shoulders shaking with the effort.

"Jesus Christ," he hissed. He wanted to be mad at her. He wanted to hate her. He despised how his emotions were weakening, softening. He was so weak.

But how could he hate her when she looked so pathetic?

Bella stood there with one hand covering her face as she cried, half choking the entire time. Edward sighed and stepped toward her, ignoring her when she put up a hand to hold him off.

Instead, he knocked her arm down and crushed her to his chest. Bella struggled against him and planted her hands on his chest to push off of him, but he was so much stronger than her.

"Let me go," Bella sobbed.

"Stop it, Bella," Edward murmured, his lips pressed to her temple.

"No - I know - you think that I," she sucked in a breath, her face wet with tears. "You think that I - "

"S'okay, calm down," he ordered. He smoothed her hair off of her face and Bella hiccupped. "Ssshh."

"I don't want you to think that I would do that to you," Bella finally got out. She hiccupped again and her face screwed up like she was going to cry again.

"Okay," Edward said quickly. He pulled her to his chest again, then grabbed her ass and lifted her up. Bella let out a cry of surprise but her arms went around his neck and her legs around his waist. "It's okay."

He carried her out of the bathroom and into her room, flicking the light off on the way in. Bella laid her face flat on his bare shoulder and breathed in deeply. She was shaking all over. Edward lowered her to the bed cautiously, sliding one hand under her neck.

Then he turned away and walked toward her bedroom door.

"No!" Bella yelped, sitting up. "Please don't go!"

The light from the hallway illuminated his outline. He turned and looked at her and a crooked smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "I'm just turning the hall light off."

The light in the hallway blinked off and Bella relaxed into her comforters. She listened to Edward's bare feet pad over the hard wood floor. Then the blankets rustled and he climbed in next to her.

He reached for her in the darkness and she curled into his warmth. Bella ran her hand over his chest blindly, letting her fingers feel the coarse chest hair that she didn't remember him having.

"Will you stay with me until I wake up?" she asked.

His hand swept over her cheek. "Yes. I'll be here."

"Thank you, Edward," she sighed in relief. "I – well, good night."

"Good night, Bella," Edward murmured. Bella closed her eyes and thought of nothing but Edward. He began humming softly and within seconds, Bella felt herself drifting away.


	13. Disappointment

Bella was very careful about remaining still as she woke up. She kept her breathing perfectly regulated. She didn't budge an inch. Before she even took her first conscious breath or cracked an eye open, she was aware of Edward. He completely dominated her senses; it seemed like he was all around her.

His arm was draped across her torso, just under her breasts. Bella could still catch a hint of his cologne in the air if she inhaled deeply enough. His breathing sounded as steady and regular as hers, so Bella prayed he was still asleep and cracked one eye open.

He wasn't.

Edward grinned widely at her, showing off his perfect teeth. The shadow of stubble adorning his jaw yesterday was now a legitimate five o'clock shadow. Bella sighed. He looked entirely too good for having just woken up.

"Good morning to you, too," he chuckled. Edward slid his arm from her body but made sure that the weight of his arm pressed against the underside of her breasts. She sat up quickly.

Bella's eyes narrowed and she looked at him indignantly. Edward suddenly wore an innocent, wide-eyed expression. He shrugged at her expression and rolled over, yawning.

"Are you gonna make me breakfast?" he asked in a sleepy voice. He opened his eyes and she was shocked, for the millionth time, at how green his eyes were.

Bella felt her emotions warring. If she was honest with herself, she wanted to dive back into the bed and snuggle up next to Edward. He would undoubtedly laugh and wrap his arms around her. That thought caused a hollow aching in her chest. She knew exactly where they would end up if she touched him, and it wouldn't be at the hospital – where she actually had to be.

"I am going to take a shower," Bella informed him, slipping off the bed. She felt his eyes follow her around her room as she gathered her bathing necessities and a change of clothes.

"Need me to wash your back?" he offered, flashing her that devastating smile.

Bella's lips twitched in spite of herself. She shook her head and exited the room before Edward could change her mind. She showered quickly, half hoping the entire time that he would try and get in with her.

She was a little disappointed when Edward didn't join her, but her disappointment was short-lived. When she got downstairs she was greeted with the scent of browning butter. Intrigued, Bella headed for the kitchen.

Edward stood facing the stovetop with his back to her. Bella snuck up on him and peeked around him to the stove. He caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and turned, smiling.

"What are you cooking?" Bella asked, unable to wipe the smile off her face.

Edward grimaced. "You better tell the Chief that he needs to do some grocery shopping. The cupboards are bare."

Bella blushed and Edward laughed, shaking his head. He pulled her close to him and brought his mouth close to hers. She shivered at the feel of his breath on her lips.

"Don't worry, though," he murmured. "I made you grilled cheese. Maybe not a gourmet breakfast, but I do seem to recall it was one of your favorites."

"Yes," Bella agreed breathlessly. Her eyes darted to his lips and then back up. "I still like it."

He reluctantly broke away from her and used a spatula to slide the sandwiches onto plates. Bella turned to get some juice from the fridge. Edward set the plates on the scarred kitchen table and sat down to wait for her.

"We only have OJ. Is that okay?" she asked, peering over the refrigerator door.

"Yeah," he nodded. Bella sank into the seat across from him and gave him a timid smile. He hated how skittish she was; Bella had never been like that before. "Carlisle called. He said Charlie is awake and you can see him whenever you want."

"Oh, great," Bella smiled. "Thanks."

"I'll give you a ride to the hospital when we're done."

Edward watched Bella carefully, fully anticipating the way she suddenly sat up straighter and avoided his eyes. Her body language inexplicably angered him, and yet it was so predictable.

"It's fine. I can manage. You already did more than enough," she said quietly.

"You don't have a car and it's too far to walk," Edward pointed out. "Look, I don't want to see him. I won't go up to his room with you, but you could at least let me drive you."

"You don't have to – "

"I want to," Edward interrupted, and his voice sounded slightly irritated. "Okay?"

"Okay," Bella replied meekly. She knew she was blushing again and turned her attention to the grilled cheese sandwich. "This is really good. You're a really good cook."

He grunted and rolled his eyes.

* * *

"Hi, I'm looking for Dr. Cullen?" Bella called, standing on her tiptoes to peer into the nurses' station. "Hello?"

"Oh, hello there," a sweet voice rang out.

Bella turned and saw a middle-aged brunette pop her head out of a nearby room. She looked friendly and sounded nice.

"Hi," Bella smiled. The woman's eyes dropped to Bella's hands, which were twisting together anxiously. Bella quickly stopped fidgeting. "My Dad is in the hospital. His doctor is Dr. Cullen."

"You want to go to the second floor," the woman advised.

"Thanks," Bella breathed.

She waved an awkward goodbye and hurried to the staircase. The elevator seemed like it was on its last legs. Plus, it was really slow, so the stairs were her best option. Surprisingly enough, when she opened the door to the second floor, Carlisle was the first person she saw.

He wore a sky blue button up shirt with black slacks. A stethoscope hung around his neck and he was leaning against the wall, frowning at a clipboard. Bella eyed him for a moment and figured it was a patient's chart. At that moment he looked up.

"Bella," he said in surprise. "I figured Edward would call when you were on your way. How do you feel today?"

Bella shrugged and unconsciously tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'm okay. How's my Dad?"

She thought she saw his eyes flicker to the clipboard and Bella felt a stab of worry.

"He's much better today. Is there anyone I should talk to about him?" Carlisle asked, looking at her closely.

"What do you mean?" Bella inquired uncomfortably.

"Your mother, perhaps?" Carlisle suggested. When she shook her head he nodded. "Is he seeing anyone? A girlfriend?"

"It's just us," Bella said, shaking her head again. "Why? You can't tell me?"

Carlisle hesitated. "I can."

"Well?" Bella prodded.

"Charlie has an alcohol problem, Bella," Carlisle said in a quiet voice. "The extent of it is worse than I thought. Judging by his test results, I'd say he has been drinking excessively for a few years, at least."

Bella felt heat creep up her neck and spread to her cheeks. Carlisle looked sympathetic. Of course, he must have put together the timeline. A few years ago, Carlisle stood in this very hallway with her. That time they were discussing Bella's health. An irate and partly hysterical Charlie stood not too far away. It was a small jump of the imagination to figure out what lead to Charlie's drinking problem.

"What test results? What does that mean?" she questioned.

"Right now, it just means I need to run a few more tests. His liver isn't functioning as well as it should, but we're not at the point where we need to look into transplants."

"Transplants?" Bella yelped.

"He'll be fine," Carlisle said soothingly, placing one hand on Bella's shoulder. "He's awake, and a bit grumpy about still being here. Why don't you go talk to him?"

He gestured to Charlie's room and gave her an encouraging look, then ducked into another patient's room. Bella took a deep breath and walked over, knocking on the open door.

\\\was. He looked terrible. His eyes were bloodshot and his skin looked haggard and too wrinkly. The lights made him look almost yellow.

"Hiya, Bells," he sighed. "Sorry about the commotion. I think I must have taken my allergy medicine and forgot. No way two or three drinks could put me under like that, you know?"

Bella nodded, but she couldn't say anything because her throat constricted too tightly. Why did he even bother with the lie? They both knew it was bullshit.

The new but familiar feelings of shame washed over her. These people were trying to help him. Dr. Cullen was going out of his way to help Charlie and he couldn't even admit that something was wrong. She remembered the empties scattered across the living room and wondered if Charlie had lied to Dr. Cullen, too. He had seen the room. He knew the truth and wouldn't be fooled by a weak lie about allergy medication.

"Hey, listen, I didn't get a chance to stock up on groceries," Charlie mumbled. "Why don't you take my wallet and pick up some dinner on your way home?"

"Okay," she replied listlessly. "What do you want?'

Charlie frowned. "Well, Dr. Cullen wants to keep me around for another night. I told him no way, but you know him. What he wants, he gets."

Bella's mind flashed back to the scene in the hallway, so long ago, with Dr. Cullen and Charlie. The yelling, the accusations, and ultimatums seemed like something out of a bad movie – not her life. But yes, Dr. Cullen did get what he wanted, luckily for Bella.

"I'll just get some groceries then," Bella said awkwardly. She took the debit card that he held out.

"Sorry. I don't have any cash on me. They won't give you any problems at the supermarket, though. They know me," Charlie assured her.

"Okay," Bella nodded. She held up the debit card. "Thanks."

"Make sure you're going to school," Charlie said gruffly. "And no boys, right Bella?"

Bella clenched her teeth and had to bite her tongue. "Feel better, Dad."

She turned and practically ran out of his room before she could say something that got her grounded. Bella scanned the hallway before stepping out into it to avoid Carlisle. She shot across the corridor and held onto the railing tightly as she bolted down the stairs.

Her first breath of outside air was magical. She had been suffocating in there. Bella inhaled deeply and slowly, trying to calm her nerves. Her stomach was upset and she felt vaguely nauseous.

"Bella!"

She looked at the parking lot. Edward was leaning against his silver car with his hands cupped around his mouth, like a megaphone. "Bella!"

Bella felt a rush of relief. She ordered Edward to go home and just leave her at the hospital. He agreed only after she bitched for five minutes, and yet, there he was. She had never been so grateful for Edward's usually infuriating ability to completely ignore what she wanted.

"I figured you'd want a ride after all," he said smugly.

Bella rolled her eyes and shoved past him to get in the front seat. He laughed and went around to the driver's side. Soft classical musical floated out of the speakers when he started up the car. Bella raised an eyebrow in surprise but he just shrugged.

"Thanks for staying," Bella sighed. It wasn't much of a thank you, but that was only because she could practically hear his mouth running off already.

"Ohhh, so you did need a ride?" he clucked. "Good thing I was here. But didn't I say that I should wait for you just in case –"

"Shut it, Edward," she laughed. He pulled out of the hospital parking lot and his car drove smoothly, if not a bit fast, down Main Street. "Oh! Can we stop at the grocery store?"

He looked over at her, smiling a little bit, and Bella felt herself flush again. He made her feel like the biggest idiot.

"No problem," Edward replied.

She thought he would want to wait in the car but Edward followed her inside the supermarket. He slipped a pair of black sunglasses on and she fought the urge to roll her eyes again.

When they got inside the market she looked around for a basket. She was still looking when for one when Edward tapped her on the shoulder. She turned and he held up a basket in one hand. There was already a package of chocolate chip cookies inside of it.

Bella laughed and reached for the basket but Edward held it above her head. When he raised his arms his shirt pulled up and Bella could see a strip of pale skin and the top of his boxers. She laughed again and turned away from him, fighting off her sudden desire to touch him.

Edward didn't fight off that desire. In fact, Bella was becoming convinced that he had no such censor. What he wanted, he took. So when his arm wrapped around her body and jerked her back against him, Bella wasn't _that_ surprised.

He whispered into her ear and Bella felt a shiver run down her spine. "You make me crazy, you know that?"

Edward's hand trailed across her stomach and briefly teased the fly of her jeans. Bella gasped and tried to squirm away. The entire time she was looking up and down the aisle, worried that someone was watching them.

Edward laughed and pressed a loud, wet kiss to her neck before releasing her. She stumbled away and quickly pulled her hair up into a messy bun. She was suddenly overheated.

Her fingers itched to touch him and claw his clothing off, so Bella stayed a good two feet from him while they finished shopping. The tension between them was mounting quickly and she found herself almost jittery with anticipation.

She couldn't think totally straight, so her basket ended up with a strange variety of items. Bella smothered a giggled as she unloaded the items onto the register. Edward stood very close to her.

"That'll be $26.49," the young girl chirped.

Bella dug Charlie's debit card out of her pocket and handed it to the cashier. Or at least, she tried to. The young girl was completely enamored with Edward and stared at him, practically drooling, while he checked out the display of chewing gum.

"Um, here," Bella said loudly, thrusting the card at her.

She didn't even have the decency to blush. Cara, or so the name tag stated, spared Bella a passing glance before plucking the credit card out of her fingers. She swiped it quickly and handed it back to Bella.

Edward remained oblivious to Cara's inspection and Bella waited awkwardly between them.

The cash register beeped and Cara raised an eye brow. "Do you have another form of payment? The card was declined."

Bella felt her cheeks burning. She quickly fished the card back out of her pocket and handed it to Cara. "Can you try again, please? It's connected to a bank account so it should go through."

Cara's rather loud request for another form of payment had caught Edward's attention. He stood at her side patiently, watching as Cara ran the card through again.

"Declined," Cara said perkily. She probably would have smiled if Edward wasn't around. "You're probably overdrawn."

"Um," Bella swallowed hard. She blinked rapidly and bit her lip to hold back her tears. "I'll just put the stuff back. I don't have anything else with me."

"Here," Edward said, thrusting a handful of bills at Cara. Her fingers trailed across his hand as she took the bills.

Bella turned to Edward and tried to block Cara from seeing her face. She looked up at him. "You don't have to do that."

"Shut up," he muttered, his voice equally low. Edward didn't like the cashier. She was being nasty to Bella, who now looked like she was getting ready to cry. When he saw her lower lip begin to quiver, he knew they were on dangerous ground. He took off his sunglasses and gently put them on Bella.

"You look almost as cool as me," he snickered. He couldn't see her eyes anymore but one corner of her mouth pulled up into a smile.

The bitch cashier handed him his money and Edward snatched up the two grocery bags before Bella could even try. He slung his free arm over her shoulders as they walked out, and to his surprise, Bella didn't pull away.

He figured that she would wait until they got into the car to start her tirade. Sure enough, once the doors were locked and he put the car into gear, Bella twisted to face him.

"Edward, you – "

"Bella," he said calmly. "It was thirty bucks. I'm probably going to eat half of it, anyway. So let's talk about something else, okay?"

She was biting her lower lip pretty hard, and it was obviously that she was struggling to remain quiet. Finally she sighed and leaned back into her seat. "What else do you want to talk about?"

"I'm pretty excited about Fruit Loops for dinner," Edward told her.

Bella laughed. "Oh, yeah. What a titillating conversation topic."

"I can think of other titillating things to discuss," he replied suggestively.

Bella blushed and shifted in her seat. She hated that she blushed so easily. "Shut up."

Edward sighed in an exaggerated manner. "Fine, you don't want to play."

"No, no playing," Bella said primly.

"All right," Edward mused. "So something else? Something serious?"

"Not too serious," Bella frowned.

Edward pulled into her driveway and turned the car off. He leaned in closer to her, grabbing her chin to keep her still. His kiss wasn't tender or sweet. It was the result of days of touching, of wanting, with no release. Bella leaned forward so he could get a better angle, and she put one hand on his warm thigh for balance.

One of Edward's large hands cradled her skull, and his fingers worked into her thick hair. Bella parted her lips wider and he quickly took advantage of it, his tongue slipping past them to dance with hers. She gasped when he pulled away.

"Invite me inside," Edward said in a deep, husky voice.

"What, are you a vampire?" Bella teased. "You can't come in unless you're invited?"

"I'm coming in either way," Edward whispered. Bella felt a thrill race through her at his dark tone. His mouth slipped down to the column of her neck and Bella let her head fall back slightly.

He moaned loudly as he bit, licked and sucked his way down her throat. Bella squirmed in her seat, already wet, and tugged on his hair.

"Come on, let's go inside," Bella urged.

His agreement was interrupted by the ringing of a phone. Bella jumped at the sound of her ringtone and Edward sat back, adjusting his pants. Bella looked around the car, searching for the phone.

Edward spotted the phone in between his seat and the console. He jammed his fingers into the small space and Bella relaxed, waiting patiently while he tried to get it. Edward managed to pull it up out of the crevice, and happened to catch a glimpse at the phone number on the screen.

It was his house number.

Carlisle was still at the hospital, so why would Esme be calling Bella's cell? Edward wondered if his phone had died again. He held up a finger to Bella, telling her to wait, and flipped the phone open.

"Hello?"

"Uh…yes, hello, I'm looking for Isabella, please," came a formal voice.

"Mom?" Edward asked in disbelief.

"Edward?" she called, and he could practically see the tiny wrinkles appearing on her forehead as she frowned.

"Why are you calling Bella?" Edward asked. "Is my phone not working again?"

"No, no, Edward. I'm calling to talk to Isabella," Esme reassured him. "You know her? Well, obviously you do."

"You know her?" Edward asked incredulously, looking over at Bella. He frowned. Bella looked sick. Practically green.

"Yes, I do know her," Esme said, adopting a cautious, uncertain tone.

Edward felt the air around him change. Bella looked anxious. His mother sounded worried. Something was off. Bella knew his father, and now she knew his mother, too?

"How?" he demanded.

"It's not my place to discuss," Esme said firmly. "Put Isabella on the phone."

Edward gritted his teeth together. He flipped Bella's phone shut and dropped it on his lap. He grabbed the steering wheel with both hands and clenched it tightly. He didn't want to jump to any conclusions, or cause anymore arguments…but there was no logical explanation for Bella knowing both of his parents.

"Bella," he said in a soft, controlled voice. "Tell me how you know my parents."

"I don't know how to tell you that," Bella whispered.

Edward shook his head and let out a laugh, but it sounded angry and disgusted. "Bella, I don't want to hear any lies. Just don't fucking lie to me, okay? How do you know my parents? Why is my mom calling you?"


	14. The Truth

Bella placed a hand on her stomach, trying to alleviate the terrible anxiety she had begun to feel. Edward stared straight ahead, glaring out of the windshield. His held on to the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

"Bella," he said in a tight voice. "This isn't a game. We're not playing around right now, do you understand? I want to know the truth."

"I know, I know," Bella exclaimed. Her heart was pounding so hard, _too_ hard. Maybe she would get lucky and have a heart attack or something before Edward verbally beat the information out of her.

This was it. This was the real end of them. Edward would never forgive her for keeping such a huge secret from him. Panic welled up in her throat and Bella fought the urge to gag.

She should have told him. As soon as she realized what was happening, she should have told him. But she didn't know until it was too late…

* * *

"_Bells, are we going fishing tomorrow?" Charlie asked, poking his head inside of her room._

_Bella rolled over on her bed and frowned at the sunlight streaming in through her windows._

"_What are you doing in bed?" he asked in surprise. "You still don't feel good?"_

"_Not really," Bella mumbled, squinting at the light. "Can you close my curtains?"_

"_Sure," Charlie replied, hustling across the room. Once the room darkened, Bella breathed a sigh of relief and closed her eyes. She felt the edge of the mattress dip, and then Charlie's warm, calloused hand rested on her forehead. _

"_You have got a little fever, I think," Charlie said, sounding worried. "I have a thermometer somewhere. I'll go look for it. I haven't used it since, well, probably since that time you were here and you had the chicken pox. I'll go look, though. Do you want me to get you some soup? And ginger ale, and crackers, right? Maybe I should call Renee and – "_

"_No, no," Bella cut him off. "I'm okay. I'm just tired."_

"_Do you feel like you're going to be sick?" Charlie asked, eyeing the garbage pail by her desk. He stood up and moved it to the side of her bed._

"_No," Bella shook her head. The movement made her stomach feel unsettled. She felt achy and sore, and just tired. It was probably her period. She got it the previous year, when she was thirteen, and it still wasn't regular._

_Renee told her that the menstrual cycles of young girls often didn't become regulated for years. Bella understood, but it was a pain to suddenly get her period when she wasn't prepared. _

_Like right now, for example. She was about to get her period, and she had no pads or tampons. She forgot to pack them and now she was going to have to ask Charlie to get them. Bella cringed at the thought._

"_Maybe you should take some Advil. That helps take the fever down," Charlie mused. "I'll get some."_

_The Advil helped a little bit. An hour later, Bella's period began. She was too embarrassed to ask Charlie to go out and get her pads. Bella figured she could just pick them up tomorrow. Her period was never that heavy, so she just wadded up a bunch of paper towels and used them._

_When she crawled back into bed, her limbs felt heavy and it was so nice to lay down. Bella closed her eyes and wished that she was home with her mom. She wished Edward wasn't so mad at her, and that she knew who told everyone that he was adopted. Bella pushed the troublesome thoughts from her mind and closed her eyes, willing herself into a deep sleep._

**_x x x x _**

_The moment Bella awoke, she knew something was wrong. Very wrong._

_She slipped out of bed, whimpering out loud at the fiery sharp cramps in her abdomen. It was dark enough outside that Bella realized it was late. When she got into the hallway she could hear Charlie's snores._

_Bella doubled over in pain when she got to the bathroom. She ripped down her pants and uttered a cry at the sight of so much blood. The paper towels had soaked through, and the blood stained the crotch of her pants and was smeared on her inner thighs._

_She cleaned up quickly and flushed away the evidence. Then she had to scrub the toilet lid, because blood had gotten on it, too. Charlie would freak out if he saw blood._

_Bella choked down more ibuprofen before she left the bathroom, then she crept into bed._

_This time she didn't fall asleep. The cramps had worsened as the hours passed, and now she felt like she was going to get sick. After she retched into the garbage pail twice, she could hear Charlie shuffling around outside of her door. Bella wiped away her tears and finally succumbed to the urge to call for her father._

_The rest of the night was a blur. She remembered the hospital, and Dr. Cullen's worried eyes looking down at her. Then she woke up to a cool, shaded room, and the soothing voice of a sweet woman named Esme._

_

* * *

_

"I don't want to tell you," Bella said in a faltering voice. She pushed her memories out of the forefront of her mind and glanced over at Edward.

"I can't do this anymore," Edward said in a soft voice. He looked at her, and once again Bella was left breathless by his beauty. Tonight, though, it was marred by stark pain and bitter disappointment…and both of those emotions were caused by her.

"I was admitted to the hospital," Bella blurted. Almost immediately, she regretted the words. The sting of tears pricked at her eyes and she sucked in deep, uneven breaths of air.

"Okay," he replied gently. "So you met my father at the hospital, then."

"Yes," Bella whispered. She dropped her eyes to her hands and her vision blurred from the tears.

"And my mother?"

"She was there, too," Bella mumbled. "She stayed with me."

Edward mulled that thought over. It made sense, he supposed. Esme used to hang around the hospital a lot. Carlisle would mention someone who had no visitors, or someone who was having a particularly difficult time, and Esme would make it a point to stop in on them.

Sometimes she baked muffins or cookies to bring to them. He remembered an elderly man who was admitted to the hospital and ended up staying for nearly three weeks. He only ate Esme's cranberry apple muffins. She had tried to get Edward to come with her once or twice, but he found it awkward. He wasn't comfortable around the sick or dying.

"Why were you – " Edward paused, hearing his cell phone ring. It was probably Esme, ready to yell at him for hanging up on her earlier. He pulled the phone out of his pocket and checked the display. It was Jasper, so he silenced the call and turned around back to Bella. "Why did you go to the hospital?"

Bella exhaled shakily. Edward watched her suspiciously. She looked like she was about to fall apart. He was becoming progressively more nervous about her secret, whatever it was.

"I – well," Bella began.

His phone rang again. Edward picked it up, irked now, and saw Jasper's name flashing on the screen again. He silenced the call and offered Bella an encouraging look.

This was it – the moment of truth. Bella unbuckled her seatbelt and twisted her body to face Edward. "Do you remember that time we – "

"You've got to be kidding me!" Edward exploded, hearing his phone ring again. He passed Bella an apologetic look and then flipped the cell open. "Jasper, I'm kind of fucking busy right now so – "

Bella swallowed and licked her dry lips. Part of her was grateful that Jasper's call delayed the inevitable, if only by a minute or so. Another part of her was angry that she finally had the chance and the nerve to tell Edward, and the moment was interrupted.

"Don't fuck around, Jasper," Edward said flatly. He listened again, and then sighed heavily. "Can't you get Emmett?"

Bella bit her lip and looked away, feeling like she was intruding.

"Yeah, I'll be there in two minutes," Edward practically spat. He flipped his phone shut and threw it on the dashboard. He let out an impatient sigh and practically growled. "Bella, I need to go. Jasper is in trouble. I'll talk to you – tomorrow, I guess."

Bella nodded and reached for the door, hurrying to get out of his way. "Is Jasper going to be okay?"

Edward nodded and turned his steely gaze on her. "He will be, once I get there. Jake and his lowlife friends are trying to kick his ass, so do you think you could maybe put a move on it?"

"Jake?" Bella repeated, stunned. She sat still in her seat. "Like, Jacob Black?"

"Yeah, your best friend," Edward sneered. He reached across her body for the door handle and pushed it open.

Bella got out, suddenly feeling clumsy and awkward. She straightened her clothes as she stood, then leaned into the car for the grocery bags. "Thanks, um, for the groceries. I'll pay – "

"Later, Bella," Edward snapped.

The wheels of his car spat gravel and threw up dust as he peeled out. Bella shifted the bags to her other hand and watched Edward drive away. She held her emotions in check and shoved all thoughts of Edward to the back of her mind. She had been prepared for a mood swing; it seemed like whenever they were making some sort of progress Edward felt the need to set them back a few steps.

Bella trudged up the stairs to the porch and set the bags of groceries on the floor. She dug into her pocket for the house keys and then struggled with the lock for a few moments. Like everything else, it was old and ready to give.

The day stretched out before her, long and empty. Carlisle was trying to keep Charlie in the hospital for another night, though Bella suspected that it was more for her sake than Charlie's health. Edward took off for parts unknown, presumably to help Jasper.

Bella quickly unpacked the groceries and took a critical look at the kitchen. It was faded and dingy. Everything looked old, and it just felt stale. She opened up the windows all the way and let a cool breeze ruffle the yellowed curtains.

Bella fingered the old lace delicately. She could clean today. Surely there had to be a mop and floor cleaner somewhere. Maybe there were a few cans of paint lying around, too. Satisfied with her plan for the day, Bella eagerly began dismantling the curtains. A load of laundry was definitely on her agenda.

She worked hard and without a break, until the door bell rang nearly three hours later. Bella dropped her soapy sponge into a bucket of sudsy water and climbed down the small ladder. She glanced around the room and was very happy with her results. The walls glowed a little lighter after being stripped of a decade's worth of grime.

Bella dried her hands on her jeans, happy with her work so far but dismayed about her appearance. She was sweaty and dirty.

Honestly, though, the chances that the door was for her were very small. The only person she had worth dressing up for was Edward and he was busy. Besides, as the day wore on, the more offense she took at the way he had taken off earlier. It was easy to be angry when he wasn't there.

Bella picked her footing across the floor. Various cleaning supplies were strewn across the kitchen and living room floors and Bella was careful to watch her step. The doorbell chimed again and she picked up her pace.

Bella opened the door with a smile, but the smile froze on her lips. She ran a hand self-consciously over her hair and felt her cheeks burn.

"Um, hi…" Bella trailed off. Bella shut her mouth; her jaw had dropped in surprise when she recognized the figure standing at her front door. She hoped she didn't look as shocked as she felt. Then, in true Bella fashion, her mouth opened again and she blurted out, "What are you doing here?"

* * *

The day had gone to shit. Pretty quickly, too.

Edward leaned back in his seat and ran his fingertips under his right eye, grimacing at the pain.

"Sorry, man," Jasper sighed.

Edward looked over at him and shrugged. Jasper pulled down the visor and flipped the vanity mirror open. He was surveying his own cuts and bruises, which were definitely worse than Edward's lone black eye.

"You're paying for new tail lights," Edward stated. Getting punched in the face by one of the guys from the Reservation didn't hurt nearly as badly as seeing them take a bat to his car.

"I know," Jasper groaned. "Fucking most expensive piece of ass, ever."

"Why do you do it?" Edward demanded. "Just leave her alone. Every time you see her one of them follows you and tries to start shit."

"Leah's nice," Jasper replied defensively. "She isn't like the other girls from around here. She's into nature and peace and love, and all that stuff. I like her."

"Yeah, well, me and Emmett don't like saving your ass every other week," Edward snapped. He turned the Volvo on and let the engine rumble for a few seconds.

The adrenaline rush of the fight had worn off, and Edward felt exhausted. Despite what he told Bella, Jacob hadn't been there. It was Quil and Embry this time. Everyone knew that Jasper and Leah had a "sort of" thing going on, and the boys from the Quileute Reservation didn't hesitate to pound on Jasper whenever they saw him.

Jasper grunted his acknowledgment. "Did you and Bella work out your shit yet?"

Edward frowned and the Volvo lurched forward.

"Guess not," Jasper said lightly. "Emmett said he would meet up with us around five. You wanna do something?"

"No." Edward shook his head. "I'm tired. My head hurts. I just want to go home and get in bed."

"Jesus Christ," Jasper crowed. His shoulders shook with laughter. "You sound like a sixty year old woman."

Edward rolled to a stop in front of the Hale homestead. He caught sight of a Jeep parked a few houses down and it looked too familiar to be a coincidence. Edward leaned forward to look at the front of Jasper's house, and sure enough, a curtain parted briefly.

Just the brief glimpse of Rosalie's guilty face told Edward the rest of the story. He laughed and shook his head. He was surprised that Emmett thought he could pull himself away from Rosalie at five o'clock. Although, with Jasper inside the house… Edward supposed nobody was a better cockblocker than an older brother.

"What?" Jasper wanted to know.

Edward waited until Jasper was outside. "Tell Emmett I said hi."

He didn't wait for Jasper's reply.

Edward sped careless through Forks. With Chief Swan holed up in the hospital he didn't really have to worry about the cops. He got the impression (whenever he was pulled over) that they felt sorry for him. It was no secret that the Chief had some sort of vendetta around him.

They didn't know why, of course. The Chief had never come out and said anything specific to Edward, either, but he assumed it was because of the way things had ended with Bella. He broke Bella's heart and the Chief made his life a nightmare.

Edward didn't want to think about Bella. His stomach seized up with tension whenever he did. He saw the way her eyes filled with tears and heard her scared, high-pitched voice when she told him that she didn't want to talk about knowing his parents.

He shoved the troubling thoughts aside and sighed in relief as he pulled into his driveway. A quick bite to eat and a hot shower would make him feel a lot better.

Edward was poking around in the refrigerator when he heard it.

"Edward Anthony Cullen."

Shit.

Edward sighed heavily. There was no getting around this. He knew that tone. He turned slowly, dreading the upcoming lecture. "Hi, Mom."

Esme stood before him, hands on her hips. She stood at 5'6 but struck fear in the hearts of many great men. He had seen Carlisle give up a Hawaiian vacation and endless days of golfing to appease her. An angry Esme was not to be meddled with.

"You hung up on me," she accused. "And you undoubtedly made that poor girl uncomfortable. Is that how I raised you?"

"I'm sorry," he replied contritely. "It's just that – "

"And you don't even know what she has gone through!" Esme snapped. Her brown eyes, always so warm and compassionate, sparked with anger. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself!"

He could feel it. Another tantalizing piece of the Bella Swan mystery was about to click into place. "Yeah, she has been through a lot," he agreed, gently urging Esme on.

"And now with her father," Esme said worriedly, wringing her hands. "She needs a friend, Edward. Be careful with her, all right? She's fragile, I think."

"How did the Chief handle her? You know, back when she was in the hospital," Edward said casually. He reached into the fruit bowl beside Esme and plucked an apple out of it.

"Well, how would any father react in that situation?" Esme asked absently. She stared at the floor, her arms crossed, apparently deep in thought. "Though I suppose, given the situation, Charlie had a right to overreact. Isabella was lucky Carlisle was there."

"What do you think would have happened if Dad wasn't there?" Edward pushed.

Esme's gaze suddenly sharpened and she looked at Edward suspiciously. "You can ask Isabella your questions, Edward."

"Bella," he mumbled, taking a bite out of the apple. Esme paused at the kitchen doorway and cocked her head to the side, looking at him strangely.

"Excuse me?" she asked. Her eyes narrowed and she looked at him keenly.

"She goes by Bella now," Edward said lamely.

Esme nodded and gave him a knowing smile. She turned to leave the room, then paused. "Oh, and Edward? We'll talk about that black eye when your father gets home."

Edward cringed and turned back to the fridge as she left the room. His hand was on the carton of orange juice when he was struck by another question to ask. Edward slammed the door shut and jogged into Carlisle's study, where Esme was perched on the edge of his desk.

"Yes, Edward?" she asked in an amused voice. Esme placed the day's mail down on the desk and gave him her full attention.

"Mom," he began, not sure of what to say. They never spoke of that terrible summer. He had wished a million times that he could take back the hurtful things he said to them, but that was impossible. Instead, the three of them had buried away the memories and forged ahead.

"Edward?" she asked after a moment. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," Edward said quickly. "Um, you remember that summer? When I found out… When I found out I was adopted?"

Esme couldn't quite hide the expression of shock and then pain on her face. He felt like such an asshole.

"Yes," she responded, a bit stiffly.

"I have a question," he said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Esme held up a hand, asking for a moment, and slid off the desk. Miserable now, Edward watched her silently. Esme walked to the wall behind the desk and took down the painting that hid the built-in safe. She worked quickly and the heavy black door swung open in just a few seconds.

When Esme turned to him, she held a manila folder. It was sealed shut and his name was written on it in black marker.

"I took the liberty of hiring a private investigator for you," she said with a sad smile. "This is everything he could find. I have never opened it, and neither has your father."

"What is this?" Edward asked blankly, taking the folder that she offered.

Esme frowned. "It's everything the P.I. could uncover on your biological parents. Isn't that what you're here for?"

Edward all but shoved the folder back at her. "No! No, I don't care about that. You guys are my parents, I know that now. I just – I overreacted back then. It was a lot to take in."

The pained expression was back on her face. "We always meant to tell you, Edward, but we agreed that it would be best if we waited until you were eighteen."

"It's okay," Edward said quickly. "I just wanted to know if you told anyone else about it."

"About your adoption?" Esme clarified.

"Yes," he nodded. "After I found out – when I got upset – did you or Dad tell anyone about it?"

"Did we tell anyone about it," Esme mused out loud. "Yes, I did. I don't think your father did, but I know I discussed it with someone."

"Who?" Edward asked, holding his breath. He leaned forward, his insides nearly quivering with anticipation. The truth.

Esme looked a bit uncomfortable. "Well, I was upset – you were upset, we all were. I needed to talk to someone about it. So, I told Emma about it. Emma Stanley."

"You told Emma Stanley about it?" Edward breathed. "Jessica's mom?"

"Why?" Esme grimaced at his tone.

Edward shook his head and turned away. Bella didn't break his confidence. Jessica Stanley did. _Not Bella_.

He should have known.


	15. The Horrible Truth

**don't freak out, ok? just stick with me...trust me!!**

* * *

Bella stared at her visitor in shock. Out of everyone in Forks, she was the last person Bella would have expected to knock on her door.

"Um, hi," Bella mumbled. She knew her cheeks were fire engine red. Bella glanced down at her grubby attire and wished she could just disappear. Alice looked like she had come straight from the runway and Bella looked like a dirty pauper.

"Bella, I don't think that's an outfit that I can give my seal of approval to," Alice sighed, a smile teasing her lips. "We might have to work on that."

"I'm cleaning and stuff," Bella shrugged uncomfortably. Despite Alice's teasing grin, Bella was sensitive to their obvious differences. "Oh, hey, are you here for your bathing suit? I have it upstairs and I washed it, so - "

"Oh, don't worry about that," Alice said breezily, dismissing Bella's concern with a flick of her hand. "My boobs would never fill that top out, anyway. You can keep it."

"Are you sure?" Bella inquired.

Alice brushed past her, nodding. "Hey, are you redecorating or something?"

Bella laughed at the excitement in her voice and felt her discomfort ease a bit. "Kind of. Spring cleaning, I guess. Just a few months late."

"Painting?" Alice exclaimed. She gestured to the brush and roller Bella had discovered under the kitchen sink. "Oh, this is awesome. I was so bored. I thought maybe we could catch a movie or something but painting is so much better."

"Maybe," Bella hedged. She hadn't found any paint yet, though. "I get paid on Friday, so probably not until then."

"What colors?" Alice asked, her voice raising in happiness. "We have a ton of paint at our house. My God, my mother redecorates with every other storm and you know it rains like twice a week around here!"

Bella laughed and shook her head. Alice was like a little whirlwind, and she gave the house a breath of fresh air, and new life.

Bella didn't want to be indebted to the Cullens anymore than she already was, though. The house already looked a million times better, and the paint could wait. "No, it's fine, really. I hate painting, anyway."

"That's perfect! Because I _love _it," Alice grinned. "We have, like, every color of the rainbow. And don't feel bad, okay? Most of them are already opened and are just begging to be used. They'll just go bad in a few months anyway, so why not?"

"No, Alice, I'd feel terrible," Bella protested.

Alice rolled her eyes and snatched her keys off of the coffee table. "I'm going to run home and change, and pick up the paint. I'll be right back!"

The door slammed behind her and the silence seemed much louder than it had before Alice stopped by. Bella plopped down on the couch for a much deserved break. Her muscles were already tight and rebelling from the hours of work she put in so far.

Bella just started to relax when there was another knock at the door. She groaned at the thought of getting up again.

"Just come on in, Alice!" she hollered.

The door opened and someone stepped inside. Bella frowned. The footsteps were heavier, more solid than the pitter patter of Alice's light gait. She twisted around to look at the front door and gasped.

"Sorry. I'm not Alice," laughed a decidedly masculine voice.

Jacob grinned cheekily and just like that, the years between them fell away. Bella's heart swelled with happiness at the sight of her old best friend. His skin glowed copper with a healthy tan and his dark eyes twinkled just like she remembered. In fact, Jacob looked almost exactly the same as she remembered….

Except he was huge.

"Jacob!" Bella breathed.

* * *

It took him hours to process the information that Esme had given him.

After they spoke, Edward went upstairs to his bedroom and laid down. His stomach churned with guilt and anxiety.

Bella never lied to him. He had blamed her for years for something that she never did. Worse still was the fact that he purposely went out of his way to be obnoxious towards her. He was sickened by his behavior.

Edward knew what he had to do; he needed to throw himself at Bella's feet and beg for forgiveness. Would she accept his apology? Maybe she would throw it back in his face. He deserved it. Edward thought of the way he hustled Bella out of his car earlier, and winced. He was such an asshole.

A knock on his bedroom door tore Edward away from his tormented thoughts.

"Come in," he said listlessly.

The door opened and Esme stepped inside, balancing a tray on one hand. She left the door open a crack and padded silently across the thick carpet.

"I made you some soup," she said softly. Esme placed the tray on his night table and looked down at him, frowning with her eyes. She let one hand rest on his forehead and Edward closed his eyes, savoring the soothing touch. "No fever. Are you sure you're all right, Edward?"

"I'm fine, Mom," Edward replied, trying to inject some enthusiasm into his voice.

"Try eating something," she suggested. Edward nodded and Esme bent over to kiss the top of his head. She was almost to the door when she turned around, a sad expression on her face. "I'm sorry about earlier, Edward. I know the conversation upset you. I'm sorry about telling Emma, too. She was a close friend of mine at one point."

The rage Edward had been trying to suppress for the last few hours welled up inside of him, fierce and consuming. His teeth ground together almost painfully before he was able to relax enough to answer. "I'm just tired. Love you, Mom."

The smile that blossomed over Esme's concerned face was worth his effort. She whispered her love for him and tiptoed out of his room.

Jessica Stanley. Emma Stanley.

He couldn't really place all the blame on them. Esme did tell them, after all. The guilt on her face ate away at him, though, and he didn't want to blame her. She told her friend in confidence, because she was going through a difficult time. It wasn't her fault that her friend turned out to be the biggest gossip in town.

Edward breathed in deeply and tried to exhale his anger. That was what the school psychologist told him to do whenever he got upset. He hadn't seen her in ages and apparently the shit still didn't work.

After Edward had gotten into three fights with Jacob Black on school property, the school demanded that he participate in some kind of therapy or be expelled. He hated talking about his emotions with a stranger and resented the intrusion into his private life.

The therapy didn't work, obviously. He and Black still fought but Edward never did get expelled. Carlisle threatened to call in a lawyer, since Jacob wasn't a student of the school and technically wasn't even allowed on school property. Forks High School opted to avoid the lawsuit.

He wanted to see Bella. He wanted to rush up to her and smooth her hair away from her face, making her gasp in surprise. Then she would turn red, and he would get to feel the heat of her blush under his fingertips. He would bring his mouth close to hers, hesitating until he could feel her heated breath on his lips.

Before any of that could happen, Edward needed to get his temper in check. He could feel his anger simmering just below the surface and he refused to let Bella see any of that. She would never see that side of him ever again.

Instead, he would bestow his anger upon the person who deserved it most.

Edward got out of bed and rooted around for his black hoodie. It had gotten cooler the past few days, plus it was Bella's favorite. Maybe he could use it as a bribe for her forgiveness.

Edward grabbed his car keys and shouted a goodbye to Carlisle and Esme, who were seated at the dinner table. He pushed the Volvo to dangerous speeds and made it to Jessica's house quickly. Dusk was beginning to settle on Forks, and the downstairs of the Stanley house was ablaze with lights.

He didn't allow himself to hesitate. He pounded on the door with his fist and let the anger numb him again. The door opened surprisingly quickly and Jessica glared up at him.

"What the hell do you want?" she asked rudely.

Edward gawked at her. She looked terrible. Jessica was wearing ratty sweatpants and a formless t-shirt. Her normally immaculate hair was pulled back into a messy bun and her eyes were red.

"I need to talk to you," he said firmly, regaining his composure. Edward grabbed her arm and pushed by her, pulling her inside with him.

"Get off of me," Jessica demanded. She jerked out of his grip and took a step away from him.

"You told everyone I was adopted," Edward spat.

Jessica slammed the front door shut and then had the gall to look confused. "I don't even know what you're talking about. Listen, you can't just show up here and - "

"You _knew_ Bella wasn't the one who told everyone!" Edward bellowed. "You knew because it was you! And what, the past three years you were secretly laughing at me? Whenever anyone mentioned it, did you get all happy inside because you got one over on me?"

"Oh, get over it!" Jessica screeched. She shoved past him and stalked into the kitchen. Edward followed her in. "It doesn't even matter anymore. Who gives a shit that you were adopted?"

"You are such a bitch!" he seethed. "Bella – she – how could you let me think that about her?"

"Oh poor Bella," Jessica said sarcastically. She pulled a carton of milk out of the refrigerator. "I'm sick of hearing about Bella. I'm sick of looking at her, I'm sick of people talking about her. I wish she would go the fuck back to wherever she came from, and leave us alone."

"Well, she isn't," Edward snapped. "And there is no us anymore, Jessica."

Jessica laughed, and it was an ugly, dark sound. "That's where you're wrong, Edward."

His spine stiffened and Edward felt a pit of dread forming in his gut.

"Didn't I mention that I was about to call you? And invite you over?" Jessica asked innocently. Her voice was almost sweet. "So it's actually pretty convenient that you just showed up and all."

"Don't fuck around with me, Jessica," Edward growled. He told himself that the fear suddenly creeping up his spine was unjustified.

"You see, I have to talk to you, too," Jessica said softly, her full lips curving up into a smile. "I found out something recently, also."

* * *

"Can I come in?" Jacob asked, looking a bit bashful.

Shyness was so out of place on Jake's face that it was endearing. Bella got off the couch and ran to him. He caught her in his arms and hugged her tightly.

Bella sighed against his chest, so big and solid now, and breathed in the scent of the woods. He smelled good and clean, like sunshine and cedar and summer.

"Jake," she murmured. He hugged her tighter and Bella couldn't stop a smile from stretching across her face. "It's really you."

Bella reached up and touched his hair. The last time she saw him, his black hair hung in thick, long locks. Now it was shorn close to his head. "You cut your hair."

"Yeah," he laughed. Jacob pulled back to look at her, his eyes taking her in hungrily. "You look great, Bella."

Bella blushed, knowing exactly how great she wasn't looking at the moment. "Look who's talking. I can't believe how tall you are."

"6'4," Jacob said proudly. "And still growing."

"Come in," Bella offered, reluctantly letting go of him. He wasn't long and lean like Edward. Jacob was all muscles, hard and solid. Bella always thought that Edward had broad shoulders – but Jacob's seemed twice the size of his.

She gestured to the couch and Jacob nodded. He sat down next to her and seemed to take up the entire sofa. Bella looked at him expectantly, still on the high she got from his sudden appearance. She was amazed at how natural it felt to be around him again. It felt right.

Jacob leaned forward and a wrinkle creased his forehead. "I saw you a few times around town."

"You did? You never said hi..." Bella trailed off.

Jacob shrugged and looked embarrassed. "Sometimes you weren't alone."

"Oh," Bella said quietly. He meant with Edward.

"And I didn't know if you would want to talk to me," Jacob continued in a quiet voice. "But it made me realize how much I miss you, Bella. I wish you had come home earlier."

"This isn't my home," Bella reminded him.

"It might not be your home," Jacob murmured. He reached out to touch the hair that had fallen out of the bun to frame her face. "But you belong here."

Her breath caught at his sudden nearness and Bella closed her eyes. "Jacob - "

His laughter cut her off. "I know, Bella. But honestly, I just came here to apologize. I want us to be friends again. I know that I acted like a jerk. I just...I don't know, I guess I was a little crazy back then."

Bella looked at him skeptically. The searing heat between them was suddenly gone. The soft, dreamy edge to his voice had disappeared. "You want to be friends? Just friends?"

"If you'll have me," he said genuinely.

"Okay," Bella responded, smiling timidly.

"Okay?" Jacob repeated, his voice raised. Bella nodded and Jacob crushed her in another hug. Bella jumped when she felt him nuzzle her neck and she struggled in his arms. He groaned loudly. "It's not my fault you just smell so good, and you grew this chest and - "

"Jacob!" Bella laughed, shoving him away. She shot him a suspicious look but he was definitely just kidding around. "Soooo, what's been going on?"

Jacob leaned back and stretched his long legs out in front of them. "Well. Dad's been doing good. Same as ever. You know, he doesn't really come over here anymore. And Charlie doesn't visit us much, either."

"Did they get into a fight?" Bella asked, her heart sinking into her stomach.

He scratched his head and half shrugged. "I don't think so. I think they kind of just...drifted apart, you know? Charlie just got busy, I guess."

Sitting home alone every night with a twelve pack of beer didn't constitute being "busy." Bella felt an overwhelming and unexpected urge to tell Jacob, to just pour out all of Charlie's secrets, but she shoved it away.

"Maybe we can all get together for dinner or something," Bella said carefully.

She felt worse when Jacob agreed enthusiastically. She listened for a few minutes while he filled her in on the latest news from the Reservation and all of his friends. Bella noticed that he completely avoided mentioning whatever trouble was brewing between them and the kids from Forks.

"So no girlfriend?" she asked lightly. To be honest, she kind of hoped Jake found someone.

Jacob blushed and shook his head. "There is one girl, but she likes this jackass. So, no, not at the moment. What about you?"

Bella's eyes dropped to her lap. Jacob knew how Edward had treated her that summer. He had witnessed it firsthand. He would never understand why Bella continued to see him.

"I saw you with him," Jacob said softly, after a moment of silence.

Bella looked up at him, her heart heavy. "Jacob, I - "

"I saw you at that store in town. There were no cars in the lot...so I figured maybe you'd like someone to walk you home. Or give you a ride home or something. I waited but then he pulled up," Jacob said simply.

"Oh, Jacob," Bella whispered. She felt awful all over again.

"It's okay," Jacob insisted. "I was just going to say... You don't have to depend on him for anything. I have an old truck that I fixed up. I don't use it anymore because I got my Rabbit running again. You could use the truck for a while. If you wanted."

Before she could even think, Bella was hugging him again. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and marveled at how good it felt to just be held. "Thanks, Jake. That would be great."

"Am I interrupting anything?" Alice broke in coyly.

Jacob moved away from her so quickly that Bella almost lost her balance. She straightened her shirt and gestured to Jake, unnerved that she was so taken with Jake that she hadn't even heard the door open. "Alice, this is my friend, Jacob Black. Jake, this is Alice Cullen."

Bella caught the awkward moment of silence and realized, belatedly, that if Edward and Jake got into routine scuffles, they were probably acquainted.

"Hi, Jake," Alice grinned. She stuck out her hand and marched over to him. "Sorry my brother is such an asshole."

He looked surprised, but took her hand. "It's okay. I'm probably one most of the time, too. It's nice to meet you."

Alice smiled at him and then looked at Bella expectantly. "Well? Is everyone ready for a painting party?"

* * *

"Jessica," Edward hissed, his voice dangerously low. "If you don't tell me what you found out, right now, I swear to God I will - "

"I'm pregnant," she said flatly.

Her answer was so outlandish that he almost laughed. Jessica stared back at him with a dead look in her eyes. Edward realized, in horror, that she was serious. The air in his lungs rushed out in a big whoosh and Edward took a step away from her. "What?"

Jessica rolled her eyes and took a drink directly out of the milk carton. "What part are you not understanding?"

"You just had your fucking period," Edward pointed out. Panic broke out in an icy sweat on his neck. "And I haven't touched you in months. It's not mine."

"Think again," Jessica rolled her eyes. "I'm almost seven months."

"You're so full of shit," Edward scoffed. "Not even you are stupid enough to go seven months without realizing you're pregnant."

"Fuck off, Edward!" Jessica cried, her eyes flashing. She turned around and stomped up the stairs.

Edward ignored her command followed her up into her bedroom. "How is this possible?"

"You need to have the birds and the bees talk with - "

He grabbed her arm and Jessica broke off in mid sentence. She looked away from him, fighting back tears. He waited, and after a moment she sighed heavily.

"I thought the spotting was my period," Jessica whispered. "And then I just thought I gained a few pounds. I wouldn't have even known except I started throwing up and thought I had the flu. The doctor said some women don't show until they're really late in the pregnancy."

Edward let go of her in horror. He brought a hand to his forehead and swallowed down the bile rising in his throat. "No, Jess, you can't be..."

"I didn't know," she mumbled tearfully. "Now I feel like shit all the time and she said I probably won't feel better until the thing is out of me."

"The thing?" Edward repeated, still in shock. He pressed a hand to his mouth and went to her window, looking outside but not really seeing. He was _so_ fucked.

His life was literally crashing down around him in this very instant. He was seventeen. He had less than a year left of high school, and then he was supposed to go away to school. He had it all planned out. How could he go to med school now?

"It's too late to get rid of it," Jessica continued. "So what are you going to do?"

Her words faintly penetrated the roaring sound that filled his ears. "What am I going to do?"

"Yeah," Jessica repeated. She put her hands on her hips. "You're not going to abandon it like your parents did to you, are you?"

"What? I don't – I mean, I can't…" he whispered. His mind was a mess of thoughts, most of them not even logical. Edward clung to the small hope that maybe Jessica had cheated on him, like Emmett said. Maybe it wasn't his kid.

Jessica crossed her arms. She looked tired, but resolute, in control. "I am not having this child out of wedlock, Edward. That's not how the women in my family do things."

Edward snapped out of his daze. He needed to get a grip and put together a plan. He could handle this. "You're out of your fucking mind if you think we're getting married."

"This is because of that dumb bitch, isn't it?" Jessica demanded angrily, splotches of pink staining her cheeks. "Bella. Well, don't worry. She won't touch you with a ten foot pole when she finds out about this. You need to start thinking about _us_."

Edward felt his stomach drop to the floor. In the midst of his life falling apart, he hadn't even given Bella one thought. What would she say to all this? How could he tell her he was having a child with Jessica?

His heart sank. Maybe because he felt in his gut that the kid was his. Or maybe because he knew in his gut that this would be the end of him and Bella.

Bella. _Bella._

_

* * *

_

so, like i said...stick with me, k? i love you.

LUNA


	16. Insensitive

**warning:** _heartfail_. stick with me. trust me.

* * *

"Fuck!"

There was a crash and a dull thud, followed by another curse. Bella startled awake, looking at her window with wide eyes. She blinked a few times as her eyes adjusted to the darkness and stared in disbelief at Edward.

He sat on the floor underneath her window. His knees were drawn up and his elbows rested on them, while his hands covered his face.

"Edward?" Bella whispered. She wondered vaguely if this was some sort of dream brought on from all of the paint fumes. She hadn't expected Edward to come back today, not after he took off so angrily.

"Bella?" he responded, his voice incredulous. "You're awake? No, of course you're not. It's almost three a.m. I woke you up, didn't I?"

Bella sat up and her comforter slipped down, exposing her shoulders to the chill in the room. "It's okay. How is Jasper? Why did you come in through the window?"

Edward stood up and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He was suddenly grateful for the darkness, because it hid his embarrassment. "I guess I forgot that Charlie wasn't home."

Bella rubbed her eyes and the last remaining bits of sleepiness dissipated. She moved over on the bed, closer to the wall, so Edward could lay down.

"Did you bring your stuff?" Bella asked, taking in his jeans and shirt. "I mean, you're sleeping here, right?"

"No… I mean, yeah," Edward amended. He ran a hand through his hair and even in the darkness Bella could see it stood up wildly. "I just don't have my stuff."

Bella frowned. Edward seemed almost jumpy. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he mumbled.

Still concerned, Bella reached over to her night stand and pulled the metal string on her lamp. Yellow light flooded the room and she looked back at Edward.

"Oh, my God!" Bella gasped. She jumped off the bed, stumbling in her haste to get to him. "Edward, what happened to your eye? You need ice!"

Edward let Bella take his hand and tug him down the darkened hallway. She flicked on lights as they went but never let go of his hand. Her tiny hand practically disappeared into his, but her fingers wove into his and her grip was tight.

It felt like he had a one hundred pound weight on his chest. It hurt to breathe. He needed to tell her what he found out, but the words got stuck in his throat every time he even thought about telling her.

His talk with Jessica escalated into a screaming match. When her mother woke up and threatened to call the police if they didn't keep it down, Edward booked it out of there. He spent the next few hours driving aimlessly around Forks and the surrounding areas. The past hour was spent sitting against the tree outside of Bella's window. It took him that long to work up the nerve to even see her.

He felt so fucked up. In just a single day, his perceptions of everything were tossed upside down and inside out. Nothing was right anymore. Just when he thought that he could have Bella, that they could try and work it out – fate stepped in and snatched her away. Edward felt like crying and yelling and beating the shit out of someone.

Instead he let Bella sit him down at the kitchen table. He noticed the changes to the kitchen and living room, and he smelled the fresh paint. He told himself to comment on them, to tell her how great it looked. But he just didn't have the energy.

"Here," Bella said softly. She raised a bag of frozen peas to his face and gently leaned it onto his damaged eye. His head ached from the punch but a quick look in the rear view mirror of his car told him that the black eye looked a lot worse than it was.

"Oh, Edward," she whispered. Bella pushed her hand into his thick hair and her fingertips gently massaged his scalp. Edward let out a breathy little sigh and closed his eyes. He leaned forward to rest his face against her body, his face pressed just under her breasts.

Overcome with emotion and terrified that he was going to cry, Edward wrapped his arms around Bella and pulled her more tightly against him. He burrowed his face into her shirt and took deep, ragged breaths.

"Edward?" Bella asked in alarm. Her instincts earlier had been right. There was something wrong with Edward and she knew it was worse than a black eye. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered hoarsely.

Bella tried to pull him away from her tank top so she could hear him more clearly but he shook his head and held her harder. Perplexed and afraid, she didn't know what to do.

"Let's go upstairs," she said desperately. This Edward, silent and immobile, frightened her. He was so unlike the aggressive boy she feared she had fallen in love with. He seemed almost afraid.

"Edward, please," she pleaded. "I'll run you a hot shower. You can get cleaned up and you'll feel so much better. Do you want something to eat?"

He finally pulled away from her. Edward shook his head and avoided making eye contact with her. Bella felt an awful tugging on her heart when he walked out of the kitchen, away from her.

Bella followed him upstairs. He went into her room but she stopped in the bathroom to turn on the shower. She turned the water up hot and made sure there was soap and shampoo inside. She wasn't sure but she thought she saw some blood in his hair.

Edward was facing away from the door when she entered her room. He had kicked off his shoes and socks. His shirt was on the bed. Bella let her eyes linger on the muscles of his back. He raised his arms above his head and stretched, and the muscles rippled under his pale skin. She heard him yawn.

She didn't see any bruises on his back. Her eyes only took in the large expanse of flawless alabaster skin, his muscles, and the curve of his spine. She followed his spine down to his lower back, where it disappeared into his jeans. The elastic waistband of his boxers stuck above the denim by an inch or so.

"Your shower is almost ready," Bella finally mumbled. She felt guilty for ogling him when he was obviously so upset.

Edward jumped at the sound of her voice. He thought he had been alone. Turning, he caught the anxious expression on Bella's face. It just compounded his feelings and made the guilt and dread more intense. Edward swallowed hard and approached her slowly. She seemed to tremble before him and when he cupped her face in his hands, he could indeed feel her quivering.

"I'm so, so sorry, Bella," he whispered.

"It's okay," she said quickly. "I mean, Jasper needed you."

Edward fought a feeling of irritation; she was so quick to dismiss his actions. He didn't deserve her blind faith. "No. Not about that. Wait – I mean, I am sorry about that. I'm sorry about all of the times I was an asshole to you, Bella. You deserve…so much more."

Bella reached up and her hands closed on his forearms, locking his hands on her face. "I don't want more. I want you."

"I was terrible to you," he said thickly. "But you never stopped trying to talk to me. You didn't give up on me."

"What happened today?" she tried again.

Edward looked down and his eyebrows knit together. It almost looked like he was in pain.

Bella wanted, more than anything, for Edward to look up and smile that crooked smile, and just tell her everything was fine.

"I talked to Esme," he said solemnly.

Bella's lungs stopped working for a moment. They froze up and she couldn't breathe, in our out, as the significance of Edward's words hit her. He talked to Esme. Esme told him about meeting Bella in the hospital and he figured it all out. Bella felt her stomach turn.

"About me?" she asked, and her voice didn't sound like it usually did. It was thin and high-pitched.

He shook his head and Bella took a step closer so that the front of her body touched his. She reached up and pushed his hair off his face and this time Edward did look up. He looked exhausted and defeated. His black eye was puffy. The thing that hurt Bella the most was that she knew his disheveled appearance was due mostly to his inner turmoil, and not to the fistfight.

"I know it wasn't you who told everyone I was adopted," Edward said simply. The words rolled off his tongue much easier than he'd imagined.

Bella looked at him thoughtfully and Edward wished he could read her mind.

She took a step away from him, obviously still deep in thought. Edward watched her silently, ignoring the urge to pull her back into his arms. He needed her so badly right now. He should have waited to tell her. Maybe tomorrow, after he had processed it more. After he could lie down beside her for one more night and watch her sleep.

"That's good, I guess. Did you find out who did?" Bella asked.

"Jessica."

Bella nodded and turned away from him. "Well, that figures, doesn't it?"

"Does this change anything between us?" she asked staring out of her bedroom window.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Us," Bella mumbled, turning back to face him. Her cheeks were pink. "You said what we have is just physical. Is that still – I mean, are we…?"

A burst of relieved laughter escaped him. He was worried that Bella would get angry and throw an "I told you so" at him. Bella never ceased to surprise him. She was talking about being in a relationship and he was concerned that she'd never talk to him again.

Of course, she misinterpreted his laughter and Edward rushed over to her before she could begin to cry. Bella tried to shrug out of his grasp but Edward laughed again and pulled her tightly to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, immobilizing her, and brought his lips to her ear.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered. "I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out."

She raised her head to look up at him, not letting herself even hope that his words were sincere. "You only think you love me because you just found out that I didn't lie to you. If you really loved me, you would have known before."

He tightened his grip when she began wriggling around. "Stop trying to get away. I've loved you since I was fourteen. I was just too stupid to realize it."

She stopped moving. "_Edward."_

Edward let her squirm out of his grip just enough so that she could really look at him. She looked stunned. She stared at him for so long that Edward began to blush. Maybe she didn't feel the same way?

Bella practically jumped into his arms. She hugged him as tightly as she could, wrapping her arms around his neck and breathing him in. "I love you! God, I love you so much. I get so scared sometimes that – "

"SShh," Edward whispered. His hands skimmed down her sides. "We don't need to talk about any of that. Your dad comes home tomorrow. Let's just keep tonight for us."

"Okay," Bella faltered. The sobering thought of Charlie coming home, of reality – was as effective as a cold shower. She didn't want their time in this little warm bubble to end. She would have to tell him the true story of that summer, and it wasn't something that she was looking forward to.

"Hey, don't be like that," Edward chided gently. He brushed his fingertips over her cheekbone and Bella breathed in shakily. She gasped when he ducked his head and gave her an urgent, messy kiss. "I love you."

"I love you," Bella whispered frantically, overcome with neediness.

And then Edward's hands were all over her. Bella pressed her hips against him, trying to convey the burning need arising in her. She bumped against him again and this time he walked backwards until he hit the wall.

Bella shoved him back as hard as he could and Edward lost his balance, sandwiched between her and the wall. Edward groaned loudly when she raked her nails down his chest, making sure to flick them against his nipples.

"You little vixen," he muttered between kisses.

Bella laughed, a bit breathlessly, and pulled her own shirt off. Edward finally began to take a proactive approach and his hand dipped inside the stretchy waistband of her pajamas pants. His slender fingers once again proved their talent and Bella's laughter abruptly switched into a moan.

Her knees began to weaken and Edward snaked one arm around her waist to support her. He turned so that they switched places and Bella's back was to the wall. She kicked her loose pants off and he was delighted that she had gone commando.

Bella felt like rubber in his arms and Edward chuckled, but helped arrange her so that one leg was hitched around his waist. The angle spread her legs wider and Edward thrust two fingers inside of her. She let out a little gasp and then a half moan, pushing her hips up and forward so he could reach deeper inside of her.

Edward could feel her legs trembling and knew she was close. It had only been days since they were last intimate, but so much had happened since then that it seemed like longer. It felt like longer.

He added a third finger and her knees began to buckle, so he pushed her harder against the wall for more support. Edward could feel her fingernails digging into his skin, leaving little crescent marks.

"Don't stop," she panted.

He smiled and worked his hand faster, curling his fingers once he was fully inside of her. Bella squeaked so he did it again, and again. Then she went rigid, except for her insides, which jerked and convulsed around his fingers as she came.

Edward scooped her up and staggered over to the bed. She reclined onto the bed with a contented sigh and stretched lazily, practically glowing.

"Don't get too comfortable," Edward warned her, shucking his jeans.

She laughed and pulled her knees up so her feet were flat on the bed. Her knees dropped open slightly, providing Edward with the delicious view of her visibly wet center. Edward reached down to his throbbing shaft and tugged on it a few times.

He took a step closer to the bed, then Bella's eyes widened and she hopped up. She grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the bedroom.

"I'm not doing it on the Chief's bed," Edward protested teasingly.

Bella laughed and looked over her shoulder. He tore his gaze away from her heart-shaped ass to meet her eyes. "Come on. I started the shower, but then I forgot."

They reached the bathroom door when Edward tugged on her hand.

"You get in. I forgot something," he said, bending forward to kiss her. Bella's hands fisted into his hair and he ducked away quickly before she could suck him in too far. He had to start doing things right.

Bella pouted when he stepped away but he gave her a reassuring, cocky grin. She let him go and checked the temperature of the shower. It was just right. She carefully stepped inside and let out a noisy sigh.

After the toe-curling orgasm Edward had just given her, the hot water felt amazing. She moved her neck and allowed the shower to cascade down her back. It gave her chills. The bathroom door creaked and she smiled dreamily. The only way she could feel better was with Edward's arms around her.

The curtain moved aside and she felt a cold breeze caress her body, but it was almost immediately replaced by Edward's hands. He was holding something small and it had sharp edges. When he touched her, it dragged across her skin, not cutting her but uncomfortable to the point that she pulled away.

"What's that?" Bella asked.

Edward shifted uncomfortably and the hand holding the unidentified object moved closer to his side so that she couldn't see it. Bella frowned and looked up at him. He looked resigned and miserable.

"It's not important," he finally said.

"Then let me see it," Bella demanded. Her warm glow was rapidly fading now. The situation had turned extremely awkward and she felt so stupid. Bella felt her cheeks turning red and she self-consciously covered her breasts.

This was ridiculous. She had to prove to herself that the growing feeling of unease was unfounded and meaningless. Bella made another grab for his hand and this time Edward let her.

It was a condom.

Bella frowned and held back out for him to take. Edward reluctantly took the small foil package from her outstretched hand.

"Is that it?" Bella asked, forcing out a laugh. "I told you… We don't need to use them."

She waited for Edward to laugh, too, and close the space between them. He didn't.

Instead, Edward tore open the foil and began to roll the condom onto his erection.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked. He ignored her again. Bella felt her heart begin to pound. His silence was freaking her out. "Edward?"

"The pill isn't one hundred percent positive," he finally said.

Bella took a step back from him. When he was fully sheathed in latex Edward looked up at her. "Don't look at me like that, Bella. I'm just being careful."

"I'm not using it," Bella snapped. Her eyes sparked angrily, daring him to contradict her. "You don't trust me?"

"Stop acting like a child. I'm only trying to protect us," he responded icily. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"I may not be as experienced as you but I'm not a child," she replied in his same frigid tone. "What changed? Why start using condoms now?"

"No reason," he said carefully, but he avoided her eyes.

"You're lying," Bella said flatly. She didn't like this Edward. There was something different about him. Earlier he had been so vulnerable and trusting. Now it was like he was wearing a mask, the face of a stranger. She wondered which Edward was the real Edward, or if she had even met him at all.

"I'm being safe. Does it really matter that much?" Edward asked. Now his voice was angry and the look in his eyes scared her.

Bella fought back tears. She refused to cry, especially naked in the shower with him.

"I don't want a kid with you," he said in a scathing voice. "So let's just use the fucking condom, okay?"

A slap across the face would have been less painful. Bella stared at him, stunned, not even able to breathe. He didn't know. He couldn't know, or wouldn't have said something so glib.

The most painful part of what he said was the absolute certainty in his tone. He didn't want to have a baby with her, ever. His tone left no room for argument.

She didn't want to have a baby. Not with Edward, not with anyone. That was a dream Bella had been forced to give up on a long time ago. It just wasn't in the cards for her.

It hurt, though, to know he was such an asshole about it. Bella was suddenly relieved that she hadn't told him about her miscarriage. He wouldn't have understood. He probably would have seen it as some sort of twisted blessing.

Bella blinked rapidly but it was no use, and her tears began to fall. Edward made a comforting sound and stepped forward, but Bella held up a hand. She was done with Edward Cullen. She was done with the ups and downs, done with his mood swings, and especially done with the way he constantly mishandled her heart.

"Get out," Bella's voice cracked. She cleared her throat and said it again, louder, pretending her heart hadn't just shattered on the floor of the shower. "Get out. And don't ever come back here. I don't want to see you ever again."

* * *

don't you dare leave me now!

tweet at me: twitter(DOT)com/bellacellaluna


	17. Pity Parties

Bella waited nervously in the emergency room.

Her stomach was starting to hurt worse than her thumb, but that was only because she was terrified that Carlisle would be her attending physician.

A nurse called her name and led her to a hospital bed that was closed off by hanging curtains. They created a small room and gave the illusion of privacy. The nurse told her it would be just a few minutes and left her alone.

The past few days were just a big blur to Bella. Edward left after their big fight and she hadn't heard from him since. Charlie came home the next day but spent every waking moment since then out working, claiming he had a lot to catch up on.

Bella alternated between crying her eyes out and sulking around the house. In a random fit of anger, she had decided to get rid of anything that reminded her of Edward. She changed out her sheets and comforter for a different, older set. They were faded and comfy, but best of all, they didn't smell like Edward.

Bella was doing pretty good until she flopped on her bed. Then, directly in her line of vision was the window. The window that Edward liked to climb through to surprise her.

Well, obviously something had to be done about that. She couldn't lay in bed night after night half-hoping, half-praying that Edward would join her for a midnight rendezvous.

So she did what any girl would do… Bella nailed the window shut.

Or, at least, she tried. There was a small problem with the hammer and the nails…and her thumb.

"Ms. Swan?"

Bella jerked her head up, startled, and encountered an amused-looking Carlisle.

"I didn't think you were actually as clumsy as your father insinuated," he teased.

Bella shrugged and tried to force a smile for him. "I never disappoint."

Carlisle studied her for a moment and Bella dropped her eyes, looking away uneasily. He immediately put down the clipboard and reached for Bella's hand. He handled it gently, turning it over to see the length of her black and blue thumb.

"Does this hurt?" he asked, observing her reaction as he bent her thumb forward.

"Ouch!" Bella yelped, jerking it away from him.

"Hmmm," Carlisle mused. "It may be broken. We'll have to order some x-rays. How did this happen exactly?"

Bella blushed. "Umm... I was nailing my window shut."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow.

"Um, it's just getting cold at night now, ya know?" Bella lied, cringing the entire time. "And there was cold air coming through the cracks…so… I thought that would help."

"You could just apply some caulking around the window," Carlisle offered. "Saves a thumb. Or better yet, just turn the heat up a few degrees and leave the construction to the Chief from now on, okay?"

"The heater's broken," Bella said absently. She perked up, reminded of something. "Oh, do you know the name of the oil company? I looked in the phone book but I couldn't find them. I guess we have to call them to come and fix it?"

Carlisle rolled his eyes and marked something off on her chart. "That's Hutch's Oil. He's not listed, that's why you couldn't find him. He's a jerk, that one. Let Charlie deal with him. If he wasn't the only oil supplier in town… Well, that's irrelevant, I suppose. I think you should let Charlie deal with him."

"Oh," Bella frowned. "Okay."

Carlisle called for a nurse and asked her to bring in the portable x-ray machine. Bella was temporarily impressed that Forks had a portable machine. Then Carlisle looked at her again with that serious expression and Bella forgot about everything else.

"So, tell me Bella… How has Charlie been since he was discharged?"

"He's been busy," Bella said cautiously. She didn't want to talk about Charlie.

"Busy?" Carlisle repeated.

The nurse appeared again and began preparing the portable machine. Bella eyed her, unsure of how much to say in front of her. Carlisle seemed to notice, because he dismissed the nurse and told her he would handle the x-rays.

"He hasn't been home much. Like, at all," Bella admitted. "He's been working a lot. Sometimes he's already gone for the day when I wake up, and he doesn't come home until after I'm in bed."

"Do you think he's drinking again?" Carlisle asked in an even voice. He sensed her skittishness, and avoided looking at her. Instead, he focused on the x-ray machine and adjusting her wrist.

"I can't tell," she whispered, her voice trembling. The stress of the past week, the stress that she had been trying so hard to hold at bay, suddenly broke over her. Bella dropped her chin to her chest and sucked in a big breath, but it was no use and tears spilled down her cheeks. "I don't know what to do! What if he – "

"Bella," Carlisle interrupted. "Take a deep breath for me."

"But what if he passes out like that again?" Bella wailed, ignoring his orders.. "If I'm not home, he could die!"

Carlisle grabbed the closest chair and dragged it over to Bella. He sat down opposite her and took her good hand, covering it with his. "I will help you with Charlie. We will get him healthy, I promise. But right now I am worried about you – so take a deep breath for me."

Bella nodded and breathed in as deep as she could. She felt her racing heart begin to calm down. "What do we do?"

"First," Carlisle said, releasing her hand. He pulled over the x-ray machine. "We figure out how bad this thumb is. Then, I'll get you patched up, and you will join Esme and me for dinner."

Bella thought of Edward and her stomach clenched. For a brief moment, she was overwhelmed with emotion. She hated Edward for making her so miserable. She hated the incredible hold he had over her. Mostly, though, Bella hated the fact that she would always love him, no matter what. "No, I'm sorry, I can't."

"Why?" he asked simply.

Bella didn't answer him. She couldn't. She hated lying, and besides, Carlisle would see right through her. She remained silent as he worked the machine and thankfully, so did he.

"Well, it's not broken," Carlisle told her. "You hit it pretty hard, though. But it's just a bad bruise. Swollen, too. We'll put it in a brace so you don't aggravate it as it heals."

"Thank you," Bella murmured. He worked quickly and efficiently, and soon Bella was wearing a brace that secured her thumb and wrist.

"Now, Bella, I do have one question for you," Carlisle said somberly.

Bella looked up at him, weary of his tone.

"What is your history with my son, Edward?"

* * *

_His heart thudded against his ribcage, and it was all Edward could hear. Sweat broke out on his forehead. It was like he was in some sort of trance, and Bella didn't even notice._

_It was one of those rare, gorgeous days in Forks. Bella packed a blanket and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Edward's job was to snatch some of his mother's lemonade and freshly baked cookies._

_Mission accomplished._

_Bella was laying on her back, her head in another one of her ridiculous books. He teased her relentlessly about it but she never got mad at him. She just smiled and shook her head. Now he knew why…_

_Yesterday he snatched her book away and was surprised and delighted to learn that the heroine just lost her shirt. The lucky pirate slid his hands up and cupped her soft breasts and rubbed her puckered nipples. Then she – _

_The pirate and the lady were interrupted, however, because that was the moment Bella chose to snatch the book back from him. Edward never thought books could turn him on as much as porn did, but his imagination was going crazy after that. He had to leave Bella's house early so he could go home and take a shower._

_Edward wondered what Bella was reading now. She was on her back, one arm holding the book up in front of her. The sun made her glow and look all hazy. Her hair was extra curly today and she left it down. His fingers itched to reach out and play with one of the curls, but Bella might not like that._

_He scooted over on the blanket so that he was closer to her. Bella's eyes flickered away from the page she was reading and looked at him suspiciously._

"_Sorry," Edward shrugged. "I spilled lemonade over there and the blanket's wet."_

_She seemed to believe him because she relaxed and then yawned. Bella placed the book down and stretched her arms out, arching her chest off of the ground. Edward stared at her, afraid that she would look over and know what he was thinking._

_He wanted Bella. God, he wanted her so badly. Sometimes he had to walk across the room or just leave the room, because he was worried that he was going to grab her and do something ridiculous, like try to kiss her. _

_Edward thought it would get better eventually, like it was just a phase he was going through or something. Bella was his friend. She was like Jasper or Emmett._

_But he didn't think of Jasper or Emmett the way he thought of Bella._

"_Bella," he said, cutting into his own thoughts._

_Bella put her book face down on her stomach and looked at him._

"_Have you ever kissed someone?" he asked. Edward felt his cheeks turn red but he remained where he was, gaze unwavering, unwilling to let her see his embarrassment. Bella immediately blushed, too, and he was sure her blush was a million times worse than his, so he felt better._

"_Kissed?" she squeaked. She kind of gasped at the same time, and Edward couldn't help but see her chest and the way it rose and fell quickly. "N-no."_

_Without even thinking, Edward moved so that his body was parallel to hers. Bella watched him with wide, panicked eyes and irrational, nervous laughter bubbled in his throat. His hand trembled, but he reached out anyway and placed it on her stomach, knocking the book away_

"_Edward," Bella whispered, her voice tight and anxious._

_He could feel her stomach muscles bunch up under his palm._

"_I'm going to kiss you," he said softly, leaning over her. "I want to kiss you."_

_Bella finally tore her eyes from his. Edward smiled as they trailed down his face and rested on his lips. He licked his lips, teasing her a bit, and Bella squirmed beneath him. Her cheeks were still pink and her breathing was all loud and then Bella licked her own lips. _

_He couldn't wait any longer. Edward carefully kept his lower half away from hers, because he didn't want her to feel how hard he was. He had barely touched her._

_Bella's lips parted and Edward slanted his mouth over hers. He broke away almost as soon as he made contact and Bella was already panting. He hesitated, then dropped his head again for another kiss. This one was longer and Bella moved her lips against his._

_Edward was taking in deep, ragged breaths when he finally pulled away from her. Bella murmured something he didn't understand but her hand cradled the back of his head and tugged him back for more._

* * *

"Edward? Can you hear me?" Esme asked incredulously.

Edward snapped out of his memory and cursed. He hadn't heard her enter his room. Edward rolled over and hoped to God that she hadn't seen the huge hard-on he got while thinking of his and Bella's first kiss.

"What do you want?" he demanded. Edward buried his face in his pillow, sure his cheeks were stained red. He was mortified. He wondered how long Esme had been there.

"I came in to see if you're okay," Esme replied in an exasperated voice "You haven't come out of your room in two days. I'm starting to get a little worried."

"I'm fine," he mumbled.

"Get up. Take a shower and change your clothing. I think you're starting to stink," Esme sniffed, wrinkling her nose.

"I'm sick. Just go away," Edward groaned. "I just want to sleep for a little while longer."

Esme walked across his bedroom and yanked the curtains over. Edward groaned again and covered his head with the pillow. Cool air caressed his neck and he knew that she opened the windows, too.

"You're going over to Emmett's for dinner," Esme announced. "It's already been arranged. He'll be here in a few minutes."

Edward laughed and rolled over. "Yeah, okay."

"I'm serious," Esme shrugged. "I don't want his mother to think I raised you to not bathe, so get a move on."

"You arranged a play date for me?" Edward glowered. "Are you joking?"

Esme rolled her eyes. Cullen men had been trying for years to intimidate her. They were a weak bunch. "Your father and I are having company over for dinner."

"So what," he said defensively. "I'll just be up here, anyway."

"She'll be able to smell you," Esme said wryly. "Now, get a move on."

"This is ridiculous," Edward complained. He got out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants from the floor. "And I'm not showering. Emmett's mother won't care how I smell. She loves me regardless."

"Oh, stop with the dramatics," Esme laughed. She turned and looked at him when she got to the door, a look of genuine concern on her face. "Are you really all right, Edward?"

He shrugged and picked up a t-shirt that was hanging off the edge of his bed. Edward pulled it on and ran a hand through his flattened hair. "I'm fine, Mom. Who are you guys having over for dinner?"

If Edward noticed her eyes widen a bit, or the guilty flash that she was sure showed in her eyes, he didn't say anything. Esme bit her tongue. She knew something was going on between Bella Swan and her son. Or maybe, judging by Edward's current behavior, it had been going on but ended poorly.

"Just a new intern at the hospital," she lied. He nodded, disinterested, and turned around. Esme hurried out of his room, overcome with guilt.

When Carlisle called home to tell her that Bella would be coming for dinner, but only if Edward wasn't home, she knew she was on the right track. She quizzed Carlisle, but he was adamant that Bella revealed nothing else to him.

Carlisle did, however, say that he had known since Charlie's "accident" that Bella didn't like Edward. For whatever reason, she made Carlisle promise not to bring Edward to her house, and when Carlisle showed up, Emmett was there.

That was where Esme began to have a headache. Bella had only just arrived in Forks a few weeks ago, and Charlie just had his accident one week ago. Surely she couldn't dislike Edward already? But Carlisle had confirmed it; something already soured between Edward and Bella by then. Why, then, had Edward only started moping two days ago?

Esme closed her eyes and pressed a hand to her forehead. She would get to the bottom of the mystery, despite however many bottles of Advil she went through.

For now, though, she had to make sure Emmett arrived in the next fifteen minutes. She hadn't given Edward much time to get ready, but only because she figured they would need the element of surprise to throw him off and get him out. Bella would be here shortly.

Then she would learn the truth.


	18. The Cullens

Esme moved the pot of simmering tomato sauce to the back burner. She wiped her hands off on her apron and pushed her hair away from her face. She was becoming a bit anxious. Carlisle and Bella were due home at any moment, and she had already burnt one loaf of garlic bread.

The table was set for three and a new loaf of bread was browning in the oven. The house was clean. Esme wasn't sure what Bella liked to eat, so she settled on Italian and made a little of everything.

The only major flaw in her plan was a certain shaggy-haired, particularly sulky teenage boy who was moping upstairs. Esme glanced at the clock again, vowing to herself that she would give Emmett a piece of her mind when he finally got here. He obviously misinterpreted something when she said, "Be here within ten minutes."

The sound of the front door opening had Esme slapping a hand over her mouth, trying to stifle her shriek of dismay. Panic gripped her throat and Esme glanced around frantically, trying to figure out the best way to handle this situation.

"Dinner smells great," Carlisle smiled, strolling into the room. He nonchalantly shrugged out of his coat and tossed it over one of the chairs.

Esme stared at him, speechless. She waited for Bella to appear around the corner, but it seemed Carlisle was alone. He glanced over his shoulder, then looked back at her with an odd expression.

"Esme? Are you all right?" he asked quizzically.

"Bella," Esme managed to say. "Where is Bella?"

His face lit up in understanding. "Ah, Bella. She refused to let me drive her, because she thought it would be too much of an imposition to drive her home later. She'll be over shortly."

"Edward is still here," Esme hissed, slapping Carlisle's arm with an oven mitt. "Go up there and get him out of here."

Carlisle grabbed her by the waist and jerked her forward for a kiss. He felt Esme relax into his embrace, but only for a moment. Then she sighed against his lips and pulled away.

"I don't want to scare Bella away," she said helplessly, shrugging.

He nodded in understanding. Bella was in a fragile state. Earlier, when he had asked her about her relationship with Edward, Bella practically burst into tears. He had backpedaled quickly, opting to invite her to dinner instead. He figured it would be easier for her to open up if Esme was close by.

Carlisle was worried about Bella, anyway, beyond the Edward situation. Forks was a small town and he understood completely the damage that would be done to Charlie's reputation if someone found out he was an alcoholic. Worse still was the fact that Charlie was an officer of the law and his condition could seriously affect his ability to do his work.

Charlie Swan was on a downward spiral. Carlisle had seen it happen a million times. Alcoholism was a tough disease to deal with. It destroyed lives and wrecked families. He refused to stand by and watch Charlie drag Bella down with him. Carlisle walked up the stairs to Edward's bedroom, struck by a memory of Bella as he went.

_His newest patient rested in her hospital bed. Carlisle knew that the nurses had taken pity on her and arranged for a private room for Isabella. He had first seen her in the ER just a few hours ago, then Carlisle had her admitted for the night and requested that he remain her doctor._

_"Isabella?" he called softly, not sure if she was resting or really asleep._

_Her eyes immediately opened and Carlisle felt a pang in his chest. He felt protective of her, yes, but it was more than that. Isabella seemed so fragile. He knew her body was strong enough to survive this ordeal, but her emotional vulnerability was almost frightening._

_"Where is your father?" he frowned, worried that she had been left alone._

_She seemed to shrink into the bed a little more. "He went to go get some coffee. He should be back soon."_

_"Okay," Carlisle nodded. "Well, Isabella, I think – "_

_"Dr. Cullen," she cut in, her eyes huge in her pale face. "Do you have to tell my father about this?"_

_Her pleading tone cut through him and Carlisle was tempted to promise the girl anything to make her relax. The doctor and father inside of him warred against the temptation, though, and Carlisle sighed. "I think it is important that Charlie knows the truth, Isabella. You have been through – "_

_"I don't want him to know," Isabella said quickly, blinking rapidly. "He'll be so upset with me!"_

_Carlisle grimaced. He tried to imagine his own daughter, Alice, in a situation like this. He would be angry, livid even, but first and foremost he would make sure her health was his number one priority. But Carlisle couldn't think of Alice without thinking of his son, Edward, and the knot in his stomach grew. He and his wife were having a difficult time with Edward right now, and it was painful to know that it was their own fault._

_Maybe it was the guilt he felt over the situation with Edward, or maybe something about Isabella just made Carlisle more protective… but when Charlie walked back into the room with a cup of coffee, Carlisle felt his defenses automatically go up. _

_"Dr. Cullen," Charlie greeted him, reaching out to shake his hand. "Thank you for taking care of Bella, here."_

_"You're welcome," Carlisle forced out._

_"So what seems to have been the problem?" Charlie asked. He glanced down at Isabella. "She seems to be okay now. Less pain and all."_

_"I gave her a pain killer," Carlisle admitted reluctantly. He looked at Isabella and the terror in her widened brown eyes gripped his heart. "I will need a few more moments with Isabella, alone, to discuss the rest of her treatment. You should be able to take her home tomorrow morning."_

_"But what was it?" Charlie frowned. "What made her sick?"_

_"Well…" Carlisle trailed off. He looked at Isabella once more and strengthened his resolve. "Under Washington state law, I am not required to disclose the details of Isabella's condition to you. Isabella would like for it to remain between the two of us and I must respect her request for confidentiality."_

_Charlie placed his cup of coffee on the side table, and then folded his arms across his chest. "Dr. Cullen, I want to know right now what is going on."_

_"You'll know when Bella chooses to tell you," Carlisle replied simply. "I do need to speak with her for a few more moments, though, so please – "_

_"Bella," Charlie said firmly. "What is this, Bells? You wake up in the middle of the night, crying and not making any sense. I'm stuck in the ER for three hours before I can even see you, and now you won't even tell me what's wrong?"_

_Isabella's chin quivered and she stared at the sheet. Charlie made a noise of impatience and smacked his hand down on the table. "Someone tell me what's going on!"_

_"Charlie, it would be best if you waited outside," Carlisle said quietly. _

_"Bella is my daughter!" Charlie said loudly. His face was red and his breathing had quickened. "Goddammit, I am the Chief of Police! You tell me right now!"_

_"Your badge doesn't mean anything her," he replied calmly._

_Charlie took a step towards Carlisle, but Carlisle didn't move. He heard Isabella begin to cry from her bed, so he relaxed his stance and gestured to the door._

_"No!" Bella cried. "Don't – don't fight over me. It's stupid…I'm stupid. Dad – Daddy, I had…I'm having a mis…a miscarriage."_

_Her words were punctuated with gasps for air and coughs. Isabella's cheeks were splotchy and her eyes were red. She was crying in earnest now._

_"A miscarriage?" Charlie repeated blankly. He looked at Carlisle, then back to his daughter. His cheeks flushed. "A miscarriage? You mean you were pregnant? You had sex?" _

_Isabella covered her face with her hands, loud sobs coming from her now._

_"You're fourteen!" Charlie yelled. "Who has sex when they're fourteen, Bella? I can't believe you would – "_

_"Enough!" Carlisle snapped. "Now is not the time for this conversation."_

_"You stay out of this!" Charlie thundered. "Your daughter isn't the town joke right now!"_

_Carlisle took Charlie by the shoulders and shoved him out of the room. He slammed the door shut and quickly called for security. They would keep him away from Isabella until he calmed down. Carlisle would talk to him when he calmed down, but for now, Isabella would be protected._

_"I'm not," Isabella hiccupped. "I'm not a slut. I only did it – I only did it once."_

_Carlisle turned to face Isabella, his heart wrenching for her. She looked so lost. He picked up the phone again, this time dialing his wife._

Carlisle shook his head, trying to clear away the past. The Bella that he knew today wasn't the same frightened little girl. She was stronger. He knocked on Edward's door and pushed it open, not bothering to wait for his response.

"Edward?" he asked, poking his head inside. He wrinkled his nose. "It smells in here. Open a window."

"Yeah, thanks, Mom," Edward said sarcastically. He was stretched out on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Are you ready? I think I saw Emmett on my way home. He should be here soon," Carlisle informed him.

"I'm ready," he responded listlessly. Edward sat up on his bed and ran a hand through his messy hair. "Dad. I need to talk to you."

"All right," Carlisle agreed. He knew Edward had been acting off lately. "When you come home, why don't we – "

"How do you do a prenatal DNA test?" Edward asked anxiously. "Is an amniocentesis the only option? Can't that be dangerous to the baby, though?"

Carlisle struggled to keep his composure. _What the fuck?_ He brought a hand to his face and adjusted his glasses to buy himself more time. The pregnancy test. He remembered back to that day in his office when Edward was looking for a pregnancy test. Christ, he hadn't taken him seriously then.

"A prenatal DNA test," Carlisle repeated faintly. He cleared his throat. "Let me go talk to your mother about this dinner. We can always arrange to have it a different night. This is…this is more important."

A horn beeped and they both looked at the window. Edward stood up and grabbed a hoodie. "I'll be home later. We'll talk then?"

Carlisle nodded and stepped aside so Edward could jog out of the room. He loosened his tie. It was going to be a long, long night.

* * *

Esme spooned a generous helping of pasta onto Bella's dish. The poor girl was practically trembling. Besides her visible unease, Esme's sharp eyes had noted several other details and tucked them away for further scrutiny. Bella was far too thin and had dark circles under her eyes.

"So, Bella, have you enjoyed your time back in Forks?" Carlisle asked, taking a large bite of antipasto. He passed his empty dinner plate to Esme for some pasta.

Esme gritted her teeth and resisted the urge to smack Carlisle with her serving spoon. So far, in Bella's short time home she had discovered that her father was an alcoholic, broken her thumb, and was reunited with people who most likely dredged up terrible memories of her miscarriage.

Great conversation topics.

Bella smiled at Carlisle and her eyes flickered over to Esme. Her smile shriveled up and died, but Esme was staring daggers at Carlisle so she didn't notice. The way Esme looked at her was disconcerting.

Esme was still motherly and sweet, but her eyes had a different edge to them… Like she was trying to figure out if Bella had recently had sex with her son, or if maybe Edward was the father to the child Bella lost.

But… it was impossible for Esme to know those things, wasn't it? Bella felt her cheeks flush. God, she was uncomfortable. Carlisle looked at her expectantly.

"It's been nice to make new friends," Bella said, knowing the answer sounded flat and lame even to her own ears. Esme watched her sympathetically, spooning salad onto her plate. "I mean, it's not exactly what I thought it would be. You know…with my Dad and all. Just – it's…"

Bella trailed off, horrified at the lump in her throat.

"Bella," Esme said gently. "Why don't you just relax and eat, and we can talk afterwards?"

"It's okay," Bella mumbled, her voice thick. She waved her hand and gestured to the Italian feast spread before them. "Everything looks great. You guys should eat. I'm just not that hungry."

Carlisle placed his fork down next to his plate. "Bella, can I be frank with you?"

Her cheeks turned bright red but Bella nodded.

"Esme and I were both pleased when we learned that you were returning to Forks. We developed a soft spot for you, Bella, and thought of you often over the years," Carlisle said, smiling at her.

"You went through a tough time," Esme added softly. "I know how that feels, Bella. Have you met Alice?"

Bella nodded, her mind flashing back to Alice's vibrant, exciting personality, and matching wardrobe.

"Alice was our miracle baby," Esme smiled. "I had two miscarriages before I became pregnant with Alice. She was born very premature, and almost didn't make it. That's why she's such a little thing. After that pregnancy, I couldn't have children anymore."

Carlisle reached across the table to take Esme's hand. He squeezed it, giving her a tender smile, and Bella felt her heart twist painfully. She had to look away from the intimate moment. It made her think of Edward and everything she wished she had with him.

"I don't know if Edward ever told you," Esme said, returning her attention to Bella. "But he is adopted. We knew our family was supposed to be a little bit bigger. But anyway, I knew what it felt like to lose a pregnancy, and it hurt me to see you suffer that so young."

"You were wonderful," Bella said quietly. Memories of the hospital, of its antiseptic scent and white sheets, washed over her. She tried not to remember the bad stuff. "Both of you were wonderful. I don't know what I would have done without you."

Bella wiped her eyes and took the tissue that Esme handed her. "My Dad didn't handle it that great. I mean, I know what I did was wrong. I was too young. But it's important that you know, I mean, I want you to know that I'm not _that_ girl. I'm not promiscuous. The father - he was the only one I've ever had sex with."

"Bella, we never thought poorly of you," Carlisle frowned. "You were so young. Kids make mistakes. It's a fact of life. It doesn't make you any kind of girl."

Carlisle's words felt like a soothing salve on Bella's charred heart. The words that she longed to hear from her father, for so long, were uttered by a near stranger, and yet she found such comfort in them. Bella breathed in shakily and wiped more tears from her eyes. She suddenly felt an urge to spill everything, to release all of her burdens onto these caring people.

"The miscarriage didn't end right," Bella whispered, a sob threatened to close off her throat. She felt Carlisle straighten in his seat and then lean forward.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I got sicker when I got home in Arizona," she sighed, wiping her eyes again. It was a struggle to keep her voice even. Esme got up and walked around the table to sit next to her. "It got infected and I had to go back to the hospital. They had to force the rest of it. I don't remember what they said. They scraped my uterus or something."

"A dilation and curettage," Carlisle said softly.

Bella nodded. "I think so. There was a lot of scarring and my doctor told me…"

"Oh, Bella," Esme whispered. She covered her mouth with one hand and glanced at Carlisle, who was watching Bella with concerned eyes.

"I can't have kids," Bella cried, her voice cracking. Esme pulled her into a tight hug and Bella let herself cry for the first time. The relief of finally telling someone was overwhelming and it felt so good to just be hugged.

Different scenes from various hospitals flashed through Bella's mind. She saw the eyes of all of her doctors peering down at her, heard their bad news echo in her head over and over again. Bella took a deep breath and tried to shove it all aside.

"My poor girl," Esme murmured into her hair, rocking her gently. Bella cried into Esme's soft cotton blouse and reveled in her gentle touch. They sat in silence for several long moments.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Carlisle spoke solemnly, breaking the quiet. "I wish – I wish I could have done more for you."

"We will now," Esme promised. "That was why we asked you to dinner."

Bella straightened in her seat and accepted some tissues from Carlisle. Esme reached over and smoothed her hair back. Bella wiped her eyes and looked at them both. "What do you mean?"

"We know that it may be difficult for you at home right now, with Charlie's condition," Carlisle said tactfully. "We have two spare bedrooms, Bella. You can consider one of them to be yours, no questions asked."

Bella wanted to laugh at the idea of living under the same roof as Edward. She wondered tiredly if she should finish what she started and tell the Cullens the entire truth, but decided that she felt too raw for that conversation.

"Thank you but I don't think that will be necessary," Bella said, shaking her head. "I wouldn't feel right, leaving him alone. I would… It would be my fault if anything happened to him."

"No," Carlisle said emphatically. "Bella, you can't think like that. Charlie has a disease and the effects of it are absolutely not your fault."

Bella nodded, knowing he was right, but at the same time knowing he was wrong. Charlie was her father. He was her responsibility, at least for the duration of her stay in Forks.

"Then what can we do to make it easier for you?" Esme asked, her eyes pleading for some way to help.

"This is great," Bella shrugged, smiling. "I feel a million times better now. Just talking to you was wonderful."

"Maybe you'd like to have someone from Arizona come visit for a while?" Carlisle suggested, glancing at Esme. "Two spare rooms. You could even have two friends come."

Bella laughed. "I didn't really have too many close friends. Only…"

"Only, who?" Esme prompted.

Bella blushed. "James. He was my boyfriend. But my best friend, too. But I know, that's kind of inappropriate. I appreciate the offer just the same, though. You guys…you're such nice people."

Bella quickly looked down, feeling herself tear up again.

"You call James and tell him whenever he can make it here, we have a room for him, for as long as he wants," Esme said firmly, tears sparkling in her eyes.

"Don't tell him that," Bella laughed. "He'd be here tomorrow."

Esme shrugged with a grin. "As long as we have his parents' blessing, it's his."

"James lives with his grandmother," Bella explained. "His parents died when he was young."

"Oh, dear," Esme sighed, sitting back in her seat. She looked at Carlisle with big, worried eyes.

Carlisle laughed. "Esme has a soft spot, as you can see. Leave us James's phone number and we'll talk to his grandmother."

Bella's lips turned upwards into a smile that she couldn't suppress. The thought of having a real friend in Forks was incredible. James knew her so well that she wouldn't have to explain her every action, because he would already know why she was doing whatever she was doing. He would know when she was unhappy just by looking at her. He could cheer her up with just a few words.

Carlisle and Esme started making plans for having a guest in the near future. Bella tuned them out, her mind working out the details. She and James would have so much to catch up on. She wondered if Kristen and Rob had ever gotten back together. Her mind raced through memories of her other friends from Arizona.

Then it all clicked, and Bella froze.

Holy shit. She just agreed to have her ex-boyfriend come for a visit and stay in Edward's house.

_Holy shit._

* * *

"What do you wanna do?" Emmett asked, pulling into his driveway. He let the engine idle. "I don't have a lot of food. You wanna go grab some grub?"

"We have some business to take care of before we eat," Edward stated. He yawned and rubbed his face.

"Business?" Emmett echoed in an unsure voice. "Uh, your mom didn't say anything about working. She said to feed you and cheer you up."

"This will cheer me up," Edward confirmed. "First stop is the supermarket. Then, Hutch's Oil, and we'll finish up at Angela Webber's."

"Ummm…" Emmett trailed off. He eyed Edward nervously. "That's a really fucking weird list, Edward."

"Just go," Edward rolled his eyes. "It's important."

Emmett sighed heavily and backed up, the Jeep crunching over gravel. "You gonna tell me what any of this is about?"

Edward ignored his question and twisted around to look in the backseat. "Hey, Em, you got a blanket back there or something?"

"Why?" he wanted to know.

Edward turned back around and settled into his seat. "We might need to cover your backseat."

"What the fuck, Edward!" Emmett exclaimed. "What the fuck are we doing?"

"It's for Bella," Edward said innocently.

* * *

ah, another piece of the puzzle clicks into place.


	19. An Addition to the Family

"Wait!" Edward yelled, grabbing Emmett's thick arm. "Wait, wait, wait!"

Emmett slammed on the brakes. "What the fuck!"

Edward pointed across the street. "I need to stop at the ATM."

Emmett released his breath in a long hiss. He muttered curses under his breath but angled the Jeep off to the side of the road. Edward bolted out of the car, ignoring oncoming traffic. A car screeched to a stop and leaned on its horn. Emmett watched Mike Newton give Edward the finger before speeding off. He sighed.

Edward was acting way too weird lately. First he spent all of his time moping, and then he started making bizarre excuses and sneaking off all mysterious-like. After a week of that, the old Edward was back, only depressed and really quiet.

Bella and Edward had obviously gotten into a fight.

Emmett wondered how much of it had to do with Bella's father. He still felt uncomfortable when he thought about the scene in the Swan house. Emmett had been surprised and felt guilty that Bella called him for help, rather than Edward. He thought Edward would be pissed off at him, too, but he never brought it up.

The weirdest thing by far, though, was Esme's phone call. She told him he needed to get over to the Cullens' house in ten minutes and spend a few hours entertaining Edward.

_Entertain_ him for a few hours? Make sure he eats?

Emmett shook his head. He had to snap Edward out of it, because he wasn't sure how great this whole babysitting thing was going to go over. It sounded like they were about to do something pretty shady. A blanket to cover the backseat? Come _on._

Whatever it was that they were about to do, it probably wasn't what Esme had in mind when she told him to entertain Edward.

His suspicions were confirmed when Edward plopped back into his seat and began counting his money.

The thick roll of twenties had to be at least four or five hundred dollars.

"Edward. What the fuck," Emmett said slowly, staring at the money. He turned the key in the ignition and the car quieted. "We're not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on."

"Come on, Emmett," Edward whined. "The grocery store is gonna close if we don't hurry up. Actually – no – Hutch's will close before that. Let's go there first."

"Tell me why," Emmett insisted. He pushed away the urge to smack some sense into Edward. He had realized early on that the Bella situation would cause some drama, but seriously, the kid was losing it.

"He needs to go out and look at Bella's furnace," Edward explained. He relaxed into his seat when Emmett started the Jeep back up.

"Why doesn't her dad just call him?" Emmett frowned. "Why do you have to do it?"

Edward shrugged and looked uncomfortable. "I guess he's not…like…better yet, you know?"

Emmett felt like an asshole. He hadn't realized that there were probably repercussions from that night that would affect the Swans for a while. "Sorry, man. I forgot."

"I heard my mom and dad talking about it. I guess my Dad ran into Bell or something," Edward said in a distracted voice. He still couldn't figure out how Carlisle knew that Bella's heater wasn't working. Earlier, when Carlisle called home, Edward clearly heard Esme's part of the conversation. They talked about how Hutch was such an asshole and how Carlisle would handle it on Monday.

"He might be closed already," Emmett said doubtfully. "It's almost six."

"No, look – that's it," Edward pointed. "Pull over there. The lights are still on."

Emmett parked and followed Edward to the rundown store front. Hutch's Oil shared a plaza with a bookstore, an insurance agency and a convenient store. Edward pushed open the door and a middle-aged man with dirty hands looked up from the desk.

"Sorry, boys. I'm closed. Come back Monday," he stated, sparing them a quick glance.

"I need to talk to you about an account," Edward said without hesitation.

"Monday," the man repeated, his voice clipped.

"Monday is too late," Edward replied politely. "I need to have this dealt with tonight."

"I'm closed," the man growled. He glared at them and practically bared his teeth. "So get the hell out."

Edward placed his palms flat on the countertop and leaned forward. "My father is Carlisle Cullen. He knows a lot of people, including the head of the hospital. If you don't want to lose your biggest account, you better shut up and take care of this tonight."

The man laughed and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. "Oh, is that so? Well, since you got me shakin' in my boots, what's wrong? Is your big mansion cold? The heater isn't working?"

Edward straightened, obviously biting his tongue. "No. Not my house. Chief Swan's house. There's something wrong with their furnace and you need to go look at it."

He laughed again, this time shaking his head. "Oh, you'll have to take that one up with the Chief. Now get out of here. I want to get home and catch the game."

The man, presumably Hutch, stood up and began shuffling around the papers on his desk.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Edward asked in a strained voice. It was becoming difficult to keep his anger in check.

Emmett reached out and put his hand on Edward's shoulder, trying to calm him down. He seemed about to snap. They wouldn't solve anything if Edward lost it and attacked the guy.

Hutch sighed loudly and turned to glare at them again, his good humor apparently gone. "There's nothing wrong with the furnace. There's an outstanding bill on that account and everyone in town knows my policy. You don't pay, you don't get an oil delivery. I don't make no exceptions, not even for the Chief."

Edward frowned to hide his surprise. "But…it's getting cold out."

Hutch shrugged. "I called last week but Charlie never called me back. I already gave him one extension and I shouldn't have even done that. He'll regret it soon enough. Sunday we're supposed to dip into the '30s. Back up to the '50s on Monday, though."

Edward ran a hand through his hair. He didn't have a lot of money to spare right now. Most of it was tied up in his savings, which he couldn't touch until he turned eighteen... Just in time to take care of his illegitimate child. He regretted spending so much money on his and Jasper's cars during the summer.

"How much to get some oil delivered?" Edward asked.

Hutch grinned widely. "Oh, you're Mr. Money Bags, eh?"

"How much?" Edward repeated, irritated.

Hutch leaned forward to peer at a bill tacked to the wall above his desk. "Let's see. You're looking at $1349.68."

Emmett cursed under his breath. Edward shifted his weight, extremely aware of both Emmett's and Hutch's eyes on him.

"Shit," Edward muttered. He reached into his pocket for his wallet and took out the silver American Express card. Edward ignored the way Emmett was gawking at him. The credit card was one that Carlisle gave him to use in emergency situations only. He was going to be in deep shit when the bill arrived. "Here. You can charge the balance. But I want it delivered tonight. Immediately."

"To be honest, I thought I was going to have to write this one off," Hutch laughed. He took Edward's card and swiped it through the register gleefully, picking up the telephone as he did so. "Yeah, Peter? I need you to make a delivery. Yes, now. All right. Yeah. Swan's. Yeah."

He slid the credit card receipt over to Edward, and Edward scribbled his name. Hutch hung up and looked at him closely.

Before Hutch could ask any questions, Edward cut him off. "Make sure the pilot light is lit, too."

Hutch raised his hand and saluted. "Yes, sir."

* * *

"All right," Emmett said. He parked the Jeep in front of the Webber's house. "So you dropped $1400 at our first stop. I assume you'll be spending some money at the grocery store. Are we planning on dropping a few benjamins here at Angela's?"

"Actually," Edward laughed. "Yeah."

Emmett looked at him in surprise, but Edward just got out of the car. Emmett followed him quickly. He was partially relieved to see a smile crack on Edward's face, but now kind of panicked about spending hundreds of dollars at Angela's.

He let his imagination run wild. Maybe Angela was actually a drug dealer and he had never known about it. Emmett frowned. She was skinny, yeah, but not crack-whore skinny. They stood in front of Angela's front door and Edward knocked.

"Hey guys," Angela greeted them, smiling widely. "Come on in."

"You got it?" Edward asked anxiously, stepping inside the foyer.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Downstairs. You're lucky, because my brother already promised the rest."

Edward smiled and let out a sigh of relief. "Four hundred, right?"

"Yup," Angela confirmed. "He's downstairs. Follow me."

Emmett hung back and let the two go ahead of him. They bounded down the stairs. Edward was suddenly showing all the excitement and exuberance of a little boy.

Angela had a finished basement. She knocked on the first door in the hallway and they heard muffled noises coming from inside.

"Your dad is cool with this?" Edward asked. "I mean, he's a minister, right?"

Angela lowered her voice. "Well…he doesn't know that Joe sells."

Emmett's eyes widened and he wiped a hand across his forehead. "Um…"

Angela glanced back at him quizically, but then the door opened and revealed a tall guy, obviously Angela's brother. The muffled noises were suddenly louder and her brother suddenly let out a shout.

"They're loose!" he hissed. "Shut the door!"

Then – pandemonium broke loose. Emmett let out a burst of relieved laughter as four puppies bolted out of the room. Angela squealed and ran after them down the hallway.

"Dogs?" Emmett asked, just to make sure. "You sell dogs?"

Joe stuck out his hand and introduced himself. "I'm a breeder. My dad doesn't really know. I'm supposed to be a journalist… Anyway, the timing of this litter got messed up, otherwise I wouldn't have the pups here."

"But it works out great for me," Edward grinned. "One male, right?"

"Yup, and he's all yours," Joe confirmed. "I get so much more for the females. Are you sure you don't want one? One of them is going to my cousin, so I can always switch and give her the male. Edward, you breed this and you make a good five grand off the pups. These are top quality, champion blood lines."

Angela came up to them, holding two wriggly, excited puppies. "Plus they're soooo cute."

"They're German Shepherds?" Emmett asked, taking one from Angela. It tried to climb up his chest and managed to get high enough to lick his face.

Joe nodded and turned to carry them back into his room. He had a round pen in the middle of the room that was about three feet high. He gently dropped the pups inside and they joined their siblings, yapping excitedly.

"They're just about too big for the pen," Joe mused. "But they're all going to their new homes this week. Edward, yours is… Hmm. Well, the male is mostly brown and black. His face is darker, though."

"There he is!" Angela pointed.

Edward bent down and scooped up the puppy. His tagged wagged so hard that Emmett laughed. He had to admit, they were really cute. Tiny, too. "How old are they?"

"Almost two months," Joe said, his voice proud. "And look how big his paws are. He's going to be a beast."

Edward reached into his pocket and pulled out the wad of bills. He handed them to Joe and smiled. "Thanks a lot, man. I really appreciate this. And thanks, Angela."

"We still gotta stop at the grocery store?" Emmett asked, eyeing the puppy. He didn't trust that thing in his car, not for one second.

"Oh, right," Edward nodded. "Joe, what kind of food should I get?"

"They've been on Purina Puppy Chow," Joe told him. "They like it. He's growing fast, so don't be afraid to give him a little more than what I wrote down if he seems hungry. Here, these are some basic guidelines."

Emmett accepted the print out because Edward's hands were full. Angela walked them out.

"Good luck with Bella," Angela said, smiling wryly. "I don't know how she'll resist that little guy."

Edward laughed. "I'm not worried about Bella resisting him. I'm worried about her taking him and then slamming the door in my face."

"I don't think she'll do that. I just hope you guys work it all out. It'd be a shame… I don't know. I just got the impression that Bella really liked you," Angela said ruefully. "Not like we talked about it or whatever. But good luck."

Edward thanked her again and they walked to the Jeep. Emmett got behind the wheel and Edward climbed into the back, settling the puppy down on the blanket. The puppy promptly started sniffing the blanket and jumped onto Edward. Then he jumped off of Edward and tumbled to the floor.

"Shit," Edward mumbled. "I'll have to hold him."

"Grocery store?" Emmett asked. "Lots of Kibbles 'N Bits?"

"Puppy Chow," Edward corrected him.

"So why are you getting Bella a puppy, exactly?" he questioned.

Edward laughed at the puppy's antics. "Well, she's alone a lot over there. It's not safe. This little guy is going to be a monster someday, so he'll be able to look after her. And I think she gets lonely sometimes."

"_Plus_ he's a cute puppy and you think she'll forgive you for whatever douchebag thing you did," Emmett sighed.

Edward grinned. "Basically."

* * *

A couple hours later, Edward stood at the front door of Bella's house. Emmett pulled up just as a truck from Hutch's Oil was pulling away. The Chief's squad car wasn't there, so Edward knew the coast was clear.

"Can you just carry those two bags to the porch for me?" Edward asked, unwilling to let go of the puppy. He could just see the thing taking off down the road and causing some terrible havoc.

Emmett dropped the two bags on the porch. When they got to the grocery store, Edward gave him one hundred bucks and told him to get a shitload of puppy chow, plus other necessary puppy supplies. Emmett picked out a hot pink leash and collar, grinning as he imagined Edward's glare. He grabbed some chew toys, food bowls and a couple of bones. Edward asked for something for dinner, too, so Emmett threw in a couple of frozen pizzas.

"Call me if she tells you to fuck off," Emmett called out. "I'll come back and get you."

"Thanks, asshole," Edward scowled. He waited until Emmett's car drove away to knock on Bella's front door. His hands were sweaty and the puppy kept trying to lick his neck. Edward felt vaguely ill; his stomach was in knots and he was kind of terrified.

The door opened and Bella stood in front of him. Her eyes instantly met his and her jaw dropped, cheeks already on fire. Then she looked at the puppy and her eyes widened even more.

Edward knew he should say something. Anything, really, was better than just standing there like an idiot. His mouth refused to cooperate.

"Edward?" she breathed. Bella looked down at the sack of dog food and the two paper grocery bags. Her eyes returned to his face. "What is this?"

He cleared his throat. "So, uh, your oil got delivered?"

Her eyebrows knit together but Bella nodded. She was wearing a pair of navy sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. The neckline was pulled uneven, exposing more of her collarbone on that side. She looked tired.

"Yes," Bella replied, and then she hesitated. "Did you have something to do with that?"

Edward shook his head. "No."

Bella sighed. "Don't lie. They gave me a receipt for the delivery and your signature was on it."

He didn't say anything. Bella looked at the puppy again. It was really squirming, so Edward handed it to her. Bella looked panicked but took the wriggling body and held it to her chest. She gasped when he licked her neck and up to her face.

Bella was torn. She didn't know who she wanted to look at more – Edward or the puppy. Edward looked as devastatingly beautiful as usual. The puppy was adorable. He had warm brown eyes that were so curious and his little tail wagged a mile a minute.

"You have a puppy?" she managed to ask, laughing when the puppy lavished more affection on her face.

Edward smiled at the happiness on her face and some of the tension gripping his heart loosened. "No. _You_ have a puppy."

"Edward," Bella whispered. Her eyes glittered with tears and she looked from the puppy to him. I don't – I can't – "

"Let me come in," Edward pleaded. He took a step toward her and reached out, but let his hand drop before he touched her, like he suddenly remembered his place. "Just to talk."

Edward couldn't be sure but he thought he saw a flicker of disappointment in her eyes. He took that as a good sign, and when Bella moved to the side he scooped up the grocery bags and the dog food.

He dropped the dog food and grocery bags off in the kitchen, then went back to the living room, where Bella was.

"How have you been?" he asked awkwardly, making sure to leave a few feet between them. The puppy broke away from Bella to run and jump on him.

"He likes you," Bella laughed. She looked up and met his eyes and her smile faded a little. "I've been okay. You?"

"Shitty," he shook his head. Edward took in a deep breath. "Look, Bella, I'm an asshole, I know. I don't know what else to say… It's like I mess up every time I try to make it right between us. I'm sorry."

Bella looked down at her feet, still stroking the puppy's silken fur. It flopped over onto its back, obviously wanting to play, but Bella didn't look over at him.

"But I love you, Bella," Edward said hoarsely. He was dying for her to look up at him. He needed to know what was going on inside of her head. "I love you so fucking much that I – I would do anything for you. I can't stand to be away from you anymore."

She didn't say anything but Bella did start to cry. Tears streamed down her cheeks but she didn't make a sound, except her breathing became more strained. Edward leaned forward to touch her cheek, his fingertips tracing the wet streaks. He shook his head, upset at the pain he was causing her. "Bella?"

She turned to him, unable to resist leaning into his touch. His hand cupped her cheek and she tilted her lips upwards. Edward moved closer to her and slanted his mouth over hers. Her pulse raced as her heart soared. Bella poured herself into the kiss.

After the cathartic talk she had with Carlisle and Esme over dinner, she had felt better but still sad. Bella inexplicably wanted Edward more than ever. The urge to touch his face and play with his hair had been so consuming earlier that Bella almost went back to the Cullen's to see if he was home.

"Kiss me," Bella whispered, when he began to pull away. She could feel his warm breath on her lips as he hesitated, but then Edward pushed her back so she was reclining on the couch.

The puppy leapt off of the couch before Edward could crush him. Bella pulled her legs up and Edward stretched out on top of her. His heavy weight felt perfect on top of her. She wound one hand into his hair, her fingers curling into the thick locks. Her other hand skimmed down his spine.

"Bella," he groaned. Edward nuzzled her neck and kissed her jaw. "I've missed you so much."

"Me too," she panted. Their lips met again and Bella's fingers pulled at the hem of his shirt. Edward reached around to grab her hand and still it before she could remove his clothing. "What are you doing?"

"Wait," Edward muttered into her throat. He sat up and put a little bit of space between them.

Bella twisted away from him, sitting up, and straightened her clothing. They were both more than ready, and she didn't understand the interruption. She needed him. Bella glanced around the room for the puppy and spotted him curled up in a ball by the heater, which was currently pumping out heat. He was asleep.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, returning her attention to Edward.

"I need to tell you something," he said in a pained voice, his eyes glued to her knees.

"No!" Bella begged, her heart tightening. She leaned forward, her hands going to his shoulders. "Not tonight. I can't – I can't hear anything else tonight. Just… Touch me."

Bella climbed on top of Edward and straddled him. Edward leaned back onto the couch and Bella moved up and down, rubbing the length of her body against his. He groaned and Bella reached between them to cup the bulge between his legs.

"Bella," he breathed. "God. I didn't want to – but – if you keep touching me like this I won't be able to…oh, God."

He groaned again and then Bella felt him lifting her up. He stood and slid her down his body until her feet hit the ground. Edward's face was flushed and Bella's eyes were instantly drawn to his puffy lips. His messy hair begged her to tangle her fingers in it. She wanted him so badly that she could cry. She stood on her tip toes and kissed him again.

"Bella, wait," he whispered, brushing his thumb over her bottom lip. "I don't want to do this."

"What?" Bella asked, stunned. She stepped back but Edward grabbed her wrist.

"Not like that. You know how much I want to do this," he said with a crooked smile. "I'm pretty sure you felt it, too. But… This time I want to do things right."

"Okay," Bella agreed, relaxing a little bit. "Yeah. Me too."

He leaned forward and kissed her. Bella felt his distance in the kiss, and immediately noticed the shadow in his eyes. He looked afraid.

"I need to tell you something, Bella, and I'm not sure how to say it," Edward said softly. "I don't want to tell you because I know it's going to change everything. And I feel like we're just about to get this right, you know?"

"Then just don't tell me," Bella whispered, closing her eyes. The tone of his voice made it clear that whatever Edward was about to tell her was bad. Really bad.

Edward exhaled and leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes, too. "I wish we could just start over. I would do so much differently. I would take such good care of you."

Bella hugged him tightly. She could feel it now; something had been set into motion, and change was inevitable. Her throat constricted and Bella fought against the tide of rising fear. She didn't want to lose him again, so quickly. She hugged him tighter now, trying to convey her love and panic and fear before it was too late.

"I have to tell you something, too," Bella whispered, choking on the huge lump in her throat.

He pulled back and looked at her with troubled green eyes. Bella had begun crying and couldn't stop. Edward brushed her hair off her forehead and smoothed his hand over her hair. Then he slipped one hand to the back of her neck and held her closely to his chest.

"Can I go first?" she asked in a wavering voice. Her lips touched his flannel shirt as she spoke.

Edward pressed his lips to her temple. He buried his face in her hair and nodded.

"I need – I need to tell you about that summer. About what happened," Bella said, her voice cracking. "About how I met your parents."

Edward cupped her face, tilting it upward so he could see her eyes. His image wavered before her as her eyes filled with tears. Bella's heart shattered a million times over, and it begged her to just shut up and hold onto Edward.

"We… I…" Bella trailed off. Edward kissed her forehead and Bella took a deep, shaky breath. She was afraid she was going to throw up.

"Tell me, baby," Edward urged gently. He looked as sick as she felt.

"Baby…" Bella repeated softly. She looked away from his eyes. Bella didn't want to see his reaction. It would surely devastate her. It wasn't fair that she was going to lose him again. "We almost had a baby, Edward. I got pregnant that summer."

His stunned silence ripped her heart out.

* * *

big thanks to the superfastlikewhoa beta, siouxchef, and the preview team, val, meg and tiff.

throw out some ideas or theories in your reviews. it helps get my creative juices going. LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LUNA


	20. Bella's Secret

Chapter 19 - Recap

* * *

_Edward cupped her face, tilting it upward so he could see her eyes. His image wavered before her as her eyes filled with tears. Bella's heart shattered a million times over, and it begged her to just shut up and hold onto Edward._

"_We… I…" Bella trailed off. Edward kissed her forehead and Bella took a deep, shaky breath. She was afraid she was going to throw up._

"_Tell me, baby," Edward urged gently. He looked as sick as she felt._

"_Baby…" Bella repeated softly. She looked away from his eyes. Bella didn't want to see his reaction. It would surely devastate her. It wasn't fair that she was going to lose him again. "We almost had a baby, Edward. I got pregnant that summer."_

_His stunned silence ripped her heart out._

* * *

Bella's heart was beating dangerously fast. A tiny piece of her brain registered that it wasn't healthy for her heart to thrum as quickly as a hummingbird's. A dull but fierce ache began throbbing in her chest and it grew until it hurt to breathe. She tried desperately to hold back her sobs. She needed to keep some kind of composure.

His lack of response was excruciating. Her entire being burned with regret. She shouldn't have told him. Bella should have kept the secrets of her past locked up tightly.

Edward inhaled deeply and sat back on the couch. It only shifted him a few inches away from her, but its significance was unmistakable. With that small movement, something between them was lost and broken forever. Bella never felt so alone.

During the silence, panicked thoughts ran through Bella's mind as she tried to find of a way out of this situation. Tell him it was all made up, or that she was going to be sick, or maybe that Charlie would be home soon... Anything to get Edward to leave before he ripped her heart to shreds.

Bella finally peeked over at him. She was so afraid to see the expression on his face. It would be a reflection of the one she saw in her dreams – in her _nightmares_. His beautiful, cold features and that hateful look of disdain…directed solely at her.

He wasn't looking at her, though. Bella couldn't see his face and for that, she was immensely grateful. Edward held himself rigidly and stared at the wall, as if Bella didn't exist and they weren't having this terrible conversation.

Bella jumped at the sound of his voice when it finally sliced through the silence.

"What happened?" Edward asked, his voice flat but laced with an unmistakable edge.

Bella covered her mouth with a hand to stifle the sobs that were trying to crawl their way up her throat. He was already pulling away from her, and it hurt. It hurt _so_ badly. Everything that Bella had dreaded was now happening.

"What happened?" Edward repeated harshly. She felt the couch cushions dip as he turned to look at her. His eyes burned into her; she could feel them on her face. "Did you have an abortion?"

"No!" Bella exclaimed loudly, the words escaping her lips before she could even think. She looked up at him, furious. Their eyes met, and Edward's showed such betrayal that Bella paused and made an effort to calm herself down. "No, no abortion. I – I miscarried."

"You miscarried," Edward breathed. His face smoothed into one of relief, and Bella's insides twisted.

The relief disappeared quickly, though, and Bella thought – prayed - that maybe she just imagined it. Edward's brow furrowed and he looked at her, concerned, but she could see something else lurking in the depths of his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked in a hurt voice.

Bella's mind was in a frenzy. She longed for Edward to grab her, like he so often did, and yank her against him. She wanted to run her hands over his hard muscles and to know that he belonged to her, and she to him. But mostly, Bella wanted him to hug her so hard and reassure her that they were okay, and she was safe with him.

"We weren't talking," Bella mumbled, looking down at the floor. Shame washed over her; she should have told him and she knew it. "We got into that big fight and you said you didn't want to talk to me ever again. And then…I went home."

"That's not fair, Bella," Edward protested. His carefully composed voice was gone, and this one contained tones of anger and desperation. "Just because we were fighting doesn't mean you can hide something like that from me."

Bella shrugged weakly. She knew he was right; it was wrong that she kept the pregnancy from him. Bella should have forced him to listen. She should have gone to his house and stayed there until he came outside to talk to her.

She should have done a lot of things, but she didn't and it was pointless to fret over them now.

In her defense, though, when Bella found out about her condition, Edward wasn't exactly being rational. She went through the entire ordeal by herself; scared, alone and confused.

"Wait – wait a minute. My parents – that's how you know my parents? You told them about the pregnancy but not me?" Edward accused her, his voice growing louder with each word. He looked ill.

Bella closed her eyes. She took a deep breath to steady herself.

"How could you – " he began.

"Shut up!" Bella yelled, covering her ears with her hands. She squeezed her eyes shut. "Just shut up! Stop talking!"

"Goddammit, Bella! You can't just tell me something like that and then refuse to talk about it!" Edward snapped, jumping off of the couch. He ran a hand through his already disheveled hair and huffed angrily. "They know? My parents know?"

Bella mirrored his movements and stood up wearily. She walked across the room to put some space between them. She didn't look at him but was hyper aware of his eyes tracking her every movement.

When Bella stopped and looked back at him, she was startled to find Edward standing directly behind her. She jumped, caught completely unaware by his nearness. Edward reached for her and his strong hands closed around her wrists.

"Tell me," he ordered firmly, but his voice was gentle.

Bella swallowed hard. Her mind yelled for her to move, to run, but her legs didn't cooperate and she stood still, rooted to the spot. Her lips parted and she attempted to speak but her voice was gone. Bella shook her head quickly and tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

"Bella," Edward groaned in exasperation, squeezing her arms. "Talk to me."

She pushed against him and his grip relaxed. Edward's hands slid up her forearms and then down her sides, tugging her to him. He kissed the side of her head and Bella melted into him, crying silently.

"I'm sorry," she said hoarsely. Her words were muffled into his shirt but his arms held her tighter, so she knew he could hear her. "I should have told you. I know I should have. But I was so afraid that you would hate me even more. Your dad was my doctor and Esme stayed with me at the hospital, but I didn't know who she was."

"So she knows," he confirmed quietly. His voice betrayed nothing and his face wasn't visible, and Bella was grateful for that. She couldn't deal with his usual harshness.

"I don't think so," Bella whispered. "I never told anyone that you were the fath – that it was yours. I didn't even know who Esme was then."

Edward quickly scooped Bella up to cradle her and heard her startled gasp. She didn't pull away, though, which he had expected. Her wet cheek brushed against his and the touch of her tears hurt him. Her skinny arms slipped around his neck and clutched him tightly, and Edward could feel her shoulders shake as she cried.

He carried Bella upstairs to her room. It was tricky business to get up the staircase without bumping either end of her on the wall, but he managed. Edward would rather take another punch to the face than hurt her again. Somehow Bella still managed to play his heart strings, even when he was so angry that he could barely see.

Despite his unwillingness to hurt Bella, he knew that it was inevitable. Once he told her about Jessica, Bella would never forgive him. More than ever, a part of his wished that he had stayed strong when Bella first came back to Forks. If only he had been able to resist her – maybe then she wouldn't have awakened all of these emotions. Maybe things would be easier now.

"I don't want you to go," Bella whimpered.

Her warm breath tickled his ear and Edward nuzzled his face against hers. She felt so damn breakable in his arms, and it was suddenly very clear to him that resisting Bella had never been an option.

Edward nudged her bedroom door open with his foot and moved easily through the dark. As he got closer to the bed, Bella's grip on his neck tightened to the point of a death grip.

"Easy, baby," he reassured her. "I'm not leaving."

"I didn't tell anyone," Bella mumbled in response. "No one knows we were together."

He pulled the blankets down with one hand and gently laid Bella on the bed. She immediately sat up and reached for him, so he sat down next to her and kicked off his shoes.

Edward stretched out on the bed and pulled Bella down to lay beside him. He had a nagging fear that she was going to try and bolt, so he pulled her flush against his side. They laid in silence, in the dark, and he listened to Bella's uneven breathing.

The puppy was still downstairs and they could hear him scratching around, investigating his new home. It probably hadn't been smart to leave him down there by himself.

A million questions ran through Edward's head and he couldn't decide which were the most important to ask. He didn't want to ask Bella anything. He wished he could put all of this behind them, so far behind them that Bella would never cry over it ever again.

"Did Charlie find out?" he asked eventually.

"He took me to the hospital," Bella admitted, sniffling. "Carlisle was wonderful. He tried to help me when Charlie got upset. I didn't want him to know what was going on…but, well, I ended up telling him."

"I bet he didn't take that well," Edward murmured, brushing another kiss across her temple. What did Charlie say? Did he blow up? How did Carlisle try to help her?

"No," Bella agreed, but she didn't elaborate. Edward didn't push for more details, despite all of his questions.

They lapsed into silence again. Bella was stiff in his arms, so he rolled onto his side and propped his head up on his hand. To his surprise, Bella inched closer to him, so her side touched his stomach. He gingerly rested his free hand on her stomach, and although her stomach muscles tightened, Bella laced her fingers through his.

His eyes had adjusted to the darkness and Edward could see Bella. She looked up at him with big, anxious eyes. The shadows in her room and the dim light made her skin appear ghostly pale. Edward couldn't read the emotions in her eyes, and he knew Bella better than he knew himself. That scared him.

"What else?" Edward questioned softly. It felt like there was more to the story. Bella stiffened at his words and he knew his instincts had been correct. "Don't be afraid of me, Bella."

Edward bent at his waist and curled forward, so his head could rest on her stomach. He moved their entwined hands over and nuzzled her t-shirt. Bella sucked in a shaky breath and her fingers knotted into his hair. When she tried to push him off of her, Edward closed his eyes in frustration.

He lifted his head, but only to take her hands and pin them on one side of her body. Bella made a sound of protest but Edward merely shook his head. After a stern look from him, Bella kept her hands still.

Edward moved down the bed and situated himself between her legs. He could see Bella's eyes widen, but his hands skipped over the waistband of her sweatpants. Instead, he reached for the hem of her shirt. Edward pushed her t-shirt up until it was bunched around her breasts, keeping them completely covered but her midriff bare.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered. He flattened one big hand on her stomach, feeling her warm, soft skin. Her muscles jumped nervously under his gentle caress.

Bella inhaled sharply at his touch. He ignored the sound and instead focused on her stomach, trailing his hand lightly over her abdomen. Then Edward leaned down and kissed the spot just above her belly button.

"I'm sorry," he continued in a low, emotional voice. "That I wasn't here for you when you needed me."

His mouth moved over a few inches, breaking contact with her skin just long enough to speak again. "I'm sorry that you went through all of that by yourself."

Bella wanted to look away but Edward glanced up and his hypnotizing eyes caught hers. She felt her chin quiver and Edward's face blurred as her eyes filled up with tears.

Edward angled his head, as if cocking an ear to her belly, and rested his cheek on her stomach. She could feel a day's worth of stubble on his cheek but he was so gentle with her.

"Someday you'll be an incredible mother, Bella," he whispered.

"No!" she breathed, trying to sit up. She didn't want to hear that, or even think of it. She choked on a sob and attempted to shove him away, but Edward just shifted his weight and pinned her down.

"You will," he insisted.

Bella struggled more violently underneath him and Edward was overcome with a feeling of foreboding. He grabbed her hands again and moved up so their faces were level. Bella turned her face as far to the side as she could, as if they could hide the tears streaking down her cheeks.

"Bella," Edward pleaded in a rough voice.

"I can't!" Bella cried. "Edward, stop, leave me alone."

"No," he said forcefully. "Tell me what this is about. _Please_."

"Fine!" Bella shrieked. She planted her hands on his shoulders and shoved as hard as she could. "You want to hear it all? Fine! I can't have kids; I'm sterile. I can't _ever_ have a baby, and I'll never get to be a good mother. _Never_!"

Stunned, Edward allowed Bella to push him off of her. She slid off the bed and ran out of the room. He distantly heard the bathroom door slam shut, but it sounded funny, like he was underwater or something.

He took a minute to try and collect his scattered thoughts.

Bella was pregnant.

Bella miscarried.

Bella could no longer have kids.

Edward rubbed a hand over his face and tried to squash down the massive wave of panic that was threatening to crash over him. He was fucked. He was _so_ fucked.

How could he tell Bella about Jessica? He couldn't. It would break her heart.

He didn't have a choice, though. Sooner or later, Jessica's pregnancy would become public knowledge, and it was probably going to be sooner rather than later.

Bella would be devastated. Jessica would be a bitch. Edward would lose Bella for sure, and he didn't think he could handle that again. Not when he finally realized how much she meant to him. It scared the shit out of him to think of his future; but when he did, Bella was at his side. His future just didn't work without Bella. That wasn't an option.

It was all too overwhelming. Edward felt the unfamiliar prickle of tears sting his eyes. He rubbed his eyes angrily and shoved off the bed. His throat ached all of a sudden, and he had to swallow hard a few times to make it feel normal again.

He knocked on the bathroom door but Bella didn't answer. He could hear her crying on the other side. The sound of Bella crying echoed in his head, and he tried to think of what it must have been like for her. He pictured Bella, glowing, her belly swollen with their child, and his throat tightened again.

"Let me in," he demanded. His voice sounded rusty.

"Just go home," Bella replied in a high-pitched voice. "I want to be alone."

"If you don't open this door, I swear to God I will break it down," Edward called out. He jiggled the doorknob, and just as he suspected, found it locked. "I'm not joking."

"I want to be alone!" Bella repeated loudly.

Edward turned the doorknob violently and cursed. He took a deep breath, then threw his weight against the door. It made a loud noise but only succeeded in hurting his shoulder. He did it again and Bella started yelling at him. The third time proved to be the charm, and Bella yanked the door open.

Her hair was falling out of her ponytail and it framed her face haphazardly. Her cheeks were pink and wet with tears, and her eyes were already bloodshot. She looked as terrible as he felt.

Edward didn't say anything. He reached her in two steps and crushed Bella against his chest. Her arms went up around his neck and her body trembled as she cried on him. He felt hot tears on his own cheeks, and he knew that they weren't from Bella.

"I wanted her," Bella choked out. She pressed her face into his neck. "I knew I was too young and it wasn't supposed to happen, but when Carlisle told me I was pregnant I wanted her so bad."

"It was a girl?" Edward asked weakly. Like Bella, he hid his face, and pressed it into her hair.

"It was too soon to tell," she confessed, her voice cracking. "But I think it was."

Edward squeezed Bella tighter. He wanted to say something comforting but when he opened his mouth, no words came out. Bella suddenly pulled back to look at him. Edward dropped his eyes, ashamed of his tears, but she didn't comment on them.

"What do you think she would have been like?" she asked softly.

The knife in his chest twisted a little bit more.

Edward wondered what their lives would be like if Bella had carried the baby to term, if they had brought a little girl into the world. She would have been walking and talking by now.

"I think she would have been pretty awesome," Edward replied, forcing the words out of his dry mouth. "If she was lucky, she would have turned out just like her mom. Beautiful, smart, funny…"

Bella shook her head. "She would have looked like you. All of your crazy hair and your green eyes."

"You think so?" he asked, forcing a smile for Bella's sake. On the inside, his heart was breaking; breaking for Bella, and their little girl.

Bella nodded and looked away as her eyes filled back up with tears. "I wish… I just wish everything had happened differently. Maybe if we waited, something would have changed, and – and maybe she'd be here."

Edward reached up and cupped her cheek with one hand. Bella closed her eyes and turned her face into his palm. "I guess it just wasn't our time."

She opened her eyes and looked at him sadly. "I guess not."

He sighed heavily and pulled Bella onto his lap. She curled up and leaned into him, holding one of his hands.

"I love you, Edward," she murmured.

"I love you, too, Bella," he whispered. He kissed the top of her head. "More than anything."

"I wish you could stay tonight," Bella said in a tiny voice.

"Me too," he lamented. He knew that was Bella's way of asking him to stay. He couldn't, though. "But Charlie will be home, right?"

Bella nodded. "Will you at least stay until I fall asleep?"

"Of course," Edward promised. He wrapped his arms around her and Bella tucked her head under his chin. He rocked her back and forth, humming a nameless lullaby and remembering all of their happy times from that carefree summer. Soon Bella's body grew limp and heavy in his arms. He carried her into her bedroom and settled her amidst her blankets, almost succumbing to the urge to curl up next to her and fall asleep.

Edward let the puppy outside for a few minutes and then put him in his crate. He took a few minutes to clean up the mess that the puppy left on the kitchen floor, and then he turned the heat up a few degrees. The house had already taken on a chill.

He checked on Bella once more and whispered his good bye to her, then locked up the house and left.

The ride home seemed long and lonely. Edward ached all over and felt more tired than he ever had before. As he pulled into his driveway, Edward forced himself to wake up.

He still had Carlisle to deal with.

* * *

all right, so, hi! hi to all you newbies, too. sorry i was so fail at this chapter....it took me for-ev-errrr (cue the sandlot kid). it was ridiculously hard to write and i'm not sure why. just didn't flow for me.

love all you guys! hope you liked the chapter :)


	21. A Family Breakfast

Carlisle drummed his fingers on the desktop anxiously. Edward had been gone for hours, and the acid had been churning in his stomach ever since.

Christ, he should have told Esme already.

Carlisle reached for the small glass of brandy he had poured earlier. The amber liquid would undoubtedly destroy the small amount of stomach lining he had left, but maybe it would make his upcoming conversations a bit easier.

"Carlisle?" Esme called.

"I'm in the study," he responded tiredly. He could tell her now.

Esme appeared in the doorway and Carlisle sighed. She was already dressed for bed; he couldn't tell her now. Carlisle longed to go upstairs and curl up next to her in bed but that wasn't even an option. He had to talk to Edward and he had no idea what time he was coming home.

"Are you coming to bed?" Esme asked, cocking her head to the side. She looked concerned.

"I need to talk to Edward," Carlisle shrugged. He rubbed his face with both hands and looked up at her through bleary eyes.

"You're drinking," Esme observed. She leaned against the doorframe. "Do I even want to know?"

"No," he replied honestly. A look of alarm came into Esme's eyes and Carlisle laughed tiredly. "Don't worry about it, darling. If it turns out to be anything, I'll let you know in the morning."

Esme nodded and her face smoothed out, but Carlisle could still see the bright curiosity in her eyes.

"You just go to bed," Carlisle insisted. "Don't wait up for me."

Esme nodded again and began to turn, but she paused and her eyes lingered on him for a moment longer. "Call me if you need me."

"I will," Carlisle agreed.

Five minutes later, Carlisle was on the verge of following Esme to bed. He couldn't sit still any longer and he couldn't bear to pace anymore. He downed the rest of his brandy, closing his eyes against the liquid fire burning a path down his throat.

He almost felt relieved that he could push the conversation with Edward off until morning.

He was reaching for the doorknob when a pair of headlights turned into the driveway and lit up his study for a couple of seconds.

"Shit," Carlisle muttered. He ran a hand through his hair and slunk back to his chair, slumping down in it. He poured another finger of brandy into his glass, hesitated, then poured one for Edward.

The house was quiet. It seemed to know when Esme was up and about, because it seemed lighter and more cheerful. Then when Esme retired to their bedroom to sleep, the house became still and felt empty. The quiet stillness had already descended upon the house, so Carlisle could tell immediately when Edward opened the front door.

Carlisle listened to him stop in the kitchen, then the bathroom, and finally in the hallway. Edward hesitated outside of the study door and then knocked softly.

"Come in," Carlisle said heavily.

He had never seen his son look so vulnerable.

Edward's skin looked paler than usual, especially against his shock of hair. Dark circles rounded his dull, bloodshot eyes. He even appeared skinnier than he had just hours earlier. Carlisle frowned; he knew that wasn't possible, but Edward looked dramatically worse.

"Are you all right?" Carlisle questioned, motioning for Edward to take the seat across from him. He pushed the glass of brandy across the desk.

Edward watched the glass move over the smooth surface of the oak desk. He shook his head once and dropped his chin to his chest.

"So…" Carlisle trailed off. Edward didn't say anything, didn't even look up. "Jessica is pregnant?"

"Yes," Edward nodded, his voice just above a whisper.

Carlisle inhaled deeply. "You asked me about prenatal DNA testing. An amniocentesis. Do you doubt the child is yours?"

Edward finally looked up. His haunted eyes sliced right through Carlisle's heart.

"I don't know," he admitted. "Jessica and me – we weren't really in love. Not real love, you know?"

"Edward, men and women don't always see eye to eye on love," Carlisle frowned, shifting his weight in the leather chair. "Are you sure Jessica felt the same way as you?"

Edward ran a hand through his hair and shrugged, shaking his head. "I don't know. I don't know! Could she have cheated on me? Yes. What do you want me to say?"

"Calm down," Carlisle advised. "We need to think this through. How far along is Jessica?"

"She says she's seven months," Edward said, his voice obviously doubting. "I don't see how that's possible."

"You two weren't sexually active then?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "I mean she doesn't look seven months pregnant."

Carlisle folded his hands and furrowed his brow, obviously thinking. "Well, Edward, some women really don't show very much until the last few months of the pregnancy."

"Yeah, but the last _two_ months?"

"It is possible," Carlisle admitted. "When was the last time you and Jessica had intercourse?"

Edward fought the urge to cringe at the clinical terms. "I don't know. Maybe three months ago? But I just…I don't believe her. I mean, she was late and then she took the test. How could the test come out negative if she was like, five and a half months pregnant?"

Carlisle watched him thoughtfully. "She probably misread the test, Edward."

"So…what do I do?" Edward asked in a quiet voice.

The small voice twisted around Carlisle's heart and squeezed. Edward no longer looked like a young man; instead, Carlisle saw the young boy within. He looked scared and lost.

"We'll set up an amniocentesis. I'll do it myself," Carlisle offered.

Edward shook his head and scooted forward in his seat, obviously becoming more agitated. "Jessica said there are too many risks. She won't agree to it. She won't have the procedure."

"There are risks," Carlisle admitted. "But Jessica is young and presumably, healthy. It wouldn't pose significant risks."

"As a doctor, how often do you recommend amniocenteses?" Edward inquired.

"Not very often," Carlisle admitted. "It's usually done for women who are high risk pregnancies or run a history of birth defects."

"What are the risks?"

"Well….less than one percent of women who undergo the procedure suffer miscarriages," Carlisle told him. "But I have performed many of these procedures, Edward, and I have never – "

"No," Edward said flatly. He closed his eyes and was flooded with images of Bella crying. He thought of their lost child. Logically, he knew that when Bella lost the pregnancy their child had been little more than the size of a pea, but that didn't make her any less real. "Not if it could hurt the baby."

The heavy silence between them made it clear that Carlisle disagreed with his decision. Edward didn't care. He wasn't particularly happy or even excited about the pregnancy, but he refused to put the child in any sort of danger.

"Then I suppose we'll have to start planning for the baby," Carlisle said lightly.

"Planning for it?" Edward echoed.

"Edward," Carlisle said gently, leaning forward. "If Jessica is seven months pregnant, then you'll be bringing home a baby in two months."

"Two months?" Edward repeated, his voice rising. He rubbed his chest and started sucking in more air. Two months. Two months and there would be a crying, messy baby in his house. He was still in school! How would be pay for diapers and food? How –

"Stop," Carlisle ordered, reaching across the desk to grab his arm. "Let me think about it. I will come up with a plan and we'll work this out. The last thing we need is for you to lose it right now."

"Okay," Edward agreed faintly.

Carlisle opened the top drawer to his desk and rooted around in it for a minute. He pulled out a yellow prescription bottle and deftly popped the lid off. He spilled the pills out onto his hand, then dropped all but one back into the bottle. He held out his hand, palm up, with the small white pill in the center of his hand. "Here. This will help you sleep."

"It's just…it's like this couldn't happen at a worse time," Edward complained. "That sounds bad, I know, and I don't mean to be selfish. But I just finally worked everything out with Bella and – "

"With Bella?" Carlisle asked sharply. He watched Edward swallow the pill and nod.

"I love her," Edward said simply.

"Bella has a lot of baggage, Edward," Carlisle said cautiously. "Maybe you should lay off of any sort of relationship right now, at least until this is all worked out."

"Baggage," Edward repeated softly. "Yeah, I know. And it's my fault."

"What?!"

Edward jerked his head up and his horrified eyes met Carlisle's, immediately realizing his blunder. Carlisle shot to his feet and Edward felt all of his blood rush to his face.

"What baggage are you talking about? Are you telling me that _you_ were responsible for Bella's pregnancy?" Carlisle asked, his voice cold like ice.

"I didn't know!" Edward said defensively. He stood up, too. "Bella didn't tell me until tonight."

"I can't – I just can't believe this," Carlisle said in an incredulous voice. He turned away from Edward and stared out of the window. "Go to bed, Edward. We'll discuss everything in the morning."

"But, Dad – "

"Not now," Carlisle cut him off. "Just…not now."

* * *

It wasn't until the first rays of dawn broke onto the lawn surrounding the Cullen house that Carlisle pushed back his chair and stretched. His eyes were gritty from lack of sleep and it seemed like forever since Edward sat across from him and dropped his bombshells.

In reality, it had been only a few short hours. He spent the time online, flicking back and forth between different web pages. Mostly banking sites; transferring money from here to there and setting up new accounts. The next few months would be difficult enough as it was, and he didn't want money to be one of Edward's problems. He would do anything he could to help him.

Carlisle's own parents were victims of a loveless marriage. His father married his mother because she became pregnant and it was simply unheard of back then to have a child out of wedlock. Carlisle vowed that he would only marry for love, and he found it with Esme. He always thought it to be a cruel twist of fate that they experienced trouble reproducing. They almost lost Alice and were destined to have no more children after her complicated birth.

Edward might not be his son by blood, but Carlisle could not love him anymore than he already did. He was proud to have Edward carry on the Cullen name. Of course he wished it wasn't so early in his son's life, but part of him – a tiny, primal part – couldn't help but feel a sort of satisfaction. He just prayed that Edward could find some happiness in the pending pregnancy. It had the potential to destroy his relationship with Jessica, and _whatever _it was that he had with Bella.

"Carlisle?"

He looked up and smiled at Esme, but a huge yawn broke through his smile. "Good morning."

"Were you up all night?" Esme asked in a distressed voice. She stepped into the study and wrapped her bath robe more tightly around her body. She reached him and put a hand to his forehead. "Are you not feeling well?"

Carlisle caught her hand and pressed a kiss to it. "Oh, Esme. I'm fine."

She raised an eyebrow and looked at him skeptically. Carlisle stood up and pulled her into a hug.

"Why don't you start breakfast?" he suggested. "I'm going to take a quick shower."

"It's a little early for breakfast, isn't it?" Esme asked quizzically. "Really, Carlisle, you're behaving very strangely."

"We do need to talk," Carlisle acquiesced. He kissed her cheek. "Make pancakes. I have a feeling Edward will be his usual charming self, as he so often is in the morning, so we'll need all the help we can get."

"You'll be waking Edward up for breakfast? This early?" Esme asked. Her widened eyes spoke to just how unusual Carlisle's behavior was.

"Trust me," Carlisle murmured, moving in for another kiss. "He's about to owe us. And I've been thinking…I think we should take a vacation very soon."

"Okay," Esme laughed, her eyes slightly narrowed. "I guess I'll start breakfast?"

"Be down soon," Carlisle promised.

He showered quickly, in and out in under five minutes. Carlisle changed into a clean pair of sweatpants and an old Harvard t-shirt.

Carlisle didn't bother knocking. He opened the door to Edward's darkened crypt and flicked the lights a few times.

"Stop," Edward mumbled, rolling over to shield his eyes from the light. "Fuckin' hate that."

Carlisle suppressed his laugh and continued flicking the light. He felt better after the shower, almost good. He was surprised at his fair mood. "Come on, Edward. Your mother's making breakfast."

"I just fell asleep," Edward moaned. "For the love of God, go away."

"I believe you have some news you'd like to tell her," Carlisle baited him. "Unless you'd like me to tell her she's becoming a grandmother."

Edward's head lifted off of his pillow and his eyes cracked open. He squinted at his alarm clock. "Can't we wait?"

"Until when?" Carlisle scoffed, crossing his arms. "Until the baby is born and we do a DNA test? Then what are you going to do? Hand it over and introduce her to her new grandchild? She'd kill you, and you know it."

Edward rolled over and sat halfway up, supporting his weight on his elbows. "Just let her kill me."

"You've got two minutes to get downstairs," Carlisle threatened him. Edward groaned again and Carlisle shut the door, ignoring him. By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs, the scent of cooking bacon and fresh coffee filled the air.

He walked into the kitchen and noticed immediately that only two places were set. Esme's seat had only a mug of steaming coffee in front of it.

Esme watched his eyes travel around the table. Her hands were on her hips by the time Carlisle looked at her, and his protest died on his lips.

"You think I can eat right now?" she questioned. Esme shook her head. "You've got my nerves all frazzled and – oh, good morning, Edward."

Edward shuffled over to her and bent over slightly. Following their usual routine, Esme stood on her tip toes and kissed his cheek, then ruffled his messy hair.

"You'll need a hair cut soon," Esme said affectionately. "Sit down and eat. And we can discuss whatever has your father so worked up."

Edward grimaced at that, and Esme felt her heart drop into her stomach. So it wasn't good news then.

She had hoped it was news about a college or something equally fantastic. Even if Edward had been going far away…if it made him happy, she could be happy, too.

Esme quickly dished out the food she had prepared and took her seat next to Carlisle, across from Edward. They tucked into their food and the silence, marred only by the clink of silverware on glass, was heavy.

"Is someone sick?" Esme finally burst out. She was gripping her coffee mug so tightly that she was surprised it hadn't exploded yet.

Both men froze. Edward's fork paused just inches from his open mouth. Carlisle let out a strangled noise and seemed to choke on his mouthful of pancake.

"No-o-o-o," Carlisle said slowly, swallowing hard. "But Edward does have some news to tell you."

Esme's eyes narrowed. "To tell _me_? You do know, then?"

Carlisle's expression clouded over and he dropped his eyes to his plate. "Only as of a few hours ago."

Esme's glare intensified and it was obvious that she didn't believe him.

"For certain a few hours ago," Carlisle clarified. "I only knew for certain a few hours ago. I had…suspicions."

Esme turned her attention to Edward. He was staring at his plate and dejectedly pushing pancakes around with his fork. His cheekbones stood out too sharply, she decided, and she didn't like the dark circles under his shadowed eyes.

"Edward," Esme prompted gently.

He looked up and the utter despair she saw in her baby's eyes broke her heart. Esme reached across the table to put her hand on top of his. To her surprise, Edward's hand turned up to hold hers. She gave him a reassuring squeeze.

"Jessica is pregnant," he said softly.

Esme froze. Her heart stalled in her chest and she looked away quickly, guiltily, when Edward's gaze shot to her face. He was expecting her acceptance and support. A flood of emotions tightened her chest and Esme fought the urge to hide her face from him.

"Well," Esme swallowed hard. "This is…unexpected."

Edward nodded and sat back in his seat, pulling away from her as he did so.

"I took the liberty of making some plans," Carlisle announced.

"When?" Edward frowned.

Esme let their voices fade out as the reality of the situation sunk in. Her baby was having a baby. All of her hopes and dreams for Edward were falling down around them, crashing onto the tiled kitchen floor.

How could he follow in his father's footsteps now? He would have to get a job almost immediately. She and Carlisle would help him financially, of course, but taking care of a new child would make college a huge obstacle. Medical school would be nearly impossible. The course of his life was drastically changed. She wanted _so_ much more for him.

Carlisle was talking, but Esme couldn't hear a single word. She struggled to focus her thoughts, but it was impossible and they ricocheted off of each other into different directions.

"But – what about Bella?" Esme asked, interrupting. "You care for her, I know you do."

"I do," Edward replied in a pained voice. He rubbed his forehead and looked down. "Bella is…she's everything to me now. But it'll never work now."

"Jessica will – " Esme began.

"Wait!" Carlisle pleaded. "Before we discuss the girls, we need to take care of the baby. If the baby is indeed Edward's, we need to make – "

"There is a question that the child is yours?" Esme asked, shocked. Her expression hardened. "You know, I never liked that girl. She's just like her mother."

"Esme," Carlisle sighed.

She shrugged stiffly but fell silent. Carlisle nodded his gratitude and resumed speaking.

"I have taken eight thousand dollars out of your trust fund, Edward," Carlisle said solemnly. "I put it into a new checking account. Technically, this money is not available to you until your twenty-first birthday, so I am giving you a loan under the agreement that you will repay us when the funds are available to you."

Edward nodded. He wanted to thank his father, because the financial responsibility a baby would entail had been completely overwhelming to him, but the gratitude caused his throat to close.

"That money is reserved for the baby and whatever it needs. I will be very strict on that, Edward, and I'll monitor the account if I need to."

"Okay," Edward croaked out.

"Furthermore," Carlisle continued. "You will graduate with an average of eighty-six or above, and will secure a part-time job immediately. You will continue on to the local community college, where you will graduate with honors."

Edward felt his blood pressure begin to rise. College was the last thing on his mind. All he could think of was Bella. His life without Bella. Bella hating him. Raising a child without her. Raising a child that looked like Jessica.

"Carlisle, I don't think now is the time for discussing college," Esme interjected softly.

"I think my requests are reasonable. In exchange for fulfilling these conditions, I will provide a nursery for the child," Carlisle offered. "You will stay here and Esme and I will help you. I'll hire a nanny if we need one. Jessica can move in, as well."

"No!" Edward said sharply. "I don't want her here."

For the first time, Carlisle's eyes burned with anger. "You will not shirk your parental responsibilities! You will not leave that poor girl to suffer through her pregnancy alone, and then take care of a newborn baby by herself. You don't know what it's like to take care of a baby, Edward. I don't care how you feel about Jessica!"

"But she can't move in here," Edward protested. "I'm not – "

"You should have thought of this earlier, then," Carlisle snapped. "You should have used a condom!"

"But Bella – "

"Don't even talk to me about Bella!" Carlisle hissed. "These are my terms, Edward. If you don't want Jessica here, then you can move out. She is moving in, however."

"I don't think that is necessary," Esme sniffed. She didn't like the idea of that hussy sleeping under their roof.

"If Jessica really is seven months pregnant and she just found out, then she obviously hasn't been taking care of herself properly," Carlisle fumed. "I intend to personally ensure both Jessica's health and the health of my grandchild. Does anyone have a problem with that?"

Carlisle's intense gaze was directed solely at Edward.

Edward inhaled deeply and tried to rein in his temper. None of this was working out right. He couldn't say anything to Carlisle – not when he was being so generous. But Edward couldn't help the feelings of resentment. He needed Bella, he needed to work things out with her.

Carlisle was punishing him for what happened with Bella. That wasn't his fault though – he didn't even know about her pregnancy. He would have handled it all so differently if he had known.

Moving a pregnant Jessica into his house and giving her a nursery was not the way back into Bella's heart, but Edward was running out of time.

The seconds were passing by quickly, loudly, and each minute brought him closer to that terrible conversation with Bella – to the demise of their relationship. He just couldn't see a way to tell her that Jessica was having the baby she had wanted so badly. Bella would never forgive him.

* * *

i hope this chapter is up to the usual standard for you guys. thanks to my fab beta, siouxchef, plus the dream team: meg, tiff and val. to everyone on twitter: love you guys and thanks for all the well wishes.

LUNA


	22. Chapter 22

"Dude, would you just relax?" Emmett exploded, shoving Edward's shoulder in frustration. The car swerved, which was enough to make Emmett laugh and return him to his usual good nature.

"Fuck, Emmett! I'm driving!" Edward snapped. He maneuvered the car back into the appropriate lane, but it wasn't like it mattered. The roads were always deserted this early in the morning.

The weekend had been a bust. Carlisle made him scour the newspapers for a part-time job but it looked like the only good lead came from his father. Carlisle was able to pull some strings and got him a gig in the cafeteria in the hospital.

After the job search Edward's next task was to detail Carlisle's three cars and clean the garage. The work itself wasn't terrible; the worst part of it all was the way Carlisle avoided him. He knew he let his father down and it wasn't a feeling that Edward was used to or enjoyed. Edward was too afraid to try and speak to Carlisle again; it seemed like he was more upset by Bella's miscarriage than Jessica's pregnancy and Edward didn't know how to approach that.

Bella had a crappy weekend, too. Apparently Charlie let her have it about the puppy, after he chewed up Charlie's favorite boots. Edward felt a secret zing of satisfaction because the puppy he picked was obviously a fine judge of character. He was sorry for Bella, although she said the punishment wasn't too bad. She had to clean the house and cook a big fish dinner for Charlie and some of his friends from the reservation, which she said she probably would have had to do anyway.

It had only been two days since he saw Bella, but it felt like two months. Edward sighed. It was kind of pathetic how much time he spent thinking about her.

"What's up your ass?" Emmett questioned. He dug through his backpack and in the mass array of crumpled loose leaf, pulled out a Snickers bar. "Ah, the breakfast of champions. You want some?"

Edward shook his head and instead stared glumly at the road ahead of him.

Carlisle had given him until the end of the week to explain the situation to Bella and get Jessica moved in. Actually, Carlisle wanted him to go tell Bella immediately but Edward staunchly refused. He wasn't sure what Esme saw in his eyes, but for some reason she defended him and Carlisle backed down.

Edward was completely opposed to the idea of Jessica moving in. He had a feeling that that Esme felt the same way. It would be just as easy to care for Jessica from her house as from their house. Moving her in would be an unnecessary headache for everyone, and a lot of heartache for two.

"Why did you pick me up so early?" Emmett asked. "Are we stopping at the diner? Ohh! Come on, let's stop! I want pancakes. Come on – my treat! Or do you – "

"Shut up!" Edward growled irritably.

Edward knew he surprised Emmett because he promptly shut up. Edward immediately felt guilty. Yelling at Emmett was akin to kicking a puppy. Except, more often than not, this puppy came back and ripped off one of your limbs.

"Sorry," Edward sighed. "We're picking up Bella."

"Ah, the glorious Bella," Emmett drawled. "Oh do I love thee, Bella? Let me count the ways!"

Emmett frowned at Edward's silence and drawn expression. Not even a flicker of annoyance. He was completely absorbed in his own little world.

"Soooo…you and Miss Swan are on the outs again?" Emmett guessed. Edward glanced over at him, eyes narrowed, and shook his head. Emmett sighed. "Are we seriously having this conversation again? Can't we just cut the bullshit and you just tell me what's wrong?"

Edward ran a hand through his hair and pushed on the gas pedal harder. "You remember the pregnancy test that Jessica took?"

"Jesus fucking Christ," Emmett shook his head. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"Seven months pregnant," Edward mumbled. "I don't even know what I'm going to do."

"Seven months?" Emmett repeated. "She's already like, a MILF."

"Shut up," Edward scowled. "This is serious."

Emmett shrugged and shoved the rest of the candy bar into his mouth. "Yeah, it sucks. It really sucks. To be honest, I thought it would happen to Jasper, not you. But we'll get through it, I mean, whatever happens we always do. It'll be like that movie – Three Men and a Baby. Me and Jasper can take turns babysitting and changing shitty diapers."

Edward couldn't help it; a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Then he remembered the conversation with his parents and a cloud of despair descended upon him again. "My dad is moving Jessica into our house by the end of the week. He's worried about the baby, because it's so far into the pregnancy and Jessica doesn't look it and hasn't been taking care of herself."

"Bella's not gonna like that," Emmett said wisely.

"No shit," Edward replied sharply. "Bella told me… Well, that summer when we first met, we, I mean…"

He trailed off as the car pulled into the Swan driveway. Edward could feel Emmett looking at him expectantly. He wasn't quite sure why he felt uncomfortable telling Emmett about Bella's miscarriage, but it just didn't feel right.

The front door opened right away and Bella stepped outside. She must have been waiting for them, because she flew out, yelling something over her shoulder. Edward assumed it was to Charlie, because the cruiser was parked haphazardly on the side of the street and the door magically closed behind Bella.

She took the stairs too quickly and slipped but before he could reach for the door handle, Bella was back up and rushing towards them. She looked flustered and tired.

"Backseat," Edward ordered.

Emmett made a noise of disgust but opened the door and climbed out. He gave Bella a one-armed hug before ducking into the backseat. Bella sat down and pulled the door shut. By the time she sat back, Edward had grabbed her arm and yanked her over to him.

"You okay?" he asked tenderly, cupping her cheek with one hand and holding her close with the other. Her cheeks reddened and he saw her eyes flicker to the backseat but Edward shook his head. "Bella, are you okay?"

Her lips parted but she didn't say anything. Bella nodded once and Edward leaned forward to press a kiss to her lips. He felt her smile against his mouth but when she tried to pull away he kissed her harder, poured himself into her.

He felt Bella reach up and put a hand on his shoulder to steady herself. After a moment she tried to pull away again and this time he let her. Her breathing was uneven and she licked her lips when they separated.

"Thanks for that," Emmett said dryly.

Edward ignored him and rubbed his thumb over Bella's cheek. "Let's blow off classes today."

"I've been missing too much school," Bella replied uncertainly.

Edward nodded and released her. His eyes dropped to the floor and a heavy sigh escaped his lips as he shifted to face forward. "Off to school we go."

"Oh, woe is me," Emmett complained loudly. "Spare me the dramatics and let's go. I've been making some real progress with Rosalie. I think Friday will be the day she says yes and we go on our first official date."

Edward rolled his eyes and Bella stifled a giggle, relieved to see that he wasn't too upset with her. Honestly, though, she had already missed so much school that she just couldn't justify skipping classes again. Bella felt an uncomfortable pang in her stomach. She did wish she could spend the day with Edward.

As they got closer and closer to the school Bella could see Edward's mood plunge even deeper. By the time he angled the Volvo into a parking spot in front of the school, a scowl had settled upon his handsome face. He turned the car off and pulled the key out of the ignition.

Emmett threw the door open and shouted for Rosalie before he was even out of the car. He threw a hasty thank you over his shoulder and bolted outside.

Edward twisted around in his seat to grab his backpack. Bella stared at him, torn, and bit her lip. She wanted to comfort him. He seemed so unlike his usual self, and he had been so good to her the previous night. She impulsively reached out and touched his hand before he could reach for the door handle.

"What would we do if we skipped?" Bella asked shyly.

The smile that broke across Edward's face was breathtaking. One corner of his mouth lifted higher than the other, resulting in that crooked smile that so often made her blush.

"I'd like to do whatever makes you happy," he replied softly. Edward took her hand and raised it to his lips, giving it a brief kiss.

"I don't mind what we do," Bella mumbled through a smile.

It felt like the dynamic between them had changed. When she opened up to him last night and shared that terrible burden with him, a part of her was freed. She felt lighter and happier.

She had fallen so much more in love with him.

"Okay," Edward said thoughtfully. "We'll stop at your house and pick up some clothes."

"Clothes?" Bella asked curiously. "What do I need more clothes for?"

Edward laughed. He glanced over his shoulder and shifted the car into reverse. "A surprise. We're going to take a little trip."

"A _trip_? When are we going to get back? By five?"

He shrugged and a half smile appeared on his face. "I promise to have you back in time for homeroom tomorrow morning."

"Edward," Bella groaned, hiding her secret delight. "Charlie will kill me!"

Edward reached one hand over to touch her cheek. "Just one night? Please?"

Bella hesitated, torn once again. There was a hint of desperation in his voice. The way he touched her cheek, and the dark look in her eyes… Maybe it was just one of those things, or maybe it was a combination of all three, but something made Bella nod in agreement.

"All right," he said in a relieved voice. "I'll make it special, okay? Something we can…we can remember always."

Bella looked at him sharply. His words, innocent though they were, sent a funny tingle down her spine. She remember the conversation they had been having just before she finally told him about her pregnancy.

"_I need to tell you something, Bella, and I'm not sure how to say it," Edward said softly. "I don't want to tell you because I know it's going to change everything. And I feel like we're just about to get this right, you know?"_

"_Then just don't tell me," Bella whispered, closing her eyes. The tone of his voice made it clear that whatever Edward was about to tell her was bad. Really bad._

_Edward exhaled and leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes, too. "I wish we could just start over. I would do so much differently. I would take such good care of you."_

Bella's stomach muscles tightened. If she had to put a title to the uncomfortable feeling in her gut, it would be…almost….foreboding.

* * *

Esme hovered outside of her bedroom door. It was nearly lunchtime and she simply couldn't wait any longer to talk to Carlisle. He had kissed her cheek and gone directly upstairs to their bedroom after their conversation with Edward. He proceeded to sleep nearly all day and then worked the night shift.

Carlisle came home early Sunday morning and fell asleep beside her before she woke up. He slept all day and woke up just after dinner. He studiously avoided her.

Esme didn't want to wake him up but there were questions that she needed answers to. He just left her in the dark and made all of those plans himself, and now there were so many thoughts bouncing around inside of her head that she couldn't stand it.

Gathering her nerve, Esme knocked on the door and stepped inside. "Carlisle? Are you awake?"

The shades were drawn and the bedroom was dark. Esme flicked the light on and stared at him. He slept on his stomach. The blanket was bunched down and Carlisle was shirtless, revealing his muscular back.

The sight of his total relaxation, which was in such conflict to her own frenzied emotions, sent Esme into a tailspin.

"Dammit, Carlisle, wake up!" Esme snapped.

"What?" he slurred, jerking awake. Carlisle rolled over and brought a hand up to his face, shielding it from the light. "What time is it?"

"We need to talk," Esme said frankly. "Right now."

"Oh, Esme, not now…" he groaned.

Carlisle pushed his face into the closest pillow. He had been avoiding Esme and it obviously caught up with him. He had such a guilty conscious that he couldn't even look at her; otherwise it would all just spill out.

It was a mistake to not tell Esme the truth about Bella's miscarriage as soon as Edward confided in him. It had been a terrible shock to learn the previously unknown details of Bella's pregnancy. He remembered so clearly when Bella was in the hospital. She was so young and vulnerable, and the way she looked at him just tugged on his heart. Bella had been one of those patients that just stuck out in his memory, even years after their meeting.

Carlisle tried to push the thoughts out of his mind but it was too late. The image of Bella, crying as he completed his examination, was especially difficult to bear. He closed his eyes at the sight of the blood; the blood of his grandchild.

Esme sank onto the bed next to Carlisle and folded her legs Indian-style. He remained motionless with his face pressed into a pillow. She tentatively reached out to feel his shoulder and was surprised at how tense his muscles were. She leaned in closer to him and began kneading his shoulders. His mouth let out a little puff of air, as if he had been holding his breath, and he relaxed infinitesimally under her touch.

"I don't think having Jessica stay here is a good idea," Esme said gently. Carlisle did not tense up again, so she took that as a sign to continue. "She and Edward are no longer together. We can easily oversee her healthcare without moving her in here."

Carlisle remained silent. His breathing had deepened slightly and she knew he was listening to her, but he hadn't responded. She tried again.

"We don't even know if Edward is the father yet," Esme said in a stronger voice. She realized that as her voice grew more aggressive, so did her hands. She made a concentrated effort to calm herself. "Until we do, it seems irresponsible to move Jessica in. It will only cause problems."

Carlisle cleared his throat and slowly turned over. He rested his head on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling, but reached for Esme's hands. He held her small hands in his much larger ones and placed them on his stomach. Esme scooted closer to his side.

"Obviously I haven't yet examined Jessica," Carlisle acknowledged. "But if she is seven months pregnant, it could be a very complicated pregnancy. She hasn't been screened for anything, she hasn't been taking any prenatals and I have no idea what kind of drug history or general health she is in."

"None of that is your fault," Esme said forcefully. "If Jessica is sick, then we will help her. We can pay for any healthcare she needs and make sure she is ready to deliver safely. But I do not want her living in my house."

"It's the only way I can take care of her," Carlisle muttered. He released her hands and rubbed his eyes. "I can't let it happen again."

"Again?" Esme repeated. Her eagle eyes sharpened and she watched him closely. "What do you mean?"

"I don't want to tell you," Carlisle said in a pain-stricken voice. He opened his eyes and looked at her, then reached for her and pulled her against him. Esme settled into his body and rested her head on his chest.

"Tell me," she whispered.

"Bella's pregnancy. Her miscarriage," Carlisle clarified. "That was… Bella and Edward had been together. That was their – It was our grandchild."

Esme closed her eyes before the stinging of tears could even hit them. "Oh, Carlise."

His arm slid around her and Esme tucked her face into the crook of his neck. "He never told me."

Carlisle shook his head. "He didn't know."

Esme raised her head to look at him, surprise splashed across her face. She blinked and more tears made their way down her cheeks. "What do you mean?"

"Bella never told Edward," he said thickly. "She didn't know she was pregnant until the miscarriage. From what I gather, she and Edward were on bad terms by then. And I was there when Charlie lost it with her, when he found out why she was ill. She had nothing here, no reason to stay. So she left."

"Poor Bella," Esme whispered tearfully. She wondered if Edward could even fathom how devastating a miscarriage was for a woman. Was he hurting, too? Esme laid her head down and cried softly into his shoulder. Carlisle rubbed her back soothingly.

"You see now," he murmured into her hair. "Why I can't let anything happen to Jessica. I just – I can't let it happen again. Not to Edward, not to us. Not to another young girl. I don't think Bella's ever fully recovered from it. Maybe if I had… I don't know. Maybe if I had done something differently…"

Esme didn't say anything. She wasn't sure what to say to him, exactly. Esme took in a deep, shuddering breath. She was sympathetic to Bella, of course. Esme had suffered her own miscarriage and held Bella's hand through her own traumatic experience. She had seen countless other women struggle with fertility problems during her time as a volunteer at the hospital.

Esme also felt sympathetic for Jessica, even though she wasn't exactly fond of her. It had to be terrifying to realize one day that she was seven months into an unplanned pregnancy.

But first and foremost, Esme was sympathetic to her son. She needed to take care of him before anyone else, despite how fond she was of the girls. Or rather, Bella. It was so painfully obvious that moving Jessica into their home was a terrible, terrible idea. Her poor husband – always with the good intentions.

She shifted so she could caress Carlisle's face. She could almost see his worry lines smooth away at the feel of her fingertips. She would have to take care of him, too. Carlisle was always so worried about his work and he inevitably put too much pressure on himself. He had done everything he could to save Bella's pregnancy but when it became clear that it was impossible, Carlisle shifted gears and did everything he could to save Bella. He did nothing wrong and he had no reason to feel guilty.

Esme pressed a kiss to her husband's cheek and felt the warmth of his breath whisper across her cheek as he sighed. She would have to be careful, now. Too many hearts had been placed in her hands and it would be tricky business to make sure none of them were broken.

* * *

"We aren't stopping at your house?" Bella asked, looking over at Edward.

He checked his mirrors before pulling out onto the highway. He shifted gears and the Volvo purred as it increased its speed. Safely in his desired lane, Edward looked over at her and smiled. "No. Too risky. Could get caught by my jailor."

"Your father isn't that bad," Bella laughed. She began pulling off her sweatshirt but her hair got caught in the hood. She heard Edward say something but couldn't make out the words.

Bella tugged harder and then she felt Edward's hand on her stomach. She jumped, prepared for his usual tickling, but he simply helped pull the sweatshirt off.

Bella's face was flushed by the time she made it out of the sweatshirt. She smoothed down her hair and then moved around in the passenger seat so she could watch him. "Thanks. What did you say?"

"I said, he was in rare form this weekend," Edward repeated, his mouth set in a grim line. He didn't want to think of his father or the new rules he had put into place. He didn't want to think of his mother, or how much of a disappointment he was to her. He didn't want to think of Jessica and the product of his stupidity which was growing inside of her.

Edward just wanted to think of Bella. His Bella.

"Did you do something bad?" Bella asked, teasing him.

Edward smiled. It wasn't a real smile, but it wasn't an entirely fake smile, either. He knew Bella could sense how much stress he was feeling and she was doing her best to alleviate it. "Not yet. But I might tonight."

Bella shivered at the predatory look he gave her. Edward obviously noticed, because his mouth pulled up into a smirk. She blushed and he looked back at the road.

"Okay," she said, switching tactics. "Tell me where we're going."

He laughed and shook his head. Ever since Bella agreed to ditch with him she had been badgering him for details. It was spur of the moment, but since the moment they took off he had been perfecting the details. It only took him five minutes on the phone to make the necessary reservations.

"I'll guess. Will you tell me if I guess correctly?" Bella wheedled.

Edward pretended to think. "Hmm, no. But I'll tell you if you take off your shirt."

"Edward!" Bella admonished, smacking his arm.

He laughed again and felt some tension leave his shoulders. It was nice to be with Bella. Around her, he could just be himself and not have to worry about anything. She knew his secrets, she knew him, and she still wanted to be with him.

Except…now she didn't know all of his secrets. Edward abruptly stopped laughing and anxiety began creeping up his spine. It was time for Bella to know the truth. Regardless of how wonderful their getaway was, and he was sure it would be amazing, he was going to have to tell her the truth.

"Stop disappearing," Bella said lightly. She reached up and smoothed his hair back. It was a wreck, as usual.

"I'm not," he promised. "I'm right here."

"You better not get crabby," Bella threatened.

Edward looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Or what?"

"Or…" Bella trailed off, thinking. She grinned. "Or I _won't _be taking my shirt off!"

"Well, in that case!" Edward said with wide eyes, mocking her. "I'll be on my very best behavior, Miss Swan."

Bella huffed at his teasing. She slunk down in her seat and eyed the road around them. It was pretty much deserted. Her fingers played with the hem of her shirt for a minute, then she reached up and yanked it over her head.

"Bella!" Edward gasped.

She giggled and slid down lower in her seat. She still had her bra on. Edward looked positively scandalized, which was ridiculous. He had seen her topless, for goodness sake! "Come on, now you have to tell me!"

"What?" Edward asked absently, his eyes flickering back and forth from the road to Bella's chest.

Bella felt a rush of arousal at the way Edward's eyes lingered on her body. She watched him rub his stomach in that distracted way and longed to touch him herself. He was always the one to initiate physical contact.

"Ummmm," Bella murmured, trying to remember what she had said to him. She vaguely registered the husky timbre of her voice. "Uh…oh! I took off my shirt, so now you have to tell me where we're going."

"No way. The bra has to come off, too, for that," Edward informed her.

"You never said that," Bella scowled.

"Okay…maybe just let me cop a feel, then," Edward negotiated.

"You better keep your eyes on the road," Bella advised. "You're getting pretty close to that line."

"Don't you worry about my driving," he said in a low voice. "I can multitask. Now what's it gonna be? The bra off or I get to cop a feel?"

"You tell me where we're going and _then_ I'll let you cop a feel," Bella suggested.

Edward quickly shifted lanes, and then hit the brakes so he could cut across two lanes. Bella clutched the dashboard with one hand and craned her neck to see where he was going. She squealed when she realized he was turning off the highway and heading for the rest stop.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked frantically. She scrambled for her shirt.

"Leave it off," Edward grinned. "We're finding somewhere to park and then I plan to take advantage of this deal."

"What do you mean?" Bella breathed, shocked; but her blush told Edward that she knew _exactly _what he meant.

* * *

Twenty-five minutes later, Edward pulled back onto the highway.

Bella pushed her seat back down as far as it went and twisted onto her side. She fell asleep quickly, and with a drowsy smile on her face.

The cocky smile on his face was well-earned. After two knee-weakening, toe-curling orgasms, Bella was all blushes and smiles and kisses. She forgot all about their secret destination, which worked out nicely for him.

With Bella asleep, the car soon began to feel lonely. In hopes of staving off any deep thinking, Edward turned on Debussy. The music failed to calm him, though, and soon the increasingly familiar anxiety began to take over his mind.

The next twenty-four hours might be the last that he was allowed to touch Bella, to smell her and kiss her and whisper in her ear. Without Bella, his life would be shit. He didn't want a world without her, but he owed her the truth.

Edward's heart twisted. The truth was going to rip them apart, but it was time.

* * *

thanks to the usual suspects, of course: beta extraordinaire siouxchef; the preview team: meg, tiff, val


	23. The Truth Shall Set You Free

"Hey you, it's time to wake up," Edward said softly.

Bella mumbled something in her sleep and turned her face away from him. Edward smiled at how adorable she was when she was sleeping. He knew she hadn't been getting a lot of sleep, and he really didn't want to wake her, but he didn't think he could carry her all the way up the stairs.

He had rented a little log cabin for the night. Carlisle and Esme stayed at the one of the cabins for a week every year. They had come to know the owners very well, and Marty was delighted when Edward called.

The cabins didn't have electricity, which was part of their charm, but there was running hot water and a fire place. Late autumn and winter were Marty's slow seasons; he said a lot of people needed their heat. He gave Edward a good break on the price, too, so Edward took the best cabin available. It had large glass bay windows that overlooked the lake.

It wasn't too cold out yet, and he figured they would be fine with the fireplace and blankets. Bella slept the entire two hour trip. He stopped at a grocery store for food and a few other necessities and locked her in the car instead of waking her up.

"Bella?" he whispered, kissing the side of the throat. She mumbled something else and the words vibrated in her throat. He kissed his way to her ear and bit down on her earlobe gently. "We're here, Bella."

That time she twisted away from him, laughing, and he laughed, too. She couldn't help it; every time he whispered into her ear it tickled and she ended up giggling. Bella wished every morning could start with kisses and whispers from Edward.

"We're here," he told her. Edward stood up and held out his hand. Bella stretched and yawned before taking his hand and allowing him to help her out of the car.

"Where is here?" Bella looked around. The leaves on the trees were varying shades of gold and red. It seemed like autumn had arrived here earlier than it did in Forks. "It's beautiful."

"It's ours until tomorrow morning. Come on, I already brought everything in."

"I slept through all that?" Bella blinked in surprise.

Edward rolled his eyes but a smile tugged on one corner of his mouth. "I guess I wore you out."

Bella blushed, and Edward pulled her against his chest. Cool air swirled around them, conjuring up golden leaves along with Bella's long hair. Edward smiled and smoothed her hair back, securing it with one hand at the base of her neck.

"Kiss me," Bella ordered with a smile.

He dipped his head to brush his lips against hers. She responded by winding her arms around his neck. He couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm.

"Inside," he murmured.

Edward grabbed her hips and turned her around so she faced the cabin. Bella laughed and dug in her heels. Edward gave her a gentle shove to get her moving but she held strong. He let out a loud sigh, then easily picked Bella up and tossed her over his shoulder. She squealed and dug her fingers into his arms.

"Edward!"

He laughed and gave her a light squeeze. He looked down as Bella's arms wrapped around his waist, and then he felt her face press against the small of his back. Inexplicably saddened by the gesture, he shut the cabin door and carefully maneuvered Bella onto her feet. They were so carefree together; he dreaded ruining that aspect of their relationship.

The blood had rushed to her face while he had her hanging upside down. The hair that framed her flushed face was messy, so he reached out to smooth it down. Bella's lips curved into a smile and her eyes closed as she angled her face into his palm.

His heart twisted painfully. She trusted him _so_ much.

"Bella." The pained word fell from his lips; the whisper a gentle plea for understanding.

She opened her eyes and looked at him thoughtfully. "Are you ready to tell me?"

He swallowed hard and shook his head. "No."

Bella raised a hand to touch his face, mirroring exactly the way he was holding her. "I can handle it, Edward. Whatever it is, stop trying to protect me. You're making yourself sick."

His brow knit together as he narrowed his eyes, looking away quickly. "It's not something you should have to handle."

"Just tell me," Bella pleaded. She closed the gap between them with one step. Edward's eyes stubbornly avoided hers, so she cupped his face with both hands and forced him to look at her. Edward inhaled noisily and lowered his eyes, but not before she caught the glimmer of tears.

The sight of tears in Edward's eyes was simply too much. The pit of dread in her stomach doubled, and it was at that moment that Bella understand how serious their situation was. He truly believed they would be ruined.

Bella plastered herself against him and threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Edward made a choking noise and buried his face in her neck, his hands gripping her hips.

"It's okay," she said frantically. "It's okay."

"I messed up, Bella," he said raggedly, his lips close to her ear. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. If I – I just never thought that you'd come back. I never thought we would – "

"I know," Bella said reassuringly. She pulled away to look at him but he shook his head and hid his face against her shoulder. Bella swallowed the aching lump in her throat. She ran one hand up the back of his neck and into his hair and Edward shuddered against her.

She massaged his scalp for a few moments and he nuzzled her neck, still breathing heavy. Bella was working up the nerve to speak when Edward abruptly pulled away from her.

"I need to put away the groceries," he said in a rough voice.

Bella leaned against the back of the couch and watched him tear apart the two paper bags. The task took under a minute and then Edward was left standing there, facing the wall. He took a deep breath and braced his hands on the countertop, forcing his shirt to strain against the muscles in his back.

She watched him turn around to face her. His eyes stayed on her sneakers for a few moments, and then traveled slowly to her face. Bella's heart twisted at his expression. His eyes were red and still watery, and Bella knew she must have gasped or made some similar noise because Edward's cheeks turned pink.

He cleared his throat and looked away. "Okay. This is – You know I was dating Jessica before you came back to Forks."

Unnerved at the mention of his ex-girlfriend, Bella self-consciously crossed her arms. Edward seemed so far away from her and the detached voice he was speaking in scared her. "Yes."

"I mean – you dated other people, right?" Edward asked desperately. "When you lived in Arizona?"

Bella's mind drifted to James. "Yeah."

"Right," Edward said. "You had a boyfriend. You two…you had…?"

Bella felt her face flood with heat at his unspoken question. "No! We didn't!"

"You didn't?" Edward asked, looking slightly dismayed and more than a little curious. "Why not?"

Bella shifted uncomfortably. She certainly didn't want to tell Edward that she had obsessed over him for years. That it had felt awkward every time James tried to touch her; that she imagined it was Edward's hands instead of his.

"I just didn't want to," Bella replied lamely.

Edward tentatively moved closer to her, a perplexed expression on his face. "So…I'm the only guy you've ever…"

"Yes," Bella scowled, fully aware that he was about to laugh at her. Instead, he surprised her.

"I don't deserve you," he said softly, almost reverently.

"Don't say stupid things."

Edward chuckled softly but his expression quickly sobered. "So. I need to tell you something. I'm worried that you'll – that after I say this, you're…"

"It's okay," Bella insisted. "Edward, whatever you're going to tell me can't be as bad as you're making it seem."

The ghost of a smile ran across his face and he nodded. "I guess I miscalculated, though. I wanted to have the perfect night with you, here. But I can't – not until I get this off of my chest. And once I do tell you, well, you won't want to stay here. I'll bring you home," he said softly. "No pressure. I mean it. In fact – "

"Just tell me!" Bella snapped, unable to stand his rambling any longer.

He looked sick, like he was about to vomit. He took a deep breath. "Jessica. She's pregnant."

Bella cocked her head to the side. "What now?"

His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "I'm sorry, Bella. Obviously it wasn't planned or anything. It just – "

"No…what?" Bella asked. She heard him but didn't understand him. A dim roaring filled her head.

It was as if the words, spoken from Edward's lips, changed. They became part of a foreign language that suddenly made no sense to her. Jessica? Pregnant?

Edward's face reflected his anguish very clearly. He swallowed hard, again, and shook his head. "Bella, I'm sorry. I found out and I was afraid to tell you."

"Jessica?" Bella repeated. "Jessica Stanley?"

She turned around and covered her mouth with her hand. The words had been slow to sink in, but her mind was quickly catching up. Jessica was pregnant with Edward's baby. They were going to have a baby together.

Her mind filled with images of Edward holding a giggling baby, with Jessica beaming in the back ground. She saw a decorated nursery with Esme and Alice smiling proudly by the new crib The painful images that tore at her heart but it wasn't until she saw Jessica's belly, rounded with pregnancy, that her breakfast began to rise up her throat.

Bella dashed to the bathroom, silently thanking God that the door was open and the sink was visible, making it easy to know where it was. It would be just her luck to toss her cookies in a closet. Bella held onto the cold porcelain and threw up until there was nothing left inside of her.

Weak and shaky, she slid to the floor.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was tight with anxiety. He hovered in the doorway.

She didn't look at him. "I need a minute, please."

"Bella, I – "

"Edward, please," Bella sighed. She stared at the wooden panels of the wall, willing him to leave. She didn't want him to see her puking her guts out.

The door shut with a soft click. Bella relaxed and sagged against the wall. She felt like throwing up again. Hot tears flooded her eyes as the injustice of it all swept over her. Jessica and Edward. Edward and Jessica. She wanted to scream and cry and just rip him apart. Rip _her_ apart.

Bella covered her face with her hands and closed her eyes. Her head was pounding. Her heart was pounding. Every muscle in her body was coiled so tightly that she felt brittle, about to break.

She opened her eyes and spotted her backpack hanging on the bathroom door. Momentarily surprised that Edward really had unpacked everything, she got up to retrieve her toothbrush. She scrubbed her teeth quickly and then sat back down.

Now she didn't know what to do – how to act, or what to say. She probably reacted in the worst possible way.

Her internal musings were interrupted when she heard the front door open and close. Bella scrambled to her feet, suddenly terrified at the thought of Edward leaving her. She didn't want to be alone. She might be angry with him, but he was still her Edward, and her heart wasn't willing to give up on him despite what her mind now knew.

"Edward?" her voice cracked. She threw open the bathroom door. He wasn't there.

"Edward?" she called again, unable to squelch an uprising of panic.

The front door opened and there he was. He looked tired and sad. Resigned.

"_Edward." _

He looked confused at the relief visible on her face and in her voice. "Bella?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat and launched herself at him, barreling into Edward at full speed. He caught her but staggered back a few steps before reclaiming his balance.

"Don't leave," she whispered into his collar.

"I – I thought you wanted to go home."

Her greedy hands clutched at him more tightly. Tears that she couldn't control spilled onto her cheeks and part of her worried about wetting his shirt. "_No_. I don't want to leave you."

His touch was gentle, almost hesitant. "You don't hate me?"

Bella pulled away just enough to look up into his face.

Her hair stuck to her wet, flushed cheeks. Edward felt his heart twist at the sight of such pain in her expression. He tenderly brushed her hair away from her face.

"I don't hate you," Bella whispered tearfully. Her chin quivered and she looked down, her face crumpling. "I don't want to lose you again. I don't care what happens. I don't care if you have a baby. Please, just, please don't leave me."

His fingers dug into her waist as he tightened his grip. "I'm not leaving you. I thought you – I thought this would be too much. I'll do whatever I have to, Bella, to make this work."

Bella worked to shove aside the churning feeling of unease that had settled in her stomach. They had so much to talk about, so many details to discuss, but she didn't want to deal with any of that now. A sense of urgency flooded her and Bella pressed herself against Edward and tilted her head up to kiss him.

"Bella…" He reluctantly kissed her back.

"Stop thinking," she ordered breathlessly. Bella kissed him with a renewed fervor and after a moment Edward groaned, finally giving in to her hands and mouth.

She walked him backwards in the direction of the bed, or where she thought the bed was. He allowed this for a few steps, then Edward moved quickly and Bella found herself with her back to the wall.

Edward's head dipped down to her exposed neck and he eagerly sucked a lovebite onto her porcelain skin. Bella's breathing was loud and uneven. She tangled one hand into his thick hair and tugged his head back up.

He kissed her and then his hands slipped underneath her shirt. Bella was too impatient for his teasing caresses, so she whipped her top off and let it fall to the hardwood floor. She licked her dry lips and stared up at Edward. His gaze was glued to the pale flesh overflowing the cups of her black bra. Bella reached back and unhooked the bra. It slipped off and landed at their feet.

Edward's lips parted and he exhaled in a hiss. His hands came up to cup her breasts and Bella arched against his touch, a soft moan escaping her.

"Bella, so beautiful," he murmured. Her nipples puckered in the centers of his palms and his hips reflexively bucked into her.

Her hands shot to the front of his jeans. Bella struggled to unbutton his pants but his mouth, tracing a hot trail to her nipples, kept distracting her.

"Bathroom," he grunted.

"What?" Bella asked, her eyes wide with confusion. She looked down at the prominent bulge filling out the front of his jeans. "You need to use the bathroom?"

He shook his head. Edward's hands dropped to her ass and he yanked her up. Bella squealed in surprise but quickly wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her across the cabin and back into the bathroom.

Edward set Bella on her feet and crouched down by the large porcelain tub that she had previously ignored. He turned on the taps and adjusted the temperature of the water. Bella stood behind him, admiring the way his t-shirt hugged his lean muscles.

"What are you doing?" she finally asked. "I don't want to take a bath. I want to…" Bella shrugged, blushing. "You know."

"This is supposed to be special. For you." His attention shifted back to the tub and Bella watched as he dumped in a generous amount of bath salts, then bubble bath.

"It already is special," Bella said anxiously, reaching for him again. "It's always special with you. I love you."

Edward towered above her. Bella crossed her arms over her chest, feeling oddly exposed. Sunlight streamed through the thin paisley curtain. It felt so wanton to be half naked with Edward during the day.

She shivered and goosebumps erupted on her skin. "It's cold."

He nodded. "There's no heat. I'll start the fire and you can take a bath. Take your time."

"Okay."

Edward glanced around the room once more. His eyes lingered on the neat pile of fluffy towels and the small collection of toiletries by the sink. "Let me know if you need anything." He shut the heavy wooden door quietly as he left the room.

Bella hugged herself to ward off the chill in the air. It wasn't really _that _cold, but the hot steam rising from the tub was so dramatically different than the cool temperature of the room that it caused her to shiver again.

She walked to the window and used one finger to peek through the wood slats that created the blinds. The cottage that Edward had procured for the night overlooked a beautiful lake. The sun glinted off the calm water. Bella took in the serene scene and allowed it to numb the frayed edges of her nerves.

Her time with Edward suddenly seemed limited. Bella loved him with all of her heart, and she knew without a doubt that he loved her just as strongly. She was simply afraid that their love wouldn't be enough to keep them together through the birth of his child.

Her greatest fear was that he would become too busy for her and they would drift apart. One day he would have no use for her.

Bella wondered how she would manage to walk into the Cullen house to see Edward holding his child, and not keel over in pain. Just the thought of Jessica and Edward together, in such an intimate way, caused her chest to tighten. How would she be able to look at the child with anything but resentment?

The jealousy Bella felt towards Jessica was so overwhelming that she was disgusted with herself. A baby was nothing to take lightly, and Jessica and Edward were practically kids themselves. Their lives were irrevocably changed and the next few years would be tough for them. Still, Bella was jealous of the bond that they shared. She could never touch it, and it should have been her and Edward, not Jessica and Edward.

She envied the late nights they would experience, either together or individually. She envied the swollen belly Jessica would soon wear. She envied them the stresses of a new child, the trials and tribulations, but most of all, the love. She wanted to hold a sweet-smelling, happily gurgling baby to her chest. She wanted to be the only one who could comfort the baby when she cried.

Bella looked away from the window, her heart heavy. She glanced at the tub and decided it was full enough. Not until she sank into the luxurious water did she call for Edward.

"Do you need something?" he asked through the door.

She rolled her eyes. Any other day Edward would be jumping through hoops to see her naked, and yet here he was, reluctant to enter the room. "Come in. I need help."

The door opened and he stepped inside. Edward had changed into the sweatpants she grabbed for him when they stopped at her house. Something had told her to pack some of his clothing. She only had a few odds and ends that he had accidently left at her house, or that she borrowed but never returned. Her hunch turned out to be a good one, considering they hadn't stopped at his house.

He shut the door to keep the room warm. Edward looked down at her, his eyes looking at the bubbles so intently Bella momentarily worried that he could see through them. "You need help?"

"I need you to wash my back," Bella smiled innocently. She sat up and brought her knees to her chest.

Edward smirked and she was relieved to see a glimmer of the guy she was in love with. This moping shadow of the real Edward was no fun and quite frankly, he worried her.

He kneeled down next to the tub and dipped his hand under the warm water. Bella purred when he ran his palm up her spine. She wanted more.

"You'll get all wet over there," she whispered. "Why don't you just come in?"

Bella glanced over her shoulder and her eyes connected with his haunted green eyes. He looked tired and just as stressed out as she felt. She scooted forward in the tub a few more inches in an invitation.

"Are you sure?"

She watched him with unabashed fascination as he stripped. She would never get tired of seeing Edward take off his clothing. He didn't exactly do a striptease, but he maintained constant eye contact with her as he disrobed. It was like a challenge – to see whether or not Bella would keep eye contact with him, or give into temptation and let her eyes rove over his body.

The eyes always went roving.

Today she found herself unable to tear them away from the front of his sweatpants. They made it very clear that Edward had also taken off his boxers when he changed. He ran one hand over his chiseled stomach and Bella felt her insides go squishy.

Edward dipped his thumbs under the loose waistband of his sweats and shoved them down. His thick erection jutted out from the thatch of dark hair between his legs. Bella squirmed in the tub. She drank him in, itching to touch him, but too soon Edward stepped forward and climbed into the tub.

It was easy to forget how tall he was but in the tub Bella felt dwarfed by him. Edward leaned back against the wall of the bathtub and carefully pulled Bella against him. His knees were on either side of her and Bella sighed in pleasure as she relaxed into his chest. She was completely surrounded by Edward; by his arms, his legs, his scent and his warmth. She felt safe.

His hands came to rest on her stomach and Bella covered them with her own. She bit her lip and tried not to squirm, but if she just shifted a little bit his dick would be rubbing against her –

"Stop," Edward groaned. "You're supposed to be relaxing."

Abandoning all pretenses, Bella grabbed his thighs and used them for leverage. She gently raised and lowered her body, and the water created an erotic friction between their bodies. The leg muscles she felt underneath her hands were rock solid. Every muscle in Edward's body was as hard as rock.

White hot desire pounded through her veins and settled between her legs. Edward's hands squeezed her hips once and then began a slow ascent up her body. Bella tried to steady her breathing but the closer those hands came to touching her aching breasts, the more difficult it was to keep a clear head.

"Edward," she breathed. His hands palmed her breasts and Bella moaned a little, arching her back.

His hands slicked back down her body to her hips and Edward carefully helped her turn around. Water splashed over the edges of the tub as they adjusted their positions.

When Bella was finally facing him, she leaned forward and caught his lips in an open-mouthed embrace. She put one hand on his shoulder and pushed against him, rubbing her pelvis bone on him.

His hands cupped her ass and squeezed tightly. Bella let out a cry of surprise and pleasure, and then urged him to do it again. Her voice was throaty and huskier than she ever imagined it could be. "More, Edward. Now. Right now."

He nodded and lifted her just enough so he could grab the base of his dick. Bella watched his face from heavy-lidded eyes. His reactions spurred her own. She took pleasure in his pleasure, and when Edward slid her down on top of his shaft, she thought she would simply fall apart.

Edward struggled to keep his voice even. "Every time – every time it feels better than the last." His fingers dug into her flesh as he moved her up and down in tandem with his thrusting hips. "So good, Bella. So good."

She nodded and planted both of her hands on his shoulders. This was the first time she had ever been on top and she planned on reclaiming the power. Bella rolled her hips and Edward hissed, throwing his head back. She attacked his exposed throat, loving that when he groaned she could feel the vibration against her mouth.

Bella moved faster, trying to match the fire that burned increasingly high inside of her. Despite her inexperience, her body instinctively knew the ancient dance of passion. Edward's self control finally snapped and his hips thrust upward, deeper than she had ever felt. Bella's grip on him weakened as she reveled in the fullness she felt. He took the opportunity to set an even faster rhythm.

It was all she could to do just cling to Edward's shoulder. He took over the movements, ensuring both of their pleasures. Water splashed out of the tub and onto the floor each time Edward pushed into her. The hot water, the cold air – Edward's rough touch, his silken thrusts…it was all too much.

Bella's orgasm rolled towards her at an alarming rate. The urgency had her fingernails digging into Edward's skin and breathy moans escaping her mouth each time he thrust into her.

"Hurry," she begged. "Please – I'm – oh, God!"

Her entire body stiffened as the orgasm crashed through her. She held her breath until the most intense waves shuddered through her. She dimly heard Edward's ragged breathing and low moans. He yanked her all the way down, so he was sheathed entirely in her body, and groaned as he climaxed inside of her. Bella slumped forward, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

She felt more connected to him than ever before. His heart beat matched hers. Their bodies melded together perfectly. He was hers, completely hers, if only for this moment.

"Bella," he murmured, brushing his lips against her temple. "You're perfect."

"Love you," Bella smiled. Her smile faded when she heard his sigh.

"We'll make this work, right?" Edward asked. His fingers traced up and down her spine, playing it like a piano.

"Yes," Bella replied softly. _We'll make it work_, she promised herself. We'll _do whatever it takes._

They lay entwined in the tub until the water cooled. As they dried each other off, a single worry kept running through Bella's mind.

Jessica. Jessica and Edward. Jessica and Edward's baby. Bella just didn't fit into that mix.

"What do you want for lunch?" Edward asked, interrupting her unhappy thoughts. "Grilled cheese?"

Bella nodded and tried to force away her worries. She would make the best of everything with Edward, for as long as she could.

Without him, she had nothing.


	24. Esme's Intervention

Everyone was staring at her.

Bella nervously peeked through the curtain of her hair.

Okay, maybe not. Maybe she was a little paranoid and it just felt like it.

Mike was discreetly picking his nose, Eric was staring at Angela and drooling a little, and Tyler was asleep. Reaching into her rather empty well of courage, Bella snuck a look over at Jessica.

She and Lauren were busy scribbling on a piece of paper and passing it back and forth. Bella stared hard at Jessica. Weren't pregnant women supposed to glow? Jessica wasn't glowing. She looked tired and kind of run down.

Bella squinted and tried to see her stomach. Jessica was wearing a hoodie and jeans, so it was difficult to discern if it was getting any bigger. Bella quickly slid her eyes to the left to make sure she wasn't being watched by Edward.

Nope. Edward was asleep. Mr. Banner had popped in a video for them to watch and dimmed the lights. Edward put his head down, using his arm as a pillow, and passed out almost immediately.

Bella liked to watch him sleep. He looked so relaxed and happy. All of his worries melted away and it was nice to see him content, even if it was only when he was unconscious.

Last night was spent in each others' arms, whispering and kissing. There hadn't been much sleeping going on.

They hadn't discussed Jessica's pregnancy any further. Bella wanted to, but every time she opened her mouth to ask a question, she just lost her nerve. She needed to know more, but that definitely didn't mean she wanted to.

Bella was tired of the heartbreak. She was tired of the pain and crying and secrets. When she finally confided in Edward the heartbreak of losing her pregnancy, she thought the worst was behind them. Now it was abundantly clear that the worst was just beginning.

She eyed the culprit behind her current relationship woes. Jessica Stanley.

Jessica was beautiful in her boredom. Bella thought she was beautiful the first day she saw her and hadn't been at all surprised that she and Edward were dating. She didn't seem terribly mean or cruel; Bella wasn't friends with her and Jessica didn't really pay her any attention.

Did she look a little bloated? Maybe. Bella couldn't be positive. She hoped Jessica was as much of a skank as everyone said; maybe her spawn wouldn't be Edward's.

The telephone mounted by the door rang loudly, startling nearly everyone in the room. Edward opened one eye at the shrill noise. His green eyes focused on her and he smiled sleepily. Bella returned the smile despite her heavy heart.

The class listened with interest. It was rare that the ancient phone was used. Mr. Banner spoke for a few seconds and his eyes landed on Bella.

"Sure. I'll have her go right now," he finished. He hung up the phone. "Bella, your father is here. Early dismissal."

Bella felt her heart lurch. She was painfully aware of everyone looking at her, especially Edward. She nodded at the teacher and stared at her backpack for a moment.

Her classmates wouldn't understand the significance of Charlie coming to yank her out of school before nine o'clock.

He was angry. Really angry.

"I'll come with you," Edward whispered.

"No." Bella shook her head. Edward's presence would make Charlie's wrath a million times worse. She had been so busy handling her entire _life_ right now that she slacked off on damage control with her father. "I'll be fine."

It seemed like every part of her life just sucked, and it was a struggle for her to just stay afloat. She was so tired of _everything_. Now she would have to deal with Charlie and his temper, when all she really wanted was to curl up in her bed and sleep for a thousand years.

Bella ignored the curious stares of her classmates.

She avoided Edward's eyes, too, and slung her backpack over her shoulder. She made her way through the darkened room, carefully picking her footing between the book bags that littered the aisle. It would be nice to exit the room without falling and making a complete idiot out of herself.

The hallways were deserted. Each step Bella took echoed dramatically, like a scene out of a bad eighties flick. Dread filled every bit of her body. At least he came during the middle of a period. It left less witnesses to her humiliation.

She turned the corner and stopped. Charlie was leaning against the wall outside of the main office, dressed in his full police uniform. He turned just his head to look at her.

Charlie jerked his head towards the door and wordlessly began walking. She trudged behind him. The police cruiser was waiting for them.

The ride home was silent and filled with tension. Charlie waited until he parked the cruiser in front of their house to launch his attack.

"I don't know what you're thinking, Bella! You cut class? You don't come home, you don't tell me where you are," he fumed. "You know I worry about you. That's why we have rules! You can't go around breaking them like that!"

"I'm sorry," Bella said meekly. She really was sorry about just disappearing the previous day. She deserved whatever punishment he doled out on that one. "I didn't mean to – "

Charlie's fist thumped down on the steering wheel. "I don't want to hear it! I know what's going on. I'm a cop, Bella. How stupid do you think I am? I know Cullen missed school yesterday, too. You two were together."

Her chin quivered and Bella forced herself to stare straight ahead. She wouldn't cry.

"Answer me!"

"You didn't ask a question," she bit out. Bella looked outside of her window, blinking rapidly in an effort to rid herself of the blossoming tears. They would be as damning as an admission of guilt.

"Were you with him?" Charlie demanded. He twisted in his seat to stare at her. "Were you with Edward Cullen after I specifically told you not to see him?"

"You can't forbid me to see him," Bella retorted. She fought the urge to run up to her bedroom and slam the door shut. Acting childish would get her nowhere, and yet she couldn't seem to turn down the attitude that was spewing out of her mouth. "We go to school together."

"Don't talk back to me, Bella. I'm done with this, do you hear me? No more late hours, no more bringing home untrained mutts, no more cutting class and no more Edward Cullen!" Charlie boomed. "Do you understand me?"

Bella shook her head. Her throat had nearly swelled shut in her battle against the tears. It was a lost cause, though, and they made wet streaks down her cheeks. "I love him. I love him and he loves me."

"He loves you?" Charlie scoffed. He shook his head. "No, he doesn't Bella. He's using you, just like he used you back then. I don't want to have to go through that all over again."

"_You_ don't want to go through that all over again?" Bella whispered, shocked. A hand flew to her chest to cover her heart, because it was suddenly twisting itself into a knot of pain. "You didn't – _I _was the one who went through everything! You don't know anything and you shouldn't talk about things that you don't understand."

Bella reached for the door handle but Charlie moved faster and the locks slammed down. She turned to him, confused and hurt and still shocked. "What?"

"You will not live under my roof and date that scumbag," Charlie threatened. His voice rose with each syllable and his face was nearly purple.

"Fine," Bella said weakly. She felt like she was going to be sick again. All the stress that Edward managed to ease out of her system yesterday was back full force.

"Fine?" he repeated, surprised at her quick agreement.

"I'll move out," Bella replied abruptly. She'd figure out the details later. Maybe she could stay at Edward's house for a couple of days. She manually unlocked her door and bolted outside.

Charlie got out of the car but remained close to it. He waited until her hand was on the doorknob to fire his last missile. "He's cheating on you, you know. He got the Stanley girl pregnant."

Bella paused. Edward waited to tell her, she knew that. But how long? Who else knew? She had to talk to him and get more details. How far along was Jessica? She shoved the thoughts aside.

"I know."

"You know, and you're still with him?" Charlie asked incredulously. "Bella, that's the stupidest – "

"Don't worry," Bella cut him off tearfully. "I'll be gone by the time you get home. Then you can drink yourself to death and not worry about me at all."

She slammed the door shut as hard as she could and pulled the deadbolt across it. Charlie shouted something but she couldn't make out the words. She didn't care. Nothing he said could make her feel better, or worse.

Breathing heavy, Bella leaned against the door until she finally heard the cruiser's engine rumble to life and drive away. Her heart throbbed in her chest and Bella sank to the ground, allowing the tears to fall in earnest.

She desperately wanted a normal life.

She wanted a father that she didn't have to worry about constantly; someone who could take care of the both of them and that just loved her.

She didn't want to think about money, or their lack of it, ever again.

And most fervently, Bella wished that she had a normal relationship with Edward. If they had only said what they were thinking and how they truly felt that summer…well, maybe they wouldn't be in their current situation. The idea of Edward having a baby had punctured her heart and each time she thought of it, the wound ripped open a little bit wider. She didn't know if she could really handle them having a child together.

Bella wiped her eyes and inhaled deep, calming breaths of air. Her head was already beginning to ache from the little crying jag. She stood up and brushed her jeans off.

She could just leave. Her savings account housed just over eight hundred dollars. It was more than enough money to get back home to Arizona. She would have to transfer the money to the account she had in Forks, because she didn't bring her debit card with her.

The house in Phoenix would be locked up tight, and she didn't have her key, but Bella knew how to get inside. She would probably be able to get her job at the bookstore back, too.

A high-pitched bark jerked Bella's attention back to the here and now. She followed the sound of the pup's barking into the kitchen. Bella sighed. He was locked in the basement. She opened the door and he practically barreled her over in his excitement to get out.

"Hi baby," she cooed, dropping to her knees. He smothered her in wet kisses and Bella felt her heart lighten just a smidge. Then she sniffed. There were definitely some unwanted presents from the puppy in the basement. Just what she needed.

"What am I going to do with you?" Bella murmured. She rubbed his neck and the puppy dropped to the floor, rolling over to give her access to his belly. "Maybe you'd like a home with Jacob, out at the Reservation."

The puppy wriggled underneath her hands and his tail thumped against the floor.

"Lots of room for you to run around," she continued. A sad feeling tugged at her heart. Maybe she should offer the puppy back to Edward first, but Bella already knew that he wouldn't be able to get his money back from Angela's brother and there was no way he'd be able to deal with a new baby and a puppy.

Bella fed the puppy and gave him some water. She wondered if Charlie had the decency to feed him last night. She had planned for the worst, though, and before they left on their overnight trip, Bella put out extra food for him. Feeding the pup would have been too much to expect from Charlie.

After she found the beat up duffel bag that originally accompanied her to Forks, it took Bella only a few moments to pack. She didn't have much that was worth bringing back to Phoenix.

It was becoming easier to breathe now. She just couldn't think.

She needed to keep moving. Bella had a tentative plan in her head but if she hesitated now, she would break down. She would lose her nerve. She couldn't think – not about anything, especially not Edward.

Just do.

Move.

Go.

All the dog supplies Edward had provided were put outside in a bag on the back porch. She left a lengthy voicemail on Jake's cell phone, including where she hid her spare key so he could get inside for the puppy. At least he would get to pick out the name for his new dog.

There was no one that she could really call for a ride into town. Edward was at school and besides, he would totally freak out on her. If she called Jake then Billy would out, which meant Charlie would know in two seconds, and all five deputies that made up the Forks police department would be after her.

Maybe Emmett? But he was at school with Edward.

She ended up calling a cab. Bella did one quick walk through of the house. The photos on the walls of happier times made her eyes burn, but when the taxi honked its horn, Bella whispered goodbye to the whining puppy and made her way outside. She locked the front door and didn't look back.

"Where to?" he asked. He was middle-aged and seemed normal enough. He tossed her bag into the trunk.

"The bus station," Bella requested. "But I need to stop at the bank first."

"First stop is thirty bucks, second twenty and third is ten on top of the regular fare," the guy drawled in a bored voice.

Bella shook her head. "Just the bank, then." She'd walk the rest of the way. Money would be more of an issue now than ever before.

He pulled away from Charlie's house and Bella felt faintly ill. Apprehension was quickly taking place of her short-lived confidence. She wanted Edward. She didn't want to leave him, just the rest of her entirely fucked-up life.

Edward was like a drug. The more she was with him, the more she wanted him. _Needed_ him. She was already hopelessly in love with him. Two more months would give him enough power to just shatter her heart.

And in two months, when a new baby joined the Cullen household, that was exactly what was going to happen. He wouldn't hurt her on purpose, Bella knew that. But it would happen.

"We're here. That'll be twenty bucks even."

Bella frowned and shoved aside her thoughts of Edward. "Twenty bucks? It wasn't even a ten minute drive!"

"Minimum charge." He pointed to a small sign taped to the dashboard.

He wasn't worth the argument. Bella tossed a crumpled twenty onto the front seat and gathered her belongings. In less than a minute she was standing on the corner of Main and First, all alone, with all of her worldly belongings crammed into a backpack and a duffel bag.

Bella hoisted the backpack over shoulder and picked up the heavy duffel bag. She shifted it clumsily back and forth a couple of times before giving up and just dragging it into the bank.

"Can I help you?" a woman immediately chirped. She smiled widely, though her eyes flickered curiously to Bella's luggage. "My name is Gianna."

"Hi," Bella said awkwardly. She hoped her face didn't betray the fact that she spent the last hour crying, but her cheeks felt warm and her eyes felt puffy. She knew she looked like crap. "Um, can I leave my stuff here for a minute? I need to transfer some money and close an account."

"Certainly!" she beamed. Gianna's immaculate makeup and sharp suit made Bella's spirits sink a bit lower.

Bella unceremoniously dropped her stuff at the woman's feet. Gianna smiled a bit uncertainly and took a step back. "You can get on line for the next teller."

The butterflies in her stomach promptly morphed into bats. Bella swallowed hard to ensure her breakfast (grilled cheese made by Edward himself) wouldn't come back up. Distracted, she tripped over the carpet but caught herself before she fell.

She got on line. It was a slow day, apparently. The bank was empty except for one woman who was already being helped by a teller. The only teller.

Bella stifled a sigh. She was running through her plan again and thinking of all the people she would hurt when the customer in front of her finished and turned to leave.

"Bella!" Esme smiled. She approached her and pulled Bella into a warm hug. "What a happy surprise. I've been meaning to call and have you back over for dinner."

"Oh, um, thank you," Bella stuttered. She wasn't prepared to talk to someone – to _any_one – about what she was doing. In fact, Bella had banked on a clean escape.

"What are you doing tonight?"

Bella flushed. "I – er –have plans."

Esme cocked her head to the side and studied Bella's face. "Are you all right, Bella? You look a little grey. Why aren't you in school?"

Esme looked concerned and touched the back of her hand to Bella's forehead. Bella's throat started to close at the maternal gesture.

Esme was too sweet. She wished wholeheartedly that she had been born into the Cullen family, or adopted by them like Edward. Bella couldn't even imagine what it would be like to call Esme her mother and Carlisle her father.

She watched Esme's eyes glance behind her and spot the luggage. They narrowed slightly.

"I'm leaving," Bella explained. Her voice was thick with tears but she couldn't do anything about that. "Charlie kicked – I mean, Charlie wants me to move back to Arizona."

"Right now?" Esme frowned.

She nodded jerkily. "He got me out of school and I have to be gone by the time he comes home. My dog – I'm giving him to Jake and I looked at the schedules and I think I have enough money for the bus tickets but – "

Then Esme was hugging her so tight, and Bella wrapped her arms around her and breathed in her sweet scent. She smelled like cookies and sunshine and happiness. Her tears overwhelmed her, and Bella cried onto her shoulder, worrying the entire time about Esme's lovely blouse.

Esme whispered that everything would be all right and then she became a blur of motion. She was talking to Gianna and on her cell phone at the same time, then there was someone from the bank carrying Bella's bags outside.

One minute Bella was crying on Esme's shoulder and the next she was sitting in the front seat of her car. Bella blinked, dazed.

"You'll stay with us for a couple of days, Bella, until we get this all sorted out," Esme instructed. "You're not going to take a bus from Forks to Arizona. We'll get you a plane ticket."

"No, no," Bella replied, her panicky voice matching her wildly thumping heart. "The bus tickets are cheaper and I need to be at Port Angeles by five. Then I can take the five thirty bus to – "

"Bella," Esme interrupted. Her voice was gentle and she reached over to put a hand on top of Bella's. "Take a deep breath, honey. Don't worry about money right now. I'll get you home safe to Arizona. Just stay with us for the night, okay?"

Us?

_Us._

"No! I can't, I can't!" Bella shook her head and tried to calm herself down. How had everything gotten so mixed up? She was supposed to be on her way to Port Angeles and somehow she was in Esme's car, going to her house. "I can't – Edward."

She wouldn't be able to leave if Edward asked her not to. She was just too weak

"I'll deal with Edward," Esme responded knowingly. "You can see him or stay away from him. That's up to you, Bella. It's just for a day or so."

"Or so?" Bella echoed.

Esme patted her hand again. Bella looked at her, still in shock. Esme was like a hurricane - definitely a force of nature all on her own.

* * *

When they got home to the Cullen house, Esme helped Bella carry in her bags. She set her up in a guest bedroom that was one of three on the third floor. Bella had only been inside once before, on the day of Emmett's party, and she hadn't even realized that there was a third floor. The house was much more spacious than it looked.

Esme left her alone for just ten minutes and Bella was in the throes of a full on panic attack by the time she returned. She wouldn't be able to leave if Edward asked her not to. She was just too weak.

"I want you to take this," Esme said in a gentle voice. She sat down on the edge of the bed next to Bella. "It's a mild sleeping pill that Carlisle gives to me sometimes. You don't look well, Bella. You need to get some sleep."

"I don't want to."

"When you wake up I'll have dinner ready for you. Carlisle will be home and we can talk about what to do," she said persuasively.

"What to do about what?" Bella bit her lip. "I'm just going home."

Esme touched Bella's cheek tenderly. "I know."

Bella covered her eyes with her hands. She felt Esme put an arm around her and pull her to her side. She felt weary. The adrenaline from her panic attack had worn off and left her drained, both emotionally and physically. It would be nice to fade into oblivion for a little while.

She straightened up and took the nondescript, tiny white pill, draining the glass of water. Esme turned down the bed while Bella kicked off her sneakers. She climbed in and closed her eyes.

A warm, loved feeling flooded through her body when Esme's warm lips pressed against her forehead. "Sleep well, Bella. I'll be just downstairs if you need anything."

* * *

The room was dark when Bella woke up. Her mouth was dry and her head hurt; she felt disoriented. She slept too hard, but the bed was still warm and comfortable and tempting.

Bella snuggled back down, not intending to find out what woke her up.

"I know you're in there!"

Bella's eyes snapped open. She knew that voice. She got out of bed and stumbled to the window, off balance and almost falling.

That definitely hadn't been a _mild_ sleeping pill.

Charlie's police cruiser sat in front of the Cullen house, lights blazing. The driver side door was open and Charlie stood there, yelling for her. He was still in uniform.

"Isabella Swan!" he shouted. He reached inside of the car and leaned on the horn. It blared into the night.

Bella uttered a cry of shock, of humiliation. The poor Cullens – poor Esme! Bella looked out of the window once more, just in time to see Carlisle cautiously approaching the cruiser.

It was like watching a train wreck. Bella couldn't tear her eyes from the unfolding scene, even though the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach told her it was going to end badly and to go put an end to it.

Carlisle was moving slowly, with both hands visible. She wondered why.

Then she noted the haphazard parking job Charlie had done. The cruiser rested at an awkward angle.

Charlie's voice floated up to the third floor as he shouted for her again, his voice as clear to Bella as if she was standing right next to him.

She heard the slur in his voice. Bella's insides went cold. He was drunk. Charlie was drunk, driving the cruiser and still in uniform. He drove over her to embarrass the people who had already done so much to help her.

Her eyes filled with tears and Bella wiped at them furiously. She hated him for doing this. The Cullens were nice people who didn't deserve this kind of treatment.

Part of her wanted to crawl back into bed and pretend that she had nothing to do with the situation unfolding outside. Carlisle was closer to Charlie now and he was talking, but she couldn't hear what he was saying.

She didn't have to hear the words, though, to understand that Charlie didn't appreciate them.

That became very clear when he pulled back his fist and landed a punch on Carlisle's face that snapped his head to his shoulder.

* * *

i'm excited to see what you guys think about this chapter. none of this was planned...bella just kind of took over. ya know how that happens? so...let me know if you have any new theories. carlisle and charlie fighting? excitinggggggg (esme gets turned on when carlisle has a black eye, that's all i'm saying).

LUNA


	25. The Cullens' Kitchen

Bella rushed downstairs. She was still drowsy from the sleeping pill Esme gave her, and the world tipped precariously about her twice. Luckily, the Cullens' staircase had a very sturdy banister.

"Oh, my God, did he just punch Daddy?" Alice screeched.

Bella's ears picked up the lower timbre of Edward's voice as he responded, but not what he said. She sped up and made it down to the first floor just in time to see Edward open the front door.

Her heart leapt into her throat. Edward didn't understand how Charlie was when he was like this; he would hurt him. `

"Edward, stay out of it!" Esme admonished. She stepped into the foyer and placed a hand on Edward's shoulder. "Charlie isn't well. Your father can handle him fine."

Bella stopped behind them. Edward and Esme were watching out of the open front door. Alice was peeking through the blinds in the living room. Red and blue lights from the cruiser sliced across the living room, making her head hurt more.

It felt like she wasn't there. It was as if she was watching a scene from a movie.

"I can at least go turn the lights off," Edward mumbled. He ran a hand through his hair.

Bella closed her eyes for a brief second. This was exactly what she prayed would never happen.

Everyone now knew the Swans' secret. They would never again look at Charlie as the Chief of Police. Someone probably saw him driving over here…maybe he ruined someone's mailbox on the way. His badge was as good as revoked. Years of unmarred work as an officer were now ruined.

As for her; well, they would never look at Bella the same way, either. She would see in their faces the pity that she had come to so adamantly despise.

Bella opened her eyes and put steel in her spine.

She squeezed in between Esme and Edward, wriggling out of both of their grips. Esme called for her to come back inside. She only made it a few feet before Edward's hand closed on her forearm. He yanked her to a stop.

"Bella," he said anxiously, his eyes searching her face. "Are you okay?"

Bella looked over her shoulder at Carlisle and Charlie. Carlisle had Charlie pinned to the ground and was talking softly to him. Even in the darkness she could see his eye was already swelling shut. "Let go of me."

"No. Wait until they're done."

Bella tried to shrug away from him but he tightened his hold. Edward took a step closer and put his hands on her shoulders. She wanted to push him away, but that would hurt his feelings. She didn't need him to protect her from her own father.

Carlisle eventually got off of Charlie and helped him into a sitting position. Edward's hands slid down her arms and Bella took the opportunity to break free.

"I can turn the lights off," she muttered. Edward reluctantly let her go. Bella gave the two men a wide berth and went around the car. She slipped into the driver's seat and cut the engine. Without the lights, the yard was much darker. Bella felt braver under the cover of night.

"Carlisle, if you can help me get him into the car, I can take him home," she offered. It was difficult to keep her voice steady.

Edward suddenly appeared at her side and his pale face was visibly troubled. "You're not going anywhere. Come inside with me."

Bella placed her hands on the steering wheel. "I have to take Charlie home. He needs to go to bed."

Edward tucked her hair behind her ear and then let his knuckles graze her cheek. "Come on, tough girl. Carlisle and I have it all worked out."

Bella met his eyes for the first time since class that morning. He was batting down her defenses, one by one, weakening the dam that held back her emotions. "What do you mean?"

"He's staying in Carlisle's study tonight. I'll bring the cruiser back to your place. Everything's fine," Edward said calmly. "Why don't you go inside with the girls and eat something?"

She shook her head. Biting her lip didn't stop her chin from quivering or the sudden onslaught of tears. "No. I can do it. I can take care of him."

Edward crouched at her side. He reached up and his hand smoothed over the back of her head. He pulled her to the side, to his side, and Bella was unable to stop herself from bursting into tears. Edward caught her as she tumbled into him and he sank onto the ground.

"Sssh, it's all right," he murmured. Edward wrapped around her like a big cocoon and she felt so tiny, folded up and safe in his arms.

"Bella?"

Edward felt Bella's body stiffen. She jerked away from him and wiped at her eyes. He tried to catch her eyes again but Bella was already pushing him away again.

"Bella," Charlie bleated. He sounded pitiful; a pathetic, sloppy excuse of a man.

"We're going inside now," Carlisle said in a louder voice. "Charlie and I will be in my study if anyone needs us. Bella, Edward, no school tomorrow, I think. Edward, when you're ready, Alice will follow you to the Swan household to drop off the cruiser."

Bella tried to stand up but Edward locked his arms around her waist and pulled her back down onto his lap.

"Let go of me," she snapped. Bella looked up at Carlisle. Charlie's arm was over his shoulders and he was leaning heavily on him. Furious that Edward was holding her back from aiding her own father, she glared down at him. "Edward, let go of me."

He waited until Esme shut the door behind Charlie and Carlisle to release her. Bella took a step away from him and eyed him warily. There was an awkward, heavy pause between them.

"Do you want to come with me while I drop the cruiser off?" he finally asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans."

Bella shook her head. "I should stay here with Charlie."

"Carlisle is taking him to rehab tomorrow."

Bella took in that information silently. She nodded once and turned around. Before Bella reached the front door, she heard the cruiser start up and the garage door open. She paused and watched Alice's little Corvette pull out. Her headlights cut across the lawn and she sped up, following the cruiser down the driveway.

Esme was waiting for her. "Bella, there is some soup on the stove for you."

"I'm not hungry," Bella said flatly. She cringed at how ungrateful she sounded. "Esme, I'm sorry for – "

"We're going to skip right over that conversation," Esme smiled. She gently guided Bella into the kitchen and pulled out a chair at the table. The table was set for one. "Have some soup. Carlisle will be out in a moment."

Bella wasn't hungry until Esme placed a steamy bowl of fragrant vegetable soup in front of her. She picked up her spoon eagerly, realizing that she hadn't eaten since that morning at the cabin. Her mouth watered and Bella promptly burned her tongue.

She placed the spoon back down and dug into the crusty Italian bread Esme brought over. She dipped the bread into the soup and savored the warmth as it traveled down her throat and into her stomach. Esme fluttered around the kitchen, tidying up and sneaking looks at her whenever she thought Bella wasn't looking.

Bella was halfway through her second bowl of soup when Carlisle finally came out of the study. She kept her eyes downcast until he sat down at the table across from her. Esme tossed a package of frozen peas between them and Carlisle reached for it.

Bella looked up and gasped aloud at the black and blue surrounding his eye.

"Worse than it looks," Carlisle shrugged, winking his good eye. "Tomorrow I'll actually have to thank Charlie, because Esme has always loved how I look with a good black eye."

Bella's gaze switched over to Esme, who giggled and _blushed_. She sat down next to Carlisle and kissed his cheek. "It's true. I've never been able to resist such a tough guy."

"I'm sorry," Bella said in a solemn voice. She knew they were trying to make this easy on her, but it was something that she would not allow to be easy. It wasn't easy.

"You told Esme that you were going home to Arizona."

Bella swallowed hard. She nodded, sure that Carlisle would be upset with her.

"Your father told me no one is in Arizona," he said in a kindly voice. "Your mother is traveling with her husband." He paused. "You can't stay by yourself, Bella."

"I would have been fine."

Carlisle chuckled. "Of that, I have no doubt. But in order to put your father's mind at ease, and mine, as well, you'll be staying here with us for a while."

"Edward said something about rehab?" Bella questioned.

"Yes," Carlisle nodded. "Charlie has agreed to go into a thirty day intensive rehabilitation program. He may not qualify for something so drastic, but he feels, and I agree, that it would be in his best interest to participate in it. I can get him in for free."

"He asked that you stay here instead of returning to Arizona," Esme told her. "He doesn't want Renee to know he failed you again."

"He didn't fail me," Bella muttered, her eyes burning.

She suspected that the Cullens didn't feel the same way, but they did not disagree. At least not verbally. Carlisle cleared his throat. "As far as I can tell, no one outside of us knows the extent of your father's drinking habit. I told him that in exchange for completing the rehabilitation program, I would keep his secret and cover his tracks with the town. Luckily, he did no major damage tonight."

"What will you tell everyone?"

Carlisle sat back in his seat. "About Charlie's disappearance? We'll stick with the story that he is ill and needs some treatment from a hospital in California. The closer to the truth, the better."

"And your eye?" Bella frowned.

"Didn't you see me playing catch with Edward outside just now?" Carlisle asked teasingly. "Boy's got an arm on him."

Bella grudgingly laughed. She noticed the way Esme squeezed Carlisle's hand. It was oddly intimate and Bella felt as though she was intruding.

"Well, it's getting late," Esme said. She stood up and took the frozen peas back from Carlisle. "Just past midnight. Bella, honey, I know you've been sleeping most of the day. Feel free to roam around, read or watch television. Whatever you'd like."

Carlisle smiled at her. The bruising around his eye was a dark purple and it contrasted vividly with his pale hair and skin. He laughed and shook his head. "Not as bad as it looks, I promise. Good night, Bella."

Esme came around the table to brush her lips against Bella's temple. "When you finish, just leave everything here. I'll take care of it in the morning."

The two left the room hand in hand. Bella blushed, too aware of the way Esme was pressed to Carlisle's side. She had a feeling that Carlisle hadn't been exaggerating when he told her that Esme liked the tough guy look.

She wasn't hungry anymore. Talking with Carlisle about Charlie's epic demise had killed her appetite. Bella cleared her dishes (as if she would leave them for Esme). Then she realized that Edward and Alice would be back shortly.

The idea of facing them - of talking to them or even just looking them in the eye after what they had just seen – well, it was simply too much. Bella had taken two steps up the staircase when she heard the approach of a car. That had to be Alice's Corvette.

Bella's heart rate immediately picked up and she decided to take the cowardly way out. She took the rest of the stairs two at a time and made it into her new bedroom before the garage door began to open.

She stripped out of her clothes and traded her jeans for a pair of cotton short shorts. The house was nice and warm, so Bella put on a cami to sleep in.

The sleeping pill hadn't truly worn off, so Bella was grateful to slip between her blankets again. It might have been her imagination but her little nest still felt warm. At the sound of footsteps approaching the room, Bella bunkered down even lower into her covers.

There was a soft knock on the door.

Bella held her breath and wished for Edward to go away. Just for a little while.

But when had Edward ever taken what she wanted into consideration? The door opened and shut again and Bella could feel his overwhelming presence in the small room.

He moved quietly. The bed dipped down under his weight as he sat, and Bella had to stifle the strong urge to roll over and reach for him.

"Bella?" his voice whispered.

She didn't say anything; there was too much to say and yet, nothing at all. She didn't want to have the talk. Why didn't she tell him how bad Charlie had gotten? Why didn't she ask for his help? Bella didn't have those answers.

She remained still and kept her eyes closed. His fingertips brushed over her cheek and Bella heard her breathing catch. He didn't make any indication that he heard, except he bent over and kissed her forehead. The stubble on his chin was scratchy.

Edward sat there for a moment longer and with each passing second Bella was closer and closer to opening her eyes and grabbing him. Just when the temptation to touch him became irresistible, Edward got up and tip-toed out of the room.

The sigh that Bella released was part relief and part regret. She relaxed her body, one muscle at a time, and within a minute she was back under the thrall of Esme's sleeping pill.

* * *

The next time Bella woke up, it was of her own accord. The bedroom was pitch black, matching the dark inkiness of the night sky. She yawned and stretched, letting the grogginess fall off her muscles.

Her stomach rumbled loudly, obviously very upset at being neglected. A visit to the kitchen was a must.

She debated putting on a few more layers of clothing, but it was the late and she doubted that anyone would be up. Besides, she was just going to open up the fridge, grab a snack and then high tail it back to her room.

The house was intimidating in its silence. The thick, plush carpet absorbed the sound of her footsteps but Bella was still afraid that she would wake someone up. Her heart was beating far too loudly. Her breathing probably sounded like that of a dying cow. She quickened her steps.

To Bella's delight, the Cullens' refrigerator was filled to the brim. She had never seen so much food in her life – especially _prepared _food. It was as if Esme was expecting to feed an army at a moment's notice.

In the end, it was a toss up between a bowl of spaghetti and a slice of cheesecake. The deciding factor was the microwave. Could she nuke the spaghetti without waking someone up?

Bella opted for the cheesecake. It was rich and creamy, and she had to stifle a moan when she bit into it. She wondered if Esme had made it herself. It was absolutely the best cheesecake she had ever tasted. Bella finished it quickly and licked some of sour cream topping off her finger, debating another slice.

"Bella."

Shocked, she was frozen for a moment. Then Bella slowly withdrew her finger from her mouth. His voice was deep and roughened by sleep. Edward's hair was flattened on one side and he wore a pair of low-slung black silk boxers.

Suddenly, it wasn't cheesecake that she was craving.

"You were going to leave me," Edward said. His voice sounded uncertain and hurt. He didn't move any closer to her.

A hot flush spread over her cheeks. "No – I – I just, um, needed some time."

"You needed some _time_?" he repeated. The words, coming from Edward's mouth, sounded completely ridiculous.

"I just needed to get away from everything," Bella mumbled. Her hands needed something to do. She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked everywhere except at Edward. She fervently wished that she had put on more clothing. Nights in Forks were chilly, which was reflected in the kitchen's cool atmosphere.

The evidence of that was making two distinct peaks in the front of her cami.

"But not from _me_," Edward stressed. He took a step forward. "You never have to get away from me. Don't you know that by now?"

Bella shook her head. "It's just going to get worse. I can't stay here. I'm going to move back to – "

Before she could finish the sentence, Edward was in front of her and his hands were gripping her upper arms. "You aren't moving anywhere. You're mine."

A jolt of arousal bolted through her body at his rough touch. "Edward – "

"Shut up," he murmured. The only light in the kitchen was from the glowing display on the coffee maker. Edward's eyes raked over her body as he licked his lips. "If you're leaving me, Bella, do it right now."

"What do you mean?" she asked nervously.

His hands released her arms and moved to her chest. He cupped her breasts reverently, rubbing his thumbs over her taut nipples. Bella let out a tiny cry of surprise and jumped backwards against the refrigerator.

"Leave me now," Edward threatened. "Or you're not leaving at all."

Even in the dim light Bella could see Edward's erection straining against the front of his boxers. His pale skin practically glowed in the dark and she ached to touch him. She couldn't speak.

"So what's it going to be?" he asked simply.

Bella leaned against the stainless steel door of the refrigerator. It was cold and a shiver ran through her body. The movement wasn't missed by Edward, whose eyes dropped down to her chest again. He took a step closer so he was within her reach.

She arched her back so the material of her top tightened across her nipples. The shift of fabric on her too-sensitive skin was delicious enough to make her lips part and gasp for air.

Edward moved too quickly for her to see, and suddenly she was pinned against the refrigerator. Bella stiffened as he molded his body to hers. His skin was hot, almost feverish, and his arousal was long and thick and pressed against her stomach.

"What about me leaving?" she squeaked out, trying to maintain some bit of her sanity even as her insides melted together.

"Fuck you leaving," Edward growled, his lips at her ear. He ground his hips into her and her eyes fluttered shut. He took the opportunity to capture her mouth in a rough, wet kiss. "You're mine. You're staying here. And I'm going to have you right now."

Her eyes flew open. Edward grabbed her wrists with one large hand and held them above her head. His hips kept her body pinned against the refrigerator and his free hand shoved her top up.

"Edward," she breathed. "We can't. Not here!"

He ducked his head and nuzzled his face between her breasts. Bella moaned loudly when his stubble played across her painfully aroused nipples. She tried to pull her hands down but he was too strong. She squirmed, moving her hips, trying to escape the overwhelming temptation that was Edward.

The silk of his boxers caressed her exposed stomach. The added sensation was enough to make Bella close her eyes and give in to the heat Edward was creating inside of her.

"Edward!"

He brought his mouth back to hers and released her hands. They immediately went to either side of his face, stilling his movements.

"Stop," Bella panted. "Let's go upstairs."

He smirked, but instead of replying Edward grabbed her ass and lifted her up in one quick swoop. Bella's hands dropped to his shoulders to steady herself, but in two seconds he had plopped her on the kitchen island.

Edward pulled her cami off and tossed it on the floor. Bella glanced over her shoulder, anxiety coursing through her blood alongside the desire. She tried to cover her chest with her arms and hissed, "Upstairs!"

He shook his head and yanked the front of his boxers down.

Now it was Bella's turn to lick her swollen lips. She knew how smooth and silky his heated flesh felt in her hand, and she wanted it. His dick stood up, so erect that it seemed to curve upwards.

She inched forward on the table. Her eagerness for Edward was almost tied with her anxiety now. She looked over her shoulder again, her ears straining for any sounds coming from upstairs.

"Right here," Edward murmured. Bella's shorts were short enough that he could push the crotch aside and reveal her glistening pussy. His fingers explored her greedily, until she was lifting her hips for him. "Right now, Bella? What if someone walks in on us?"

Her eyes were dark and frantic with need. Her breathing was loud; it was all he could hear. That, and the little moans of encouragement she gave when his fingers brushed over her clit.

"But aren't you going to leave me?" he asked, the innocent lilt to his voice teasing her. He withdrew his hand from her shorts and brought one finger to his mouth. He sucked on it exactly the same way she had sucked the cheesecake off of her own fingers. "Maybe you don't want to do this."

"Don't tease me," Bella whispered. Her emotions were going haywire and she was suddenly on the verge of tears.

Edward's face darkened. "You come into my kitchen, dressed like this, and now you tell _me_ not to tease _you_?"

"I just wanted something to eat," she tried to explain. "I didn't think I would see you."

He nodded. "I know. You've been avoiding me. If you thought there was even a chance that you'd see me, you would've stayed hidden in your bedroom. But I've been waiting for you to get up."

"I thought it would be easier if we just..."

"Lay down," Edward commanded. She looked nervous, almost apprehensive, so he smiled. "I just want something to eat, too."

Her eyes widened at his crass joke and Bella tried to sit back up. Edward splayed one hand over her lower stomach to immobilize her. She tried to squeeze her legs shut but his broad shoulders had already worked their way in between them.

Urgency boiled in her veins. Bella glanced at the kitchen door, positive that at any moment Carlisle or, God forbid, _Esme_, would walk in on them. She was still worrying when she felt the first lush stroke of Edward's tongue.

Her pajama shorts were pulled all the way to the side and his face was buried inside of her shorts. Bella writhed underneath him, trying to get away from him but trying to get closer to him at the same time.

He stopped teasing her and focused directly on her clitoris. Bella slapped a hand over her mouth because she knew the sounds escaping her lips were much louder than they could get away with. Her muscles began to tighten, anticipating that sweet release.

"Harder," Bella begged. She raised her upper body to watch him, supporting her weight on her forearms.

He abruptly pulled away.

"Edward!"

He towered above her and shook his head. "You've been a bad girl. You don't get what you want tonight."

Bella felt her cheeks flood with color. This Edward was so brazen, so unlike her Edward. He was punishing her! The thought shocked her. It scared her a little, too, and to her surprise…it aroused her.

Before she could think anymore, Edward took her by her hips and slid her off the counter. She stood before him, half-naked, and shivered with excitement.

"Turn around," he said quietly.

Bella felt her eyes practically pop out of her head. Turn around? She was frozen, just staring at him.

He firmly but gently turned her so she was facing the table, and she grabbed the edge for support. Edward's hand traced up her spine and she shivered. Her nipples ached for more attention, but he simply ran his hand back down the smooth line of her spine.

Edward pushed her forward so that her hips bumped against the table. Then he gently applied pressure on her upper back so she leaned forward, until her chest and stomach were flat on the cold countertop and her ass pushed back against him.

He ripped down her pajama shorts and they pooled on the floor around her ankles. The cool air on her ass made her squirm. She felt his hot flesh, long and hard, graze her skin. Edward pressed his hips against her and moved them minutely, just enough to simulate what she wanted so badly.

"Please," she whimpered.

His hand traveled slowly over the curve of her ass, continuing lower to the juncture between her legs. She was hot and ready for him.

"Please what?" Edward asked.

He was teasing her, yes, but she could tell he was teasing himself, too. His voice was tight with want and need. He couldn't hide that from her.

"I – I want you," she stammered. Bella laid her flushed cheek on the cool tabletop.

His hand had been caressing her the entire time. He pulled away for a moment and she was about to murmur her dissent but then he smacked her ass loud enough for it to ring throughout the kitchen.

Bella gasped loudly, more out of shock than pain. She tried to push herself off of the table but Edward had her efficiently pinned down. "Edward, what the fuck – "

His hand smoothed over ass again, and this time when he pulled away she was prepared for the lightly stinging slap. This time, it sent a flood of heat to her bottom. Bella bit her lip to keep from making any noises.

Edward wasn't sure if he was pushing her too far. Her fingers gripped the edge of the table so tightly that her knuckles shone white. He smoothed over her ass again and she pushed back against his hand. He dipped one finger into her folds, shocked by how wet she had become.

Bella liked it. She liked getting spanked.

The next slap landed on her pussy and the bottom of her ass. It sent vibrations to her clitoris and Bella couldn't stop the moan that slipped out.

"Are you leaving me?" Edward asked roughly. He slapped her again. This time when she moved against his hand his cock brushed against her slit. The slippery heat caused him to shudder. "Bella!"

"No," she whimpered. "You know I'm not. I couldn't."

Edward leaned over her, pressing every inch of his body against her body. "Are you saying that because you want me to fuck you, or do you mean it?'

"Both!"

He laughed shortly and straightened. Bella braced herself for another blow, but instead his hands moved to her hips and squeezed tightly once. Then he drove into her with such force that her feet lifted off the ground and she slid forward on the table.

"Oh, God," Bella gasped.

Edward reached around to cover her mouth with one hand. His hips never stopped thrusting and he had never reached so deeply inside of her. "Can you be quiet?"

She nodded against his hand and he let go. His free hand moved to her shoulder, slamming her back against him as he pushed forward inside of her.

"You can't leave me," Edward groaned. "Don't you feel how good we are together?"

Bella couldn't respond. She tried to nod, but her movements were jerky and all she could focus on was what he was doing to her. All of her attention was on the spot where they were joined together.

"Bella," he moaned. "Tell me. I need you to tell me."

Her hands still held onto the far edge of the table. Edward covered one of them with his and bit her ear lobe. "Please, Bella."

"Edward. Ed-ward. God…I love you. I love you! I'm not going to leave you, I promise," Bella panted. She couldn't stop speaking; she couldn't stop feeling. Edward was too overwhelming – he was too much of everything.

He pounded into her as roughly as he dared. As long as she was moaning and squirming, he knew she was okay. Then she froze – and that meant she was close. He wouldn't be able to last much longer, because as soon as she started to tighten around him, he was a goner.

"Bella, so good," he murmured. "Fuck. Every time – you – it's too good. _So_ good."

"I love you," she said again. She wanted to hear him say it. She wanted to know that despite everything, Edward still loved her.

"Yes," Edward hissed. He leaned over her again and put his weight on her. His thrusts became more shallow and faster. "I love you. More than anything. I want you to be mine. You _are _mine."

Bella held her breath, needing just one more thrust, and then her body shattered into a million pieces. Her muscles clenched and relaxed and her back arched of its own accord, slamming her head back into Edward's chest.

He grunted deep in his chest and when she arched up against him he grabbed her, palming her breasts and yanking her flush against him. Her orgasm was squeezing him tight – so tightly – and then the fiercest orgasm of his life almost crippled him. He fell against Bella, breathing heavy and exploding into her.

Bella relaxed underneath him and rested her head on her forearms. He held the majority of his weight off of her but put his head down on her shoulder.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked softly. Bella shook her head and he heard her sniffle. "Are you crying?"

She shook her head again. Edward pulled out and tucked himself back inside of his boxer shorts. He took her arm and helped her stand up; her legs trembled. She faced him, red-faced, and with tears sparkling in her eyes.

"I hurt you?" Edward repeated, his voice sickened. "Bella, I'm – "

"No," Bella shook her head. "They're good tears."

He scowled, obviously not believing her. "There's no such thing as good tears."

"There is," Bella insisted. She hugged him tightly. "It's just been an emotional day."

He tried to ignore the fact that her naked body was plastered to his. "So I didn't hurt you?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "No…you just surprised me a little bit."

"I surprised myself," he admitted. Edward kissed her, his mouth claiming hers all over again, and then he pulled away. "You're not going anywhere."

"I know," Bella blushed. "I'm sorry…I was just really upset."

"Next time," he said, putting a finger under her chin and forced her to look up. "You come to me when you're upset."

"And what? You'll spank me?" she teased.

"If you want," Edward grinned cockily. "And you probably will, considering how much you liked it."

If possible, she blushed even redder.

They both jumped at the sound of the second floor's toilet flushing.

"Oh, my God!" Bella whispered shrilly. She smacked his arm. "Someone's awake!"

"Hurry up, get your clothes on," Edward urged. "And we'll sneak upstairs and do it again."

Bella scrambled for her clothes, glowering at Edward when he just laughed at her instead of helping.

Life suddenly seemed a lot more manageable. Maybe it was the amazingly intense orgasm that Edward had just given her, but it seemed that she dreaded the next day a little bit less…and that was everything to her.


	26. Homecoming

"They are in her room together," Carlisle emphasized. "_Together_."

"Yes, Carlisle, you have said that three times now," Esme smiled. She shut the door to her closet and turned to look at him, hands on her hips. "What do you think is the worst thing that could happen?"

"Don't patronize me," he scowled. "If they spent the night together, they were most likely having sex."

"And what?" Esme rolled her eyes. "Edward will get someone pregnant? I think we've crossed that bridge. And unfortunately, that isn't something we need to worry about with Bella."

"That doesn't mean we should allow that kind of behavior to go on right in front of us," Carlisle replied staunchly. "We have an obligation to Charlie to make sure that while Bella is with us, we – "

Esme snorted. "We have no obligations to Charlie. As far as I am considered, he has ceased to exist. He doesn't deserve to be the Chief of Police and he certainly doesn't deserve to be Bella's father."

Carlisle sighed and rubbed his face. "I'm not standing up for Charlie, Es, but what he's dealing with is an illness. It isn't necessarily his fault, completely. And regardless, we have the same obligation to all parents that let their children stay over. They should be able to leave them here knowing that they are safe and supervised."

Esme tossed her jacket onto the bed and sat down next to Carlisle. She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. "I hear what you're saying. And I agree with you, to an extent. But I also want my son to be happy, and that goes for Bella, too."

"You think I don't want them to be happy?" Carlisle asked softly, his brow furrowed.

Esme leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Don't be so dramatic. You know that isn't what I think. Bella has had it tough, and with everything that is coming…I just want them to have a little bit of happiness before it's too late."

"Do you think they'll make it?"

"If I have anything to do with it, they will," Esme laughed. She stood and reached for her jacket. "Dr. Cullen, you may not know it yet, but I have it on good authority that Bella will be part of our family for a very, very long time."

Carlisle stood up and cocked his head. "Good authority?"

Esme smiled and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Call it my womanly instincts. But you should know, it's not only me that feels that way. Alice thinks so, too."

He rolled his eyes and followed Esme out of their bedroom. "And we never bet against Alice."

"Never," Esme chirped.

"Where are you going?" he asked, nodding at the jacket draped over her arm.

"I have some shopping to do today," she replied vaguely. "Is Charlie awake yet?"

Carlisle shook his head. "No. I left him some ibuprofen and water around eight and he was still out cold. Do you think Bella would like to come with me to drop him off?"

"I'm not sure. If she doesn't, she can always come shopping with me. It would be a good time for us to talk."

To their surprise, both Edward and Bella were already sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hmm," Carlisle eyed them suspiciously. "Edward is awake before noon? On a day when he doesn't have to attend school?"

"Very sketchy," Esme agreed, but her lips were already curved up in a smile.

Edward yawned dramatically. "Bella made me get up. Hey, listen, can we get a dog?"

Carlisle pulled several boxes of cereal out of the pantry. He placed them on the middle of the table. Working as an effortless team, Esme opened the refrigerator for the milk.

"Bella, you look a little flushed," Carlisle noted.

Bella stared at the refrigerator for a moment and then looked back at him, swallowing hard.

"Do you want something from the fridge? Orange juice?" he asked.

Edward started choking on his cereal and turned away from the table, coughing.

Bella blushed even redder and she shook her head. "No, no thank you."

Slightly confused, Carlisle nodded slowly. "Um…so, a dog. Esme?"

Esme was perched on the edge of her seat, taking small sips of coffee. "I take no part in house breaking. That means my carpet takes no part in it. Which means absolutely no accidents on the carpet."

"Okay," Edward coughed. He straightened up in his seat."That's fine."

"Bella, I'm bringing your father to that facility I told you about. I'm leaving in about twenty minutes… Would you like to join us?" Carlisle questioned, resting his elbows on the table.

A heavy silence descended on the table and three pairs of eyes swung in Bella's direction. She looked so uncomfortable that Carlisle took pity on her, and rushed to make her feel better.

"You don't have to," he said quickly. "I can just as easily tell him that you aren't allowed inside, and we'll be there quite a while getting him set up."

"I don't want him to think that I don't care," Bella said quietly, her voice just above a whisper.

"Why don't you talk to him before he leaves?" Esme suggested. "Wish him luck and tell him what you need to tell him."

"Do you think that's okay?" Bella asked anxiously.

"Of course it's okay, Bella," Edward scowled belligerently. "He's an asshole. He doesn't even – "

"It's fine, Bella," Carlisle interjected. "I think Charlie will appreciate anything you want to say to him."

Bella nodded and avoided looking at Edward.

"Come on," Carlisle stood up. He held out his arm to Bella, which would have been weird if it was anyone else. Bella took his arm, grateful for his support, and he led her out of the kitchen, murmuring quietly.

Edward was about to take a huge bite of cereal. Esme waited until Bella and Carlisle were out of earshot, then she reached across the table and smacked the spoon full of cereal and milk out of his hand. It splashed over the front of his shirt. "Hey! What was that for?"

"You might know what Charlie is doing is wrong, and you might think he is a scumbag, but he is still Bella's father!" Esme reprimanded him. "You do not talk about her father like that."

Still surprised, Edward sat back in his chair and laid down his spoon. His expression turned into one of a disobedient child. "I was just saying what everyone was thinking. He is an asshole. He was an asshole four years ago and he's an even bigger asshole right now."

"Edward," she sighed. "I know you don't like the Chief. Right now, frankly, I don't like him, either. But he is still Bella's father and she still cares about him. What if the situation was reversed, and Carlisle was the one having problems? How would you feel?"

Edward scoffed. "Carlisle would never ruin his life like that."

"Edward," Esme said through her teeth. "Did you see the look on Bella's face when you called Charlie an asshole?"

His eyes shifted to the right and the hard edges on his face melted away. "No…"

"She looked like you sucker punched her," she said sympathetically. "And in a way, you did. You need to be careful with Bella. She's fragile right now."

He smirked at that but didn't say anything. Edward reached for his napkin and began sopping up the spilled milk.

"So have you told her?"

Esme watched him closely. Edward seemed to stiffen slightly, but that was the only reaction she could see. He nodded.

"And how did she handle it?" she asked, dreading his response. How could Bella handle it any way, except terribly?

Edward balled up his paper towel and tossed it at the garbage can. It hit the wall, missed, and fell to the ground with a soft plop. He sighed. "I don't know. Okay, I guess."

"Too soon to tell?"

"Yeah," he replied glumly.

They heard the door to the study open and shut. Edward jumped guiltily, like he was caught doing something wrong. Esme bit her tongue and resisted the urge to pull him into a hug. He might look like a man, but he was still just her little boy. She hated that he had to go through this.

Bella entered the kitchen. Her face was pale but her eyes were red, and it was glaringly obvious that she had been crying. Esme loved her son dearly, but wasn't sure if it was wise to leave this delicate girl in his care. At least, not while she was still crying.

"Bella, I need to head out to Port Angeles for a bit of shopping. You'd be doing me a huge favor if you could come with me," Esme wheedled. "Lunch on me?"

Bella looked at Edward, who shrugged. "Okay. That sounds good."

"I'll go get the puppy while you guys are out," Edward offered. He stood up and put his bowl in the sink. He hugged Bella briefly and kissed the side of her head.

"No!" Bella blurted out. "Umm…he isn't at my house."

"Where is he?" Edward asked. "It's no big deal. Is he back at Angela's?"

"No," she responded in a tiny voice. "He's uh, um…well, Jake's taking care of him."

"Jake?" Edward repeated sharply. "As in…Jacob Black?"

"I can get him later," Bella said quickly. "Don't worry about it, okay? When I get back I'll call him and have him – "

"I'll handle it," he replied curtly.

"Edward," Bella began pleadingly.

"Edward will handle himself like an adult and not make any trouble at all," Esme cut in succinctly. "Correct?"

Edward gave Esme a mock salute. "Yes, ma'am."

"Bella, why don't you go get changed? We'll leave once you're ready."

Bella nodded and glanced at Edward nervously. "Do you promise?"

He rolled his eyes. "I promise your precious Jacob will still be alive and breathing when I leave La Push."

"And not, like, bruised or anything?" Bella persisted.

"Yeah, yeah," Edward said grudgingly. Bella threw herself at him for another hug and squeezed him tightly. Her lips brushed against his ear and she whispered, "Thank you. Love you."

He had to remind himself that they were still in the kitchen with his mother. He still landed a kiss square on her mouth, but he decided to save the tongue for later. "You ladies go have fun. I'll just stay here, in Forks, all by myself. Nothing to do."

"You could always go to school," Esme teased.

Edward laughed and raised his eye brows. "Actually, I'm feeling kind of sick now. I think I better get back in bed."

Esme laughed at his terrible performance and reached up to ruffle his hair. "I'm sure you'll be able to amuse yourself."

* * *

"So what are we shopping for?" Bella asked.

Esme pressed the lock button on her key chain and the black Mercedes let out a happy little chirp.

"Why don't we have lunch before we shop?"

Bella thought she noticed a hint of nerves in Esme's voice. "But we just had breakfast…"

"Let's just have a cup of coffee, then," Esme offered.

It was a nice day in Port Angeles. They were lucky, because the stretch of shops that Esme hoped to peek in were scattered in a two block radius. Rain would have seriously hampered her ability to drop some dough.

"Is everything okay?" Bella asked.

Esme led her into a small café and they took a table by the window. Bella sat down and folded her hands in front of her. Esme felt her heart break at Bella's peaked, worried face.

"Nothing is wrong, sweetheart," Esme said, unable to stop emotion from filling her voice. "I wanted to check on you. Are you all right?"

Bella nodded in relief. "I'm fine."

Esme sat back, unsure of how to approach the topic. If she was in Bella's shoes, she wouldn't want pity or sympathy. "I know Edward spoke to you about Jessica and her situation."

Bella immediately dropped her eyes. "Yes."

A waitress came by to take their order. As soon as she saw Bella's tense face and Esme's concerned posture, she began to edge away.

"We'll take two teas, please," Esme managed to order. The waitress nodded and scurried away.

"I want you to know that you will always have a place in my home," Esme began. Bella's head shot up and her chin quivered. "Don't you dare cry, Bella, or you'll make me cry, too. Just listen, okay?"

Bella nodded.

"I would love to have a baby in our house," Esme admitted. "I can't lie about that. I wish Edward had exercised more caution and that we weren't dealing with this situation now, before he's even out of high school, but you and I both know how precious new life is."

Tears streamed down Bella's face. Esme was telling her how much she was going to love Edward's baby. Sure, she might not be able to have kids, but she had Alice. That was something Bella would never get to experience. She wanted to get up and leave. She didn't want to hear anymore.

"Carlisle wanted to move Jessica into our house for the duration of her pregnancy so he could keep an eye on her. That isn't going to happen," Esme said firmly.

Bella tried not to show the shock she was feeling on her face. Edward had definitely never mentioned that.

"I don't like Jessica," Esme continued. "I never have, and I doubt I ever will, but if she is the mother of my grandchild then I will do everything in my power to get along with her. But Bella, Jessica is not a threat to you. Not in any way."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked tearfully. "Of course she is. She can give all of you everything that you want."

Esme reached over the table to cup Bella's cheek. "No, Bella. What we want is for Edward to be happy, and he's happy with you. He is in love with you, Bella. Not Jessica."

"But she's going to have his baby," Bella wailed. She hiccupped and covered her mouth, trying to regain her composure. "Things will change then. Once you all see the baby. You'll fall in love with both of them."

"Silly girl," Esme said affectionately. "That will _never_ happen. You are part of our family now."

Bella snatched some napkins off of the table and wiped at her face. "Esme, it's nice to hear, and I appreciate it so much. I appreciate everything you and Carlisle have done for me. I just – it's hard for me to believe that it's not going to just disappear in two months."

"Then we'll just have to make you believe it," Esme smiled. The waitress stopped by to drop off two steaming mugs. "Now drink up. We have two rooms in the house that need makeovers."

"Two rooms?" Bella echoed.

"Yes. A possible nursery, which could be tricky," Esme mused. "Considering we don't know if it's a boy, girl, or even ours."

Bella took a sip of tea and burned her tongue. "Neutral colors, I guess."

Esme nodded approvingly. "Sounds good. And what about your room?"

"My room?" Bella gulped. "My room is fine the way it is."

"Nonsense," Esme shook her head. "I am a firm believer that your living space needs to represent your personality."

"I couldn't possibly – "

"Nothing you say will change my mind, and if you don't participate in my afternoon of shopping, I will be forced to start a bonfire in the backyard and burn every stick of furniture in your bedroom."

Bella's jaw dropped open and Esme laughed. "No, I wouldn't start a fire. Carlisle has a strong aversion to fire. One of his few fears, actually. But I will donate it to Good Will right out from underneath you. So no more complaints."

"Okay," Bella said faintly. "Maybe just a little bit of color on the walls, then. I love the furniture."

Esme rolled her eyes and dug into her purse for her wallet. "You're a terrible liar, Bella."

"I know," Bella sighed. "Edward tells me that all of the time."

Esme tossed a ten dollar bill on the table and stood up. "Shall we?"

"Okay. But I just have to say that I really don't feel comfortable spending your money when you've already – "

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up," Esme said affectionately. She linked arms with her and headed for the baby superstore. Might as well get the painful shopping out of the way early.

* * *

Edward spent his day sulking on the couch. They were granted a reprieve from school for one day, and everyone deserted him. Carlisle had taken Charlie to rehab, and that was a two hour drive each way. Plus, he was going to stay for a few hours to "get him settled," whatever that meant.

If it was up to him, he'd pull up at the curb and tell Charlie to tuck and roll.

Alice had gone to school that morning. She ignored all of his text messages, replying only once to tell him that she was hanging out with someone after school.

Bella and Esme went into Port Angeles for an afternoon of shopping. It turned into lunch and some shopping, and then that blossomed into dinner and some shopping. Bella's text messages became increasing few and far between as the day wore on.

He was in full on sulk mode.

In addition to having to deal with all of that crap, he had to go get the puppy from Jacob. Bella left his number and promised she would call ahead of time to explain the situation to Jake.

Apparently, Bella forgot. When Edward showed up at Jake's door, Jake turned white under his tan skin and looked like he was about to pass out. Edward smiled, remembering how frightened Jake appeared. That was good. He liked that.

Jake handed over the puppy with barely a fight. In fact, he seemed more afraid of Edward than ever before. He suspected someone else was there, and Jake was eager to get rid of him.

Probably because of what he named the puppy. Edward fought the urge to grind his teeth. Jake only had the thing for two days and it was already answering to only one name. He wanted to throttle Jake. He probably would have, except he promised Bella he wouldn't.

It was almost eight-thirty by the time he heard Esme's car come down the drive. The puppy, who spent the entire afternoon snoozing on the couch, perked his ears up and looked at the door.

"Yeah, yeah," Edward muttered. "Your momma's home."

The garage door opened and the puppy hopped off the couch. He looked around, cocking his head, unable to find the source of the noise.

Edward heard Bella and his mom laughing as they climbed the stairs from the basement.

"Edward? Are you home?" Esme called, opening the door.

The puppy went flying into the foyer, where Esme and Bella now stood. Edward heard his mother's screech of surprise, and Bella's of delight.

"Hey Mom," he called. He pulled himself off the couch and sauntered into the foyer. "Bella."

She was on her knees, her arms around the puppy's neck. Bella looked wonderful. Her cheeks were red and she looked happy. It made him feel good.

"Aww, you're a cutie," Esme cooed. "What's his name?"

"He doesn't have one yet," Bella said, looking up at her. "We couldn't think of one that fit."

Edward sighed and dropped to his knees by Bella. The puppy nudged under his hand, and Edward rolled his eyes. He knew the drill by now. He scratched behind his ears and the pup's tail thumped against the floor.

"We don't have to think of a name," Edward muttered. "Jacob already did."

"He did?" Bella asked. She looked thoughtful. "What did he choose? Does the baby already know his name?"

"Oh yes," Edward scowled. "The baby knows his name. He won't answer to anything else, and trust me, I've been trying all day."

Bella and Esme looked at him quizzically. Edward's frown deepened.

"Well, Edward?" Esme prompted. "What did he name the dog?"

"Eddie," Edward said through his teeth. "He named the dog Eddie."

Eddie promptly barked and thumped his tail harder, sending Bella and Esme into peals of laughter.

"Oh, my God, he really does know it already!" Bella laughed. Eddie barked again and ran around them in circles, obviously relishing the attention.

"Oh, Edward," Esme said, covering her smile. "It's cute. Oddly fitting, isn't it?"

"Adorable," he replied acidly.

"Oh, Edward! Can you help us with some bags? In the backseat. And the trunk. It might be more than one trip," Esme said apologetically.

"Suuuure," he drew out the word. "Anything for you two."

"I'll start some pasta for you. How does that sound?" she bargained.

"Good," Edward acquiesced.

"I'll help you," Bella offered.

Edward waited until Esme was in the kitchen. He held out his hand and Bella approached him timidly. She bit her lip and took his hand, and Edward yanked her against him. He kissed her thoroughly, only breaking away to murmur, "I missed you today."

"I missed you, too," Bella smiled. She twined her arms around his neck and nuzzled against his cheek.

"Did you have a nice day?" he asked, his mouth sliding down the column of her throat.

"Mmm hmmm," she murmured. "We had fun. Your mother spent an obscene amount of money, though. We're going to have to sneak back to Port Angeles and return some of the stuff she got me and – Edward!"

He muffled his laughter against her skin and his hands, which already made their way under her shirt, reached the front of her bra. Bella squirmed against him. "Stop it! What is wrong with you?"

"You left me alone all day," he pouted.

Bella's eyes dropped to his full lower lip. He pushed it out a little bit further and she was shocked at the urge she had to lean forward and tug on it with her teeth. "Esme is in the kitchen."

He turned his head away from her. "Hey Mom? I'm getting your crap. Where do you want it all?"

"Keep it downstairs in the den. I'm not sure when I'm going to get a chance to unpack it all," Esme called back. "Have you talked to your father?"

She said something else but Edward already opened the door to the basement and started shoving Bella through it.

"She wants to know if you want garlic bread," Bella protested, trying not to laugh.

"Tell her that I am busy feeling up my girlfriend," Edward whispered. Edward pulled the door shut and sandwiched Bella against it. "This feels familiar, doesn't it?"

Bella nodded. "Familiar, and just as inappropriate."

Edward laughed. "You like inappropriate. Speaking of inappropriate…you left me all alone today. For hours. I had to amuse myself."

"I'm sure that must have been terrible," Bella said sarcastically. She couldn't keep the breathiness out of her voice, though, and Edward knew he was getting to her.

"It was terrible," Edward agreed. "Your behavior was deplorable. In fact, I think you might need to be punished again."

Her eyes widened. "No!"

Edward grinned gleefully. "Yes. Definitely, yes."


	27. You're Invited

Alice leaned forward and stuck her head between the two front seats. Edward took a turn too quickly and she grabbed Bella's headrest to keep her balance. "Bella, what's wrong? You seem anxious."

Edward looked over sharply at Bella. "You're nervous about going to school?"

Bella blushed and shrugged her shoulders. "No, um, I'm fine."

"You didn't eat any breakfast and you're all pasty," Alice accused. "_And_ you didn't put any makeup on. You only do that when you don't feel well."

"I'm fine," Bella said through her teeth, turning to glare at Alice. She felt Edward's questioning gaze on her but chose to ignore it. She straightened up and looked out of the window, watching Forks fly by.

Alice barely knew her and it was kind of disconcerting, the way she saw through all of Bella's defenses. She thought she had been doing a fairly good job of concealing her emotions. She was irritated by Alice's intuitiveness.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked. Bella bit her lip, cursing Alice for even starting Edward on this path. "Bella?"

She looked at Edward and smiled as widely as she could. "I'm fine, Edward. I'm just a little tired. And I think I might have a test in bio that I'm not ready for." She shrugged her shoulders again. "No big deal."

Edward angled the Volvo into a parking spot in front of Forks High. Bella stared glumly at the school. She had absolutely no motivation to go inside. The idea of seeing Jessica and pretending that nothing had changed, that she didn't develop an intense hatred for the girl overnight, was hard to fathom. Bella doubted her acting skills were quite that evolved.

Alice suddenly flew into a flurry of activity in the backseat. Edward was already out of the car because he didn't bother to carry a backpack. He never even carried books.

Bella looked back at Alice again, who was reapplying her lip gloss almost frantically. Her eyes flickered between the compact mirror she held tightly in one hand and at something, or some_one_, in front of the car.

Bella followed her gaze. Edward was leaning on the hood of the car and talking to Jasper and Emmett. She looked back at Alice questioningly but the poor girl was working on her eyeliner now.

"Jasper?" Bella guessed.

Alice was startled by the sound of his name and dropped her eyeliner, letting out a screech. Then her voice dropped to a hiss. "Shut _up_, Bella! Do not say his name!"

Bella laughed. "Since when are you afraid of Jasper?"

"Shut up!" Alice repeated shrilly. "I'm not afraid of Jasper."

"No, but you like him," Bella teased. "Oh, Alice, your eyeliner…you smudged a little, right here." Bella pointed at the corner of her own eye.

Alice cursed under her breath and ducked her head to peer into her mirror again. "You're such a bitch, Bella. My eyeliner is perfect."

Bella laughed again and opened the car door. Alice might be especially obnoxious today but she was also a distraction, and for that, Bella was grateful. Sometimes she felt a million years older than her. Alice was beautiful and she had it all; she was so carefree. She had no idea how easy she had it.

Bella brushed aside her envious thoughts and got out of the car. Her nerves were raw today and she would appreciate anything that took her mind off of Jessica Stanley, including Alice's overzealous attitude.

"Hey Bella," Emmett grinned. He broke away from Edward and Jasper to greet her with a hug. "How are you doing, baby?"

She rolled her eyes but returned his hug tightly. It was nice to hug someone that wasn't Edward, and everything about Emmett was comforting; his scent, his voice, his size. She loved Edward, of course, but it felt like her world was shrinking down to just him and her. That idea scared her, because the more she loved and relied on only Edward, the more he could hurt her.

"I haven't seen you around lately," Emmett said, cocking his head curiously. "You okay? Do I need to kick anybody's ass?"

"No, I'm okay," Bella replied quietly. Alice had joined Edward and Jasper and the three were talking but Edward kept looking at her. "My Dad went to rehab so I'm staying with the Cullens for a little while."

Emmett didn't say anything at first. Then he took her hand and pulled her into another tight bear hug. His voice was low and he spoke into her ear so no one else could hear. "That's shitty, Bella, but it's good, too. It's what he needs."

His whispered words were like a soothing salve on her charred, damaged nerves. Unexpected tears rose in her eyes and Bella squeezed Emmett gratefully. "I know."

Emmett glanced over his shoulder at their friends. He took a few steps further away and motioned for Bella to follow. "Listen, Bella, I know what's going on. I mean, Edward told me and Jasper about Jessica."

Bella quickly looked away. She didn't want his sympathy or his pity. "Yeah, it's not – "

"I just wanted to tell you that if it gets too crowded over at the Cullens' house, or if you need a break, there's plenty of room at my place," Emmett broke in. "You're always welcome."

Her chin quivered and Bella knew she was dangerously close to really crying. She stood on her tip toes and wrapped her arms around Emmett's neck. "You're the best, Emmett."

She had never really been comfortable around guys. Edward seemed to be the exception to that rule, and when she moved to Phoenix no one had replaced him. Even after she dated James for a few months she still wasn't truly relaxed with him.

What she had with Emmett, though very undefined and new, surpassed even her relationship with Edward. Maybe it was because their feelings were platonic, but Bella felt safe with him. The trust she felt in him was inexplicable; the best way to describe Emmett was as the brother she never had.

It still surprised her how easily she had called on him for help, that night when Charlie was passed out on the floor. She instinctively knew that he wouldn't make it harder on her. Emmett just did exactly what she needed him to.

"Hey, you trying to move in on my girl?" Edward joked.

Emmett released her with a smile. "I don't need to try. All I gotta do is snap my fingers and she'll come running."

Bella laughed. "In your dreams."

"You know it," he chuckled.

Edward shoved him and pulled Bella to his side. They began walking to the front doors of the high school. Bella was used to drawing stares from her classmates whenever she walked with Edward. He was unnaturally beautiful. She could appreciate that.

She was becoming slightly paranoid, however, because it seemed like they were garnering more stares than usual. Bella felt another prickle of anxiety at the base of her skull. Her suspicions were confirmed when Edward reached for her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Hey, Bella?"

Bella paused at the sound of her name. She turned and Angela jogged up to her. "Hi."

"Hi, Angela," Bella replied. She looked uncomfortable and Bella wondered what was wrong.

Angela had been nice to her since Bella's very first day in Forks. They hadn't spent much time together, so they weren't very close, but Bella could easily see them becoming good friends in the future.

Angela hesitated, then grabbed Bella's arm and gently led her away from Edward. Edward frowned and tried to follow but Angela shook her head. "Just give us a minute, okay?"

Bella swallowed hard, suddenly very glad that she hadn't eaten breakfast. The way Angela was acting was too odd; something was wrong. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Angela let go of Bella's arm and pulled her backpack around so it was in front of her. She unzipped it and handed Bella an envelope.

"What's this?" Bella asked, taking the envelope. It was thick and made of heavy stock.

"Open it," Angela urged, her face strained and anxious.

With trembling fingers, Bella flipped the envelope around. Hallmark was embossed on the back flap. She opened the flap and pulled out a cream colored folded card. Why was Angela giving her a card?

Perplexed, Bella flipped the card to see the front. Everything inside of her froze.

The front of the card simply said, "You're invited." But the border – made of pink baby rattles – spoke volumes.

"Is this…?" Bella trailed off, looking up at Angela. She didn't want to open the invitation. She didn't want to read the terrible words that she knew waited for her.

"Jessica is handing them out right now," Angela said apologetically. "I just didn't want you to go in there without – "

Bella stopped listening to her and opened the invitation.

_Jessica & Edward Cullen's_

_baby girl is on the way…_

_Let's get them prepared for the big day!_

_You're invited to a Baby Shower!_

Unable to read any more, Bella shoved the invitation back at Angela. "Thank you, Angela."

Angela looked full of regret, like she wished she hadn't brought it up at all. "She's such a jerk. I'm really sorry."

"No, I mean, if she's pregnant then she should have a baby shower," Bella said stiffly.

The look Angela gave her seemed supportive but Bella saw the pity in her eyes. "Actually, can I let Edward see it?"

"I'm not going, anyway," Angela said resolutely. She handed the invitation back to Bella. "I mean, it's a messed up situation but she doesn't have to rub it in like this. And look how she worded it – as if she and Edward are married."

She knew Angela was trying to make her feel better, so Bella managed a small smile. "I know. As if everyone in Forks just, you know, missed their wedding."

Angela gave her an encouraging smile and a one-armed hug, then hurried away. Bella suddenly wished she put on makeup. She needed some kind of armor, or a mask, to keep herself strong. The threat of black streaks leaking down her cheeks would surely keep any tears at bay.

Bella turned around. "Hey Alice? Can you do my makeup really quick?"

The three boys looked at her oddly, but Alice perked right up. "Yes! Come on, sit in the backseat with me."

"You ladies better hurry up," Jasper drawled. "Only about two minutes until the first bell rings."

Alice rolled her eyes and smiled cheekily at Jasper. "Oh, Jazz, you've never seen my skills with a mascara wand. I can do this in one point five minutes flat."

"Oh yeah? Care to make a wager?"

Bella stepped around Alice and Jasper, her eyes on Edward. He was watching her warily; he had seen her interaction with Angela and now he wanted to know what was up. Bella wordlessly handed him the invitation.

"What's this?" he asked, looking at her as he unfolded it.

Bella gave him a sad smile and opened her mouth to respond, but Alice grabbed her hand and jerked her back to the car. Bella obediently sat in the backseat and let Alice paint her face while Jasper timed her. It only took a few seconds for Edward to interrupt them.

"Bella, come on," he said urgently.

Alice looked at Edward incredulously. "Are you serious? We're kind of in the middle of something."

"Bella, please," Edward pleaded. "I need to talk to you before we go inside."

"Ugh, hang on," Alice snapped. "Let me at least make her eyes even."

As soon as Alice released her, Edward helped Bella out of the car and ushered her away to privacy. "Bella, I didn't know anything about this. I'm not planning a shower with her and she didn't even – "

"I know," Bella replied, nodding her head.

"You know?" he repeated uncertainly. Edward raked a hand through his hair, then covered his face with both hands. He mumbled something that she couldn't make out.

"What did you say?" she asked, pulling his hands down.

"This is so fucked up," Edward sighed. He leaned his forehead against hers and sighed, his warm breath caressing her face. "I'm sorry that you're in the middle of all this."

She couldn't really say that it was okay, because it wasn't. Bella didn't _want_ to be in the middle of this. She wished she and Edward could just be transported somewhere far away, where they could live happily ever after.

But, as Renee often told her, you could shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which filled up more quickly.

"Let's just get this over with," Bella muttered. The walk to first period would be the worst. Let them get their stares and whispers out of the way.

Edward took her hand and they walked closely together. He made an attempt at normalcy. "Do you want to do anything after school? A movie or something?"

Bella took a deep breath and tried to push the butterflies out of her stomach. "Ummm…I can't. I'm working."

"Oh," Edward said lamely. "That sucks. But I need to start applying for some jobs, so I guess I can do that while you're out." He grinned. "Maybe I'll apply at Newton's."

"Ha," Bella laughed shortly. "That'll be the day."

They lapsed into silence and navigated their way through the throngs of students and into the school. Bella felt her cheeks warm under the scrutiny of her classmates; their curious looks told her that Jessica had indeed handed out her invitations. She dropped her eyes to the dirty linoleum floor.

They were almost to first period when Edward's steps began to slow. Bella glanced sideways at him, taking in the look of calm resignation on his pale face. She bit her lip and looked up at the figure standing in the middle of the hallway, just ten feet from them.

"Hi Bella, Edward," Jessica greeted them cordially. Lauren stood next to her, watching them with great interest.

Bella snuck a look at Jessica's stomach. It still didn't look huge, but she was wearing what was obviously a maternity top that emphasized her stomach. She realized with a sinking feeling that there was a bump. A baby bump.

Jessica plucked an envelope out of her back pack and extended it to Bella. Before Bella could reach for it, Edward snatched it out of her hand.

"We're not interested," he said stiffly.

Jessica's eyebrows lifted and her face showed disbelief. "You're not interested in your child's baby shower?"

Edward let go of Bella's hand and took three big steps towards Jessica. He leaned forward, close to her ear, and dropped his voice to a harsh whisper. "Stop fucking around, Jessica, or I swear to God you'll regret it."

Jessica put one hand on his chest and stepped back. "Get off your high horse, Edward. I gave you time and now it's up. Now it's _my_ time."

The muscle in his jaw flexed and his eyes narrowed, but Edward didn't reply. Instead, he turned to Bella and grabbed her hand. "Let's go. We don't want to be late for class."

"You two can avoid me all you want," Jessica called after them, her voice ringing out in the hallway. People watched the scene with avid interest and Jessica basked in the attention. "But this isn't going away. We're having a baby, Edward."

"I can't fucking believe her," Edward muttered. He practically dragged Bella through the hallway. She bit her tongue and let him. When they were safe in their first period classroom, he sat down at his desk and Bella actually watched his mood darken. He stared straight ahead, scowling.

She felt a flicker of irritation with Edward. Instead of saying anything, Bella pulled out her notebook and tried to relax in her seat. The first bell rang and students began filing into the classroom. She ignored them and drew doodles on the border of her paper. Her anxiety level was dangerously high and; she felt like she was about to puke.

Bella had expected Edward to distract her. He knew this was difficult for her; he wasn't an idiot. Now she was going to have to deal with one of his bad moods on top of everything else. Bella rubbed her temples and wished she could go home. Maybe it was unfair to expect so much of Edward, but this was his fault. She let herself imagine she was back in Phoenix, back to her old, comfortable life with Renee.

"All right, all right," Mr. Molina called. "Settle down and open up to page three-oh-two."

Edward didn't move.

Bella huffed irritably and yanked her textbook out of her bag. She looked up just in time to see Jessica and Lauren walk in together, whispering excitedly. Jessica made eye contact with her; Bella expected some sort of smirk or look but Jessica kind of smiled forlornly.

Unnerved, Bella looked away from her. The late bell rang and Mr. Molina shut the door, joking around with the kids in the front row. She felt oddly removed from the classroom.

"Okay, guys, today we're going to be discussing – "

Mr. Molina was interrupted by the classroom telephone ringing. He raised his eyebrows in surprise and looked around. He joked, "Somebody's in trouble!"

Bella's stomach muscles clenched. A feeling of déjà vu washed over her. It felt just like the day when Charlie yanked her out of class. Was that really just two days ago? It felt like a lifetime ago.

She wondered how rehab was going.

"Yes, they're both here," Mr. Molina confirmed. He talked on the phone for a moment longer and then hung up. "Cullen, down to guidance. Miss Stanley? Your presence is also requested."

The atmosphere around them crackled with tension. Her classmates looked around the room, their eyes bouncing from Edward to Jessica, and then landing on her.

Jessica stood up quickly. Bella felt sickened by the way her hand gently cupped her rounded stomach. Next to her, Edward rubbed his face and then stood up.

"I'll be back in a little while," he said softly, leaning over her desk. His green eyes were dark and intense.

Bella nodded jerkily. She watched him walk away from her, going up the aisle. Her heart thudded against her rib cage. It was like watching one of her worst fears come true.

Edward walking away from her and joining Jessica at her side.

"Wait," Bella called. Her voice was loud, too loud.

Twenty-four heads turned to look at her. Bella swallowed and licked her dry lips. She leaned over and picked up her bag, shoving her books back inside. She ignored everyone else and looked directly at Edward, who was watching her expectantly. "I'm coming with you."

He smiled and held out his hand, and a strange sense of relief flooded her senses. Bella rushed up the aisle, slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

"Bella, the guidance office only asked for Jessica and Edward," Mr. Molina frowned. "I don't know what it's about but you should wait here."

Bella looked at Mr. Molina and felt Edward squeeze her hand. "Jessica is pregnant and she thinks the baby is Edward's. Edward and I are together. I'm going with him."

Mr. Molina's eyes widened and there was a stunned silence from her classmates. Bella inwardly smirked; apparently they thought she was going to let Jessica walk all over her.

"Uh, okay, I guess," Mr. Molina stammered. He scratched his head and gestured to the door. "Go ahead. Everyone else, let's get focused, okay? We have a pop quiz on Friday. But it's not a pop quiz anymore, since I told you, so let's all ace it, okay?"

Their teacher's voiced was silenced significantly when the classroom door closed. Jessica stared at their entwined hands, then turned and stalked down the hallway.

"Thanks for coming with me," Edward whispered.

A little bit of her irritation with Edward washed away. She was more worried now about the meeting they were heading into. It was probably going to consist of a lot of questions that she didn't want to hear, and answers that she really didn't want to know.

Edward was purposely walking slowly. By the time they reached the guidance office, Jessica was already inside one of the smaller rooms.

"Mr. Cullen," Mrs. Copes said, eyeing him. "Take a sit. Mr. Aros is in with Jessica. He'll call you in shortly. Miss Swan? What can I help you with?"

Bella felt her courage shrivel up at the tone Mrs. Copes used. She was a dried up, crotchety old woman who could stop seniors in their tracks with just one look.

"She's with me," Edward spoke up.

Mrs. Copes arched one penciled-on eyebrow but didn't say anything else. Bella sat down in one of the scratchy gray chairs and Edward plunked down beside her. He still held her hand and moved it to rest on his thigh. They listened to Mrs. Copes type away on her ancient computer.

It seemed like an eternity passed until the door finally opened. Mr. Aros, their aging guidance counselor, appeared and waved them in.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen," he nodded. "And it's always lovely to see you, Isabella."

Bella smiled shyly. Mr. Aros stepped to the side to let them in, and then he carried in a chair from the outer office. Bella sat down next to Edward. He was between her and Jessica.

"So, it seems we have a situation here," Mr. Aros began gently. He sat down at his desk and peered at the three students in front of him. "It has come to my attention that Miss Stanley is pregnant."

"Twenty-nine weeks," Jessica said proudly.

Bella felt Edward bristle next to her.

"Now, our policy is not to penalize pregnant students. We will make every effort to ensure your ability to graduate on time, Miss Stanley," he continued. "But we do require documentation from your physician that it is safe for you to continue classes. Additionally, when you reach your thirty-third week, we ask that you study from home. We can arrange a tutor for you, if necessary."

Bella felt Edward's impatience increase. He began squirming in his chair.

"Now, in past situations similar to this one, we have successfully worked with Port Angeles Community College. They offer a course that is aimed to help young parents prepare themselves for a new child. I think it would be beneficial for you both to participate in that course," Mr. Aros said, leaning back in his chair.

"Can I say something?" Edward finally asked.

"Of course," the counselor replied.

"I don't want anything to do with this. I don't know if the baby is mine. Jessica refuses to take a prenatal DNA test. Until I know for sure, I am not going to turn my life upside down on the off chance that she _might_ be pregnant with my child," Edward stated defiantly.

"The off chance?" Mr. Aros repeated, failing to keep the interest out of his voice.

"Jessica cheated on me," Edward clarified.

"No, I did not," Jessica snapped, her cheeks pink with anger. "You're just saying that because you don't want to deal with our situation."

"_Your_ situation," Edward growled. "If you honestly think it's mine, then why won't you take a DNA test?"

Jessica lifted her chin. "You should trust me. Besides, it can be dangerous to the baby."

"Jessica, you – "

"Edward, I understand your concerns," Mr. Aros cut in silkily. "Perhaps it is best for Jessica to take the course from Port Angeles Community College via satellite, by herself, for now. If it turns out that it is needed, Edward, it is offered again in January."

Edward stood up. "If that's the case, I will. But I'm not talking about this anymore. I don't believe Jessica. I don't trust her, and I won't let her run my life for the next two months."

Mr. Aros eyed him for a long moment. "Very well. You and Miss Swan may return to class. Jessica, I would like you to talk to Ms. Denali. She will be able to draw up a schedule that will allow you to graduate on time. She is an excellent adviser and she can give you a better idea of your options and the resources available to you."

Edward stood up and waited for Bella to grab her things.

"That's it? You're just going to let him leave?" Jessica asked, gesturing to Edward in disbelief. "He did this to me!"

Mr. Aros frowned. "What would you have me do to him?"

"I don't know!" Jessica exclaimed. "_Make_ him take the baby class with me. I'm going to need help soon. Look at me; I'm already starting to blow up! Switch him into all of my classes so he can help me."

"No way," Edward shook his head. "I will get a lawyer and sue the school."

Bella rolled her eyes. Honestly. She couldn't tell which of them was acting more ridiculous.

"Let's not bring up the subject of lawsuits," Mr. Aros said lightly. "Mr. Cullen's schedule shall remain as is for the moment. Again, Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan, you two are dismissed. Please return to your classes."

"I'm calling my mother," Jessica said shrilly.

"You can use my phone," Mr. Aros replied kindly. "Press nine for an outside line. I'd like to set up a time for her to come in and meet with us."

"Let's get out of here," Edward murmured. He let Bella go ahead of him, then stepped into the outer office, shutting away Jessica and Mr. Aros. He dropped his voice. "She's fucking crazy."

Edward beamed at Mrs. Copes as they walked by and Bella saw her face rearrange itself into one of her rare smiles. When they were finally alone in the hallway, Edward let out a huge sigh.

"Fucking psycho," he said softly, shaking his head.

Bella gritted her teeth, suddenly irritated all over again. "She's pregnant and she's alone. That can't be easy."

"She wouldn't have to be alone if she did the DNA test," Edward said carefully. "I mean, I would be helping her out."

"There_ is_ a small chance of miscarriage. If it was me, in that situation, I wouldn't do it either," Bella shrugged. She kept her voice even.

"The chances of a miscarriage are less than one percent. It's like, point three percent, I think," Edward replied.

Bella bit her lip. He was still using that cautious, even tone. He didn't want to upset her. For some reason, that irritated her even more. "Well, I guess I'm just looking at it from a female perspective. You know, since I _did_ have a miscarriage. I understand how she would feel if she did lose the baby."

She was unable to keep the sharpness from her voice. Almost immediately, as soon as the words left her mouth, Bella felt the hot sting of tears. She didn't want to fight with Edward over this. She should be all for the amniocentesis – there was a chance the baby wasn't Edward's. Didn't she want to know? Then they could put the entire mess behind them.

Edward stopped walking and turned to face her. He shoved his hands in his pockets, as if he didn't know what to do with them. "I know this is hard for you. But for me, I need to step back and look at it realistically. I need to know what to expect. If this is my kid, then two months will go a long way in preparing for it, you know?"

Bella blinked rapidly and nodded, looking at the lockers over Edward's shoulder.

"So," Edward said softly. "I am going to push for an amniocentesis. I want Jess to get it. I think it's the right decision."

Bella nodded again. Edward was effectively telling her that she had no part in the decision. He was right; she wasn't part of the situation. It didn't hurt any less, though.

He stepped closer to her and reached up to touch her cheek. "Don't be mad at me, Bella. I need us to be okay."

"I'm not mad at you," she said thickly.

Was she? Was she mad at Edward?

She was angry that they were in this situation. She hated the fact that there was an invitation to Edward's baby shower in her backpack.

But most of all, she hated the growing resentment that she felt towards Edward. It was like a vine, starting off small, but its tendrils were slowly winding their way around her heart.

"Promise?" he asked, his face anxious. "I love you, Bella. I don't want to hurt you."

"Promise," Bella lied.

Visibly relieved, Edward smiled and began walking again. She followed him numbly, trying to listen to his voice as he rambled on about how he was going to shut down the baby shower and put an end to the marriage rumors.

Bella still felt vaguely ill, and she couldn't shake the feeling that something just went wrong between them. The feelings that she harbored were poisonous, that much she did know, and they had the potential to ruin what she shared with Edward.

She couldn't let that happen, but she couldn't change how she felt, either.

* * *

sorry if your heart hurt at the end =(


	28. Reality Bites

The morning passed relatively slowly. Edward stayed at her side, baring his teeth whenever anyone got too close. Bella knew he was afraid someone would say something that upset her. It wasn't until lunch that he finally left her alone.

Even then, Bella was babysat by Jasper.

"So you know it's like an honor to sit here," Jasper told her, nodding sagely.

Bella tore her eyes from Edward's tall frame. He and Emmett were in line getting pizza. "What do you mean?"

Jasper opened his iced tea and it made a popping noise. "It's always just been the three of us. Me, Edward and Em. No girls. Ever."

Bella squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. "I can go back and sit with Angela."

Jasper half laughed and shook his head. "I'm not telling you to move, Bella. I'm just sayin', it shows how much you mean to Edward."

Bella's eyes sought out Edward again. "Jessica never sat up here?"

"No!" Jasper replied, aghast. "Are you kidding? That would never happen, even if Edward wanted it…and trust me, he never did."

"So what were they?" Bella asked. She was back to watching Edward. He paid for their pizza and looked up at her, their eyes locking across the cafeteria. "He said she didn't mean much to him. So it was just…physical?"

"Ummm," Jasper hummed. "I think maybe they were friends in the beginning, and then they thought it could be something more? But it wasn't?"

Bella's lips twitched at Jasper's doubtful and uncomfortable tone, obviously trying to shield her delicate emotions from the truth. Raised voices caught her attention, and Bella looked back at Edward.

"Shit," Jasper muttered.

Mike was standing in front of Edward, his back to Bella and Jasper. She couldn't hear what he was saying, but the expression on Edward's face told her enough. Mike said something else and a couple of the guys around them began laughing. Edward threw down his tray of food and it scattered on the floor.

"Be back in a sec," Jasper said lightly. He jumped up from the table and jogged over to the boys. Emmett now had one hand on Edward's shoulder.

Edward tried to shrug Emmett off and Mike immediately took a step back. When Edward began to speak, Bella could tell he was using his low, scary voice.

She hated that voice.

Emmett pushed past Edward and said something, spreading his hands and shrugging. Jasper started laughing, as did Tyler, Eric and a few of the other guys. Mike shook his head and turned around to take his seat, acting as though nothing had happened, but his face was bright red. Edward's expression never changed.

Bella wished she heard what Emmett had said. He was so good at diffusing potentially explosive situations. More and more, she found herself looking to him as the voice of reason. Emmett put his hands on Edward's shoulders and steered him to their corner of the cafeteria.

Edward avoided eye contact as they approached, giving Bella the chance to study him unabashedly. He looked paler than usual, which only emphasized the dark circles under his eyes. He must not be sleeping well.

"Shit," he sighed. He stood before her and raked a hand through his hair. Bella raised an eyebrow. "Your pizza."

Emmett sat down and twisted open his bottle of water. "Jasper's getting more. He figured Bella wouldn't want a slice that kissed the floor of the cafeteria."

Bella grimaced. "He thought right."

Edward sank into the seat next to her and laid his head down on his arms. The chair scraped loudly across the floor as he moved it closer to her side. Then he closed his eyes.

Emmett whipped out his cell phone and began dialing a number, completely ignoring the school's zero tolerance program for cell phones. Bella hid her smile and shifted her attention back to Edward. She reached out and gently twisted a lock of his hair.

He opened one eye and Bella felt her heart skip a beat. Sometimes she forgot how unnaturally gorgeous he was, and then at moments like this, it struck her full force. Bella swallowed her awe.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," he murmured back, sitting up straight. Edward put his arm around her and pulled Bella to his side. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "How are you doing?"

Bella shrugged and rested her head against his shoulder. "Better than you, I think."

He was quiet for a moment and she thought he was listening to Emmett on the phone. All of a sudden, he cupped her face, making her look at him. "I'll make this up to you, somehow. I promise."

Bella did her best to smile. She nodded and closed her eyes when he ducked his head to brush his lips across hers.

* * *

No one saw Jessica after their trip to the guidance office, so Bella was able to relax. The rest of the day passed without incident, except for when Mike offered her a ride to work. They were both going directly to Newton's Outfitters directly after school, so logically, it was a reasonable request.

Except Mike asked her in front of Edward, who kind of growled in response, and Mike quickly walked away. She didn't bother telling Edward that he was acting ridiculous.

"What time do you want me to pick you up?" Edward asked.

Bella eyed him warily. It would probably be easier to just accept his offer than to argue. Besides, the walk to the Cullens' house was way too long. "I get off at nine."

It was cold outside, but Bella was eager to be away from Edward. He had been in a dour mood all day, which was understandable, but she hated it all the same. His moods brought her down, too.

She took a deep breath of the cool air and waved goodbye. It was a relief to escape the oppressive tension that pressed down on them inside of the car.

"Hi, Mrs. Newton," Bella smiled as she entered the shop.

"Hey, Bella!" she greeted her. Mrs. Newton, or Cheryl, as she insisted on being called, looked as though she was thirty-something instead of forty-something, and smiled more than anyone else Bella had ever met. "Long time, no see, right?"

"Yeah," Bella agreed. Mrs. Newton usually worked day shifts, and Mike or his father worked at night. "Where are the boys? I thought Mike said he was working tonight."

"He is, or he was," Mrs. Newton nodded. "But I sent him into Port Angeles to pick up a special order."

"Oh," Bella replied. She was less than enthusiastic about working with Mike's mother. Whereas Mike and his father would leave Bella to her own devices, Mrs. Newton was definitely a talker.

"So, tell me," Mrs. Newton began, pushing aside the invoices she had been working on. "Have you begun applying to all of your colleges? Last time we talked you were dead set on going somewhere in the Northeast. Marist, right?"

Bella blinked, stunned. It seemed like years since anyone had asked her anything that didn't pertain to Jessica's pregnancy, especially about something as normal as school. "Um….right, I was looking at Marist and Vassar."

"Yes, Vassar," Mrs. Newton nodded. "I visited one of my girlfriends there back in the eighties. You'd absolutely love it, Bella. Just over an hour to the city, too."

"That does sound nice," Bella said reluctantly. She took a step closer to Mrs. Newton.

"You need to remind me to get you that recommendation letter," Mrs. Newton admonished. "I can't believe I still haven't done it. Did you already submit your applications?"

Bella bit her lip. "No. I haven't."

Mrs. Newton looked up, peering at her over the rim of her stylish black glasses. She set down her pen. "Well, Bella, I'm surprised. When you first began here, you were so enthusiastic about getting out of Forks. You had a plan and you were so focused. What changed?"

Bella had to look away from Mrs. Newton's intense, worried gaze. She had only been in Forks for what, six weeks? And now everything was different.

In the course of falling for Edward, she lost herself. She discarded all of her plans, and for what – to date him? She loved him, of course, but she had her own life to live.

She barely went to school anymore, and she had _never_ skipped classes prior to this year. Bella busted her ass for three years in Phoenix to make sure her grades would qualify her for an Ivy League education, and in six weeks she had thrown it all away.

She couldn't wait around for the other shoe to drop, for Edward to realize he was going to be a father and had no time for her anymore.

"Bella, are you all right?" Mrs. Newton asked gently. She reached out and touched Bella's hand. "I didn't mean to upset you. I know you mentioned money was an issue… I could help you with the financial aid forms. I already did Mike's."

Bella nodded and tried to hide the look of horror that must have been so obvious on her face. "Thanks, um, I'd appreciate it. I didn't get to finish inventorying the ski boots in the back, and I know Mr. Newton wanted me to get that done…"

"Sure," Mrs. Newton responded softly. "Go ahead, Sweetheart."

Bella left the floor in a hurry, eager to be away from Mrs. Newton and her prying questions. She had really disarmed her, and now Bella was filled with trepidation.

Maybe this was all a mistake. Maybe this was the universe's way of pushing her away from Edward because they actually _weren't_ meant to be together.

She sat down on the floor of the stockroom, surrounded by different brands and sizes of ski boots. Unable to concentrate on the task at hand, her mind drifted back to her conversation with Mrs. Newton.

The last thing in the world that Bella wanted was to end up like her mother. She loved Renee, she really did, but she refused to live her life dependent on a man. For as long as she could remember, the one constant with Renee was a skeevy boyfriend. Bella had been so relieved when she hooked up with Phil, because he actually seemed like a decent guy.

To combat her mother's helplessness, Bella strove to be fiercely independent. She acquired a job as soon as she was old enough to work and made sure to keep her bank account safely padded.

The next step in her quest to build a stable life for herself was college, followed by graduate school. All of her free time was devoted to either working for better grades or working for the cash needed to put her through school.

In the short time since she arrived in Forks, she had blown through her savings and let her grades slip. Bella felt her heart rate speed up and she suddenly couldn't breathe fast enough.

"Jesus," she whispered, putting a hand over her heart. Was she having an actual panic attack?

Bella stood up and paced back and forth in the small stockroom. What was she doing? What was keeping her in Forks?

She had fallen in love with Edward once before and it shattered her. There was no guarantee that it wouldn't happen again…in fact, given the current circumstances, it probably would.

Bella inhaled deeply, trying to calm her racing heart. When it came right down to it, she was doing exactly what Renee did – exactly what she watched her mother do time and again, that which Bella swore she would never do to herself.

She was throwing away her life and her dreams for a guy. Her grades and acceptance into a good school would shape the rest of her life. Maybe she and Edward would survive, after all, and that would be amazing. But if they didn't, Bella would need to stand on her own again. She couldn't let her entire life fall to pieces like the last time Edward left her, and that meant getting back on track.

Bella sat down on the floor again. Her eyes stung with tears and the boxes of boots stacked up around her blurred. She loved Edward. She loved him _so_ much, but his life had already branched off from hers. Time was already running out for them.

Who was she kidding? She couldn't watch him raise Jessica's child. The jealousy would eat away at her, until there was nothing left between them.

Bella let herself cry until the tears were gone. There, in the back room of Newton's Outfitters, Edward Cullen broke her heart all over again.

* * *

Edward was waiting outside for her at nine o'clock on the dot.

Bella stood with Mrs. Newton as she locked the door. After Mrs. Newton wished her a good night, Bella steeled her nerves and got into Edward's car.

"Hey," he smiled, leaning over to kiss her. "How was work?"

Bella waved goodbye to Mrs. Newton and buckled her seatbelt before answering. "The usual."

"Was Newton hitting on you the entire night?" Edward asked dryly.

She forced a laugh. "No. He wasn't even there."

"Well, you missed a lot at the house. My Mom and Alice decided it was time to start decorating for Christmas. They made me pull down all the lights and decorations, and all of that other crap."

"It's not even Thanksgiving," Bella argued, now smiling in earnest. Esme would be the first in town with Christmas decorations up.

Edward shrugged. "Mom's big on the holidays."

"So, I thought you were going to start job hunting tonight," Bella said vaguely, fishing for information.

"Ah, yes," Edward sighed. "I scoured the Pennysaver for about two hours and then my Dad told me he pulled some strings and scored me a job at the hospital."

"Doing what?"

"Some filing and clerical stuff but mostly light janitorial duties," Edward quoted. "Sounds like it'll suck, but it's something for now, and he said they're pretty desperate for help. That means a lot of hours."

"That's good," Bella told him, trying to inject some feeling into her flat voice. It didn't work.

"What's wrong? You seem a little off. Are you still upset about the baby shower?" Edward inquired. He kept glancing over at her. "I called Jessica about that."

Bella paused. "And?"

"She said she was sorry," Edward admitted. "I'm still kind of in shock about it. She said to apologize to you, too."

"Well, did she say _why_ she did it?" Bella asked, frowning.

"Not really," he replied. Edward turned into the driveway. "She said she's been really emotional and keeps doing stuff without thinking. I asked her to try and turn it down, because it's kind of hard on everyone."

For some reason, that made Bella feel ten times worse. Once again, she put herself in Jessica's shoes. She remembered how terrifying and exhilarating it was to discover she was pregnant. Of course, when she found out, Edward had already kicked her out of his life. That made the pregnancy, brief though it was, even more bittersweet. Jessica was probably going through a lot of the same emotions.

"Wait!" Bella blurted out. Edward's hand stilled on the key, still in the ignition. "Before we go inside, can we just talk for a minute?"

He sat back in his seat and let the car idle. "Of course."

Bella's hands were cold and sweaty. She twisted them together anxiously and swallowed the big lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. "Well. You're going to be busy pretty soon, working all of those hours."

"Yeah," he said slowly. "We'll still see each other, though. You have off every Tuesday and Thursday, so I made sure to ask for those days to be my days off, if possible."

"You did?" Bella asked tearfully, looking at him.

"Of course I did," Edward frowned. He shifted his body so he was facing her and reached over to push her hair away from her face. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I just – I think we should, maybe, take a break," she stammered. She didn't even feel the tears coursing down her cheeks. Every cell in her body screamed for her to stop, to just shut up, but it was like she was in a car without brakes. "I think we should break up."

"You think we should break up?" he repeated. Edward sat back and shook his head. "No. What? Why?"

Bella covered her face for a second and tried to regain some of her composure. The way Edward was staring at her made her feel so stupid. "It's just too much. I need to focus on school and graduating."

"On school and graduating?" Edward said incredulously. "Bella, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I mean, we talked about this. You said you were okay with it, that you were going to stay by me through this."

"I thought I could," Bella whispered, wiping her eyes. "But it's too much. I wish I could hate Jessica because I think that would make it easier, but I can't. I feel terrible for her. I think – I think you should help her."

Edward grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him. "Forget about Jessica. I'll take care of her, I promise. But you're the most important thing to me."

"I shouldn't be!" she wailed. "The baby, and Jessica. They're the most important."

"I know they're important," Edward replied in a frustrated voice. "But you're _it_ for me. I love you. I want to marry you!"

"Stop it," Bella snapped. "We're seventeen. We're not getting married."

He was quiet for a few moments and all she could hear was his heavy breathing. Finally, Edward reached for the key and turned the car off.

"Don't do this," he said softly. "Please."

Bella shook her head, but couldn't speak. She felt his eyes on her but she stared straight ahead, refusing to look at him.

"Fine. We'll take a break, if that's what you really want. But nothing is going to change," Edward warned her. "You're staying here. I'm driving you to work and picking you up. We'll be together just as much as we are now."

"Things will change, Edward," Bella whispered. "In seven weeks you're going to become a father. How can that not change things?"

Edward leaned his head back against the headrest and sighed. "Because I won't suddenly stop loving you. And you won't stop loving me, either. It doesn't work like that."

"I have to take care of myself," she said quietly. "You probably don't get it. But I need…I don't really know what I need. But I need to make some changes."

"This is a mistake," Edward said throatily.

"Maybe. But it wouldn't be our first, and we survived all of them," Bella muttered. She reached for the door handle but Edward grabbed her hand.

"Wait," he commanded. "You're telling my mom."

Bella felt her cheeks heat at the idea. There was no way she could tell Esme she broke up with Edward; it would be like spitting in her face. "No."

"I'm not," Edward shrugged. "Are you just going to let her think that we're still together?"

"Emmett said I could stay there if I needed to," Bella said in a tiny voice. "So I guess we'll have to tell her eventually. I mean, when I move out – "

Edward let out a short laugh. "Over my dead body."

"Excuse me?" Bella bristled, irritation taking the place of her sadness.

"You heard me before. Nothing is changing," he repeated, his voice rising.

"Fine. _You_ can pretend like nothing has changed," Bella said tightly. "But don't play with me, Edward. I need time to get everything straight in my head. Don't come to my bedroom."

"Fine," Edward hissed, his eyes sparking with anger. "Your bedroom is off limits but the rest of the house is mine, and it's fair game. And I'm warning you, Bella. I want you and I'll fight dirty to keep you if I have to."

Bella forced herself to look away from him. His words, meant to threaten, excited her instead. She quickly fled from the car, relieved to escape his scrutiny.

She needed to take care of herself before anything else. She learned that a long time ago. If that meant staying away from Edward, well, that's what she was going to have to do. He was too much temptation to be around, and she didn't have much willpower around him in general.

Bella would simply have to avoid him. Stay far away from him and ignore the desire he ignited in her.

This was one fight that he wouldn't win.

* * *

dammit, mrs. newton! cockblocker.


	29. Movie Night

Edward was going insane.

In six weeks his life had changed more than he thought physically possible. If someone had told him that Isabella Swan was coming back into his life, and she was about to commandeer his heart, he would have laughed them out of town.

Somehow, though, it had happened. Bella came home and despite his best efforts, Edward fell for her all over again. Or maybe he had never really gotten over her. Either way it didn't matter – because now everything was messed up. He finally caught a glimpse of how wonderful life with Bella could be…and then it disappeared, as if it had only been a dream.

"Cullen! Your break's over. The third floor needs to be worked over."

Edward nodded at his boss, Miguel, and stood up to dump his tray. Miguel was pretty cool, as far as bosses went. Edward got all the shit jobs the first two weeks, but since his "initiation," things had gotten a lot better. There were two other guys that worked as janitors.

Technically, Edward was supposed to be doing clerical work, too, but Jason, one of the other janitors, had come down with the flu. Edward was basically taking over for him until he returned to work. He didn't really mind, though, because the work was easy and mindless. He thought about Bella a lot.

He hadn't come up with a way to win her back yet. In fact, he hardly got to see her anymore. Edward dropped his extra classes and was able to get an early release from the school for work. He worked full time and Bella was pulling at least twenty-five hours a week at Newton's.

The awkward, tense ride home from Newton's was the best part of his day. It only lasted about three heart-wrenching minutes, and those three minutes were full of longing glances and painful silences. The scent of Bella's hair filled the small car and Edward found he had to bite his lip to keep from begging Bella to take him back.

Even on those nights when they were both off, Bella avoided him like the plague. She locked herself in her bedroom to study. He found a million reasons to lurk on the third floor, hoping to catch her in the hallway. He completely understood how pathetic that was.

Edward made his way to the third floor. He would have to stock each hospital room, then sweep and mop, clean the bathroom and take out the trash.

For the first week of his and Bella's "break up", Edward half-heartedly tried to respect her wishes. Whenever he did see her, Bella looked terrified of him. Her eyes widened and her lips parted; that perfect little mouth ready to crush his heart.

But each time he did see Bella, something became more and more obvious.

Bella didn't want to be apart from him. The way her cheeks flushed red and her eyes darted back and forth between his eyes and mouth, the hungry way she watched him…Bella still wanted him just as badly as he wanted her.

Inexplicably, Edward felt a pang of guilt every time he considered pushing his way past her defenses. He knew he wanted her, and he knew she wanted him, but it didn't feel right to push it. Edward understood that she had her reasons for ending their relationship, but none of them were legitimate.

Bella was scared. That was what it came down to.

He was scared, too. In fact, Edward was terrified. Every time he thought of Jessica and the baby that slowly grew inside of her, he became so anxious that he kind of felt like puking. Then he thought of Bella, and of how much he wished she was the pregnant one, and he felt that terrible sinking feeling in his stomach.

After Bella left Forks, he never thought he would see her again. Whenever he saw something that triggered a memory of her, his heart twisted painfully and he shoved all thoughts of her away. It was easier to just forget about her rather than deal with it all.

Jessica had been little more than a distraction. If he had only known what the repercussions of his relationship would be… God, he never would have touched her.

Their relationship was born out of convenience, not love. They had never confessed any intense feelings for each other, and Edward knew Jessica was unhappy with the way they were. There were several times when he had been certain she was going to leave him.

In fact, there were several times when he was positive that Jessica was cheating on him. Edward lapped the third floor of the hospital, collecting garbage and flicking through his memories of Jessica as he went.

He was not able to pinpoint what exactly gave him the impression that Jessica had cheated. As their relationship progressed, they drifted. Maybe one day he spotted her watching someone with too much interest. Or maybe, one day the way she touched him changed, felt foreign.

Whatever it was, it felt unimportant. Compared to the reality of the situation, that he and Jessica were bringing a child into the world, her infidelity meant nothing. Unless it meant the baby wasn't his.

Edward wasn't ready to become a father. He couldn't fool anyone into buying that. Furthermore, he couldn't push down the seed of resentment that burned inside of him whenever he thought of the child.

The entire situation was his fault. It had been stupid to leave the birth control issue up to Jessica. In the beginning, they had used condoms. Carlisle had the sex talk with him early, but then a few weeks after Bella left he freaked out and went through it all over again.

After the second sex ed talk from _Dr_. Cullen, in which Emmett and Jasper were also present, Carlisle made sure Edward was fully stocked on condoms. Boxes magically appeared in the bathroom and in his dresser. After a few months, though, Jessica began to piss and moan because she didn't "like" condoms, so she went on the pill.

In hindsight, condoms would probably have been better.

Edward was trying to come to grips with the idea that in just over a month, he would be a father. He would be responsible for another human being. When Jessica gave birth, and he finally held that tiny person in his hands, Edward knew it would all change. His resentment toward the unborn baby would disappear, and he would experience that magic moment and fall in love.

Right now, though, it was hard for him to imagine the baby. Whenever he thought of it, his stomach turned over and he saw the look of shock and betrayal on Bella's face. Then came the expression of pain – the terrible pain that was his fault, entirely.

The plan was to spend the rest of his life making it up to her. Sure, Bella balked at the idea of marriage, but that was just because they were so young. In a few years, she would look at it differently.

He'd prove to her that not every marriage ended up as a mess of shattered dreams and broken hearts. They would have a huge family, too. Neither of them was opposed to adoption, especially given Edward's own past. And of course, they would never give up trying for a biological child.

At least, that was the plan. His plan. Now he just had to make Bella like it.

"Hey, Cullen?"

Edward looked up as Miguel approached him.

Miguel glanced down at his cart, quickly surveying his work. "My eleven o'clock guy is coming in early. Do you want to cut out at six-thirty?"

Surprised, Edward nodded. "Yeah, that'd be great."

It would be _really_ great, actually. Bella wasn't working at Newton's tonight, so maybe they could spend some time together.

"All right," Miguel agreed.

Edward thanked him and rushed through the rest of his tasks, eager to get home. Maybe tonight would be different.

* * *

Esme was in the habit of cooking huge dinners. Bella was constantly in awe of the feasts she made, and more than a little guilty when she compared the spreads to the meager dinners she used to make for Charlie.

Tonight's dinner was lasagna, tossed salad and garlic bread. Bella eyed the pan of lasagna. It had to weigh at least ten pounds.

Carlisle and Esme were sharing a bottle of wine. Alice asked for a glass of wine and then sulked for ten minutes after Carlisle refused. Then she begged for a glass, sulked again, and settled for a diet Coke. Bella stuck to plain water.

They were just finishing up when Esme waved her fork around. She covered her mouth while she swallowed a particularly large bite and then smiled.

"Oh, good news," Esme announced. "Edward called. He'll be home early tonight."

Bella felt her cheeks burn when three sets of eyes turned to gauge her reaction. She forced a smile, despite the sudden butterflies in her stomach. "Oh, that's great."

Esme smiled. "Yes, it is. I feel like I haven't seen him in ages."

"He's been pulling a lot of hours at the hospital," Carlisle acknowledged. "I know this hasn't been easy on him. I'm proud of him."

Carlisle's words scratched at Bella's thin emotional veneer. He was right; Edward was really trying. The past two weeks had been full of long, cold days. They were lonely days, too, because she barely saw Edward anymore.

"I almost feel as though he's avoiding us," Esme frowned.

Bella quickly dropped her guilty eyes. That was probably her fault, because every time she was in the same room as Edward, she felt emotionally overwhelmed and tried to leave. He seemed to pick up on it, because sometimes he would just look at her and _know_, and leave before she could.

"But that makes no sense at all," Esme continued. "I think we should make the most of everyone being home tonight. I'll get out the hot air popper and we'll make some popcorn and watch a movie!"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Actually…I was going to ask if I could go out."

"To where?" Carlisle asked, spearing a piece of lettuce with his fork.

"To a friend's," she replied vaguely. Alice stared at her lasagna and twirled a lock of spiky hair between her fingers.

Carlisle set down his fork and eyed her curiously. "You know the rules, Alice. When you go out we have to know with who, and where you will be."

A blush tinged Alice's pale face. She shrugged. "I don't know yet. I don't really have plans; I was just wondering."

Esme began questioning Carlisle about a situation at work, but Bella was intrigued by the vagueness of Alice's response. Alice looked up and caught Bella watching her, prompting her to blush even more furiously.

Bella was quick to note the very un-Alice response. Alice shoved her seat back and stood up, ignoring Bella's inquisitive stare. "Mom? Any movie preference?"

Esme paused. "Well, a Christmas movie, obviously."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Of course, I mean, it's only a month until Christmas."

"It's December 2nd," Esme corrected. "Anything goes once you hit December. As for the movie, you and Bella choose. Oh, and Alice? You're on dishes tonight."

Bella followed Alice into the living room. She crouched in front of the DVD tower and scoured through the many titles. "Hmmm. Bella, do you have any favorites?"

Bella sat down on the love-seat, leaving the larger couch for Esme and Carlisle. "Not really."

Alice plucked her selection out of the tower. "Miracle on 34th Street, it is."

"So," Bella began in a casual voice. "Who did you want to go see tonight?"

Alice shushed her and sent a paranoid glance over her shoulder. "Jeez, Bella, keep it down!"

"So?" Bella persisted. "Who is it?"

The DVD player hummed to life after Alice inserted the DVD. Alice stretched out on the floor in front of the television, arranging the blanket and pillow to her liking. "It's nothing."

Bella looked away, surprised by how much it hurt that Alice wouldn't confide in her. Esme chose that moment to enter the room, balancing three large bowls of popcorn in her hands. Grateful for the distraction, Bella hopped up to help her.

"That's a lot of popcorn," Bella commented.

"I know," Esme sighed. "It's wasteful, but necessary. My children have become so lazy that they each need their own bowl. It's simply too much work for them to get up and grab a handful, or God forbid, actually sit next to each other." She smiled. "But I made Edward extra, so you two can share."

Bella's carefully arranged expression froze on her face. Of course, how did she not realize it earlier? She and Edward would be expected to sit together, next to each other. They would need to keep up the relationship facade, and Edward would undoubtedly try to use the situation to his advantage.

"Great," Bella managed.

"Alice, don't start it yet!" Esme admonished her. "Edward isn't home yet! Actually, he should be by now – oh, wait, is that the garage? Yes, okay, he's here. Five minutes, Alice."

"Yeah, yeah," Alice mumbled, already munching on her popcorn.

Bella frowned at Alice. Yeah, she might be in a foul mood, but she didn't need to take it out on Esme. Bella's irritation with Alice faded into jealousy. She had such a wonderful family. Bella wished she really belonged at the Cullen house, that she was actually one of them.

The DVD menu played the same thirty second clip over and over while they waited for Edward. She waited impatiently.

"No, Mom, I already ate."

Bella looked up at the sound of Edward's voice. Her heart began tap dancing in her chest and she wiped her suddenly sweaty hands on her jeans. Carlisle came through the living room entrance, carrying two newly topped off glasses of wine.

Little Eddie dashed into the room behind Carlisle, clearly ecstatic at having everyone in the same room. He had been snoozing in the corner of the kitchen earlier. Esme acted like he was an annoyance, but more than once Bella spotted her slipping Little Eddie treats and cooing at him.

Carlisle set down Esme's wine glass on the coffee table. Bella found it peculiar how she could watch Carlisle and Esme drink wine, and it didn't bother her one iota. And yet, if Charlie so much as cracked open one beer, Bella felt physically ill.

"Are you sure you don't want any lasagna?" Esme asked. "Let me heat you up a plate."

"Mom," Edward laughed. "I'm fine. I ate dinner earlier. Popcorn sounds good, though."

Bella's heart slammed into her throat at the sight of Edward. She saw him before he looked in her direction, so she took the opportunity to drink him in.

Edward wore a pair of faded blue jeans and a nondescript white t-shirt. He kicked off his battered sneakers by the entrance to the living room, and then looked up. It was as if he had a built in Bella homing device; his eyes went directly to hers and Bella's breathing caught.

His hair was less messy than usual, and Bella noticed he had gotten it trimmed. His green eyes lit up when he saw her, and an easy smile spread across his face. With a jolt, Bella realized that she had to clamp down on the warmth that was spreading through her – the happiness.

Despite how he made her feel now, Bella knew that nothing would be the same in a few weeks. She had to protect her heart.

"Hi Bella," Edward smiled, almost shyly.

"Hi," Bella replied. She was positive her cheeks were bright red.

"Okay, okay, everyone sit down and get settled," Esme called from the kitchen. "Edward, Bella, do you want anything to drink?"

"Can you bring me a water, please?" Edward asked.

Bella scooted closer to the edge of the love-seat. Edward didn't seem to notice. He walked across the room to the window seat. He lifted up the wooden seat and pulled out a large blanket.

"Oh, grab me one?" Bella requested.

A wolfish grin passed over Edward's face. Immediately self-conscious, Bella snuck a look at Carlisle. He was distracted, checking his BlackBerry.

"Sorry," Edward said in a voice that told her he wasn't sorry at all. "Last one. We'll share."

The little voice inside of her head screamed at Bella to go upstairs and get her own blanket. Or better yet, a hoodie, so there could be no sneaky business under the cover of a blanket.

She didn't want to draw any extra attention to them, and their obvious lack of affection lately, so Bella didn't say anything. Besides…there was a tiny part of her that _wanted_ sneaky business.

Edward ambled over to the couch, watching her the entire time. Bella flushed and looked away. He stretched out on the love-seat, lying down and nudging her with his feet until he practically shoved her off the couch.

"What?" Bella snapped. She quickly rolled her eyes and smiled, trying to lessen the severity of her voice.

With Bella off of the couch, Edward really stretched out. He covered himself with the blanket, then held up the edge of it and patted the empty area in front of him. "Lay down."

She wished the love-seat was smaller, like a normal love-seat. Then they would have to just sit side by side. But no, it was just as extravagant as the rest of the Cullen house, and it comfortably fit all six feet of Edward, with room to spare.

Esme dashed into the room. She put down Edward's glass of water and smiled at Bella. "Go ahead, Bella. Get comfy."

She walked over to the wall and turned the lights off. Bella loved the graceful way Esme moved. Tonight, she was wearing black yoga pants and an old sweatshirt of Carlisle's. She looked no older than twenty-five, and when she sat down and melted against Carlisle, Bella felt another pang of jealousy.

Bella looked down at Edward, who was watching her expectantly. He looked a little sad, and she immediately knew that she had done a terrible job hiding her emotions just now. Edward held out his hand, and sighing, Bella took it.

She sat down on the edge of the love-seat, making sure there was about a foot between her ass and Edward's stomach. It was almost the exact position she had just been in, and apparently Edward still wasn't pleased with it. He wrapped an arm around her stomach and tugged her back.

"Lay down," he whispered.

It felt awkward to maneuver herself into a laying position, but the darkness of the room helped. Carlisle was sitting on the corner of the sofa, with Esme folded against him. Alice was curled up on the floor with her head propped up on her hand. None of them were paying attention to her.

Bella laid down and hugged the edge of the love-seat, hoping Edward would let her relax there, but he pulled her flush against him. She closed her eyes, trying to stifle the sudden heaviness of her breathing.

The length of his body pressed against hers and Bella inhaled sharply when his warm breath caressed the bare skin of her neck. Her blood began to boil, and heat coursed through her veins. She had missed his touch so much.

Bella felt Edward's hand slide down to her hip. Her t-shirt had ridden up a little, and his big hand skimmed the hem of her shirt, her bare skin, and the top of her jeans. She bit her lip and two of his fingers dipped below the waistband of her pants.

"Edward," she breathed. "Stop."

His fingers curled against her jutting hip bone. His skin felt a million times hotter than hers. He wanted to make her feel good but she wouldn't relax. Bella's muscles were tight and unyielding; despite his touch and the way he tried to hug her to him, Bella remained frozen.

"Relax," he urged, his voice barely audible.

Edward grasped her hip and tugged Bella more firmly against his body. He shifted his own hips and pressed his lower half against her bottom. She buried her gasp in the couch.

After so long, it felt like heaven to have Bella in his arms. The movie melted away, his family disappeared, and all he could even fathom was Bella. _Bella._

He ran his hand up and down her sides and felt her thin frame shudder against him. She reached back with one arm, maybe to push him away, but when her hand touched his hip Edward grabbed it and forced it to remain there.

Edward nuzzled her neck gently. He pushed her hair back to expose her skin and pressed a soft kiss on her warm skin. Bella's nearly silent moan vibrated in her throat and Edward parted his lips, softly suckling her skin.

His heart was pounding now, and Edward knew it was getting out of control. He couldn't push himself any further, not with his parents in the room. His subtlety was quickly running out.

Bella suddenly shoved him away. He was so unprepared for the sudden movement that he let Bella rip herself out of his arms. Even in the dark he could see how red her cheeks, and the way her lips fell open to accommodate her heavy breathing.

"I, um, need a drink," Bella announced. She darted off the couch and disappeared into the kitchen.

Edward sat up, making sure the majority of the blanket rested on his lap. Yeah, it was dark, but it wasn't that dark. He didn't want his mom, or any of his family, for that matter, to see the massive wood he was sporting.

He waited until everyone's attention had returned back to the movie. Then he followed Bella into the kitchen.

Bella was leaning against the counter, holding a cold glass of orange juice to her forehead. She rolled the glass back and forth, trying to cool down. She looked troubled, and her expression only darkened when she saw him watching her.

"That was so stupid," Bella hissed, pulling the glass away from her forehead. "How can you act like that with your parents right there next to us?"

Edward ignored her and walked across the kitchen. He reached and Bella flinched, but his hand went passed her and grabbed the carton of juice.

"Calm down. I'm not going to jump you in the kitchen," he rolled his eyes.

"It wouldn't be the first time," Bella shot back. Her body temperature rose exponentially as she remembered their late night kitchen tryst.

Edward eyed her for a moment, obviously biting back a retort. Instead of responding, he raised the carton of orange juice to his mouth and took a long pull. The bottom of his white t-shirt lifted up a few inches when he raised his arm, and the top of his boxers and a strip of bare skin became visible.

Bella watched him intently, dividing her attention between his happy trail and the way his throat muscles moved as he gulped down the juice. With each second the throbbing between her legs intensified.

When Edward brought the carton away from his mouth, Bella could see a glistening orange juice mustache.

"You have…" she trailed off, blushing. Bella pointed to her own top lip and mimed the motion of wiping it away.

"Why don't you get it for me?" he asked huskily.

Bella licked her own lips instead, and tried to move backwards but realized she was already against the counter.

Edward waited another beat, waiting for Bella to make some kind of move, but she didn't do anything.

Bella stared at him dumbly. He took a step closer and his tongue darted out, smoothing a wet path along his upper lip. The juice disappeared.

"Ummm," she murmured. Her eyes were glued to his mouth and her body was in overdrive.

Edward took another step and closed the gap between them. Bella's hands stayed at her sides but he saw them clench into fists. He wanted to move slowly because she was so skittish, but he simply wasn't strong enough to restrain himself.

He leaned into her, his lips barely grazing hers before Edward crushed his body against hers. Bella let out a squeak of surprise and when she did, Edward's mouth took full advantage of her parted lips.

He tasted sweet, like orange juice. Bella's heart beat double time and she wanted him so badly that she couldn't control herself anymore. Rational thinking left her, and her instincts took over.

Edward groaned when her little hands fisted into his hair and tugged. He grabbed her ass and lifted her onto the counter, loving that she instinctively spread her legs so he could stand between them.

Her lips moved more insistently against his and then he felt one hand drop down to his waist, pulling him closer. She wanted to feel him pressed against her again. He was more than happy to oblige.

"Edward? Could you get your father a water?"

Edward jumped so far away from her that Bella wanted to laugh. Then she realized what was happening, what had _almost_ happened – and slid off the counter.

"Bella," he began, reaching for her.

Bella shoved his hand away and made a break for the stairs.

"Bella!" Edward called.

She made it to the second floor bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking it behind her. Bella turned the shower on, figuring it was as good a cover as any. She waited and waited for Edward to come.

She was sure that he would apologize, or maybe push her a little more.

She waited. And waited. And waited even more.

Edward never came.

By the time Bella realized that Edward truly wasn't coming to her, she wished she had the courage to go find him.

But she didn't.


	30. An Early Christmas Gift

"Bella?"

Carlisle's voice was soft and Bella had known he was close by, but she was unusually jumpy today. It was Edward's fault. Ever since movie night, she had been wound as tightly as a metal spring. Ready to pop.

Bella forced herself to inhale and allowed the deep breath to calm her racing heart.

"Yeah?" she asked, looking up from her homework.

Esme stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame with her arms crossed. She was smiling. Bella looked back to Carlisle, noting the smile on his face, too.

"What's up?" Bella asked.

Carlisle sat down across from her, leaning forward on the dining room table. He reached into his pocket and tossed a pair of keys on the table. "I believe these are yours."

Bella frowned and picked them up. "No. They aren't mine. Maybe they're – "

"They are yours," Carlisle corrected her. "Charlie called me today and asked me to do a favor for him. An early Christmas present, he said."

Bella looked from Carlisle to the set of keys she held in her hand. They were obviously car keys. "I don't understand."

"Your father bought a car off his friend, Billy Black," Carlisle explained. "It was dropped off earlier today."

"Wow," Bella said, unsure of what else to say. Charlie bought her a car? How could he even afford it? "Um, that's great."

"Jacob Black dropped it off this afternoon. He wanted to be here when you first saw it, but he said he had big plans that he couldn't miss. He was telling us how he just finished rebuilding the entire engine."

Bella fingered the keys for a moment more before the smile she had been trying to suppress finally broke free. She stood up and gestured to the front door. Carlisle laughed and shook his head, waving her on.

She raced downstairs and through the garage. Bella forced herself to remain calm, and hit the button that raised the garage door.

She knew better than to let her hopes get too high, but her mind was already racing with possibilities. The freedom that a car would give her was endless. She would be able to come and go as she pleased.

Best of all, it meant she would no longer be dependent on Edward.

Parked in the corner of the Cullen's driveway was an old truck. Bella cocked her head and approached it slowly. It was old. Definitely older than her. Maybe even older than Charlie.

The truck was a faded red color, with splotches of vibrant red in certain spots. Bella wondered if that was Jacob's doing, trying to spruce up the truck for her. Her throat tightened with emotion; mixed emotions for her father, gratitude for the Blacks.

Bella circled the truck and her excitement grew. It was unlocked. She hopped into the driver's seat and shoved the key into the ignition. The truck rumbled to life. It sounded warm and grumpy and comforting. Bella smiled again, and looked up just in time to see Esme and Carlisle step outside.

"Jacob said the engine is in almost perfect working order," Carlisle said, his voice raised to be heard over the engine. "There are just a couple of things, but he said your father knows all about what needs to be done."

Bella hesitated. "Does that – does that mean they know about my dad? Where he is?"

"No," Carlisle shook his head. "Charlie called me and I called them. I said he was in the middle of a big case and you were staying with us for a couple days."

She relaxed. "Okay. Good."

"She sounds good," Carlisle grinned, gently smacking the hood. "Are you going to take her for a spin now?"

"Yeah, I think so," Bella grinned. What a perfect gift. Now she wouldn't have to rely on Edward so much, or Esme, who had to drive her to work twice this week.

She wished Alice was here to share her excitement with, but she had mysteriously disappeared, yet again

"Be quick, though. It's supposed to start snowing soon," Esme warned. "I don't want you driving in the snow yet. You haven't even had a real winter in four years."

Bella's cheeks flushed. Though she would never admit it, she loved when Esme fretted over her.

"Do you have your cell phone on you?" Carlisle asked.

She shook her head. It was next to her books on the dining room table. Carlisle pulled his BlackBerry out of his pocket and handed it to her.

"See you soon."

"Okay," Bella said excitedly. "Thanks. And I'll be careful. With it. Your BlackBerry, I mean."

Bella blushed at her own excitement and shifted the truck into reverse. She maneuvered the car until it was facing the road and then waved to Carlisle and Esme. Dusk was already falling and Esme's words of caution echoed in her head. She drove slower than she normally would have.

She drove further than she meant to and was on the main road, almost back in the main section of Forks before she even realized it. Bella loved the loud rumble of the engine. It growled happily every time she hit the gas, and its roar sounded like a race car's.

Bella decided to stop at the diner and pick up one of their infamous blueberry pies. She knew for a fact that Carlisle loved them. When she asked the waitress behind the counter, her wrinkled face lit up.

"We have four of them in the oven right now. Can you hold tight for about fifteen minutes?"

Bella glanced outside. The snow was falling steadily now but the roads looked okay. She shrugged. "Sure."

"I'll get you a cup of hot chocolate while you wait," she smiled. "On the house."

She sat at the counter, holding the steaming mug of hot cocoa between her cold hands. It warmed them as the minutes slowly passed. Bella swung her feet and wiggled around on the stool. She grew more and more anxious as Esme's words echoed in her head.

She hopped off the stool and walked over to the windows. Cars will still driving by. The road had a pale dusting of snow on it, but seriously – it had just started. She would be fine. A little girl's voice caught her attention and Bella focused on the small family.

A mother, father and the young girl she heard, who was maybe six or seven, sat around a small table. They were sharing a giant ice cream sundae, despite the chilly weather. Bella watched them curiously.

They all looked so happy, as if sharing an ice cream sundae was their dream. As if there was nothing better, or nothing more, that they wanted. Bella smiled when the father put a dollop of whipped cream on his daughter's nose. She looked shocked, then burst into loud belly laughs.

It was a heartwarming scene, but even as it made her feel good, it twisted something inside of Bella, too. She turned away just as the waitress came out of the kitchen, smiling and raising the white cake box to let Bella know it was hers.

"Thank you," Bella said politely. She handed over the crumpled twenty dollar bill that had been stashed in her pocket.

On her way out of the diner, she spared one more look at the happy family, and wondered why she had never had that. Bella shivered when she climbed into the truck and tried to brush the troublesome thoughts away.

Her parents never beat her, she never went without food, clothing or shelter, and she had a good education. She needed to suck it up. No one's life was perfect.

The truck started right up and some of the panic that had filled her chest lessened. Bella made sure the hot pie was safely nestled in the seat, unlikely to jostle or fall and get squished. She pulled out onto the road, driving carefully.

She was on the outer edges of town, on the dark road that led to the Cullens' house, when the truck started to skid. Her heart pounding, Bella frantically searched her mind for every tip she had ever heard on how to regain control of a car. After a moment, without any help from Bella, the tires caught traction again and everything was fine.

Bella breathed a sigh of relief. Thoroughly shaken, she decreased her speed even more. The truck crawled along the road, but soon enough, headlights appeared behind her. The uneasy feeling overtook her again, and Bella carefully brought the truck back up to about ten miles below the speed limit.

She couldn't see any details of the car behind because she was practically blinded by its headlights. Maybe that was because she kept checking them in her rearview mirror. Whoever it was, though, was keeping a safe distance behind her. Her hands ached from clenching the steering wheel so tightly.

Gaining some confidence, Bella increased the speed. Almost simultaneously, she lost control of the truck again. It skidded to the right and she pumped the brakes but nothing happened. She frantically tried turning the steering wheel but the tires didn't respond.

The truck veered off the road, and as soon as she hit the dirt Bella slammed on the brakes. The truck wheezed to a stop.

Frozen with fright, it took Bella a moment to realize she was okay. She turned off the truck and sat back, her hands shaking. She didn't hit anything, or anyone, and she was fine. She unevenly let out the breath she had been holding.

Her first thought was that it wasn't as dark as it should have been – and then she realized that the car behind her had pulled off the road. The car was still running and the headlights were on. Someone was jogging towards her. She zipped up her jacket, which was actually difficult to do because her hands were still shaking so much, and opened her door.

"Bella?"

His voice was ferocious – so angry, so _concerned_.

"Edward? What – what are you doing here?" she asked, her voice faltering. She wanted to slink back into the truck and disappear.

"What am I… Bella, what the _fuck_ are you doing out here?" he demanded, his hands grabbing her shoulders.

She promptly burst into tears. Loud, messy tears that almost froze on her cheeks. She heard Edward curse under his breath, but then he pulled her against him and hugged her tightly.

"Are you okay?" he asked gruffly. His words were muffled by her hair.

She was crying too hard to speak, so she nodded instead. Her whole body was shaking now, partly from the cold but mostly because of the scare. She thought she would be able to hold it together until she got home, but Edward had shocked it out of her.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," he sighed. "You just – you scared me."

When she didn't respond, Edward pulled back from her and made her look at him. He held her chin in his hand and tilted her head side to side. It was difficult to see in the poor light. "Are you sure you're okay? Nothing hurts?"

"I'm okay," she replied, her teeth chattering.

"Go wait in my car. Who's death trap is this?" he asked, nodding his head at the truck.

"It's mine," Bella frowned. "And it isn't – it isn't a death trap. Jake just rebuilt it. My d-dad bought it for me."

She watched the muscle in his jaw flex, but whatever he was thinking, Edward bit his tongue. He held his hand out and she wordlessly handed him the keys. He pointed at his car with a meaningful expression, and Bella turned to trudge to the Volvo.

Its headlights cut across the road, illuminating an even heavier snowfall. She got into the front seat and turned the heat up to the highest setting, then watched Edward.

He was in front of her truck, crouched down. She realized he was checking her tires. After a few moments he began walking back to her. Bella was struck with another frantic thought. She rolled the window down.

"Get the pie! There's a pie on the front seat!" she yelled.

She wasn't close enough to see, but Bella just knew he rolled his eyes. Edward got the pie, though, and was back at the car in another twenty seconds.

He got inside and handed her the pie box. Bella balanced it on her legs and warmth seeped through the bottom of the box. It felt good, even through the denim of her jeans.

"Your tires are bald," he told her once the Volvo was back on the road.

"Oh," she said quietly. What else could she say? She never would have checked the tires in a million years. "Jake said there were a few things that still needed to be done."

"Yeah, well, he should have mentioned the tires. Driving around in snow with bald tires is an easy way to get yourself killed, especially around here," Edward said unflinchingly.

They drove in silence the rest of the way, but Bella could tell that Edward was upset. The rigid way he held himself told her he was angry. He pulled the Volvo into the garage, even though he usually just parked in the driveway. She figured it was for her benefit.

He was out of the car and around to her side before she even got her seatbelt unbuckled. Edward opened the door for her and took the pie, setting it on the roof. When Bella stood up, she found herself trapped between Edward and the car.

She felt an overwhelming urge to cry. She missed him. She missed seeing him happy and playful. Maybe she was just being stupid, and was feeling overly emotional because of the almost accident, but more tears flooded her eyes and Bella had to look away from him. There was nowhere to hide.

"Don't cry," Edward pleaded softly. His hands, somehow warm, despite the temperature, cupped her face. His thumbs brushed away her tears, which was pointless because they were immediately replaced by new ones. His voice lowered to a husky whisper, and Edward leaned his forehead against hers. "Bella, don't cry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I just saw the car go off the road and when I realized it was you, I panicked."

"I'm not – I'm not crying because of that," Bella tried to explain. "It's just everything. I can't handle everything. I want my dad to be better, and I want to have a normal life. I wish – I wish you never dated Jessica. And I wish I was the one who was pregnant. It just – why does everything have to suck for me?"

He pulled her against his chest and hugged her tightly. She cried into his neck while he rubbed her back and murmured in her ear.

"I love you so much. So much, Bella. I wish I could fix everything for you. I promise, if you ever need me, for anything. I'm yours. I'm just waiting for you."

Bella let him hold her for a little while longer. It felt so good to be back in his arms. If she closed her eyes and didn't think, and just felt, she could imagine a perfect life with him. Just the two of them, far away, alone and happy.

"Come on," he finally said. "We need to get you warmed up. You should take a hot shower."

Bella hesitated, her eyes on the garage door.

"We'll get the truck tomorrow. I'll just say I saw you driving in the snow and freaked out. Made you come with me," he said sheepishly. "It's believable. Just don't let my mom see you…she'll know you've been crying."

Bella followed him up the stairs. Edward turned and put a finger to his lips, motioning for her to remain quiet. He opened the door and peeked around, then grabbed her hand and gave it a tug. Edward led her directly to the third floor, safely out of sight from his family members.

She loved the third floor bathroom. It was Edward's personal bathroom. Esme and Carlisle shared their master bathroom, and Alice high jacked the one on the second floor. Instead of sharing with Alice, or going all the way to the basement, Edward opted to use the guest bathroom on the third floor.

He turned the shower on as hot as it could go and went to the closet, pulling out her bag of toiletries. At her astonished expression, he merely shrugged. "What? I saw it. Do you want to use my stuff and smell like a man, or use your stuff and smell like strawberries?"

It seemed like she hadn't laughed in ages, and it felt good. Edward looked around the bathroom once more, making sure she had everything she needed, and then stood there looking at her awkwardly.

"Well…if you need anything else, just yell."

He was almost at the bathroom door when Bella worked up the courage to call his name. He turned. "Yeah?"

"Can you stay in here until I'm done?" she asked shyly.

The smile that crossed his face wasn't suggestive or lewd. He nodded and took two steps before stopping and jamming his hands in his pockets. Bella cocked her head to the side, staring at him curiously. Edward hardly ever looked unsure of himself.

"What is it?" Bella murmured. She self-consciously tugged on the hem of her t-shirt.

He smiled again, that crooked smile she loved, and Bella found herself smiling back. A blush rose to her cheeks and she laughed at the absurdity that was Edward.

He laughed at her exasperated expression and walked towards her. Bella dropped her hands to her side, unsure of what to do with them. This felt strange; it felt different.

It felt new.

Her heart began to thud more quickly against her rib cage. She inhaled sharply, just as Edward closed the space between them. Their eyes locked together and time seemed to slow. Without looking, he reached for her hand and laced his fingers into hers.

Butterflies raced about in her stomach, and her eyes fluttered shut. Bella was feeling that same wonderful panic that occurred just before her first kiss.

"_Have you ever kissed someone?" he asked. Edward felt his cheeks turn red but he remained where he was, gaze unwavering, unwilling to let her see his embarrassment. Bella immediately blushed, too, and he was sure her blush was a million times worse than his, so he felt better._

"_Kissed?" she squeaked. She kind of gasped at the same time, and Edward couldn't help but see her chest and the way it rose and fell quickly. "N-no."_

_Without even thinking, Edward moved so that his body was parallel to hers. Bella watched him with wide, panicked eyes and irrational, nervous laughter bubbled in his throat. His hand trembled, but he reached out anyway and placed it on her stomach, knocking the book away_

"_Edward," Bella whispered, her voice tight and anxious._

_He could feel her stomach muscles bunch up under his palm._

"_I'm going to kiss you," he said softly, leaning over her. "I want to kiss you."_

_Bella finally tore her eyes from his. Edward smiled as they trailed down his face and rested on his lips. He licked his lips, teasing her a bit, and Bella squirmed on the blanket. Her cheeks were still pink and her breathing was all loud and then Bella licked her own lips. _

_He couldn't wait any longer. Edward carefully kept his lower half away from hers, because he didn't want her to feel how hard he was. He had barely touched her._

_Bella's lips parted and Edward slanted his mouth over hers. He broke away almost as soon as he made contact and Bella was already panting. He hesitated, then dropped his head again for another kiss. This one was longer and Bella moved her lips against his._

Her breathing was too loud, even to her own ears. Bella looked restlessly from his lips to his eyes, silently begging Edward to get on with it and kiss her before she hyperventilated and passed out.

"I'm going to kiss you now," Edward said softly. His free hand reached up to touch her cheek. "Okay?"

She nodded, not wanting to say something stupid and ruin the spell they were under.

Edward nodded back and lowered his head. Bella tilted her face upwards and forced herself to not jump him. He was moving so slowly, so carefully – and she knew it was because he didn't want to rush or scare her.

His lips were warm and dry, and fit hers just as perfectly as she remembered. The sound of the shower drowned out the tiny whimpering noises coming from the back of her throat, but as the kiss became more passionate, she became more needy.

He let go of her hand to grab her waist. Bella instinctively shoved against him, wanting to feel his arousal. She needed to know this wasn't one-sided, that Edward felt the same irrational longing that she did.

After just a few moments, though, Edward pulled away. His lips were dark red and swollen; Bella could hardly look anywhere else.

"Kissing you is dangerous," he whispered, smiling to lighten the mood. "I might not be able to stop if we keep it up."

Bella wanted to tell him it was okay if they didn't stop. It was _more_ than okay if they didn't stop…but Edward was right. He stopped for a reason, because she was an idiot and didn't know what she wanted, and he was giving her time to figure it out.

But…she did know what she wanted.

The realization hit Bella like the proverbial ton of bricks. She stood there, still breathing heavily, and watched as Edward stepped away from her. She wanted Edward. That was her problem. She always wanted Edward, despite the consequences or whatever their situation was. She was stuck on him.

He sat down on the bathroom floor, resting against the wall opposite the shower. Still a bit dazed, it took Bella a few more seconds to snap into action.

She threw a towel at him and told him to make sure he kept it over his head while she undressed. She couldn't deal with him watching her change, not when she knew he would be giving her those heated, dark stares. Bella shivered at the thought, shed her clothes, and quickly climbed into the shower.

As she soaped herself up, Bella couldn't help but think of Edward, sitting on the other side of the shower curtain. It felt so risqué to be touching herself, even innocently, knowing that Edward _knew_ she was.

She needed to figure out a way to make it work. The past few weeks, empty of Edward's touches and kisses, had been miserable. She just wasn't strong enough to stay away from him, regardless of what that meant for their future and her heart.

The bathroom was almost foggy with heavy steam from the shower. Edward didn't turn the fan on earlier because he didn't want Bella to get cold. The effect was a warm and moist room. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, lulled into drowsiness by the contentment he felt.

The scent of strawberries filled the air and Edward grinned, knowing that Bella was washing her body. His own body, remembering the details of the kiss they had just exchanged, physically displayed its approval. He shifted himself through his jeans. "Do you need any help washing your back?"

"No," Bella called in an amused voice, but Edward heard the undertones of arousal. "I don't."

"Okay…just remember. I'm here for you, Bella. For _whatever _you need."

She laughed, and the tinkling sound gave him hope.

* * *

awwwwww, did you see that lack of heartfail?! i'm proud of myself =) did you likey??

thank you to the usual suspects for their help - tracie, val, meg, becks, tiff....you know i love you ladies!!

LUNA


	31. Revelations

Bella was in the middle of a wonderful dream when something began pulling at the fuzzy edges of her consciousness. Dream Bella tried to ignore it – tried to ignore that knocking noise – but it was too late, and the dream began to fade away.

Bella pushed her face into her pillow and cursed whoever it was at her bedroom door. Except maybe Edward, but that was just because of his magical dream hands and what they had been doing to her a few minutes ago.

"Bella?"

No, that sweet, lilting voice definitely wasn't Edward's. Bella stifled a groan and raised her head to peek at the alarm clock. Not even seven o'clock yet.

The door opened and Bella rolled over to glare at Alice.

Of course, Alice was already dressed for the day. She wore a pair of skinny jeans and a simple, short-sleeved black hoodie. The look was remarkably dressed down for Alice. Then Bella noticed the thin streaks of hot pink that wove through her hair.

"You colored your hair," Bella said stiffly. She wasn't ready to forget the way Alice had pulled away from her over the past few weeks. It seemed like they were becoming good friends and then – bam! Alice was gone. She was secretive, mysterious, and most likely, lying. Bella didn't like it at all.

Alice reached up and touched her hair self-consciously. "Just a few highlights."

Bella sat up and ran a hand over her own hair, knowing she probably looked like a wreck. She wasn't one of those people who could just roll out of bed and look fabulous. "What do you want, Alice?"

Alice cringed, then launched herself at the bed. She sat on the very edge and grabbed Bella's hands. "Please don't be mad at me, Bella! Please, please! I know you are."

Bella pulled her hands away and frowned. "I'm not mad at you."

"You are and you totally should be," Alice sighed, flopping backwards so she was lying across Bella's bed. "I've been sneaky lately and I hate to be sneaky, but I had to."

Despite her annoyance, Bella's curiosity was piqued. "Why?"

"Because Edward would kill me if he found out what I was up to," Alice admitted sheepishly. She sat up. "Are you working after school today?"

"Why would Edward kill you?" Bella asked, ignoring Alice's question.

Alice had the decency to drop her eyes and blush. "I can't tell you yet. But I will, soon, I promise!"

"Just tell me," Bella scowled irritably.

"I will!" Alice trilled. "But after school, we need to go to Port Angeles. I highly doubt that you have anything to wear to the dance, and I need to find a pair of shoes."

Bella took a deep breath and tried to let go of her irritation. "I don't even know what you're talking about."

"Um, hello? The Winter Formal?" Alice reminded her. "Haven't you seen any of the glittery blue and silver signs all over school? I made them!"

"Sorry…" Bella trailed off. "I've been kind of distracted lately."

Alice rolled her perfectly lined eyes. "I noticed. A night out on the town – or at least, in the Forks High gymnasium - is exactly what you and Edward need."

Bella pushed away her covers and turned off her alarm, trying to dodge Alice's observation. Last night had definitely been the start of something new; another twist in their relationship, but a step in the right direction this time. She felt safe with him, and that was something she hadn't felt in a long time.

Bella didn't want to push this new stage of their relationship too far or too hard, especially considering the strain it would soon be under. Jessica was due to give birth in a little less than a month, and they still didn't know anything new about the baby or pregnancy. Bella didn't ask about it, but Edward or Esme usually dropped little bits of information in front of her so she wasn't totally in the dark about it.

"Earth to Bella," Alice sang. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Bella shrugged. "Just thinking. I'm not really up for a dance, Alice, but thanks for the thought."

"You have to come," she pleaded. "It would mean so much to me. And you'll have so much fun! I promise!"

Alice's unerring happiness, coupled with the fact that she still wasn't giving up any information, rubbed Bella the wrong way. She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever. I need to get ready right now, though, so we can talk later."

"Are you working later?" Alice asked again. She stood up and began edging to the doorway.

"No," Bella answered truthfully. She kind of wished she was, though, if it meant getting out of an hour trapped in the car with Alice.

"Great!" Alice beamed. "Edward is working at the hospital tonight, so we'll leave right after school!"

Bella nodded and smiled, grateful when Alice finally left. Just the thought of going shopping and trying on dresses made her tired; she could only imagine how she would feel tonight. Alice squealed and bolted from the room, probably before Bella could change her mind.

Bella sighed and began to get ready for school, wishing she was back in her dream world.

* * *

Esme poked at the scrambled eggs with the spatula. They were done, but no one was in the kitchen to eat them yet. She glanced over her shoulder and yelled, "Edward! Breakfast! Alice and Bella, get down here!"

"Good morning, Sweetheart." Carlisle strolled into the kitchen, straightening his tie as he entered. He strode over to the stove to drop a kiss on the top of her head. "Mmm, breakfast? What's the occasion?"

She frowned and turned to face him. "What do you mean? I always have breakfast ready."

"True," he admitted. Carlisle paused to grab a mug, then began fixing his coffee. He shot a look at the frying pans on the stove, full of eggs and bacon. "But never a hot breakfast. Usually that's my job."

Esme rolled her eyes and handed him a plate. "God forbid we eat cereal and toast."

"It's a nice surprise," he assured her, taking a seat at the kitchen table. "I might be late tonight. Dave asked me to sit in on a procedure. It's scheduled for three, so hopefully I'll be out of there by five but…"

She nodded and began to dish the food out onto plates. "I was thinking about stopping by Emma's."

Carlisle set down his forkful of eggs and looked at her solemnly. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

His tone irked her, and Esme had to bite her tongue. "I think we're out of good ideas. She hasn't returned our calls. She avoids me whenever she sees me in town. This is getting a bit ridiculous."

"I agree," Carlisle nodded. "Maybe I should calls Jenks and have him handle it, though."

Esme sighed and rubbed her temples. "He won't be able to do anything until the baby is born. I know it's only a few weeks away, but still… Maybe she'll let you look at Jessica's medical records. Maybe you could even deliver the baby."

She watched Carlisle's lips purse at her hopeful tone. He didn't seem to share her optimism, however tiny it was.

"I think it's a messy situation," Carlisle acknowledged. "And it may be better if we remove ourselves from it and keep it as formal as possible, until everything is worked out."

Esme put her hands on her hips. "I don't think that's necessary. Emma and I were friends for almost – "

"Morning!" Alice chirped, skipping into the kitchen. She stopped by Esme and stood on her tip toes to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Smells good, Mom."

"Thanks," Esme replied in a distracted tone. She was staring at Carlisle, trying to decipher what that cryptic expression meant. She was just about to ask, but Bella and Edward entered the room. She decided the rest of their conversation could wait…which meant she would go ahead and talk to Emma, and deal with the repercussions later.

She studied Edward for a moment. He had pulled down two glasses and poured orange juice into both of them. Bella had already begun fixing their plates, and the ease with which the two worked together was comforting. It solidified the feeling she had been harboring that they would really make it as a couple.

* * *

An hour later, Esme was speeding through town. It had been difficult to dodge Carlisle for the rest of the morning, but she had her tricks. She leaned over and dug through her purse with one hand, until she felt her Blackberry.

The screen registered three missed calls from Carlisle. Well, he obviously knew what she was up to. Esme opted to call him back later.

The Stanley's lived three streets over from Main Street in a two-story, ranch style house. Emma had grown up in the house and when her parents died, they willed the house to her. Esme had been inside numerous times, but years had passed since her last visit.

She left her purse and phone in the car, wanting no interruptions. Esme marched up to the front door and straightened her shirt, then knocked smartly on the dark oak door. There was no car in the driveway but she wasn't sure if that meant no one was home, so Esme knocked again.

While she waited, Esme observed the grounds. The pathway wasn't shoveled, but it had been trampled on enough that the snow was packed down smoothly. It would ice over soon. She didn't really have an eye for construction, but it looked like the roof was missing a few shingles.

Esme knocked again and wrapped her coat more tightly around her.

Just when she was about to give up, the front door swung open to reveal a livid Emma Stanley.

"What do you want?" she screeched.

Esme stepped backwards, startled, and Emma blanched, looking horrified.

"God, Esme, I'm sorry," she apologized, flushing red.

Esme studied her former friend and felt a wave of sadness, almost regret. Emma looked as though she had aged ten years since she last saw her…which was only, what, six months ago? She was skinnier, almost gaunt, and looked tired.

"Hello, Emma," she said quietly.

"Esme," Emma nodded, her voice adopting a formal tone. She wiped her hands, which were wet, on the front of her faded jeans. "What are you doing here?"

"I think it's time we sat down and talked about our situation."

Emma scowled and stood up taller, crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Esme was puzzled at her belligerent tone. "About Jessica and Edward. I think it's time that we, the parents, stepped in and – "

Emma rubbed her forehead and shrugged. "I'm sorry, Esme, but what do you propose we do? Teenagers have raging hormones. What they think is love, is lust. I told Jess she had to lay off, or Edward would break up with her, and that's exactly what happened."

"Well – wait – I don't think that's exactly what happened," Esme sputtered. She found Emma's cavalier attitude completely shocking.

"Jesus, Esme," Emma sighed. "What do you think you can do? Convince Edward that Jessica isn't high maintenance? Convince him that he is still in love with her?" She shrugged. "Jess will be fine. She'll be over him in a month or so and on to the next big love."

Esme almost fell over. Emma didn't know that her own daughter was pregnant. She shoved past her and barged into the house, heading for the kitchen. She grabbed a glass and filled it with cold water, resting it against her forehead.

"What?" Emma demanded, following her. "What's going on?"

Esme chugged the water and put the glass in the sink. "Jessica is pregnant. She's due in about three weeks."

Emma laughed and shook her head. "I would know. When I was pregnant with Jessica, I blew up like a house. She's put on a few pounds, maybe, but there's no way she is pregnant. I would know."

Esme remained silent and let the information sink in. Disbelief, then recognition – and then reality hit her. Emma swore out loud and covered her face, but Esme could still see the tears slipping down her face under her hands.

The anger she had worked up on the way over was quick to dissipate. She had been imagining a mother and daughter team ready to take on the entire Cullen family, holding that little baby hostage for a ring and money.

It appeared there were no evil characters lurking in the background. Emma hadn't known about the pregnancy, which meant Jessica was trying to cover it up all on her own. She was probably terrified.

"I thought you knew," Esme said finally.

"No," Emma shook her head, gulping for air. She wiped her eyes. "I had no idea. I just thought – she's been quiet lately, avoiding me. I knew she and Edward stopped seeing each other and I thought she just needed time to get over him."

"I guess she didn't know until it was late in the pregnancy. We found out not too long ago," Esme edged, looking for an opening. She didn't want to come right out and say that Edward thought her daughter was a big whore and they wanted a paternity test STAT. "Listen, if we could take Jessica for some testing, just to make sure everything is okay with the baby, it would be great. We'll pay for it."

Emma stiffened. "I don't need your charity, Esme. We can pay for it just fine."

"I know," Esme said gently. "If it is Edward's child, though, obviously we will help out…"

"_If_ it's Edward's child?" Emma repeated, her voice icy. "If you're trying to say something, then I suggest you come right out and say it."

"I didn't mean – "

"You did," Emma said shortly. She glared at Esme. "And you know what? You don't have to elaborate. I'm not stupid and I understand exactly what you're trying to say. I don't appreciate it at all. In fact, I am really offended."

"Emma, please understand that – "

"I think you should leave," she snapped.

Esme bristled. "Fine. I will leave. I tried to be reasonable and talk with you civilly, but this is ridiculous. You're just as irrational as your daughter. But just know this – our people will be present at the birth and will collect DNA immediately."

"Oh, your _people_," Emma sneered. "That really scares me, Esme."

"It should," Esme replied frostily. "Because if that child is a Cullen, it will _be_ a Cullen. We'll be fighting for custody, and _trust me_, we will win."

She turned and stalked out of the house, leaving a very shocked Emma Stanley in the kitchen.

* * *

"Umm, I think you're speeding," Bella said, her eyes darting from the road to the speedometer. She hoped her voice didn't quiver in fear too much.

"Oh, don't worry," Alice chirped. "Edward got me one of those police radar things for Christmas last year. Plus, I have this weird second sense. I just know when here's a cop nearby. So you don't have to worry about me getting a ticket."

Bella tugged on her seat belt to make sure it was secure. Edward always sped, but he always maintained perfect control of the car, too. Alice kept getting distracted. She would look at her ipod and change the song, then swerve a bit. Check her Blackberry, swerve a bit. Dig through her purse for a lip gloss, swerve a bit.

Bella wasn't sure they would make it to Port Angeles alive. In fact, she was so anxious that she completely forgot to badger Alice into finally spilling her secrets. Instead, she let Alice chatter on and on about the old dress she had reworked into a new masterpiece.

"I just need to find a pair of shoes," Alice mused. "Silver heels. Maybe a strappy little ankle number, ya know what I mean?"

"Sure," Bella mumbled.

"So how are you and Edward doing? You know, what with the baby on the way," Alice asked, glancing over at her. And swerving.

Bella gulped and her stomach turned over. "Fine, I guess."

Alice winced. "Sorry. I just thought…I don't know. Better to not ignore it, right? It's obviously an issue. I mean, if it is his baby, then all of a sudden there will be this messy, loud little thing sucking up all of our time and – "

"God, Alice," Bella cringed. "Don't talk about it, okay? I'm trying to just not think about it."

"Okay," Alice replied meekly. "Sorry. We'll just deal with it as it comes?"

Bella nodded and leaned her forehead onto the cool glass of the window. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to release some of the terrible tension that had suddenly overcome her.

"So…" Alice trailed off, obviously looking for a new topic of conversation.

Bella felt her cell phone vibrate and eagerly dug it out of her pocket. The pull she felt towards Edward was growing each day. It was as if the lack of physical affection strengthened the emotional bond between them, and Bella was just itching for more Edward.

Her eyes eagerly skimmed the text message, which just said he was sorry for leaving her alone with Alice, and that he missed her. Bella fought a smile, feeling ridiculous that a mere text message from him could cause her to smile so hugely.

"So what kind of dress do you think you'd like?" Alice questioned. "I think you should show off your legs. They're fabulous."

Bella shot Alice a quick look. "No short dresses. That means heels. No heels."

Alice scowled and ran a hand through her hair, gently fluffing it. The hot pink streaks caught the light. "We can do flats if absolutely necessary, but that means the skirt ends five inches above the knee, at least."

"Five inches?" Bella echoed. She hated trying on clothes. Just the idea of being trapped in a tiny dressing room, pulling itchy dress after itchy dress over her head, practically gave her hives. It would end better for everyone if she just let Alice pick it out. "Sure. Whatever."

Five minutes later, when Edward texted again asking for some tasteful nude shots of her in the dressing room, Bella slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles. Alice didn't say anything, but Bella blushed nonetheless at her knowing look.

She couldn't wait to get home to Edward.

* * *

It was a long day, and Bella was happy when Alice finally pulled her Corvette into the driveway. They made out well in Port Angeles and had to carry in six bags between them, but of course, nearly all of the bags belonged to Alice.

It took almost three hours of trying on dresses before Alice decided on the perfect one for Bella. The dress was dark blue, so dark it looked black. The fabric was stretchy and smooth, and although the cut was modest, the way the fabric clung to her was anything but. True to her word, Alice had selected a pair of simple flats to go with it.

Bella lugged her bag upstairs to her bedroom and quickly changed into her comfiest pajamas. She was more than a little disappointed to find that Edward wasn't home yet. She kind of wished they sent him home or something.

Carlisle and Esme were more quiet than usual. Esme, in particular, looked pale and drawn. The atmosphere downstairs was tense, so Bella excused herself and sought the sanctuary of her bedroom and a good book.

Not surprisingly, Alice took off for parts unknown. Bella was beginning to suspect that Alice was secretly dating Jacob. She remembered with perfect clarity the way Alice had introduced herself to Jake, and the obvious mutual attraction between them.

Edward would definitely freak out and try to kill Jake.

Bella sighed and pulled her blankets up to ward off the permanent chill on the third floor. She let her mind mull over what Alice had said, about how in just a few weeks a newborn could possibly be living with them.

How would it feel? Could she possibly ignore a tiny, wriggling warm baby who looked like Edward? No…that would be impossible. She would probably fall in love with it immediately. The real question was how the baby would affect her relationship with Edward.

Bella rolled over and closed her eyes. She tried to clear her mind, and wished again that Edward was home. Without him close by, it was too easy to begin to panic.

A long time passed before Bella was able to fall asleep.


	32. Progress

Edward was tired. It had been a long day. Days like today made him wish for clerical work, but he was grateful for the janitorial gig. It paid higher and allotted him more hours, which meant he was banking a good amount of money each week.

He hated how the job cut into his time with Bella. He saw her at breakfast and for a few minutes at school, but by the time he arrived home from work she was usually asleep. Like so many times before, Edward found himself creeping up the darkened staircase to the third floor.

It was barely midnight, so he had to be careful. His father usually didn't fall asleep until The Late Show was about halfway over, so Edward was pushing it a bit. He needed to see Bella, though.

Edward left the lights off and moved through the dark guided by memory alone. It had been almost a week since he last watched Bella sleep. She would have been so angry with him if she had known about it, but he needed to see her. Especially on those long, empty days when they hadn't been speaking – he needed to at least look at her, hear her breathing and know she was okay.

His hand reached out and closed around the doorknob. Edward pushed the door open as silently as possible, and took a step into the bedroom.

He heard a low growl just before Eddie flew off the bed. Edward caught most of the dog's weight in his chest and they both went flying backwards. Edward dug his fingers into the German Shepherd's thick hair, trying to keep his snarling mouth away from his face.

Before they even hit the ground, Eddie realized who was sneaking into the room and his entire demeanor changed. Edward groaned loudly, shoving the dog off of him and wiping off his wet kisses. Eddie pranced around him, barking and ducking his head, enticing Edward to play.

Edward heard the bed springs shift and then Bella peered over the edge at him. He sat up, scowling at the way she had to slap a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. Eddie barked again and Edward quickly hushed him, but it was too late.

"What's going on?" Carlisle asked breathlessly, barging inside. Light flooded the room. "Bella, are you – "

Esme skidded to a stop behind him, clutching her bathrobe together over her nightgown.

Edward sighed heavily and looked down at the mutt. Well, it wasn't really a mutt. Eddie was a pure bred, and they usually got along pretty well. Eddie knew to stay away from Bella when Edward was around. Edward didn't like to watch Bella fawn over the puppy when she could be fawning over him.

He eyed the excited puppy with disdain. _Cock blocker._

Carlisle glared at him.

"I was just, uh, coming to say good night to Bella," Edward said, mustering up the last shreds of his dignity. He knew his cheeks were bright red.

"Well, at least we know Eddie will be a phenomenal guard dog," Esme quipped. "Good boy, Eddie!"

Edward gritted his teeth as Carlisle and Bella joined in Esme's laughter. "I think we should really give the dog another name. Not Eddie."

Carlisle whistled. "Come, Eddie."

The German Shepherd left Bella's side and approached Carlisle with his ears back, looking for some affection. Carlisle grinned and dropped to his knees, rubbing the dog's neck and head. "Too late for that. He knows exactly who he is."

"Two minutes, Edward," Esme said above Carlisle's. She reached over to pet Eddie. "Good boy, Eddie."

Carlisle stood up and eyed them both sternly, but definitely laid it on thicker for Edward. He was, of course, the guilty party here. "Two minutes, like your mother said. Then back to your bedroom, Edward. You have school tomorrow."

Edward bit his tongue until they were both out of Bella's room and he could hear their footsteps descending down the stairs. Then he turned to Bella and rolled his eyes.

Bella smirked. "That's what you get for being such a creeper."

He laughed at that and sat on the edge of her bed, nudging her until she moved over enough for him to lie down. Edward didn't miss the look on her face – the one that told him she was nervous at being so close to him. He didn't like it.

Edward twisted so he was on his side, his head propped up on one hand. It left a few inches of space between them, and Bella seemed to relax a little. He reached out with his free hand and ran it over her hair, smoothing it down.

"So, um, Alice and I went shopping today," Bella said softly.

Edward's hand tangled more firmly into her hair, applying a bit more pressure, and he actually saw her forget what she was saying. Bella's eyes drifted shut and she leaned into his touch.

"I've missed you," he whispered.

Her eyes opened and Edward almost drowned in the depths of that dark chocolate color. Bella's lips curved up into a smile and her cheeks turned pink. "I've missed you, too."

"Enough for a kiss, maybe?" he asked, not bothering to disguise the hope in his voice. They hadn't kissed since that time in the bathroom, and that seemed like forever ago. Well, _weeks_ at least.

"A kiss?" she repeated. Her eyes flashed with excitement and she nodded eagerly, almost surprising him into laughter. Bella was the one who wanted to take things more slowly, and if she was ready, then he was certainly not going to deny her.

Edward leaned in and slanted his mouth over hers, his parting lips meeting hers in a desperate reunion. His body wasn't willing to stay any further apart from her, and he found himself hovering over her, the blankets shoved to the ground. It was difficult to pace himself, to remain in control of his body, when he was feeling everything he had wanted for so long.

Her arms wound around his neck and Edward lowered his body, needing to touch her even more. Bella's lips parted and the kiss was suddenly much hotter and wetter. His hips thrust forward, wishing that another part of his body would be granted entrance to hers. He didn't want to push his luck, though, so Edward stuck with the kissing.

"EDWARD!"

He pulled away from Bella slowly, reluctantly. Carlisle's voice shook the house again and Edward looked over his shoulder before he yelled back.

"I better get downstairs before he has an aneurism," Edward muttered, leaning his forehead against Bella's.

"Okay," she replied, still flushed.

His lips twisted into a knowing smile. "Maybe we can kiss some more tomorrow."

Bella laughed and nodded. His smile grew into a full-fledged grin and he dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Sweet dreams. I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay," Bella smiled, leaning over to grab her blanket and pull it back onto the bed. "Oh, wait, Edward!"

He popped his head back inside. "Yeah?"

"Well…" Bella trailed off.

Her cheeks flushed a brilliant pink and Edward hid his delight. Whatever she was about to say was making her very uncomfortable. He stepped fully into the doorway and leaned against the frame. "Yes, Bella?"

"Alice said something about a dance. The Winter Formal. She said she was on the planning board or something," Bella mumbled, completely aware that she was rambling and that Edward's amusement grew greater with each word. "Anyway…it's next Friday and I was wondering if you'd go with me."

The smile remained on his face but she could see his jaw tense. Edward reached up and scratched the back of his head. "I would love to take you. I'll have to try and get off of work, though, because right now I'm working every Friday night."

The warmth in her cheeks was unbearable now. Bella wished she hadn't even asked him, especially since she knew he worked Fridays. How did she forget? She spent Alice's money on that stupid dress for nothing. "It's no big deal. Work is more important."

He studied her for a long moment. "No, it's not. I'll see what I can do, okay?"

"Okay," Bella replied half-heartedly. "Good night."

"Night."

* * *

The next morning at breakfast Alice was eyeing Edward speculatively. He finally looked up from his bowl of cereal and stifled the growl building up inside of him.

"Wow, you are so not a morning person," she remarked. "Anyway, I heard you got caught in Bella's room last night."

Edward's eyes darted over to his mother, who was sitting at the dining room table with a variety of papers spread out in front of her.

Alice took a big mouthful of oatmeal and waved her spoon. "Don't worry about her. I think you should cool it with Bella, though."

Edward frowned. "I don't think we need to cool anything. I think you need to mind your own business. Go fix your hair."

She stopped eating and one hand flew up to her hair. "Shut up, Edward. Maybe when you learn how to use a brush, you can start giving me hair advice. Until then, I don't want to hear it."

"Well, then," he sniped. "When you get into a successful relationship, I'll accept relationship advice from you."

Alice snorted. The unladylike sound suited her perfectly. "For your information, I am in a _very_ successful relationship. Just because you had to go knock up – "

"Good morning," Bella said lightly, breezing into the room. She cast a surreptitious eye at Esme, surprised she hadn't ended their bickering already, but she seemed absorbed in her paperwork. Maybe it was a new interior designing gig.

Edward leaned over and kissed the side of Bella's head when she sat in the seat next to him. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine," she replied, giving him a smile. "And you?"

"That ridiculous dog kept scratching at my door," Edward huffed. "I didn't get any sleep. When I finally let him in, he jumped on my bed and wouldn't get off. I had to sleep all curled up because he took up the entire end of the bed."

"Oh, poor baby," Alice sneered.

"Alice, why don't you – "

"Alice," Bella quickly interrupted. "Edward may have to work the night of the dance, so we might not go, but I can help you set up for it if you'd like."

"What?" Alice screeched. Her death glare turned to Edward. "Are you serious? You can't even take off one night to bring your girlfriend to the dance? To her _first _high school dance?"

"Oh, God," Bella muttered. She promptly turned bright red, realizing she just made the conversation much worse.

"Fuck off, Alice," Edward answered flippantly. "I just found out about the dance last night. I'll try to get off that night, but it's really none of your business."

Alice stood up and shook her head. "You think you're so great…just – ugh, just leave me alone!"

They watched Alice whip out her cell phone and hit a few buttons. She turned and stomped away, but not before they heard her asking someone for a ride to school.

"What is her problem?" Edward muttered. He threw down his toast. "She's been acting weird lately."

"Yeah," Bella agreed. Her anxiety level just jumped sky high, though, because it sounded like Jake was on his way to pick up Alice. An irritated Edward and, well, _any _kind of Jake just didn't mix. She stood up and looked at Edward. "Why don't we leave a few minutes early?"

Edward finished the toast and drained his glass of orange juice. He was anything but slow. He knew when Bella was trying to distract him, but he let it go and took her outreached hand. "I'll go. But I want the kiss you promised me."

Bella arched an eyebrow. "I don't believe I promised any such thing."

Edward laughed but closed the space between them anyway. "Will you object if I try for one?"

Bella closed her eyes and inhaled him deeply, loving the clean scent of his soap, mingled with his deodorant. Edward didn't need cologne. He smelled better than any cologne ever could. When she opened her eyes, his green ones were just inches away, burning her with their intensity.

Bella raised her hand, hesitating; it felt strange to touch him. The desire to feel him was still there, always present, but it seemed awkward – almost like she needed his consent.

Edward grabbed her hand and put it on top of his head, rubbing it into his hair. She laughed, because he knew she loved to play with his hair, and tangled her fingers into the thick locks.

"Kiss me now," he demanded.

Bella leaned into him and stood on her tip toes, brushing her lips quickly against his. Edward let her pull away, but he fixed her with an intense look just before ducking his head and going in for more.

The weeks of longing, of aching to touch him, simmered just below the surface. The needy way Edward's hands grabbed her hips and jerked her against him forced her emotions above the surface. She gasped into his mouth, remembering and loving the feel of his body on hers.

"Bella," he groaned.

"Sssh," Bella whispered. "Your mom."

Her reminder of his mother's presence didn't deter him; Edward simply dragged her into the hallway, out of view and earshot. Bella let him press her against the wall, increasing the pressure of his lower body against hers.

All the drama and pain of the last few weeks melted away, and soon all that Bella could remember was Edward's touch. He knew her body so well, better than she did. It felt so good to just let go and feel instead of worrying constantly.

Edward's hands moved quickly, his own desperation passing the frenzy onto Bella. She whimpered, just because she knew the sound drove him crazy. He groaned in response and both hands moved to her ass, giving it a hard squeeze before lifting her off the ground.

A giggle escaped her, so Edward pulled back to look at her. The smile she gave him was so big and carefree that his heart swelled until it was banging against his ribs. Moments like these made it all worth it – they made everything worth it. Sometimes he wished he could go back and start everything over with Bella, but then he wouldn't be here with her, like this, right now.

She opened her mouth to say something but a car crunching on the gravel outside, followed by a horn honking, cut her off. He felt Bella's body go rigid.

"Let's go upstairs," she said breathlessly.

Edward gently placed her on her feet, then cupped her face. "Oh, Bella. God, I love you, but you have a terrible, terrible poker face."

She flushed and looked nervously at the front door. Quick, light footsteps came tapping down the stairs and Edward stepped away from Bella, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Who's bringing you to school, Alice?" Edward asked, an edge of menacing to his voice.

She stopped at the front door and turned to look at her brother. Alice's cheeks were pink but she held her head high. "My boyfriend."

He cocked an eyebrow and stepped around her, reaching for the doorknob. Edward ignored the way both Alice and Bella began babbling, telling him it was no big deal, when there was a knock at the front door.

Pleasantly surprised that the guy had the balls to come to the door, Edward yanked it open.

His jaw fell open and he was rendered stupid with shock for a moment.

"Hi, Edward," Jasper said in an easy tone. He peered over Edward's shoulder, nodding at Bella and Alice. "Good morning, ladies."

"Jasper," Edward struggled to speak. "You're – you're dating Alice?"

Jasper had the decency to look upset. "I meant to talk to you about, Edward. It kind of just happened."

"What do you mean, _it kind of just happened?_" Edward spat. White hot rage blinded him. "You're fucking my little – "

"Don't," Jasper shook his head, holding up a hand to stop him. "Don't turn it into something ugly. It's not like that."

"You were just screwing around with Leah, not even a month ago," Edward protested angrily. "How can you tell me it isn't about sex?"

"Because we haven't had sex yet!" Alice said shrilly. "Jasper hasn't even touched me! He won't!"

"Good," Edward snarled. "Then I don't have to beat the shit out of him."

"Shut up, Edward," Alice snapped. "This doesn't have anything to do with you. It just happened, okay? I started hanging out with Jacob and – "

"Jacob?" Edward repeated incredulously. He ran a hand through his hair, his green eyes wild. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Alice sighed irritably. "Jake liked Leah, and I liked Jasper. Leah and Jasper were…together." She shot Jasper a dark look and he blushed. "So Jake and I started hanging out and we kept bumping into Leah and Jasper."

"And somehow you're dating now?" Edward's voice dripped with loathing.

"Jake tried to kick my ass every time he saw us together. He'd take Leah and leave Alice, so we ended up spending a lot of time together," Jasper shrugged. He looked at Alice and smiled shyly. "So we're taking it slow."

Alice beamed at him and barreled past Edward. She grabbed Jasper's hand and glared at Edward. "Listen, this is what I want. Jasper is being a perfect gentleman, and I don't want you to screw it up, so please, just don't."

Jasper tossed an apologetic look over his shoulder, silently acknowledging that he knew there would be a man to man conversation later. Alice dragged him through the front door and slammed it behind them.

"Wow," Bella said faintly. "I thought she was dating Jacob."

Edward sighed heavily and turned back to Bella. "Well, then I guess I should count my lucky stars that we ended up with Jasper."

"Be nice," Bella warned him.

"Or what?" he asked in an amused voice.

"Or no more kisses!"

At that, Edward laughed and rolled his eyes. "I can kiss you whenever I want, and we both know it. Come on, we better hurry up or we'll be late."

Bella couldn't hide her smile over the easy way Edward put his arm over her shoulders. Their sides bumped as they walked and she just basked in the moment.

She felt happy for the first time in a long time.

* * *

OMGGGG it's almost over! it makes me wanna cry.


	33. Sleepover

Edward knocked on Alice's bedroom door, holding his breath. She had been giving him the silent treatment for four days, and it was really beginning to irritate him. He had enough on his plate without Alice acting like a brat.

Besides, he hadn't even done anything to her. Or Jasper. Yet.

Jasper was avoiding him like the plague, giving him a wide berth at school. Edward tried talking to Emmett about it, but he begged off, declaring himself neutral territory.

It was the first time anything significant had come between them, and Edward knew he needed both of his friends to make it through the next few weeks. So, he decided not to dwell on the Jasper situation.

"Alice," he raised his voice. "Open up. I need to talk to you. I need your help."

The door swung open quickly. Alice stood before him, all four feet ten inches of her, anger written all over her face. Her hands rested on her hips. "What do you want?"

"Why are _you_ mad at _me_?" he demanded, folding his arms over his chest. "You and Jasper were lying to me. My sister and my best friend. What gives you any right to be angry with me?"

"I'm not mad at you about Jasper," Alice snapped. "I'm mad about how you're treating Bella. It's not right. Ugh, whatever. What do you want?"

Edward relaxed slightly. Maybe this conversation would go more smoothly than he'd expected. "I wanted to ask why you said I should cool it with Bella."

Alice looked at him like he was stupid. "Um, hello? Jessica is supposed to give birth in the next few weeks?"

"So why would I cool it with her?" Edward persisted. "I don't want to 'cool' it with her. If anything, I want us back where we were before everything went bad."

She snorted. "When were things ever good between you and Bella?"

Alice immediately felt a pang of guilt at the expression that crossed over Edward's face. He looked down, away from her, his eyebrows knitted together. Worry lines wrinkled his forehead and though he avoided her eyes, Alice didn't miss the stark pain visible in his.

"Hey," she said quietly, shifting uncomfortably. "Sorry. I know that you…well, I'm sorry."

"What do you think I should do?" he asked sadly. Edward raked a hand through his hair and stepped around her, sitting on the edge of her bed. "I don't know how to make it better. If I could just go back and do it all over again – God, I would do _so_ much differently."

Alice took pity on him and sank down next to him. She leaned her head on his shoulder and felt his head rest on hers. "Did you guys talk about what you would do once the baby was born?"

"No," he said forlornly. "I've tried – but I can't bear to bring it up. I know it will hurt her to talk about it and I just can't do it."

"You have to," she replied gently. "You need to have some sort of plan. If you wait until after, you'll be too busy with the baby and Bella will feel terrible. You both need to know what you're going into."

"That was why you thought I should cool it with her?"

Alice shrugged. "I think it's inevitable that Bella gets hurt."

Edward let out a frustrated sigh. "No. I don't want to hurt her anymore."

"So do whatever you can now," she offered. "Take her to the dance. Make sure this Christmas is special. Let her know you love her."

Edward looked up and Alice saw a flash of hope in his green eyes. "Alice, there was something else I wanted to ask you about. A favor, really. I need help with Bella's Christmas present."

Alice lit up. "Her Christmas present? What is it? Of course I'll help! Do you want me to pick it out?"

He laughed and glanced at the doorway before lowering his voice. "It's a secret. I need you and Jasper to help me."

* * *

Bella exited the bathroom and eyed her bedroom door, which was currently shut. She definitely left it open when she went in for her shower. She reached up and unwound the towel from her hair, rubbing it briskly in an attempt to dry it a bit.

Towel in hand, she entered her bedroom and smiled. Edward was on his side, facing her, but his eyes were closed and his lips slightly parted. Delighted, she tip-toed over to him to watch him sleep.

No sooner did she sit on the mattress than Edward's arm shot out and his hand grabbed her wrist. When Bella looked up at him, he was wearing a large smile.

"Gotcha," he whispered. "Did you think I'd actually fall asleep when you could potentially walk in here, at any moment, wearing nothing but a towel?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Silly me."

"Yes, silly you," he murmured, his eyes stuck on her lips. Edward rolled onto his back and pulled her down on top of him. Bella melted against him and met him in a kiss. He was hard in an instant, and the way Bella squirmed against him was heavenly.

Their daily make out sessions had increased to grinding and heavy petting, but no further. He knew Bella wanted more; they way she grabbed him and kissed him told him even more plainly than words could. Still, he was hesitant to explore their boundaries. He didn't want to mess anything up.

"Edward," she whimpered against his lips. "More. Please."

The tension between them built up to a greater magnitude with each day. Edward wasn't used to limiting himself, especially not with a willing participant. Bella was becoming more and more impatient.

Her hand slipped between them and Bella cupped him through the thin flannel pajamas. Edward groaned and grabbed her hips, pulling her against him more tightly so her hand couldn't do any more exploring.

Bella shoved off him and sat up, moving her legs so she was sitting astride him. Edward swallowed hard and fought the urge to grind up into her. His eyes trailed up the length of her body and stalled on her chest, where two prominent peaks pushed against her t-shirt.

"Edward," Bella hissed in exasperation. "Why do you keep stopping?"

He jerked his attention to her face, which was scowling at him. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to…"

"You don't want to?" she repeated incredulously. She was still straddling him, and it didn't _feel_ like he didn't want to.

"No!" Edward shook his head. "I mean, I don't want to mess things up."

Bella pouted. "But we used to." She moved her hips and Edward practically growled. Bella leaned forward. "And I know you want to."

"I do," he replied breathlessly.

Edward rolled so they were lying on their sides, and then put a few inches of space between them. He kissed her deeply but pulled away before she could wrap her arms around his neck. If she began playing with his hair, he'd lose it.

"But I think we should talk first," he finished.

Bella sighed heavily and frowned, rolling onto her back. "I don't want to talk."

"Neither do I," he admitted. "But before – "

"I know what you're going to say," Bella cut in quickly. "And please, just, don't."

"But we need to plan – " he tried again.

"No, we don't," Bella insisted. "I've already thought about it. I know things will be different when the baby comes. And it'll be hard, but I'll be fine. I don't want you to worry about me when you already have so much other stuff to deal with."

Edward paused and tried to collect his thoughts. He wanted to shake her and make her tell him how she really felt. She _wasn't_ okay with it. She _couldn't_ be okay with it. It pained him to know that Bella still felt she needed to put up a front around him.

"Edward," Bella said softly, and he looked up. As soon as they made eye contact, she looked away and began picking at the hem of her blanket. "I can't have kids. I won't ever bring home my own baby. So maybe…maybe it'll be nice to have a baby around for a little while, you know? I love you, and I'm not going anywhere, so I'll just make the best of it."

Edward exhaled and fought the sting of tears in his eyes. How Bella could be so strong and so forgiving was beyond him. There were times when he hated himself for the things he had said and done to her. And now, the idea of Bella taking care of Jessica's baby painfully twisted his heart; he knew she deserved so much better.

"Bella, that time in the shower," Edward struggled to keep his voice even. He cleared his throat. "That time in the shower, when I wanted to use a condom. I said I didn't want to have a baby with you."

"It's okay," she whispered, her chin trembling, staring at the blanket.

"No, it isn't," he shook his head. "That was right after I found out about Jessica, and I was just going crazy. I didn't mean it. I would – I would give anything to be having this baby with you."

Her face was low enough that he couldn't see it, but Edward watched a tear splash onto the comforter. He blinked and his own vision blurred. This time when he spoke, his voice cracked. "I wish I could do over, Bella. I would make everything perfect for you. I wasted so much time. I just – "

"Stop," Bella pleaded. She sat up and cupped his face with both hands. "Let's not go over it all. Don't think about any of that, okay? I forgave you a long time ago. I love you too much. It's probably stupid to love you so much, but I can't help myself."

She started crying harder, so his self-conscious thoughts about his own crying disappeared. He pulled Bella onto his lap and hugged her tightly, burying his face into her neck. "I love you Bella. I love you so much. So much."

"Stay with me tonight," Bella said hoarsely. "Okay? Sleep here."

Edward nodded. He wasn't supposed to be in her room, especially at night, but nothing Carlisle could say or do would tear him from Bella's side tonight. He would gladly take any punishment he was dealt for sneaking into her bedroom. If it made Bella happy, it was worth it.

It was a long time before either of them fell asleep. Even after Bella's breathing deepened and her eyes closed, Edward lay awake for hours. In her sleep, Bella clung to him to him tightly. She murmured his name several times and each time he tightened his grip on her, trying to soothe away the edge of worry in her voice.

* * *

They woke up late the next morning. Bella was too comfortable, wrapped up in Edward's arms, and hit the snooze four times.

When Edward finally cracked open an eye to check the time, he practically rolled out of bed. They were lucky Esme hadn't come up to check on them. "Fuck. Bella, get up. We need to leave in fifteen minutes."

"What!" she yelped. Bella's eyes snapped open and she sat up, rubbing them. She took a moment to think about how wonderful it would be to wake up with Edward every day. He was ridiculously good-looking in the morning; dark stubble shadowed his face and his bed-head hair was perfectly tousled.

Edward grabbed her towel from last night. "I'm taking a shower real quick."

Bella stretched and hopped out of bed. She tore open her closet and rifled through it, looking for a clean hoodie. Her eyes fell upon the dress Alice had selected for the Winter Formal. She paused, reaching out to touch the slinky material.

Edward hadn't mentioned the dance yet, and it was just two days away. She figured that meant he hadn't been able to get out of working. Bella sighed and shoved it aside, reaching for an old hoodie. A dance was the least of her worries.

Last night seemed like a step in the right direction. She could tell that Edward had been wanting to speak with her for a while, and she avoided him at every turn. She didn't want to have the big, inevitable conversation about how things would change when Jessica gave birth.

Esme and Alice finished the nursery weeks ago. Bella had been with Esme when she did some of the shopping, but that had been relatively painless. Alice told her that she could help them decorate, but Bella declined, telling her that she picked up extra hours at Newton's. It only took Alice and Esme a few days to complete it.

Bella waited until everyone else had gone to bed, then snuck downstairs and into the spacious room. It was painted a cheery, sunshine yellow. She had stepped into the room, admiring the furniture and the light atmosphere. She sat in the rocking chair, positioned just a few feet from the crib.

In the dresser, she looked through dozens of tiny little outfits. Some were pink, some blue, but the majority were in gender neutral colors. It was hard for her to imagine someone so tiny, someone who fit into those booties and onesies.

Then she went back to her bedroom and cried herself to sleep.

She was okay now, though.

Bella changed her clothes, her mind still on the future. She heard the shower shut off and quickened her pace. She was glad that they spoke, if Edward felt better. He was already under too much stress, and that was just going to worsen when the baby came home.

She had been truthful with Edward last night. She forgave him a long time ago, for everything. Most of their problems had been misunderstandings, caused by secrets and mistrust, and she had definitely kept her fair share of secrets from him.

Edward had done everything he could to make up for his earlier shortcomings. He helped her, financially and emotionally. More importantly, he filled a void in her life. He became her other half, the missing part of her heart. Now, she couldn't live without him.

She zipped up her jeans just as Edward stuck his head in the door. His hair was wet and wild, and she felt another heavy tug of lust. Her nerves felt raw; every other moment he did something to turn her on, and her need for him was growing stronger.

"I just gotta get dressed," he said, completely oblivious to how she wanted to drag him back to bed. "Meet you downstairs in five."

Bella nodded and bit her lip. By the time she washed up and got downstairs, Alice was munching on some toast at the kitchen table.

"Hi Bella," she smiled. She studied Bella's outfit and her eyes took on a teasing glint. "Wow. Um, oversleep much?"

"Shut up, Alice," Bella laughed. She poured herself a bowl of cereal and fixed a second one for Edward. She sat next to Alice.

"Can you help with decorations tomorrow?" Alice asked. "Or are you working?"

"Tomorrow?" Bella echoed. "I thought we were setting up right before the dance."

Alice giggled. "Oh, Bella. Do you know how long it'll take me to do your hair?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "So they let you reschedule the decorating committee?"

"Committee," she snorted. "You mean me, you, and Eric Yorkie. And actually, yes, they did let me reschedule. I guess they didn't sell as many tickets as they usually do, so they're hoping having the gym all dolled up for an extra day will generate more sales."

"Well, luckily for you, I am off tomorrow," Bella confirmed.

"Was Edward able to get off?"

Bella glanced at Alice warily. "He hasn't mentioned it. So, I'm guessing not."

"Oh, no!" Alice wailed. "You still have to come. You'll have fun, I promise."

Bella squirmed uncomfortably. "I'll still help you set up. I'm just not really big on dances."

"But you've never been to one," she protested. "I'm making Jasper go. We can share him."

"What are you two sharing?" Edward asked, stepping into the kitchen. He poured a cup of coffee, took a sip and winced.

"Jasper," Alice replied sweetly. "So you weren't able to get off work? For the dance?"

Edward cast a guilty look at Bella. "Not yet. I'm hoping one of the guys will change their mind at the last minute and cover me."

Bella's heart sank, even though it was the response she had been expecting. A teeny, tiny bit of her had been excited about getting really dressed up and wowing Edward. It would have been nice to see his expression when he saw her all glammed up. Maybe drive him a little crazy.

"It's no big deal," Bella said, shrugging a shoulder.

"Well, I hope someone comes through for you," Alice said to Edward. "But don't you think Bella should go anyway? I mean, she already bought a dress and everything."

"Of course," Edward agreed. He smiled at Bella. "I can't wait to see you in a dress."

"We'll take pictures!" Alice chirped. "Lots and lots of pictures."

Edward nodded and sat down next to Bella, leaning over to drop a kiss on her head. He poured milk over the cereal Bella set out for him. "Alice, do you need a ride to school or is Jasper picking you up?"

Alice arched an eyebrow, obviously surprised at Edward's lack of animosity towards Jasper. He must be really grateful for their help with Bella's Christmas present. It was, after all, a pretty huge favor. "No, Jasper is on his way."

Her phone vibrated on the table and Alice jumped up. "Actually, that's him! Gotta go. See you guys at school!"

Edward took a few bites of his cereal, quietly observing Bella. She seemed more subdued than usual, and he blamed their conversation last night. "Bella, are you all right?"

She mustered up a smile. "I'm fine."

"I know we talked about some stuff last night, but I think we should – "

Bella put down her spoon with a clatter. "I would rather we just deal with it as it comes. No more plans, okay?"

Edward swallowed his frustration. He was trying to make it easier for her, for both of them - not harder. If they waited until a crying newborn was in the house to make some plans, everything would just blow up in their faces. "Okay. I guess we should get going."

* * *

okay, so another question for you. if you were bella, would you have been able to forgive edward for everything? in my opinion, you can't help who you love...that said, i don't know if i could have forgotten everything so easily. but...edward...really hott...maybe i would have :P

thank you to tracie - who beta'd this ridiculously fast...and my preview team =)

LUNA


	34. The Winter Formal

"Where's Edward?" Bella asked, setting her messenger bag on the kitchen counter. "I didn't see him upstairs."

Alice gave her such a scandalous look that Bella actually blushed. Then she laughed. "He had to go in early. He was meeting with Banner to discuss some extra credit or something."

"Oh," Bella frowned.

"But I can take you to school," Alice assured her. She glanced apprehensively at the window. "I hope the dance isn't cancelled because of the snow."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "I'm surprised school isn't cancelled."

"It's supposed to stop by eleven. Total accumulation of only three inches," Alice read off her Blackberry. She looked back to Bella. "So not too bad. If they close school and ruin the dance, I will go insane. Seriously."

"I believe you," Bella laughed.

They made small talk while Bella ate her breakfast, and she reflected on how nice it was to have Alice as a friend again. It had been so awkward before. She was relieved their relationship was back to normal. It felt good to have someone else she could speak to, especially another female.

When they got to school, Bella said goodbye and hurried to homeroom. She was eager to see Edward; she almost felt anxious if she was away from him too long. She itched to see him and ignored everyone else who greeted her.

Edward was slumped over his desk, his head resting on his folded arms. His hoodie was pulled up over his head and his eyes were closed.

Bella sank down into her seat and touched his arm. He didn't respond and she looked closer, amazed to find that he actually fell asleep in the middle of the crowded classroom. Bella carefully pushed back his hood, but he woke up despite her gentle touch.

"Hi," he said sleepily, rubbing his face.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked, leaning close to him. She touched his forehead, checking for a fever. Secretly, though, she just wanted to touch him.

"Yeah," Edward nodded. He yawned. "Just tired."

"You didn't sleep well?"

Edward laughed. "No. Not at all. Sorry Alice had to drive you this morning."

"It's okay," Bella shrugged. "Did you get the extra credit sorted out?"

He looked at her sideways, but nodded. He opened his mouth to say something, but a young woman stepped inside and called the class to order. She introduced herself as a substitute teacher.

Bella frowned. How did he get extra credit if their teacher was out? Edward saw her confused expression and suppressed a smile, shaking his head and mouthing, "Later."

Class was long and boring, and by the time the bell sounded, Bella completely forgot about Edward's extra credit. She was more concerned with the circles under his eyes and the way he kept yawning.

"I hope you aren't getting sick," she worried.

Edward stuck a pencil behind his ear and rolled his eyes. "Tired, not sick."

He grabbed her hand and walked so closely to her that their bodies brushed against one another. "Are you all ready for the dance?"

Now it was Bella's turn to roll her eyes. "Yeah, right. Alice is going to go crazy when we get home. She already gave me a schedule."

"A schedule?" Edward glanced at her.

Bella pulled a crumpled piece of loose leaf paper out of her pocket. "Showered and dried off by 3:30. Makeup at 4:00, hair at 4:45."

Edward laughed. "It could be a lot worse."

Two periods passed before Bella was able to work up the nerve to ask the question that had been on her mind all day. "So…" Bella trailed off. She bit her lip. "Were you able to get off for tonight?"

He immediately looked chastised and apologetic. "I'm sorry, Bella. I know you were looking forward to it."

"It's nothing," Bella replied softly. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not being ridiculous. I want tonight to be special for you," he murmured, raising a hand to push her hair over her shoulder.

The late bell shrieked and Bella jumped. Edward brushed a kiss to her cheek, holding her hand as he backed away until the distance was too great, and their hands broke apart.

"I'll see you later," he promised. "Take pictures."

Bella nodded. She hated saying goodbye to him so early in the day, knowing that she wouldn't see him until bedtime. Edward gave her a little wave before he turned the corner, high-tailing it to his last class. She was already late, which meant he was going to be really late. She sighed, and entered the girls' locker room to change for gym.

She really wished he was taking her to the dance. She'd still go, but only because she promised Alice she would help out a bit more.

* * *

"Alice, _please_," Bella begged. "It's fine. It looks great."

Alice stepped back and peered at her hair. Bella ground her teeth and sat patiently while Alice gently arranged the long, loose curls she had created out of Bella's hair.

"There. It's perfect," she breathed. "Wait 'til Edward sees you. Don't touch it."

Bella scowled. She did look good, but by the time she got home to see Edward, her hair would be wrecked and her makeup would be melted off. All of Alice's work would be worthless.

"You don't like it?" A touch of hurt colored Alice's voice.

"No," Bella shook her head. The curls tickled her exposed skin. She stood up and looked in Alice's floor-length mirror. Alice's makeup job was subtle; eyes lined and smoky, lips sheer and glossy. The dress fit her like a glove and clung to every curve, and despite its modest cut, she felt almost too exposed. It showed just a hint of cleavage but a decent portion of her legs. "I love it. I just wish Edward was coming."

Alice smiled indulgently. "That's right! Pictures!"

Bella groaned, but posed good-naturedly while Alice took a few shots. After three, she began to feel self-conscious and snatched the camera away from Alice. Alice simply laughed and struck some dramatic poses of her own.

Then the doorbell rang and Alice squealed excitedly. She grabbed Bella's hand and her clutch, then dragged her downstairs. Jasper was waiting in the foyer with Carlisle and Esme.

Esme had her camera out, and it was another ten minutes before the three of them piled into Jasper's truck. Big, fat snowflakes fell down around them and Alice fretted over their hair and what the wetness would do to it. Jasper just laughed and turned the engine on. The roads were slushy but not terrible, and they made it to school just fine.

Alice immediately began making rounds, checking on the drinks and snacks. She stopped to speak with the DJ and had to fix a few wilting decorations. Bella and Jasper sat at a table together, making easy small talk while they waited for her to return.

Despite the inclement weather, students filed into the gymnasium. The lights were dimmed and Alice's blue and silver decorations lent a romantic atmosphere. The floor slowly filled up with couples, and when Alice reappeared her cheeks were flushed with excitement.

"What a great turnout," she gushed, sitting down next to Jasper. "Thanks for helping me, Bella. It turned out fantastic, didn't it?"

"Yeah," Bella agreed. She forced a smile, wishing that she was home in a pair of sweats, with a really good book. "It looks really nice."

"Bella, would you mind if I steal Alice for one dance?" Jasper asked.

Bella smiled despite herself, and stole a look at Alice. She was beaming at Jasper, completely enamored by him. "Not at all."

"We'll be right back," he assured her.

Bella watched the way Jasper took Alice's hand, kissing it before pulling her into his arms. They danced cheek-to-cheek, and after a few moments Alice's eyes fluttered shut. The tender moment made Bella's eyes tear, and she looked away before she ruined Alice's perfect make up job.

"May I have this dance?"

Bella froze, and her heart skipped a beat. That velvety voice, roughened from lack of sleep, was something she would recognize anytime, anywhere. She stood and turned around.

Edward wore a black slacks and a dark green button up shirt. His eyes, still tired and bloodshot, glowed darker to match the hunter shade of the shirt. He smiled that infamous crooked smile and held out his hand.

"You came," Bella breathed.

He pretended not to notice the tremble in her hand when he took it in his. Edward led her onto the dance floor. He didn't recognize the song, but it was slow and served its purpose. Bella put her arms around his neck and his hands slid down her sides, over the silky fabric of her dress.

"You look beautiful," he whispered into her ear. She shivered but didn't pull away.

"So do you."

Edward's lips remained by her ear, and he nuzzled her gently, exalted when he heard her exhale raggedly. He pressed a kiss behind her ear and her grip on him tightened.

"How – how are you here?" she asked, pushing back from him slightly. "What about the hospital?"

He smiled sheepishly. "I worked overnight for one of the guys."

"Edward!" Bella admonished, but she couldn't stop smiling. He worked overnight and then came to school just so he could go to the dance. Just for her. "Thank you."

"I couldn't miss seeing you in this dress," he lowered his voice. "It looks even better than I imagined."

A thrill raced through her at the husky timbre of his voice. Her body responded, instinctively craving the touch to match that sound. Bella leaned into him, closing the space between their bodies. "You imagined what I looked like in this dress?"

His grip on her hips tightened. "I guess fantasized would be the correct word."

Bella struggled to keep her breathing even. "Tell me what you fantasized."

Edward laughed nervously. "You don't want to know."

"Yes, I do," Bella insisted. She pressed against him, thrilled to feel his erection pressing against her stomach. Her insides began to liquefy. Maybe this time she could get him to act on those urges; she was desperate for his touch.

"Stop," he exhaled, trying to pull back a little.

"Why?" Bella whined. She didn't care if she sounded like a five year old. She was tired of missing him, of the always present physical distance between them. Yes, she initiated it, but for some reason Edward was reluctant to resume their sexual relationship.

Edward glanced around the dance floor. It was fairly crowded, so no one could see the intimate way he and Bella were locked together. Or the massive wood he was sporting. Good.

"I don't want to mess things up," he explained, looking down at her. He was partly ecstatic and partly horrified to realize that he could see down the front of her dress. Didn't she realize how hard it was to turn her down, with that cleavage and especially with those huge, glistening lips?

"You keep saying that. But why would it mess everything up?" Bella pushed.

Edward sighed and looked at her square in the eye. "Because when were sleeping together, everything was terrible. I was mean to you and we were fighting. And then when we stopped…well, it got a lot better. I just don't want to take a step back."

Bella inwardly rolled her eyes. Oh, Edward. "Well, are you going to be mean to me again?"

"No, of course not," he replied uncomfortably. "But – "

"But nothing. Nothing will change," Bella interrupted. She rested her head on his chest and continued to sway gently to the music.

The next time she pressed her hips against his, she heard Edward's breathing roughen but he didn't say anything.

The song changed and with it, the beat. It was slightly faster, pulsing around them. Edward tried to keep his hands just on Bella's hips but they kept sliding and landing on the most inappropriate areas. Okay, well, maybe it wasn't completely accidental.

He was fine until Bella turned her head so her lips brushed against his ear. She stayed there, at that angle. To anyone watching, it would simply appear as though she was whispering in his ear, or just leaning her head on his. In reality, her warm breath exhaled across his sensitive skin, making him shiver.

Then her tongue darted out and licked his earlobe, just one quick flick. It was enough to make him start sweating, though, and Edward began to look around the room for a quick exit. Then Bella bit down on it and he felt his knees begin to weaken.

"Not here," he whispered, and his voiced sounded harsh even to his own ears.

"Then let's go," Bella replied eagerly. She grabbed his hand and turned, practically dragging him out of the gymnasium.

Edward glanced around, looking for Jasper and Alice. Alice was holding onto Jasper, her eyes closed, but Jasper grinned at him. Edward laughed and let Bella drag him into the hallway.

"Let's go," he said, pulling his keys out of his pocket.

Bella shook her head. She tried a classroom door but it was locked. Edward stared at her as she walked a few feet and tried the next one.

"Are you insane?" he hissed. "We can't do it here."

She laughed. "Are you serious? Don't you remember the beach? This is way more private than that."

Edward looked over his shoulder nervously. "Come on, Bella."

Bella approached him slowly. Edward stood rigid, but allowed her to stretch up and kiss him. Her fingers tangled into his hair, and Bella took control of the kiss. She kissed him hard and more aggressively than ever before, and in seconds Edward was completely lost. He could even remember why he had been protesting in the first place.

He walked her backwards until they hit the lockers.

"Not here," he grunted.

Bella pulled out of the kiss and looked around. Edward took the opportunity to really look at her. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was mussed. Her lips, swollen from kissing and still glistening from the lip gloss, had him leaning in for more.

She ducked out of his kiss and took his hand, pulling him down the hallway as she tried doors.

"They're all locked. Let's go home," he attempted.

Bella pushed open a door and looked over her shoulder at him. "Found one."

"That's a closet," he began nervously. "It's dirty. We'll ruin your dress."

"I don't care about the dress," Bella whispered. She stepped toward him and they met in another kiss. Then, somehow, they were in the closet and the door was shut. It was cramped and dark and smelled like cleaning products..

It didn't matter, though, because Bella's hands were all over him and she was breathing heavy. His self-control could only take so much, and when her hands began fumbling with the front of his pants, it snapped.

"Bella, are you sure – "

"Yes," she moaned.

Edward finally gave in. His hands slid from her hips to her ass and he squeezed tightly, rocking her against his pelvis. He knew she loved that, and was rewarded with a sweet little moan.

He kissed her once more, reluctant to stop but eager to explore more of her body. He left a trail of wet kisses as he suckled along her throat. He had missed this so much.

"More," she demanded.

Bella rubbed herself against him, and the contact felt so good she nearly cried, so she did it harder.

A big, warm hand snaked up her body to palm a breast. Unable to stop herself, Bella arched into the sensation. Edward fisted the fabric of her dress and slid it down over one shoulder. His mouth attacked the newly exposed skin while his hand dipped inside the front of her dress.

He cupped her heated flesh firmly, realizing almost immediately that something was different. He rubbed his thumb over the center of her breast, trying to discern what was covering her erect nipple.

"Oh, my God," Bella muttered, jerking away. "Just – just don't worry about it."

Edward wished the lights were on, because he knew Bella was blushing and he loved that. He wondered what it was that he felt. Kind of like a fabric band-aid? "What is it?"

Bella was grateful for the dark, because her face was on fire. She swatted Edward's hand away and peeled off the pasty that Alice had insisted she wear. It didn't hurt, and after a sigh of relief, Bella replaced Edward's hand.

"Better?" he asked, the humor evident in his voice.

"Shut up," Bella laughed.

Her laughter was cut short by his eager mouth. The small room was filled with his scent; clean, masculine and completely overwhelming. The dark heightened her senses and gave Bella the feeling of power, of courage.

Bella unzipped Edward's dress pants and he froze the moment her fingers caressed the straining fabric. She gently pulled him out, her fingers dancing over his velvety, tight skin. Edward sucked in a breath and held it as she fondled him, and his hands clenched at his sides.

He leaned his forehead against her shoulder, exhaling in a hiss across her skin. Bella squeezed the base of his shaft gently and he jumped. Edward grabbed her wrist and held her away from him. Before she could protest, his hand was nestled between her legs.

"Edward!" she squeaked out. Her courage disappeared as he regained control.

Edward lifted her skirt so it bunched up around her waist. "Turn around."

He heard the quiver in her breathing, and as she turned, it definitely became heavier. As she turned, the close quarters forced her to brush against him and Edward fought a shudder.

"Put your hands on the wall," he commanded.

Bella licked her dry lips. Edward's silken voice, commanding her through the darkness, was more than erotic. She trembled with anticipation, jumping when he touched the waistband of her panties.

Edward hissed when he touched her bare flesh. He expected more panties, but encountered just smooth skin. A thong…she was wearing a thong. His hands shook as he yanked the scrap of material down to her knees.

His cock jutted forward, bobbing as he moved. The head brushed up against her soft, slick flesh, and Edward placed a hand on the wall to brace himself.

Gathering the tattered shreds of his control, Edward grasped himself with one hand and held Bella steady with the other.

"Ready?" he asked. It was too late to turn back now.

Bella made an impatient noise and pushed back against him. Edward held his breath as he pushed into her, feeling her stretch to accommodate him.

"Bella," he groaned. He let go of the wall and gripped her hips instead, beginning a slowly, steady pace. Bella squirmed and pushed back, trying to get more, faster.

"Stop," he half laughed, half groaned. Hushed voices came from the hallway and Edward abruptly sobered up. He put his hand over Bella's mouth, because she tended to be loud, and brushed his lips against her ear. "Sssh. You need to be quiet."

"Don't stop," Bella mumbled into his palm.

His lips twisted into a smile that she couldn't see, and he granted her request. Edward's hips pumped faster, harder and deeper. Within moments, Bella's body was dropping a few inches. He realized her knees were buckling and wrapped his arm around her stomach, keeping her steady.

"Come on, baby," he murmured. Weeks of sexual frustration, of longing and aching, poured out of him. Only Bella could make him feel better, only Bella could soothe the never-ending craving.

He had planned to be good. Edward wanted to wait until they were at home, cocooned in Bella's bedroom on the top floor. Just the two of them, safely tucked away.

But no – Bella had to take him by surprise, again. Every time he thought he knew her, she rattled him to his core. The idea of sweet and innocent Bella, yanking him into a closet for a quickie, demolished all of his good intentions.

He could barely hear over the roaring in his head, except for Bella's heavy breathing and strangled moans. She reached back and covered his hand, which was still gripping her hip, with her own. Edward felt her go rigid, and then she arched almost violently against him, shuddering as her walls began to contract around him.

Edward held his breath and buried himself inside of her, bowing his body over hers. "Oh, God, Bella."

"Mmmmm," she moaned.

He bit the inside of his mouth to muffle the sounds of his climax and forced his fingers to unclench because he didn't want to hurt her. He came so strongly that the force of his orgasm nearly buckled his own knees. He remained huddled closely to Bella for a moment, trying to catch his breath, feeling their hearts beat in synch.

Finally, he kissed her shoulder and straightened. Bella didn't let go of his hand, holding it firmly and she turned to face him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his hand cupping her cheek.

Bella hugged him tightly and Edward sighed happily at the touch. "I'm okay."

He felt her bend a little and then shimmy, and imagined she was pulling her panties back up. Bella took his hand again and he felt her move for the door.

"Wait," he stopped her. "Are we back?"

"What do you mean?"

"I want us to be together again," Edward clarified. "Officially."

"Yes, of course," Bella replied, and he could hear the smile in her voice. "I love you."

Edward breathed a sigh of relief and crushed her to his chest. "Love you, too. Come on, let's go home."

Edward didn't want to put a name to the emotion he was feeling, but it was something akin to hope. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders and happiness filled every bit of his body. Bella loved him. He couldn't stop smiling.

He made Bella wait while he stepped out of the closet first. It wouldn't do to have them both stumbling out of the closet into a hallway full of students, or worse, teachers. He straightened his shirt and motioned for her to come out.

Bella's cheeks were flushed and her glossy lips were much redder than before. That meant she had been chewing on her lip while they were busy. Another bolt of lust tugged at his groin, and Edward placed a hand on her lower back to get her going. He couldn't wait to get her home.


	35. Christmas Eve

Alice predicted they would have a white Christmas.

Sure enough, the last two days of school were cancelled due to a large snowstorm. Winter break began early, and Bella couldn't have been any happier.

Some of her happiness came from Esme, and from being part of the Cullen household during the holiday season. Renee had never really bothered too much with the holidays, and Charlie was always too busy.

Esme thrived during the holidays; the entire downstairs was decorated. The scents of pine and her freshly baked cookies lingered in each room. Esme was forever baking, and the day after the big storm, Jasper had to stop by with his truck and plow their driveway so she could get to the grocery store.

Soft holiday-inspired jazz music piped through the rooms. It was a relaxing, happy place to be.

Part of her felt guilty, because Charlie's release date had been pushed back. He told her it was his own choice, that he didn't feel secure enough in his new lifestyle yet. Secretly, she was relieved, because it meant she was able to spend Christmas with the Cullens.

Really, though, Edward was the main cause behind her unprecedented happiness.

Ever since the Winter Formal, Edward had been insatiable. Every moment alone with him was full of smoldering eyes and suggestive touches. Of course, Bella completely welcomed his advances. It was fun to tease him and it thrilled her to see this new side of him. It was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and Edward seemed to be in a perpetually better mood.

He had tried once more to speak with her about Jessica and the baby, but Bella shushed him. She pretended not to see the hurt and concerned look on his face, and instead snuggled against him and changed the subject.

The odds had always been stacked against them, right from the very start. This brief respite from pain and anger was too sweet to ruin. Bella craved Edward's happiness like she craved his touch; she was unwilling to compromise either. She was terrified that it would all slip away and honestly, that idea paralyzed her. He was the only good part of her life, or so it sometimes felt.

So over the next few days, Bella clung to those moments of pure happiness with Edward. She committed to mind the way he touched her and the way he looked at her, with such reverence and love.

Bella spent the mornings with Edward, usually watching a movie or just cuddling. She helped him wrap his Christmas presents and they trained Eddie to sit and give his paw. Edward left for work each day after lunch. Her afternoons and evenings were spent in the kitchen, helping Esme and Alice prepare for Christmas.

When Bella awoke on Christmas morning, the first thing she realized was that Edward had snuck into her bed at some point during the night. Her insides brimmed with warmth and overwhelming contentment, and Bella wrapped her arms around him and squeezed.

"Mmmmm," he groaned, nuzzling his face against her. His voice was still thick with sleep. "What a way to wake up."

Bella smiled and kissed the side of his jaw. "I don't remember you being here when I fell asleep."

He blinked slowly, his green eyes brilliant against his pale complexion. A huge smile lit up his face. "I woke up around four and couldn't fall back asleep. And then I thought of you, all alone on the third floor…I figured you were probably having trouble sleeping, too."

Bella laughed. "Sorry to disappoint you."

Now Edward laughed. "Trust me, you didn't. I was entertained by your sleep talk for at least an hour before I passed out."

She promptly blushed and her eyes widened. "What did I say?"

"Yeah, right," Edward guffawed. "Trust me, you'd be red for days if I told you the things you were whispering to me."

"It's not like I knew you were here! I wasn't saying it _to_ you," Bella hissed, looking slightly embarrassed. "Jeez!"

Edward laughed. He shifted to lie on his back and pulled her closer to him, so her head was resting on his chest. "What are your plans for today?"

"Your mom is making me banana pancakes," Bella smiled. "She said they're her specialty."

"They are," he confirmed. "She better be making enough for me, too. What about later?"

Bella shrugged and tilted her head to look up at him. "I don't know. It's Christmas Eve. Christmasy stuff? What time do you have to be at work?"

Edward grinned and stretched like a big cat. "I'm off today. And we have big plans."

"You're off today?" Bella repeated incredulously. "That's amazing!"

Edward nodded. "I'm working tomorrow night. That's not a huge deal, though, because my plans for you are happening tonight."

"Are you going to give me a hint?"

He smirked and shook his head. "Nope."

"We're going somewhere?"

"No more questions," Edward ordered.

Bella leaned forward and brushed her lips against his. "What time are we leaving?"

"Around one or two," he replied, his eyes on her lips. "Plenty of time to lie in bed and snuggle. Or... do other stuff."

His hands skimmed down her sides and came to rest on her ass. Edward gave it a light squeeze and Bella smirked before rolling off him. "So sorry. Esme said nine o'clock sharp for pancakes."

Edward frowned slightly and looked at the clock. 8:54. "What, pancakes are more appealing than me?"

She suppressed a giggle and nodded. He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled, and Bella almost melted. His lower lip stuck out and his hair was adorably mussed. "Come on, get up. You said you wanted pancakes."

Edward rolled his eyes and climbed out of bed. He approached her slowly, enjoying how her eyes widened and she unconsciously licked her lips. Bella took a step back, and another, until her back was flat against the door.

She was so easy to read, so easy to tease. He could get her riled up with just a look. Edward fucking loved that.

He pressed against her and ducked his head to kiss her throat. He only indulged for a moment, because even those few seconds had his heart racing and dick aching. When he pulled away, Bella shivered and he had to hide his grin. "Go get your pancakes. I'm going to take a quick shower."

"But…" she trailed off, glancing down between them. His boxers did little to hide his obvious arousal.

"Later," he promised. He snuck another kiss and had to still her roaming hands. "Save me some pancakes."

She huffed, looking irritated, and he mollified her by bringing his lips close to her ear. He purposely exhaled on her delicate skin, and she shivered again. Edward bit down gently on her ear lobe and Bella gripped his shoulders. "I promise…it'll be worth the wait."

When he stepped back, Bella was breathing heavy and her eyes were dark with need. But then she nodded and grabbed a sweatshirt off her desk. He tried not to stare at her chest as she pulled it over her head.

"Save me some," he reminded her as she brushed past him.

Bella gave him an inscrutable look and disappeared down the hallway. Edward closed his eyes and fought the urge to run after her. Sometimes, the need to feel her was unbearable. It was like his body was on fire and the only way to soothe the pain was to touch Bella.

Now wasn't the right time, though; everything needed to be perfect for tonight.

He flopped down on her bed and reached to the night-stand for his cell phone. Jasper picked up on the third ring, but his voice was thick with sleep.

"Fuck you want?" he mumbled.

"Listen, we should be there by two," Edward said without preamble. He actually told Bella they were _leaving_ at two, but he didn't think he could hold out that long.

"Dude, it's not even nine o'clock," Jasper moaned. "On Christmas Eve!"

"Are you going to be able to do it?" Edward persisted.

He heard Jasper move around. He groaned again. "Fuck. Yeah. Yeah, I'll do it."

"Do you remember everything that you need to do?" Edward grinned and held the phone away from his ear as Jasper started spewing profanities. He had told Jasper a _million_ times what to do; he better remember.

There was a pause.

"I know what to do," Jasper said sullenly. "And Alice is coming with me, remember? Now fuck off, I'm going back to sleep."

"Thanks, man," Edward replied wholeheartedly.

He really owed Alice and Jasper for doing this, especially since there was so much snow. Jasper's truck would be able to cut a path through the woods; hell, he could even plow it if he had to. The Volvo would never make it, so Edward had already arranged to borrow Emmett's jeep.

He began working on Bella's Christmas gift a few weeks ago. It was hard, because he had very little free time, and what he _did_ have was usually spent with Bella. His work on the cottage had to be done on the sly.

He planned on giving Bella the cottage. Edward didn't even know until a full year after Bella left Forks that Carlisle actually owned the property. That had been a dark time for Edward, and his relationship with his parents was practically nonexistent.

Carlisle woke him up early one Saturday and tossed a pair of hiking boots at him. They walked for hours, and Carlisle spoke of Edward's future and how much he and Esme loved him. Carlisle said he might not be his biological father, but Edward was still his son.

Then Carlisle told him that the land they were walking on was his, and one day he would pass it down to Edward. The land had been in the Cullen family for generations, and it would continue with Edward and his future family – because Edward _was_ a Cullen. A few minutes later they came upon the cottage. Carlisle mistook Edward's sudden emotional reaction as one to his speech and pulled him into a tight hug.

Edward stared at the cottage, watching it blur from his tears. He blinked them away and hugged his father back. That was the first day his heart began to mend itself back together, the first day he felt some semblance of who he used to be.

It was also the day he made himself realize that Bella was never coming back. That Monday he asked Jessica out and she said yes.

Edward tossed his phone to the end of the bed and pushed away his thoughts of the past. There was no use dwelling on his mistakes, because he couldn't fix any of them now. He could only work on the future. Make it as good as it could get, and just pray that Bella found reason to stay with him.

If she let him, he planned on spending the rest of his life with her. Nothing else appealed to him. The thought of going out to a club or bar or even away to college, and picking up some random girl, practically turned his stomach. He was beyond that. It meant nothing. Bella was _everything_.

Truth be told, he was nervous about today, about giving Bella such a corny gift. He hoped that she realized the significance behind it – it was their cottage. He wanted to give her something physical that she could see after the baby was born. A testament to their love, of sorts.

He knew it was corny…he was just grateful that Jasper and Emmett weren't giving him too much shit over it. It seemed like everyone was cutting him some slack lately, actually. Edward wasn't stupid; he knew it was out of pity. He screwed himself when he screwed Jessica.

His life had changed so much in the past few months. And to be honest, he was happy. He wasn't ready to be a father and he vehemently regretted the situation with Jessica, but he would be okay as long as he had Bella. In fact, he would be _happy_ as long as he had Bella.

So, he would be corny. He would be romantic. He would be whatever Bella wanted him to be, and he would make sure this was her best Christmas ever.

* * *

Bella kept her eyes trained on the television, which was playing "It's a Wonderful Life." When Bella mentioned to Esme that she had never seen it, Esme flew into a tizzy and sat her down on the couch.

Alice walked into the living room just as it began and dropped her bags onto the floor. She jumped onto the couch next to Bella, beaming. "I love this movie!"

"I made eggnog!" Esme called from the kitchen. "Who wants to try it?"

"Where were you?" Bella murmured to Alice. "You're freezing."

"I know," Alice moaned. She rubbed her arms. "It's so cold outside. I was out, with Jasper, getting the - uh, the… Hey mom, I'd like some eggnog, please."

Bella looked at her suspiciously. "What were you doing with Jasper?"

For once, Alice appeared to be at a loss for words.

"Stop," Edward hissed, stepping into the room. "I told you, it's a surprise. And you need to dress more warmly."

"I don't like surprises," Bella muttered. "I'm starting to get stressed out."

Edward laughed and exchanged a look with Alice.

"It's nothing like that," Alice reassured her. She eyed Bella's wardrobe critically. "But you really better listen to Edward. Go grab another sweatshirt or something."

"I have eggnog!" Esme called, carrying a platter into the room.

Edward darted around her and grabbed Bella's hand, pulling her to her feet. "Sorry, mom. Gotta go."

"Well, are you going to be home for dinner? Carlisle is at the hospital until six, so we'll be eating a bit later," Esme frowned. "You'll be home, won't you?"

Edward hesitated, but Bella stepped in front of him and nodded. "Of course we will."

"Oh, good. The crown roast is already in the oven," Esme told them. She pursed her lips, as if flipping through a mental list. "And do be careful driving, Edward. You're not taking the Volvo, are you?" She looked more worried now. "Or Bella's truck?"

Edward rolled his eyes, impatient. "I'm taking Emmett's jeep and we'll be back before it's dark."

"Good," Esme nodded, relieved. "Well have fun, and Bella, I hope you enjoy your present."

Bella smiled, her face warm, and allowed Edward to guide her to the garage. It was way colder in the garage than the rest of the house. She shivered, thinking of what it must be like outside. "Does everybody know about my present except for me?"

"Yup," he laughed. He helped her up into the jeep, then jumped in and started it up. The engine was loud but the heaters were incredible, and Bella was toasty in seconds.

"Should I blindfold you?" Edward asked, glancing over at her.

Bella leaned away from him and shook her head. "No way. Don't even touch me."

"That's not what you were saying this morning," he teased. Edward looked over and, just as he expected, Bella's cheeks were pink.

It was blinding outside. The sun was shining and it reflected off the snow, making Edward wish for a pair of shades. He flipped through Emmett's console but didn't find anything.

The roads were clean and free of ice, for which Bella was grateful. After her accident, she found herself anxious whenever it was snowy or icy out.

Within two minutes, she knew where they were going.

"The cottage," she whispered. She looked at Edward but he simply smiled and concentrated on the tracks. Bella sat back. She hadn't been back to the cottage since the day Edward told her to stay away from him. They had come so far since then.

They made it without incident, following Jasper's tracks as far as the vehicles could go, then trudged the last five minutes through the snow.

Edward held her hand tightly, practically anticipating a fall on her part. When they reached the crooked little cottage, Bella looked at him expectantly. He pulled the key ring out of his pocket and handed it to her, his fingers lingering on hers.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," he said softly.

She looked at the key blankly. Edward smiled and bent a little so he could kiss her knuckles. "It's for you. It's yours now."

Bella took the key and looked at him for a minute before unlocking the door. The key slipped in easily, as if the lock had simply been waiting for them. The door swung open and Bella uttered a tiny cry.

Edward watched her anxiously, not breathing, trying to get a read on her reaction. He didn't even realize that he was holding his breath until his lungs began to burn. Edward exhaled slowly, watching her step into the cottage.

"It's…beautiful," Bella managed, her voice thick. "It's better than ever. Did you do this?"

"It's not much," he said softly.

Bella turned to look at him. "It's everything, Edward."

She walked from one side to the other, admiring the mismatched wooden furniture. The only furniture that actually fit in the cottage was a small round table with two chairs, and a small love-seat. Bella spotted a blue cooler on the floor and eyed it curiously.

"Lunch," Edward grinned. He bent down next to a small black machine and powered it on. "Space heater. We have about eight hours of heat. But I can pick up more cans of propane and leave them here for you. You just need to be careful with it."

"I think we sell them at work," Bella smiled shyly. She sat on the edge of the love-seat, watching him get the heater going. It was freezing in the cottage. Even the cushions on the loveseat were cold. He aimed the heater at her and stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Well…are you hungry?" Edward asked.

Bella nodded, even though she wasn't hungry. She actually felt kind of nervous. She _knew _Edward was nervous, and it was rubbing off on her.

He sat down at the table and began unpacking the cooler. Sandwiches, a few pieces of fruit, cookies and a Thermos soon sat atop the table. Edward looked at her and nodded to the empty seat.

"Are you too cold?" he asked, glancing from her to the heater.

"No," Bella answered truthfully. Her teeth had stopped chattering, but it was still chilly. "What's in the Thermos?"

"Hot chocolate," he replied. "Hopefully still hot."

He unscrewed the lid and handed it to her. Bella took a sip and the hot, rich liquid warmed its way down into her stomach. "Edward, when did you do this?"

The interior of the cottage had been painted. The furniture was definitely new, at least for the cottage, and it felt cozy. There was a small cabinet mounted on the wall. It was a marked improvement from the last time she was there; it only had a couple sleeping bags and a rickety bench.

For a moment, Bella let herself fantasize that it was their home.

"I love it here," she said fiercely.

Edward put down the sandwich he was unwrapping. "It's really yours. My dad owns the land. A lot of the land around here, actually. I asked him about the cottage, and he said it had always been there and I could do whatever I wanted with it."

"I doubt he meant giving it to me," Bella laughed, feeling her cheeks warm.

"I asked him. I told him it meant a lot to us," Edward smiled crookedly. Bella laughed and looked down at the table, knowing what the mischievous glint in his eyes referred to.

"I hope you didn't tell him how much," she muttered, smothering a laugh.

"No," Edward shook his head. He laughed and popped a grape into his mouth. "He doesn't know the details."

He passed her a sandwich and they lapsed back into silence. Bella looked at Edward, getting the distinct feeling that he wanted to say something. He looked up and _blushed_ when they locked eyes.

"Listen, Bella," he began. Edward sighed and ran a hand through his hair, then rubbed his face with both hands. "I don't want to…I don't want to upset you. I want you to have a good Christmas."

"But…" she whispered, waiting for it. She put her sandwich back on the table; her stomach had just knotted up.

"I want this to be someplace you can go to when you're upset. Or when it seems like too much," he explained. "I talked to my dad…and it looks like I'll have joint custody of the baby. Half of the week he'll be with us."

Bella stared at the scratched surface of the table.

"I love you, Bella. I want to make this work somehow. But that means you're going to have to talk to me. I can't read your mind. If it's getting to be too much for you, or if you need me, you gotta tell me," he pleaded.

She couldn't look up, couldn't look him in the eye, but she heard his chair scrape against the floor. Then he kneeled before her, grabbing her chin to make her look at him. The pain in his eyes sliced through her heart.

"I'm afraid," she whispered, biting her lip to hold inside the words that so desperately wanted to come out.

"Why? Tell me why," he begged. Edward dropped his head to her thighs. "Tell me what to do."

"You can't do anything," she mumbled. Tears filled her eyes and Bella shook her head, disgusted with herself. She was ruining the moment, ruining what should have been a happy time. "I just feel inadequate. I'll never be able to have kids. And I know that you want them. Everyone does, right?"

He stared at her, and it felt like those green eyes were looking right into her soul. Bella felt horribly exposed and had to fight the urge to crawl back inside herself.

"Bella, I don't want – "

"Wait," she interrupted. "Just – wait. I know it's stupid, but I just feel like one day you'll wake up and realize that I can't give you anything. You already have a good life and now you're going to have a baby and – and – I'm just dragging you down. You have a lot going for you. You don't need me."

"Don't say stupid things like that, Bella," he snapped. Edward stood up and held out his hand, pulling her to her feet. "My life sucked before you came back. I need you."

"You don't have to be nice about it," she said, struggling with her words. "I can handle it."

"You try to handle too much," Edward said softly. "And Bella, you don't have to give me anything. Just you. We're not ready for kids. I'll take care of this child, but I don't expect you to. I don't want you to feel pressured to…you know, help out or whatever."

She raised her head off his chest and gave him a watery smile. "I don't mind. I love babies. And maybe this will be my only shot to have one." Then she looked embarrassed. "Or, you know what I mean, kind of have one."

Edward frowned and cupped her face. "You have plenty of time to have babies. And even if we can't have kids, there's always adoption." He smiled. "I'm a big fan of adoption."

"You'd do that for me?" Bella asked, her voice wavering. She blinked and big, fat tears rolled down her cheeks as she stared up at him.

"Don't you get it?" he shook his head. "Bella, you're it for me. You're my life now. We're going to get married and have babies and live happily ever after. Maybe not next week, but it's going to happen. You're stuck with me."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder. Edward hugged her tightly, rubbing her back, then scooped her up and carried her to the love-seat.

"Don't cry," he murmured into her hair. "Don't cry."

"What did I do to deserve you?" Bella whispered tearfully.

He used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. "I should be the one asking that. I was terrible to you."

"Let's just forget about all of that, okay?"

Instead of answering her, Edward kissed her hard. He poured all of his frustration and emotion into the kiss, because he would never, ever forget the way he treated her. He would spend the rest of his life making it up to her.

She whimpered and twisted around so she straddled his lap, deepening the kiss. Their touches were desperate, reckless. Emotion crackled in the air around them.

Edward leaned back, taking her with him as he reclined against the love-seat. Bella's legs tightened around him and she kissed him aggressively, her mouth exploring his.

The morning's sexual frustration returned quickly, building around them in a haze of desire. Edward lifted his hips, letting her feel exactly what she was doing to him. Bella pulled away from him, licking her swollen, red lips, and looked him over.

"You're so…God, you're beautiful," she mumbled.

Edward laughed shortly, trying to get those lips back onto his. He yanked her down, his hands going straight for her ass. He squeezed roughly, eliciting a moan from Bella, and cradled her tightly against his groin.

Bella sat up and reached for the hem of her shirt, but Edward quickly stopped her.

"It's too cold. I don't want you to be cold," Edward shook his head. "Leave it on. God, that heater sucks."

"We could go in the jeep," Bella laughed.

Edward seemed to consider this. "Your call."

"Jeep," she said immediately. "With the heat on. But you have to swear that Emmett never finds out."

He laughed, but his eyes were dark with excitement. "Do you really want to?"

Bella rolled her hips and his laughter abruptly died. A wave of power washed over her and she found the feeling immensely satisfying. She loved knowing she could please this gorgeous creature. "Take me to the jeep, Edward."

* * *

Edward and Bella made it back to the Cullen house in time for dinner. If either of them looked flushed, it was simply contributed to the chilly weather.

Dinner was a simple but heartfelt affair. Bella talked to both Charlie and Renee that night, and they sounded well. Her twisted a little bit during each conversation, but as soon as she hung up Bella was sucked back into the festivities. She was enamored with the way the Cullens' celebrated the holidays. It felt like she was on a movie set, experiencing the perfect Christmas.

Esme begged Edward to play the piano. Bella sat next to him on the piano bench and Edward whispered to her that he hadn't played in months. She put her hand on his thigh and Edward grinned, then launched into "Deck the Halls."

Christmas Day was even better. Edward brought Bella breakfast in bed and treated her like a queen. After that extremely pleasurable morning, Bella decided that she could safely say that Christmas was her favorite holiday.

In fact, it was perfect. The entire next week, Christmas break, was perfect, and Bella was practically floating around instead of walking.

The following Saturday was the day it all came crashing down. Edward has once again slipped into her bed in the middle of the night. They both woke up when his cell phone began vibrating loudly on the night-stand.

Bella's heart sank into her stomach. She watched him reach over and flip it open. His body tensed, and she prepared herself for the worst.

Edward turned the phone so Bella could read the display. It was a text message from Lauren.

_Jess is in the hospital. I think it's time. _

* * *

thank you to JAG over at RAOR for recommending my story...totally made my day!

and, of course, thank YOU. you guys are awesome. i'm sorry i don't respond to more reviews - but i read every single one of them. i'm usually smiling like an idiot as i read, and occasionally squeal or something equally embarrassing. i just want you guys to know that i appreciate every single one.

it looks like we'll have one more chapter and an epilogue.

LUNA


	36. Are You Ready?

Bella shifted uncomfortably in the hard plastic seat. She looked around the waiting room, taking it all in. It was still kind of surreal.

Carlisle had driven to the hospital. Esme sat in the front seat, her cell phone glued to her ear. Despite the hour, she had called the family lawyer, who happened to be a close friend of Carlisle's. Bella sat in the middle of the backseat, crammed between Alice and Edward.

Edward held her hand the entire way. His sweaty, tight grip was the only indication of his anxiety.

When they parked the car, Edward gave her a fierce, quick kiss. The troubled look in his eyes tugged on her heart, and Bella understood what he was silently trying to communicate. He was sorry.

She didn't want to speak with his family so close, so Bella simply hugged him. She squeezed him tightly, and the way he buried his face in her neck made Bella want to cry. That wasn't an option, though, so Bella brushed her lips over the top of his head and pulled away.

Edward took her hand again as they walked into the hospital.

All they knew was that Jessica was in labor. She refused to let Edward or Carlisle into her room, and the hospital was backing up her decision. They stood down the hall, right outside of Jessica's door.

Bella watched Carlisle put his hand on Edward's shoulder, gesturing dramatically with his other. Then he motioned for them to take a walk. Edward looked up at her, catching her eye, and Bella merely nodded. The two men walked down the hallway and disappeared.

Esme was pacing back and forth in front of the nurse's station. She knew a couple of the nurses by name from her frequent visits to the hospital. Bella knew she was relying on those tentative friendships to milk some information out of them.

Alice snoozed softly next to her. Bella glanced at her enviously. She wished that she could sleep, but her stomach was knotted up tighter than anything.

Her eyes returned to the door of Jessica's room. Bella wondered if her mother was in there with her. Maybe Lauren was, too.

The door suddenly opened, and a weary-looking Emma Stanley stepped outside. Bella watched her dig into the pocket of her jeans and pull out some bills. She counted them and then walked over to the elevator, hitting the button. Twenty seconds later, she was gone.

Bella looked around quickly. Esme was still chatting up the nurses, and Alice was still sleeping. Suddenly she was up and moving down the hallway, getting closer and closer to that door. The sound of her own heart racing was all she could hear.

Not really sure of what she hoped to accomplish, Bella knocked on the door and stepped inside before anyone could see her.

"Mom?" Jessica called out, her voice curious. "Did you forget…"

She trailed off as Bella stepped into view. Her expression changed into one that was more guarded, ready to defend herself.

"Hi," Bella said quietly.

The sight of Jessica lying in the hospital bed affected her more than she expected. Bella felt vaguely nauseous, recalling with perfect clarity her own visit to Forks Hospital. Jessica looked pale and washed out, and altogether too tiny in the big bed.

"You're not allowed in here," Jessica responded, but her voice was void of any real emotion.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Bella shrugged. She took a minute to look around the room. No Lauren. Just an overnight bag, presumably packed by her mother.

Jessica's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I'm not stupid. Did Edward send you in here to try to get some information or something?"

Bella approached the bed cautiously. She sat down in a chair next to the bed and twisted her hands together. "No. Edward went with his dad on a walk. Maybe a pep talk or something. No one knows I'm in here."

"Well, what do you want?" she demanded.

"I just…I guess I just…wanted to check on you," Bella finished lamely. "It's exciting, isn't it? I mean, in a little while you'll be a mother. You'll have a baby."

Jessica looked at her like she was insane, then shook her head and dropped her gaze to her lap. She frowned a little. "It's hard to understand, sometimes. I can't believe there's a person inside of me. I – I don't know how to do this."

Bella's throat tightened and she had to look away, but she couldn't look anywhere except for Jessica's stomach. When she spoke, her voice was little more than a whisper. "You'll figure it out. And you'll have help."

This time, Jessica looked right at her. Her eyes were wide and panicked. "No, I don't know what to do. I can't do this. I can't handle it."

Bella stood up and reached for Jessica's hand, covering it with her own. "Jessica, you'll be fine. It's scary, but you'll just know what to do. It'll come to you."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Jessica asked tearfully. She pulled her hand out from under Bella's to wipe at her eyes.

Bella took a step back, feeling ridiculous now. She felt her face heat up. "I don't think you should go through this alone, that's all. And…I guess….I'm kind of jealous."

Jessica huffed. "Yeah, right. _You're_ jealous of _me_. Knocked up at seventeen, no job, no boyfriend, broke, and an alkie mom to boot."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Jessica looked sick, as if she regretted being so honest.

Bella was shocked; she didn't know what to say or how to respond. She wanted to tell her it was okay, that she knew what she was going through, but everything sounded clichéd and hollow.

As Bella opened her mouth to reply, there was a quick knock on the door and then it opened. A nurse came in, clipboard in hand, with a big smile.

"Hi, Jessica," she gushed. "My name is Gianna and I'm taking over for Jane. I'll be with you for the rest of the night, or until we pop that cute little sucker out of you."

"Okay," Jessica replied faintly.

Gianna studied her clipboard for a moment, then checked the stats written on the whiteboard opposite Jessica's bed. "Okay. So. The doctor should be by shortly to talk to you about the results of the tests, but I believe you're actually a bit further along than you originally thought. Of course, she'll let us know for sure, but if that's the case then we may be able to proceed with the labor naturally."

Gianna asked something else, but Bella's mind went blank. Further along than she thought? What did that mean? Her gaze shot over to Jessica, who was staring back at her with a terrified expression on her face.

Jessica's eyes welled up with tears. Bella bit her tongue, trying to keep her mouth shut.

"Babies born in the eighth month are usually fine. Our main concern is her lung function, and that's what the doctor is going to talk to you about. Just try and relax," Gianna said reprovingly, frowning at Bella. She felt the sudden animosity in the room and didn't appreciate someone upsetting her patient.

"Is it Edward's?" Bella asked, her heart twisting painfully. She leaned forward, holding her breath, wanting – _needing_ – an answer.

"I – I…I don't," Jessica stammered. She flushed pink and looked at Gianna for help, who rounded on Bella with a scowl.

"Whatever you're talking about needs to be dealt with later," she said firmly. "Why don't you wait out in the waiting room? I need to speak with Jessica privately."

"Jessica, please," Bella pleaded.

Jessica looked torn, visibly upset. Gianna put her hand on Bella's arm and led her to the door.

"Later, okay?" she said, her voice not very kind.

Bella watched the door shut in her face, staring at Jessica's stricken expression until there was nothing left to see.

"Bella?"

She heard Edward's incredulous voice and turned as he jogged down the hallway. He looked from her to the door and back. "Are you…are you okay? What were you doing in there?"

Carlisle and Esme were hot on his heels, wearing identical expressions of concern.

Bella blinked and tried to process the information she just received. "Ummm. I guess Jessica is further along than she thought. And the doctor already did some testing on her."

"Further along than she thought," Carlisle muttered. They could practically see the wheels in his head turning. "I'll see if I can find anything out."

"Testing?" Edward repeated. "What kind of testing? Will my – will the baby be okay?"

Bella flinched at his words but no one seemed to notice. _My_ baby.

"I'm sure everything is fine," Carlisle responded strongly. "There are plenty of tests that the doctor could be doing; some routine checks, even. It's nothing to worry about."

Edward sighed and raked a hand through his hair, visibly agitated.

"Why don't you guys go have a seat? It could be a while," Carlisle told them. "I'm going to try to get a word in with the obstetrician on call."

"Tanya should be here soon," Esme said softly, looking at Carlisle.

He shook his head. "She didn't have to come all the way out here. The paternity test could wait until the morning. We'll have to wait on the courts, anyway."

Esme shrugged and arched an eyebrow. "She cares, I suppose."

Carlisle nodded and sighed heavily. "Okay. Have them page me if she arrives before I get back. If you guys want anything from the cafeteria, just tell them to put it on my account."

Bella trudged down the hallway with a heavy heart. Edward walked next to her, silent and brooding. By the time they returned to the waiting room, Alice was awake and flipping through a glossy fashion magazine.

The small waiting room had also filled up with some of Jessica's friends. Lauren, Mike and Tyler sat together on the opposite side of the room. They all had balloons and a plethora of wrapped gifts.

"Maybe we should get her something from the gift shop," Alice whispered, nodding at the crew.

Edward shrugged but didn't say anything, so Alice looked at Bella.

"Maybe in a little while," Bella mumbled. She didn't really feel up to being alone with Alice. She'd want to talk, and then she'd know Bella was upset and feel obligated to cheer her up. Frankly, that just wasn't possible at the moment, and Bella didn't even want to try.

She was burning with envy. She wanted to be the one in that room. She wanted her family and friends here, waiting for her with presents and smiles. She wanted to know her entire life was going to change in just a few hours. But most of all, Bella wanted that baby. Edward's baby. Her baby.

Tears pricked her eyes as she thought of the unfairness of it all. She would never have her own baby. Sure, she could adopt, but it wasn't the same. She wanted to carry around that big belly and have that gorgeous glow. She wanted to feel her baby kick. She wanted it all.

"Alice, let's go to the gift shop," she whispered, her throat aching.

Alice nodded and tossed aside her magazine. "You want anything, Ed? I'm hungry. We'll probably eat down there but we can bring something back."

"No," he responded dismally. "I'm fine."

Alice held up her BlackBerry. "Call us if anything happens."

* * *

Bella picked at her soggy French fries. She was hungry, but she didn't really feel like eating. Her stomach was too unsettled.

Alice sucked up the rest of her chocolate milk through a straw, openly studying her. She placed the empty milk carton on the table. "I think Jessica is lying."

Bella resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Well, she's obviously really pregnant and no one believed that."

"I just mean…" Alice trailed off. She shrugged. "I don't know. It just doesn't feel like everything is about to change, ya know? The energy just isn't there."

"The energy," Bella echoed dryly. She began to respond to that, but thought better of it. "We've been gone for a while."

"Over an hour," Alice agreed. "It's not like anything happened, though."

They hung around for another half hour before tossing their garbage. Bella insisted on getting some food for Edward and his parents.

"And now to the gift shop?" Alice asked.

"Sure," Bella agreed.

More time was killed in the gift shop. Bella let Alice do the shopping, so they ended up with flowers, balloons and three stuffed dinosaurs in a rainbow of colors.

As soon as they got out of the basement, where both the cafeteria and the gift shop were located, both of their cell phones began to vibrate like crazy.

Alice whipped hers out, and her eyes widened almost immediately. "Oh, shit! I must not have had service down there! I have four voicemails!"

Bella's heart slammed into her throat and she whirled around, trying to calculate the quickest way back to the maternity ward. Alice, sensing her panic, grabbed her arm and dragged her down the hallway.

They were back upstairs, breathless and flushed, in minutes. Alice shoved the food at a frazzled Esme. Edward and Carlisle were nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Edward?" Bella asked frantically. The voice that came out of her was too high and shrill to be her own.

"They're waiting to see the baby," Esme said, her voice soft in an attempt to be soothing. She put the food down on an empty chair and grabbed Bella's hands.

"It's done? The baby is out? Is she okay?" she asked desperately. It felt like everyone was talking too slow – moving too slow – didn't they understand what was happening? This was it!

"Jessica is fine, and as far as we know, the baby is fine, too," Esme replied. She took Bella's hand and squeezed it tightly. "I was just waiting on you two. It's okay, Bella. We'll go together."

Esme began walking briskly down the hall, half hugging Bella to her side. Bella tried to gently shrug her off; she didn't want to hurt Esme's feelings but she was wired too tightly. She didn't want to be touched or coddled. She just needed to know what was going on.

They rounded the corner and spotted Carlisle and Edward. They were peering through the glass windows of the nursery, obviously still trying to get a look. Bella broke into a run.

Then the two men froze, and simultaneously leaned closer to the window. Bella faltered, watching as Edward snapped back into action. He grinned, his smile stretching from ear to ear, and let Carlisle pull him into a hug.

Carlisle, too, looked overjoyed…maybe even a bit teary-eyed.

Did she look like Edward? Did she have his crazy hair?

Bella wasn't aware that she had come to a stop until Edward turned and spotted her. His face somehow lit up even more, and her heart wrenched painfully. All the air whooshed out of her lungs as Bella realized she would never put that look on his face.

"Bella!" he shouted. Edward hurried over to her, holding out his hand. His cheeks were flushed and he looked happier than he had in months. "Come here. You need to see her."

Bella swallowed hard. What should she do? She didn't want to run away and ruin the moment – well, actually she did, but she couldn't. It would hurt Edward and she would look like a petulant child.

Could she pull it off? Walk over and gush over how cute the baby was, and pretend she was happy for him?

"Come on," he said breathlessly. He tugged her down the hallway and with each step, the dread in her stomach worsened.

"Look," Edward said, gently pushing her to the window. He stood behind her, so close that they were touching. His arm snaked around her, holding Bella steady against him. There were two nurses fussing over the baby, blocking the view.

Edward rapped his knuckles on the window and one of the nurses looked over her shoulder. She smiled at him and held up a finger, motioning for him to wait. Bella held her breath. The nurses paused and wheeled the baby incubator over to the window.

She was tiny. So, so tiny. Her eyes were closed and her skin was wrinkled up. A shock of dark, tight curls covered her head.

"She's so small," Bella whispered.

"Her skin, Bella," Edward murmured. "Look at her skin."

Her skin was a smooth caramel color. It was light, but when Bella looked at the other babies, with their translucent, extra fair skin, she could see a difference. This baby was definitely _not_ a Cullen.

"What…"

"Her father likely has medium to dark skin," Carlisle beamed. "Edward is far too pale."

Bella turned around to look at Edward, and the elation on his face was unmistakable. He laughed and hugged her tightly, one hand tangling in her hair and pushing her face into his neck.

"Tyler has been in with Jessica since they brought the baby out. It's okay," he whispered into her hair, the relief evident in his voice. "We're okay. She's beautiful, but she's not mine."

"She's not your baby," Bella repeated dumbly. She was shocked; Bella had completely accepted the fact that there would soon be a newborn at the Cullen home.

Bella forced herself to inhale deeply and exhale slowly. She needed to calm her racing heart. Instead of smiling, like she was supposed to, a heavy weight sat on her chest. She glanced over her shoulder at the baby, who was blocked from view again.

She already had fantasies of rocking the baby to sleep in the nursery. That fresh, sweet baby smell – first smile, first laugh, first step…Bella had already imagined them all, and it pained her to know that she wouldn't be there for them.

Edward frowned, not anticipating this reaction from Bella. He released her and stepped closer to his father, dropping his voice even lower. "Can I have the keys? I want to get Bella out of here."

Carlisle hesitated, then pulled the keys out of his pocket. "Yeah. I'll have Tanya give us a lift home. Will you be there?"

"No," Edward hedged. "I think we might go back to Bella's. We just need some time alone. Talk it through."

Carlisle nodded, his eyes shifting over to Bella. "Call if you need me."

* * *

Edward broke the speed limit on the way to the Swans' house. He wasn't worried about being pulled over; he wasn't worried about anything except Bella, and the sad expression on her face.

"Do you have your keys?" he asked.

She barely looked at him. "There's a key to the back door under the flower pot in the backyard."

He took the lead. Bella followed him into the backyard and pointed to the flower pot. He brushed dirt off of the key before unlocking the door.

The house smelled musty. It had a deserted feel to it, and Bella felt slightly guilty that she hadn't been back even once since she moved to Edward's. She would need to clean up a bit and air it out before Charlie came home.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, moving around the kitchen. He turned the lights on, one by one.

"No. Alice and I ate at the hospital," she answered quietly.

There was a heavy pause and then Edward let out a frustrated noise. He stepped close to her. "Bella, I…I don't understand. I thought this was the best possible outcome for us, but you seem upset."

She sniffled and he watched two big fat tears roll down her cheeks. Bella looked away and wiped at them with the back of her hand. "I know. I mean, it _is_. I just…I guess I didn't realize how much I was looking forward to her."

"To the baby?" he asked softly. He reached up to smooth back her hair, then slipped his hands down to her waist. He pulled her into his arms.

Bella nodded. She shivered and he tightened his grip. The house was cold.

"We should turn the heat on," Edward muttered, voicing her thoughts. "Are you tired? Do you want to go to bed?"

"I don't think I can turn my brain off," Bella confessed. "But you must be tired. We can go to bed."

Edward paused at the thermostat on the way upstairs. Bella watched him fiddle with it, and then he looked up and caught her staring. He flashed her a huge, goofy grin and Bella couldn't stop her resulting smile.

Her bedroom was messy, exactly how she left it. Bella picked through her dresser for a pair of pajamas, and then realized Edward might need a pair. "Do you want a pair of shorts or…."

She looked over her shoulder and, upon seeing Edward, immediately lost her train of thought. He had kicked off his shoes and stripped down to just his boxers. He sat down on the edge of her bed and appeared deep in thought. She smiled, enjoying the feeling of possession that washed over her. He belonged to her.

"Bella, I know you're upset, but I think this is a good thing," he said earnestly. He looked up at her, oblivious to Bella's smoldering gaze. "It means we have time to be kids, you know? We can go to college and act irresponsible and have fun. And then, when we're ready, we can do the grownup thing. Get married and have a couple of kids."

She crossed the room and sat next to him. "Have you thought much about college? I know you were planning on staying local…"

Edward smirked. He leaned into her and angled his head for a kiss, but pulled away before it became too heated. "I thought we were headed to New York."

She uttered a cry of surprise. "What?"

"Vassar or Marist, right?" he asked. "Those were your top choices for college."

"Yes, but…"

"Wherever you go, I go," he said firmly.

"Oh, Edward," she whispered, throwing her arms around him. "You're just…you're awesome."

"I love you," he laughed, smiling against her throat. "Now, can we take these clothes off?"

"No way," Bella admonished. "It's way too cold in here."

Edward chuckled. "I'm sure I can find a way to warm you up."

And before Bella could take another breath, she was flat on her back with Edward hovering above her. He slanted his mouth over hers, kissing her until Bella wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him down on top of her.

"I love seeing you like this," he whispered. She gazed up at him, her long hair splayed out across her pillow. Bella smiled, her red lips glistening from his overzealous kisses. He traced a finger along her cheekbone. "You're so beautiful."

Edward kissed the base of her throat, rubbing against her gently as his hands drifted south. He unbuttoned her jeans and Bella raised her hips so he could pull them down.

Her clothing was peeled off in layers, tossed careless to the floor. The house was completely silent, save for the sounds of their heavy breathing. Bella's breathing quickened as the intensity of Edward's touches increased, until one breathy moan ran into the next. His skilled fingers knew exactly how to prepare her body for his entrance.

Edward shifted and took his weight off of her, holding his breath as he pushed inside of her. Bella closed her eyes, drunk with pleasure. She let him do the work and each thrust was deeper than the last, pushing her closer and closer to that moment of pure bliss.

Her hands rested on his shoulders, and soon, Bella could feel him trembling. His harsh breathing and half-moans signaled how close he was. Bella's stomach muscles began to tighten and she moved her hips, trying to reach her peak.

She bit her lip and the next time he thrust inside of her, throbbing and _so_ hot, she grabbed his hips and forced him to stay buried deep inside. Her body jerked as her insides clenched and convulsed around him. "Oh, god, Edward!"

He let out a muffled noise, almost a growl, before pulling out and slamming into her one last time. His body went rigid and he groaned before collapsing on top of her.

"You're amazing," he murmured, kissing her throat. He reached over and turned off the bedside lamp.

"I love you," Bella said dreamily. The cover of night made everything much more intimate. She was completely content, and so relaxed. The drama and tension of the day had dissolved.

"Mmm, you too," Edward replied. "I love you, Bella."

She snuggled against him, and underneath the blankets it was warm and cozy. It felt so right to be next to Edward.

"So are you ready?" he asked, his voice thick and sleepy.

"For what?" Bella wondered.

She could feel his smile. Edward found her hand in the dark and laced their fingers together. "For the rest of our lives, Bella."

Bella laughed and felt a jolt of happiness race through her body. Yes, she _was _ready. The rest of her life was manageable with Edward by her side. In just six months, they would be done with high school. She would be able to leave behind Forks and all of the heartache she experienced there.

Best of all, Edward would be with her.

"Yes, I'm ready," she whispered, smiling.

* * *

THE END

* * *

*cries* that's it, folks! epilogue will be posted in the next couple days, followed by the outtakes. i'll wait until then to get sappy...but i do need to thank the beta extraordinaire, siouxchef, for her input with this chapter. lots of baby knowledge!!

i hope you guys like the ending. this is what i had planned out from day one...let me know? and yes, there were a bunch of you that guessed tyler was the actual father!

LUNA


	37. Epilogue: Happily Ever After

****

_Christmas Eve - 7 Years Later_

"Come on, Bella, why don't we pull over for a minute?" Edward murmured, using the red light as an opportunity to steal a few more kisses.

Bella laughed a bit breathlessly before shoving him away. "You're going to make me have an accident."

He raised an eyebrow and sat back in his seat. "If you put even a single scratch on my Volvo…"

"Oh, please," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "It's a rental. Besides, if you were so worried, you should have just let me take my truck."

"Yes," Edward said, his eyes wide and innocent. "What a pity it didn't start."

Bella shook her head, barely managing to suppress the smile trying to curve her lips upward. He thought he was so smart, but she knew a disconnected battery when she saw one. Jake promised that the truck would last the cross country trip, but the morning they were due to leave it wouldn't start. Then Edward magically produced two plane tickets for a flight out to Washington the morning of the 24th.

She had relented, only because she really wasn't looking forward to such a long drive. Plus, it gave them an extra four days to just lie around the house together. They just didn't see each other as much as they wanted. He was busy with grad school and work, and she was busy with her class of kindergarteners.

She hated to see him spend money on frivolous items, though, because he was already funneling so much into her infertility treatments. Over the course of three years, Bella had undergone two surgeries and countless cycles of treatments, and met nothing but disappointment. It had almost happened once – but she miscarried very early on. She was getting ready to throw in the towel.

Bella felt butterflies in her stomach. As far as Edward knew, she had her period two weeks ago. They were both so in tune to her cycle; they needed to know when she was ovulating and when she was most fertile, so it was just common knowledge when her period was due.

Except she hadn't gotten it.

She didn't want to get his hopes up. In all honesty, her hopes were already up, but she hadn't taken the test yet. Bella was terrified.

Edward behaved for about two minutes and then leaned into her again. "Come on, Bella… Once we get to my house, everyone will be all over us. We won't have a minute alone."

"Oh, poor baby," Bella teased. "You won't be able to last until tonight?"

"It's been, like, a week," he grumbled. Edward placed his hand on her thigh, and Bella could feel the heat burning right through her jeans. "I don't want to wait."

"I'm really tired," she hedged. "Can't we just wait until we get home?"

"I'm sorry, baby," he frowned, sitting up in the passenger seat. "I didn't realize you were so tired. Are you feeling okay? Do you want me to drive?"

Bella sighed happily when his hand came up to rest on her the nape of her neck. His strong, long fingers began massaging the tight muscles gently.

"Pull over," he urged. "I'll drive the rest of the way. You haven't been sleeping well lately."

"It's only another twenty minutes," Bella shrugged. She rolled her shoulders and practically purred as he continued to knead her neck and shoulders.

"You've been too stressed lately," he said softly. Bella looked over at him and smiled. "I'm serious. My classes don't start until the middle of January, and I have some time coming to me at work… Why don't we get away for a while?"

"I thought that's what we were doing," she laughed weakly.

Edward laughed. "You know what I mean. Just the two of us, on some deserted island somewhere. You can break out that little bikini I love."

"Keep dreaming," Bella grimaced.

"Well, think about it, okay?" Edward stared at her, watching her grip tighten on the steering wheel. "I know you've been stressed out lately, but please stop thinking about money. I'll happily put every cent I have into the treatments. Anything you want, Bella. I just want you to be happy."

Her mind immediately turned to the calendar. Fifteen days late. Was this it? Or was it just another disappointment? She wished she could tell him, but the last time Edward had been _so_ excited. Bella couldn't bear to see his disappointment a second time.

"I think if this isn't…" she trailed off, catching herself. "I think in a few weeks we should start looking into adoption."

Edward was quiet for a moment, then covered one of her hands with his. "I'll talk to Carlisle tonight and get the name of his friend."

She nodded and turned the radio up, effectively ending the sad conversation. She didn't want to think about her inability to have children, not on such a happy day. They would visit with the family, eat until they were so stuffed that they couldn't move, and sleep late the next day. And then, they'd do it all over again the following day.

* * *

"Edward and Bella are here!" Esme yelled, wiping her hands on her apron. "Emmett, Carlisle, go help them with their bags."

Carlisle met them on the front walk, pulling Edward into a one-armed hug. "Edward, Bella, Merry Christmas! How was your flight?"

"It was good," Bella replied, smiling widely. "We're starving, though."

"Esme just took the roast pork out of the oven," Carlisle winked. "Perfect timing. Let's get you inside. It's far too cold out here."

Edward agreed and ushered Bella inside, hoisting one of their suitcases off on Emmett. They all crowded in the foyer. "Hey, ma! Smells good in here."

"Good to see you, bro," Emmett said. He smiled at Bella, who gave him a big hug. "Thanks for letting me crash your holiday dinner."

"Not a problem," Esme interjected, hurrying down the stairs. "You know we're always happy to have you, Emmett. You're part of the family. Where did you say your mother is? Hawaii?"

"Yeah, new boyfriend," he rolled his eyes, exchanging a knowing look with Edward.

Esme hugged Bella tightly, giving her a kiss on the cheek before turning to her son. She smoothed his hair back and eyed him critically. "Too skinny. You need to slow down, Edward! Don't worry; I've made all of your favorites."

Edward laughed and simply wrapped his arms around his mother. "Where's Alice?"

"I sent her out for more sweet potatoes. She should be back shortly. Oh, Bella, did you see the picture?" Esme asked excitedly, gesturing to the wall behind them.

Bella turned around and gasped. Esme had blown up one of the photos from their wedding to poster-size, and framed it in a rich, mahogany frame. Edward was whispering in her ear, and a huge smile lit up Bella's face.

Bella blushed at the intimacy of it. She had no idea at the time that someone was taking a photo. They looked so happy. It was a gorgeous photo, made even better by Esme's thoughtfulness.

"It's beautiful," Bella gushed.

Carlisle waited until Esme had launched the third degree on Edward, then sidled up next to Bella. He nodded towards the hallway and she smiled, looking over her shoulder at the family before following him to his study.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, sitting down at his desk. He leaned forward eagerly.

Bella bit her lip and hesitated. The urge to tell Carlisle that she was late was overwhelming. He had been her champion, scouring the medical journals for the latest news in the fertility world. Carlisle secured them the best doctor in New York City. It was only a train ride away from Poughkeepsie, where Bella had attended Vassar, and now taught kindergarten.

"I…" she felt a flicker of excitement, knowing what she was about to tell him. Bella immediately squashed the excitement and the hope that came along with it. "I'm two weeks late."

Carlisle sat back, stunned. "Have you taken a test?"

"I'm too afraid," Bella confessed.

He sat back and pulled open a drawer. Carlisle handed her a nondescript paper bag. "Here. I stocked up last summer, just in case."

"Carlisle – I, I don't think I can," Bella stammered. She looked at the doorway expectantly, waiting for Edward to show up.

"He'll be fine either way," Carlisle said knowingly. "You shouldn't be under any undue stress, Bella. Not knowing is a stress. And if you are pregnant…we need to get you to the doctor. They'll want to monitor you pretty closely."

"You can use my restroom," he prodded. Carlisle handed her an empty scotch glass. "It's clean. Go ahead."

Bella took three of the tests and walked slowly to the bathroom. She looked back and saw Carlisle shove the bag back into his desk, glancing guiltily at the door.

* * *

"Dad?" Edward called. "You in there? Charlie's here."

Carlisle jumped up from his desk, his guilty mindset making him jumpy. "Charlie! Good to see you."

"Carlisle," Charlie said, embracing him. "Merry Christmas."

"You too," Carlisle smiled. "How have you been?"

"Pretty good. Two more days and I'll hit my two year anniversary," Charlie said proudly. "Two years, clean and sober."

"That's fantastic, Charlie," Carlisle replied genuinely. Everyone knew that Charlie's battle with alcoholism wasn't an easy one, and he had slipped up many times. Three years ago, when he proposed to Sue Clearwater, things had changed for the better. Her influence on him had been life changing.

"So Bella isn't in here?" Charlie scratched his head. He looked at Edward. "I thought you said you saw her come in here."

Edward shrugged. "I thought I did."

Carlisle cleared his throat uncomfortably. "She's uh, using the bathroom."

"Oh," Charlie nodded. "Okay. Say, Carlisle, if it's a problem having Bells stay here, she can use her old room. I know she said she didn't want to inconvenience me and Sue, but it's no hassle."

Edward coughed to cover his laughter. What Bella told him was that she'd rather sleep outside in the snow, than hear Charlie and Sue engaging in newlywed behavior again. Apparently, they were _very _enthusiastic.

"It was only that once," Charlie reddened, glaring at Edward.

"Carlisle! " Bella exclaimed, throwing the bathroom door open. She froze at the sight of her husband and father.

The three men stood there, staring at her. Edward took in her flushed cheeks and wet eyes, and immediately stepped forward. "Bella?"

The hand at her side was clutching something tightly but she quickly moved it behind her back.

"Bells, honey, are you okay?" Charlie asked, a tinge of anxiety coloring his voice.

Bella looked at Carlisle, her eyes welling up with tears. She smiled.

"_Bella?"_ Carlisle stressed, his voice disbelieving.

She nodded and Carlisle practically shoved Edward aside, wrapping his arms around Bella in a big hug.

"What's happened?" Esme asked, peeking into the room. "Why is everyone in here? Carlisle, no cigars, I told you."

She stepped inside and cocked her head to the side, frowning at Bella's emotional state. "What's going on?"

"That's what I'd like to know," Edward said irritably. He stepped by his father to pull Bella into his arms. "What's wrong, Bella?"

Edward looked at his father just in time to see Carlisle brush his hand over his eyes, inconspicuously wiping away tears. Seriously bewildered now, Edward looked at Bella with frantic eyes.

"I was planning on waiting a bit longer to tell everyone," Bella sniffed. She tucked the hidden pregnancy test into her back pocket so no one could see it, then wiped her own eyes. "I haven't even been to a doctor yet."

"Bella…" Edward whispered, not daring to breathe.

Esme gasped and her hand flew up to her throat.

Charlie put a hand on Carlisle's desk to balance himself.

"I just took three pregnancy tests and they were all positive!" she blurted out.

In the next second, Bella was crushed against Edward's chest. She could hear Esme crying and Carlisle and Charlie congratulating each other. Edward was kissing her and telling her how much he loved her.

"What's going on?" Alice yelled, trying to be heard above the noise. Emmett stood next to her in the doorway, practically blocking out the light from the hallway.

He elbowed Alice. "Dude, I think Bella's knocked up!"

Alice let out a screech and elbowed her way through the soon-to-be grandparents. More hugs, kisses and tears were shared by all.

"I told you we shouldn't have gotten rid of the stuff in the nursery," Alice said to Esme. "I knew we'd need it someday!"

Esme rolled her eyes. "So did I, Alice. But it was needed sooner, by someone else, and it was put to very good use. This just means we get to decorate again."

"Does this mean you're going to move home?" Alice chirped. "Aww, Eddie will come home, too! New York is just too far away."

"Alice, hugh," Carlisle said softly. "They have a lot to think about. Decisions will come later."

Bella sniffled and wiped her eyes again. Edward's big hand was still resting on her stomach, caressing it almost protectively. Her emotions were too big for her heart, and it felt like they were exploding out of her. She couldn't remember ever feeling so complete.

"We're actually having breakfast with Jessica and Tyler on Wednesday," Bella told Esme. "Bree told her that she wants to make me pancakes."

"That little girl is such a sweetheart," Charlie shook his head. "I can't believe how big she's gotten. She comes by to visit Tyler at the station at least once a week. And I've got to say, I think Tyler could be Chief one day. He's a damned fine deputy."

A week after Bree's birth, Bella went to visit Jessica at home. Esme and Alice accompanied her. They borrowed Jasper's truck and loaded it up with every bit of furniture, clothing and toys from the nursery. They spent the entire day decorating the Stanleys' empty guest room, while Bella sat with Jessica and talked.

An unlikely friendship was formed that day, and even after Bella and Edward left for New York, their friendship remained strong. Bree, now seven years old, considered Bella an aunt.

The two girls were able to give each other support in ways that no one else could. Bella understood what it was like to live with an alcoholic parent, and Jessica found it helpful to have someone who could relate to that. In those years when Bella yearned for a baby of her own, it was Bree's pictures, videos and funny little stories that helped fill the gaping hole in her chest.

Esme snatched a tissue from the box on Carlisle's desk. She wiped her eyes hastily and then began ushering everyone out of the room. "Come on, let's get eating, while the food is still hot."

"We'll have to start thinking of baby names!" Alice said excitedly, clasping her hands together. "Oh my God, I have to call Jasper!"

Emmett rolled his eyes and moved her along.

Esme waited until everyone left the room, except for Bella and Edward, then winked and shut the door behind her. Edward took the opportunity to kiss him wife, hard and passionately, trying to convey the overwhelming emotions he felt.

"Edward," Bella murmured. "Wait."

She pulled away to look at him. Her brow was wrinkled and she looked nervous.

"What is it?" he whispered. Edward leaned in to kiss away the worry lines.

"It's just, really early," she said anxiously. "I was late, and Carlisle had the tests, so I took them…but I didn't want to tell everyone. What if, you know…"

"Hey," Edward said firmly, cupping her face with both hands. "Don't even think about that. Whatever is meant to happen, will happen, and we'll deal with whatever comes at us. For now, let's just be happy."

"Are you happy?" she asked softly.

His eyes softened and a smile tugged on one corner of his mouth, making that infamous crooked smile. "More than ever. I'm so happy I feel like I might explode."

Bella closed her eyes as his lips met hers, and it was as exciting as their first kiss, all those years ago. She remembered everything – that summer of firsts, her cottage, their first apartment together, graduating from college together, their first night in their own home…

Now, she cherished this moment. Edward's hand massaged her belly gently and his mouth nibbled along her collarbone. When he lifted his head and looked at her with that mischievous gleam in his eyes, she simply _knew_ he was going to say something dirty.

"Bella, did you know pregnant women have an increased sex drive?" he grinned.

"Actually, I did," Bella rolled her eyes. She let one hand slide from his hip to the front of his jeans. "And you know what?"

"What?" he exhaled loudly.

"I think I've started to experience the joys of pregnancy already," Bella murmured, her hand reaching into his pants. "Do you want an early Christmas present?"

"God, yes," Edward groaned. "Let me lock the door, and we'll share presents, okay?"

Bella laughed and released him. Edward made quick business out of the lock, then turned and leaned against the door. His voice was silky smooth. "Come here, Mrs. Cullen."

Her heart grew another thirteen sizes and Bella practically ran over to him. Edward wrapped his arms around her, then dropped to his knees, holding her hands. He pushed her t-shirt up and gazed at her flat belly.

A huge, aching lump formed in Bella's throat. Her vision blurred with tears as she watched her husband place a perfect kiss onto her stomach.

"Hi baby," he whispered. "I'm your daddy. I can't wait to meet you."

Tears spilled onto her cheeks and Bella tugged on his hands. Edward stood up and brushed away her tears. He smiled at her weepiness.

"Looks like we're in for another adventure," he teased.

"Edward, I love you so much," she said fiercely, squeezing him as tightly as she could.

"I love you, Bella," Edward said huskily, burying his face in her neck. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

"Never," she promised.

* * *

_August_

Tyler dropped his keys off on the kitchen table and handed Jessica the mail. Bree came flying into the kitchen, hollering for him the entire way.

"Hey Sweetpea," he smiled, bending down for a hug. "How was your day?"

"Good!" Bree chirped. "But my teacher said I talk too much, and that I gots to listen when she's teaching."

Tyler nodded. "That's a good idea. You should really listen to Miss Angela."

"I know," Bree said with a dramatic sigh. "But sometimes I just need to talk to my girls, you know?"

He rolled his eyes and looked at Jessica, who was covering her mouth. Her shoulders shook with silent laughter. Tyler stood up and kissed her. He nodded at the envelopes he had just handed her. "I think there's something from Bella in there."

Jessica squealed and dug through the mail. "It must be…_it is!"_

She ripped the envelope open and pulled out two pieces of paper. One had a handwritten note scrawled across it. "She says hello, and that they're moving back to Washington at the end of the year. And look, Tyler, it's her baby announcement."

The 5x7 card stock had a large color photo of a baby that undoubtedly belonged to her parents. She had huge, green eyes and a shock of dark hair. Her skin was so fair it was nearly translucent. Her perfect little rosebud mouth was puckered into a tiny kiss.

"I'm so happy for them" Jessica whispered, her voice thick with emotion. She looked up at Tyler with tears in her eyes. "They deserve it so much."

"Let me see! Let me see!" Bree begged.

Jessica pulled her daughter onto her lap and showed her the announcement. "That's your cousin, baby Carlie."

"She's so pretty," Bree giggled. "I think I'm going to be best friends with her."

"I hope so," Jessica smiled. "She's going to be a wonderful little girl, because her family is amazing."

* * *

_With love, we introduce_

_**Carlie Ann Cullen**_

_6lbs 1oz_

_August 13th__ – 4:14am_

* * *

At that same moment, across the country, a couple was laying down their baby for the night. The baby protested a bit at leaving her father's warm arms, but recognized the comfort of her crib and quickly relaxed.

The husband and wife watched their perfect little baby until they were sure she was asleep. Then, they tip-toed hand in hand to the door, where the over protective father paused. He doubled back to check the baby monitor, blushing at his wife's knowing smile.

They shut the door to the nursery quietly, so they didn't wake the sleeping baby. Even their massive dog knew that when the baby was in bed, the time for games had passed.

The two exhausted parents dropped onto the couch, their limbs tangling together. The dog marched over and plopped down next to them, his tail thumping on the floor until the husband reached down to scratch his ears.

All was content in the Cullen home.

* * *

and they lived happily ever after! i hope you guys enjoyed reading the story. thanks for sticking by me through all of the angst...your reviews mean the world to me, and i'm sorry i don't get to reply to more of them. thank you _so_ much. i can't wait to hear what you think of the epilogue!

big thanks to my beta, siouxchef, and the preview team: meg, becks, val and tiff. without you ladies, this story would be nothing.

LUNA


	38. Outtake 1: The Rest Stop Detour

Juliamine won this outtake in The Fandom Gives Back. It occurs in Chapter 22, and I have included flashbacks from that chapter (italicized) to help jog your memory.

___****_

Chapter 22

_"We aren't stopping at your house?" Bella asked, looking over at Edward._

_He checked his mirrors before pulling out onto the highway. He shifted gears and the Volvo purred as it increased speed. Safely in his desired lane, Edward looked over at her and smiled. "No. Too risky. Could get caught by my jailor."_

_"Your father isn't that bad," Bella laughed. She began pulling off her sweatshirt but her hair got caught in the hood. She heard Edward say something but couldn't make out the words._

_Bella tugged harder and then she felt Edward's hand on her stomach. She jumped, prepared for his usual tickling, but he simply helped pull the sweatshirt off. By the time they got it off, Bella was flushed._

_She smoothed down her hair and then shifted in the passenger seat so she could watch him drive. "Thanks. What did you say?"_

_"I said, he was in rare form this weekend," Edward repeated, his mouth set in a grim line. He didn't want to think of his father or the new rules he had implemented. He didn't want to think of his mother, or how much of a disappointment he was to her. He didn't want to think of Jessica and the product of his stupidity which was growing inside of her._

_Edward just wanted to think of Bella. His Bella._

_"Did you do something bad?" Bella asked, teasing him._

_Edward smiled. It wasn't a real smile, but it wasn't an entirely fake smile, either. He knew Bella could sense how much stress he was feeling and she was doing her best to alleviate it. "Not yet. But I might tonight."_

_Bella shivered at the predatory look he gave her. Edward obviously noticed, because his mouth pulled up into a smirk. She blushed and he looked back at the road._

_"Okay," she said, switching tactics. "Tell me where we're going."_

_He laughed and shook his head. Ever since Bella agreed to ditch with him she had been badgering him for details. The trip was spur of the moment, but since the time they decided to take it, he had been perfecting the details. It only took him five minutes on the phone to make the necessary reservations._

_"I'll guess. Will you tell me if I guess correctly?" Bella wheedled._

_Edward pretended to think. "Hmm, no. But I'll tell you if you take off your shirt."_

_"Edward!" Bella admonished, smacking his arm._

_He laughed again and felt some tension leave his shoulders. It was nice to be with Bella. Around her, he could just be himself and not have to worry about anything. She knew his secrets, she knew him, and she still wanted to be with him._

_Except...now she didn't know all of his secrets. Edward abruptly stopped laughing and anxiety began creeping up his spine. It was time for Bella to know the truth. Regardless of how wonderful their getaway was, and he was sure it would be amazing, he was going to have to tell her the truth._

_"Stop disappearing," Bella said lightly. She reached up and smoothed his hair back. It was a wreck, as usual._

_"I'm not," he promised. "I'm right here."_

_"You better not get crabby," Bella threatened._

_Edward looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Or what?"_

_"Or..." Bella trailed off, thinking. She grinned. "Or I won't be taking my shirt off!"_

_"Well, in that case!" Edward said with wide eyes, mocking her. "I'll be on my very best behavior, Miss Swan."_

_Bella huffed at his teasing. She slunk down in her seat and eyed the road around them. It was pretty much deserted. Her fingers played with the hem of her shirt for a minute, then she reached up and yanked it over her head._

_"Bella!" Edward gasped._

_She giggled and slid down lower in her seat. She still had her bra on. Edward looked positively scandalized, which was ridiculous. He had seen her topless, for goodness sake! "Come on, now you have to tell me!"_

_"What?" Edward asked absently, his eyes flickering back and forth from the road to Bella's chest._

_Bella felt a rush of arousal at the way Edward's eyes lingered on her body. She watched him rub his stomach in that distracted way and longed to touch him herself. He was always the one to initiate physical contact. Maybe she'd have to change that._

_"Ummmm," Bella murmured, trying to remember what she had said to him. She vaguely registered the husky timbre of her voice. "Uh...oh! I took off my shirt, so now you have to tell me where we're going."_

_"No way. The bra has to come off, too, for that," Edward informed her._

_"You never said that," Bella scowled._

_"Okay...maybe just let me cop a feel, then," Edward negotiated._

_"You better keep your eyes on the road," Bella advised. "You're getting pretty close to that line."_

_"Don't you worry about my driving," he said in a low voice. "I can multitask. Now what's it gonna be? The bra off or I get to cop a feel?"_

_"You tell me where we're going and then I'll let you cop a feel," Bella suggested._

_Edward quickly shifted lanes, and then hit the brakes so he could cut across two lanes. Bella clutched the dashboard with one hand and craned her neck to see where he was going. She squealed when she realized he was turning off the highway and heading for the rest stop._

_"What are you doing?" Bella asked frantically. She scrambled for her shirt and pulled it over her head.._

_"Leave it off," Edward grinned. "We're finding somewhere to park and then I plan to take advantage of this deal."_

_"What do you mean?" Bella breathed, shocked; but her blush told Edward that she knew exactly what he meant._

* * *

"Edward!" Bella hissed. "We can't - we can't do anything out here!"

He laughed and glanced over at her. She was still smoothing out her shirt. "Why are you whispering?"

Bella finished messing with her top and sat back in the seat, ignoring him. She really didn't believe that Edward was pulling over so they could fool around. He was probably just saying that to get her flustered. He _loved_ getting her flustered.

The Volvo slowed down as he merged into the exit lane. She began to panic a little.

"So, what?" he asked, his voice cocky. "You're a tease now?"

Bella turned to glare at him, secretly enjoying this banter. "I am not a tease, and you know it."

"Yeah? Why don't you take that shirt off again?" Edward challenged.

Edward bypassed the most convenient parking lot, where he would have parked if he wanted to run inside and grab something to eat or use the restroom. Bella's heart began to speed up and she felt a thrill run through her. _Was he serious?_

"I don't believe this," she said, positive her cheeks were pink now.

He drove around the rest center. There was a slightly smaller parking lot behind the building, most likely for employee parking and overflow. Edward parked in the furthest corner and leaned back in his seat, looking at her expectantly. "I believe it's time for me to cop a feel."

Bella twisted in her seat and gazed out of the window. They were far enough from the building that no one would be able to see anything...but they were far away enough that anyone looking would know they were up to something.

When she twisted back, Edward was _right there_ and he grabbed her chin, yanking her into a frantic kiss. His mouth muffled her squeak of surprise and Bella was astonished at the heady wave of arousal that slammed through her.

His other hand released her shoulder and dropped down to skim across the front of her t-shirt. Bella thrust her chest forward and Edward cupped one breast, squeezing it gently. She felt her nipples harden, and judging by Edward's pained moan, he did, too.

He pulled away, breathing hard. "Come here. Get on me."

Bella kneeled on the front seat and awkwardly hovered over the center console. Even if she straddled his lap, her ass would be leaning right on the horn.

"The back-seat," she said breathlessly. Bella climbed into the back-seat, cursing when she hit her head on the dome lighting. Edward took the easy way out, using the doors.

They squished into the backseat, Edward on top of Bella, but he was too big and his legs hung out of the car.

Edward could barely control himself. It was as if he hadn't touched her in weeks, which honestly was not far from the truth. He wracked his mind, trying to remember the last time he had been able to touch Bella so freely, but then Bella slipped him some tongue and his mind went fuzzy.

His body throbbed with the need to bury itself inside of her. After everything they had been through recently, he needed her more than ever. He needed Bella.

Somewhere, in the back of his fuzzy mind, a troublesome thought nagged at him.

This could be it.

This might be the _last_ time he had the opportunity to touch Bella so freely. Once he told her the truth, once Bella knew his terrible secret - she would be done with him. Anxiety and fear gripped Edward's already racing heart, but now wasn't the time for that. He shoved it all away and instead poured his emotions into Bella.

He kissed her, hard and sloppily, too eager and needy to care about things like form and patience. She mewled and one hand threaded into his hair, tugging urgently. Edward groaned at the added sensation and used his mouth and then the pressure of his hips to make her feel just as love drunk as he did.

In the distance, they could hear sounds of the highway, and that only spurred on their violent impatience.

"Bella," he growled, feeling her hands on his lower back, dipping below the waistband of his jeans.

She hooked one leg over his body, forcing him to grind against her. Edward hissed, way too close to losing it, and twisted out of her embrace.

"What are you doing?" she cried, sitting halfway up to grab him.

He kneeled between her legs and quickly ran a hand through his hair, shoving it back. His green eyes were wild, almost frantic, and Bella leaned back to watch him.

His hands - those huge, usually adept hands - went straight to the front of her jeans and fumbled with the button. Bella shifted her hips, pushing them up to give him more room to work.

"What the fuck," Edward cursed. He leaned forward, his fingers practically trembling.

Bella saw the moment that his concentration snapped. He grabbed the fabric of her jeans in both hands to rip them and Bella moved quickly, slapping his hands away before he ruined them. She unbuttoned the jeans and Edward yanked them and her panties down simultaneously.

He didn't even bother getting both legs out of the jeans, only one, and Bella found his impatience to be catching. Soon she was inching forward and spreading her legs even further apart. She stared at the front of his jeans, marveling at the impressive bulge and licking her lips in anticipation.

When she realized that Edward wasn't moving, Bella looked up at his face. He was staring at the juncture between her legs so intently that she slammed them back together.

"What?" she whispered, horrified, her face aflame with heat.

He looked at her, blankly at first, and then quizzically. He reached for her knees and shook his head, then gently parted them. Edward glanced to his right, out of the rear window, then moved back out of the car and dropped to his knees on the pavement. He grabbed Bella by her bare hips and pulled her forward, until he could drape her legs over his shoulders.

"Oh, God," Bella whimpered. She wanted to cover her eyes and look away, but she was transfixed by the highly erotic sight of Edward's face between her thighs.

He barely spared her another glance. Edward let his stubbly cheek rub gently against the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. She wriggled around, subconsciously trying to get his mouth exactly where she wanted. She let out another whimper, nearly crazy with desire.

Edward acquiesced, too desperate himself to tease her at all, and within seconds his mouth was firmly attached to her. Bella arched against him, practically convulsing already. Her body was wound too tightly and her fingers dug into the plush seats.

"Edward, if you don't...oh, God, Edward," she whispered, biting her lip. Her husky voice made his cock twitch.

He felt her leg muscles straining beneath his hands and knew she was close. Edward flicked his tongue harder, and then switched to a soft suction. Bella's hips jerked violently and he increased the suction until she came apart in his arms, rocking against him and nearly weeping with her release.

Edward stood up and looked to his right again. Bella couldn't move. She felt so good, almost boneless. She stared at him in awe; Edward constantly made her feel things that she didn't even know existed.

He shoved his jeans down his hips and his erection sprang up, hitting his stomach. She reached for him but Edward shook his head.

"I need you," he said hoarsely. Edward put one knee on the seat and leaned forward, gripping his swollen flesh. "Jesus, Bella, I can't - I've never felt like this."

"Hurry, hurry," she chanted. Already she could feel the familiar haze of lust swallowing her up.

Edward held himself above her and closed his eyes, obviously trying to keep some sort of composure. She wanted to make it easier for him.

"Edward," Bella said. He opened his eyes and looked at her. "I want it hard. As...as hard as you can."

His breathing abruptly sounded harsher and he nodded jerkily. Without another word, Edward lowered his body so his burning skin pressed against hers. He kissed her throat once and then grabbed his throbbing dick, guiding its length slowly, torturously, inside of her. Time stood suspended as he paused, buried completely inside of her.

She wound her arms around his neck and Edward groaned as he slowly pulled out, just to slam back into her. She inhaled sharply and his muscles trembled as he stilled yet again, looking down at her.

"I'm okay," she assured him. He nodded tightly.

He began thrusting in and out, deeper and harder, until his body was a blur of fluid motion and Bella couldn't tell where she ended and he began. Her sensitive flesh began to respond again, ready for more pleasure. Her hips rose to meet his and the added friction had Edward exhaling through his teeth.

"Are you close?" he asked, his voice tight.

She nodded and watched him eagerly. Bella loved to watch Edward when he finally lost control. It was so rare to see him like that in any situation, let alone this one - because she was usually too busy losing it herself to pay attention.

He reached above her with one hand to steady himself, and then Bella felt the steady pace of his hips shift into a faster, more erratic one. His back muscles hardened under her hands. The world around them began to narrow as Bella felt her orgasm approaching, hovering just beyond reach.

"Please," he panted.

The clear desperation in his voice was too much, and it pushed Bella over the edge. Her muscles seized up as the hot ripples of pleasure fanned through her. She twisted and jerked as the overwhelming orgasm took complete control of her body. Strangled noises got stuck in her throat and Bella gripped Edward's shoulders for support.

Edward froze at the first tremors of Bella's orgasm. Her body arched against him as the ripples turned into contractions, which squeezed his sensitive flesh to the point of near pain.

He grunted, still trying to control himself, but it was too much. His muscles bunched up even as they trembled, and resisting became futile. Edward gave himself over to the intense, severe pleasure. Bella locked her arms around him and hugged him tightly as he came, groaning loudly and pumping into her jerkily.

Bella loved that he was so spent that he collapsed on top of her.

Edward turned his head to the side so he could listen to Bella's racing heart beat. Her chest rose and fell with each breath, mirroring his. They were completely in synch.

The glow from his orgasm quickly retreated, replaced by a heavy cloud of anxiety. He dreaded the upcoming conversation with Bella. She would never look at him the same. She would never touch him the same, or talk to him the same way...but worst of all, Bella would never love him the same. He didn't want to lose any of that, not when they had just gotten it all back.

He messed up. He messed up terribly, and if Bella didn't forgive him, he got what he deserved - but he wouldn't - _couldn't_ - live without her.

"How do you do that to me?" he whispered, brushing a lock of hair away from her face.

Bella smiled sleepily. "Mmmmm. I don't know, but you do it to me, too."

He kissed her softly, deeply, and then pulled out and stood up. He tried to inconspicuously pull his pants up. Bella yawned and stretched, adoring the luxurious ache in her muscles.

"Come on," Edward said, holding out his hand. "Get in the front seat and move it back. You can sleep the rest of the way."

Bella raised her hips and pulled her jeans up before taking Edward's hand, internally smirking at the hungry way he eyed her.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going, now?" she chirped, her voice hopeful. She grinned confidently. "I think I earned it."

He pulled her in for another kiss. "It's a surprise. I hope you'll like it."

Bella's playful expression sobered. "Whatever it is, Edward...whatever you need to tell me, you don't have to worry. Nothing can change the way I feel about you."

Edward nodded and looked away, avoiding Bella's searching eyes. For he had done the one thing, the single thing in the entire world, that could change the way Bella felt about him.

He knew, beyond a doubt, that his time with Bella was limited. They had the next twenty-four hours together, just the two of them, and it was time for him to divulge the darkest and most significant secret of his young life to her.

* * *

_Twenty-five minutes later, Edward pulled back onto the highway._

_Bella pushed her seat back down as far as it went and twisted onto her side. She fell asleep quickly, and with a drowsy smile on her face._

_The cocky smile on his face was well-earned. After two knee-weakening, toe-curling orgasms, Bella was all blushes and smiles and kisses. She forgot all about their secret destination, which worked out nicely for him._

_With Bella asleep, the car soon began to feel lonely. In hopes of staving off any deep thinking, Edward turned on Debussy. The music failed to calm him, though, and soon the increasingly familiar anxiety began to take over his mind._

_The next twenty-four hours might be the last that he was allowed to touch Bella, to smell her and kiss her and whisper in her ear. Without Bella, his life would be shit. He didn't want a world without her, but he owed her the truth._

_Edward's heart twisted. The truth was going to rip them apart, but it was time._

* * *

One more outtake to go - Squalloogal's!

There is a third outtake - "Lean on Me" - which was written for the Haiti Compilation. It's short but some people felt it explained Edward a bit more. It will not be posted.

**LUNA**


	39. Outtake 2: Christmas Morning

This outtake was won by the lovely Squalloogal, who was kind enough to bid on me for the first Fandom Gives Back.

* * *

_Christmas Morning_

He was tired from the previous night's festivities, but when the alarm clock went off, Edward rolled out of bed. Snow was still falling heavily outside and the house had taken on a chill. He grabbed a hoodie that was hanging on his bedroom door, then tip-toed outside and down the hallway.

His plan was to make Bella a huge Christmas morning breakfast. He bought her several small gifts, despite her request for no gifts, but he just knew she would appreciate something like this.

When he reached the first floor, Edward couldn't resist peeking into the living room. Sure enough, the load of presents underneath the Christmas tree had doubled, at least. Edward grinned, squashing the urge to go investigate for packages that bore his name, and continued down the dark hallway.

Edward sniffed. It almost smelled like…but who would be awake, cooking, at this hour? It was a quarter to five!

He approached the kitchen cautiously. Someone was definitely in there, and mixing something; Edward could hear the whisk as it hit the sides of the bowl.

"Dad?" he asked incredulously, surveying the scene in front of him.

Carlisle jumped guiltily. The kitchen counter was cluttered with various bowls and a wide array of food. A package of flour had already partly exploded and the white powder clung to Carlisle's navy colored t-shirt.

"What are you doing up now?" Carlisle asked suspiciously.

Edward tried unsuccessfully to hide his smirk, and leaned against the door-frame. "I was going to make Bella breakfast."

Carlisle huffed. "Well, I'm making your mother breakfast. You'll have to wait until I'm done, because this is one of our Christmas traditions."

Edward mentally cringed, hoping that his mother and father didn't do the things he was hoping to do to Bella over breakfast. "Or we could work together and share the goods. We'll get done in here faster."

"Only if you handle the clean up, too," Carlisle bargained.

"Fine," Edward sighed.

"Start making the pancakes," he ordered, nodding at the largest mixing bowl.

The expression on his face must have belied Edward's lack of experience with homemade pancakes, because Carlisle made a noise of panic and snatched the bowl back.

"Go. Make the bacon," Carlisle said in disgust.

"You're cranky in the morning," Edward scowled.

"You're interrupting my routine," his father replied with a frown. "Messin' me up. Your mom is really particular about her Christmas breakfast."

Edward laughed and tore open the package of bacon. They chatted as they worked, ignoring the heavy topics, like Charlie's homecoming and Jessica's soon-to-burst water.

In the next thirty minutes, the two Cullen men put together a feast. Soon blueberry _and_ chocolate chip pancakes, scrambled eggs, French toast, bacon, fruit salad, freshly squeezed orange juice and coffee adorned two serving platters.

"I don't want to see or hear from any of you until nine o'clock," Carlisle warned him, fixing his platter. "You and Alice haven't gotten up earlier than nine o'clock for Christmas morning since you were twelve. Let's keep it that way."

Edward murmured his consent and followed his father up the stairs, carefully balancing his tray. Carlisle got off on the second floor, shooting him a knowing look, and Edward rolled his eyes. He continued up the stairs to the third floor, where Bella's bedroom was.

He didn't bother to knock; firstly because he would surely spill something, and secondly, because Bella was undoubtedly still asleep.

The room was dark, but moonlight reflected off the snow outside and gave just enough light for Edward to maneuver his way across Bella's room without tripping. He wasn't as quiet as he hoped, though, and Bella immediately stirred.

"Edward?" she whispered sleepily. She sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes, looking at him quizzically.

He suddenly felt ridiculous for waking Bella up at such an early hour on Christmas morning. Worse yet was the fact that she caught him creeping around in her room while she was asleep, like some sort of perv.

"What's that? It smells good," she observed, her eyes on the tray in his hands.

Edward smiled in relief and held up the tray. "I made you breakfast."

"Breakfast in bed?" Bella asked, smiling a bit shyly.

He nodded and sat down on the edge of her bed, carefully setting the tray alongside her legs. Bella surprised him by leaning forward and wrapping her arms around his shoulders in a hug.

"Merry Christmas," she whispered.

"You too," Edward smiled. He enjoyed the few seconds of contact, even though it made his body tighten and yearn for more. It was difficult to release her when Bella pulled away, and his mind was assaulted with memories from the Winter Formal.

God, she was hot.

"So, what did you make me?" she asked, leaning over to turn on her bedside lamp.

"All the good stuff," he informed her matter-of-factly. "Pancakes. French toast. Eggs. Fruit salad."

"Mmmm," Bella murmured. "Are we sharing? Because I definitely can't eat all this."

Edward forked up a healthy bite of chocolate chip pancakes and raised it to Bella's mouth. Her eyes widened but she laughed and obediently parted her lips.

The resulting moan, and the way her eyelids fluttered shut, made Edward shift uncomfortably. He wished he threw on a pair of boxers under his flannel pajama pants, because they weren't going to hide very much.

"More, please," Bella whispered.

He didn't bother telling her that his parents were awake, and she didn't have to whisper. Instead he scooped up another bite of the pancakes, watching the way Bella licked her lips and then parted them for him.

Her eyes closed again as she slowly chewed. Edward took the opportunity to let his eyes peruse the length of her body. Her legs and waist were concealed by the thick comforter, but the rest of her wasn't.

She wore a simple black tank top. It was loose, but taut enough that he could make out the swell of her breasts. One of the thin straps had slipped off her shoulder, leaving an exposed length of creamy skin. Her delicate collarbone made his mouth water. Edward felt himself stiffen, straining against his pants. He tried to adjust himself, but Bella chose that moment to open her eyes.

They dropped to his lap, where his hand was practically grabbing himself, and a beautiful flush colored her cheeks. Edward felt his own cheeks warm and shrugged.

"Try the fruit salad," Edward said, his voice coming out huskier than he expected. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I made it myself."

"Oh, so someone else made the rest of the food?" Bella teased.

He opted to leave out his morning activities with Carlisle. Bella leaned forward for a bite of the juicy fruit salad, but some of it dribbled down her chin. Edward watched, enthralled, trying not to shove the food aside and jump Bella.

"Your turn," she said abruptly, snatching the fork away from him. She wiped her chin with her hand and quickly cut the French toast into large bites. She speared one and held it up.

Edward opened his mouth and leaned into her, keeping his eyes locked on hers. He saw the uncertainty in her eyes, and tried to turn down the sexual tension, but it was overwhelming. The French toast was sweet and still hot, and he felt it trace a warm path down into his belly.

"Bella," he sighed, trying to warn her. He was dangerously close to losing control.

She looked from him to the tray of food and back. Then Bella put the fork down, moving slowly - almost nervously. Edward noticed her hands trembling.

Then she looked up at him from under those thick, dark lashes, and Edward almost passed out because all the blood in his body was sent straight to his dick. He might have made a noise, but he wasn't sure, and he didn't care.

"What if I want something else?" she asked, her voice so quiet that he had to lean in even closer to hear her.

"What do you want?" Edward murmured, thinking about what a loaded question that was.

"A kiss," Bella replied simply. "A Christmas kiss."

He felt himself twitch against the soft cotton of his pants. This was unbearable; he felt like an animal about to attack. Bella picked up the tray and unsteadily transferred it from the bed to her night table. Then she reclined against her pillows and looked at him expectantly.

"Bella, I don't know if I can do this," he said honestly. The last time they had kissed was at the Winter Formal, and that ended up in the janitor's closet. He wouldn't be able to stop.

"Just one kiss," she requested, smiling. "Please, Edward?"

Her smile, which appeared innocent at first, seemed to twist into something a bit more devious. Edward chewed on the inside of his lip for a second, weighing the pros (many) and the cons (any?) of kissing Bella.

Deciding to deal with the repercussions and her inevitable freak out later, Edward shifted and pulled himself onto the bed so he was kneeling in front of her. Bella's eyes darkened and she relaxed into her bed.

He anchored his hands on either side of her head, trapping her, and moved so he hovered above her. Bella raised her arms so she could rest her hands on his shoulder, then tried to pull him down on top of her.

"No," he shook his head. "Just a kiss."

Bella nodded eagerly and tilted her face upward. Edward held himself rigid, trying so hard not to lose control that his muscles quivered. He brushed his lips across Bella's, but she opened her mouth and her tongue shot out to swipe along his bottom lip.

Edward jerked away and sucked in a deep breath but Bella sat up, following him as he moved. She pressed her mouth against his aggressively and heard his chest rumble.

She was tired of missing Edward. Bella wanted to kiss him, and feel him move against her. She wanted to see him lose control like he did at the dance. It made her feel powerful, to know she had that kind of pull over such a magnificent creature.

She wanted him.

"Stop it," she muttered, grabbing his face to still him. Edward still wasn't kissing her back and Bella growled in frustration. She shoved him away, just enough to tear her tank top over her head.

Edward's mouth dropped open and his pupils dilated. Bella's nipples immediately hardened in the cool air. She arched her back just a little bit, feeling outrageously naughty, and waited.

It only took him about two seconds to snap out of his stupor and launch himself on top of her. Bella happily snuggled down into the bed, still warm from her hours of sleep, fully enjoying his enthusiastic kissing. Edward's long form, hard and hot, stretched out above her. Her hands instinctively went to his waist and tugged it against her.

She could feel his erection throbbing, huge and so warm, through the thin fabric of his pants. It was sandwiched between them, resting on her hip and stomach. Bella rolled her hips to create more friction, trying to spur him into motion.

"More?" he asked desperately, ripping his mouth from hers.

Bella nodded and grabbed his face, her fingertips sliding over his morning stubble. "Don't stop kissing me!"

He laughed against her lips but the sound died quickly as her kisses became more fevered. She knew the exact moment he gave up, when she felt his full weight press her into the mattress. Bella fought a moan, but couldn't keep her hips from lifting to rub against him.

"Christ, Bella, stop doing that," he cursed.

Edward felt her little hands slide underneath his hoodie. She began to push it up, to get him to take it off, but if he felt those hard pink little nipples touching his bare skin, he would just die. Or jizz all over her before he even got his pants off.

"Hurry up," she urged.

"Tell me what you want," he said breathlessly. Edward was looking down at her when a vivid blush blossomed across her cheeks. His cock definitely jumped at that sight.

She bit her lip and looked unsure. "I want to…you know."

Edward felt a wide grin spread across his face. Bella wasn't a virgin, hadn't been for years. Still…she blushed each and every time she asked for sex. He fucking loved it.

He couldn't tease her right now, though, because he was too close himself. Edward let Bella pull his sweatshirt off, then watched her struggle to get her shorts down. She squirmed and wriggled beneath him, grunting softly when she couldn't get them off.

She looked up at him pleadingly. "Help me."

Edward moved jerkily. His entire body was tight with anticipation, and as his fingers tucked underneath the waistband of her shorts, he realized his hands were trembling. All he could think of was the janitor's closet – the way Bella looked with that skirt hiked up over her waist. The way he bent her over and slid right inside her, so wet and ready for him.

"Come on, come on," she chanted. Bella lifted her hips and he slid the shorts down. She kicked them off.

Edward shoved his pants down his hips and grabbed his aching erection. Bella shook her head. "No. Take everything off. I want to feel you."

He rolled onto his side and quickly shucked the pants. Bella allowed him to situate himself on top of her, then she began tugging the covers up around them.

"I'm cold," she explained, at his puzzled expression.

Edward laughed and settled into their cozy nest. Bella wrapped her arms around his neck and met him in an urgent kiss.

"I love you," she whispered.

His heart skipped a beat, and Edward gripped the base of his swollen sex and thrust inside of her. They must have both been holding their breath, because Bella exhaled at the same time he did, and her warm breath rushed across his face.

"I love you, too," he said in what he hoped was a steady voice.

Bella was liquid heat. He fit inside of her perfectly, and yet, each time he marveled at the way they fit together. Two interlocking pieces of a puzzle, complete only when they were together like this. In the beginning he wondered if their emotional connection was as strong as their physical chemistry.

He didn't have to wonder any more. If anything, the past few weeks had taught him that life without Bella just didn't work. Edward needed her like he needed air and water. She was everything.

It had been less than a minute when he felt Bella's muscles begin to clench around him. Grateful, because he knew his release was that much closer, and disappointed – because he knew his release was that much closer, Edward increased his pace.

The only sounds in the guest bedrooms were their ragged breathing. It was hot underneath the blankets and Edward felt himself break out into a sweat. Bella's skin slipped against his and he had to pin her down with his own body.

Bella tangled one hand into his hair and jerked his attention back to her mouth. She kissed him deeply and aggressively, mimicking the motions of his hips with her tongue. He felt his control begin to slip, and his thrusts increased tenfold.

"Hurry, Bella," he murmured against her mouth. "Oh, God."

Bella's hips bucked and he felt her body go rigid; then came those amazing contractions. Her walls gripped him, squeezing him, milking him, until Edward pushed completely inside of her and let go.

She relaxed underneath him and let out a little sigh of contentment, even as he was still coming. When Edward opened his eyes, Bella was watching him with a languid smile.

"Merry Christmas," she said lazily, still grinning.

Edward laughed hoarsely and dropped his head to nuzzle her neck. "Merry Christmas to you, too."

* * *

thanks for the awesome ride, guys. love you all.

LUNA


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